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I'm trying not to see suicide as a solution to my problems but things keep getting worse and worse. I decided last year that if I wasn't better by my birthday (next month), I would kms. it was just an excuse to have a reason to keep going, but now i think my time has come

Anyone else gets thoughts sometimes about stuff that they did or may didn’t do and feels so bad and like everything is real? Or maybe even get a thought in that moment (for example about an „imperfection“ from the partner) and is convinced that they really think like that? And later when you resist the compulsion after a while you realize that it was all bullshit and just in your head? And then you are happy and free and light and then after latest one hour the next thought is hunting them? And does anyone also feels like they have to tell their partner everything they ever thought or think, feels guilty, the partner tells you to leave it and after a few weeks your mind tells you to tell them again?

okay so i am currently on buspar. its an anti anxiety medication. the medication gives me really weird head feelings, almost like a brain zap. sometimes its a strong feeling sometimes its just a constant weird feeling in my head. like some type of pressure. i’m currently dealing with suicidal OCD, i in no way have a desire to die or plan. but i’ve been fixated on one thing “what if i shot myself in the head” and i ruminate and sometimes get those head feelings i explained with my medicine which i feel like makes it more real or that i want to. could this also subside with the urge? or make the urge feel stronger than it normally would? like if i switched my medication if maybe the thoughts decrease because sometimes just the feeling in my head brings on the thought. i wont even think of it but will have that weird feeling and it connects with “shooting myself in the head” i know none of you are doctors and i am currently changing my medication bc i dont feel like the buspar has been working anyways just seeing if any physical feelings already going on can either cause the thought like that or if its just simply an urge/sensation?

I looked up signs of psychosis and now I’m scared I’m going through it…

Hi everyone! It’s been a long time since I’ve posted on here. Things have been alright but today, and yesterday, I have felt extremely anxious and just feel like I need someone to talk to. Lately, it’s felt that a lot of my anxieties and anxious thoughts are just intuitions. Many of them have been “coming true” or I’ve found out to be true. Obviously, this is causing me even MORE anxiety. I’m leaving on my first trip in 2.5 years this afternoon, flying home to see my family. Travelling also causes me a lot of anxiety, because I always get scared that something is going to happen while I’m away, or my some thing will happen to trigger my anxiety, and I won’t have the space to deal with it. I’m always scared that my trip will be “ruined“. Yesterday morning, I had an anxious thought that a friend was going to tell me some information before I go. She’s driving me to the airport today and I just keep imagining her delivering bad news before I go. This thought isn’t just made up in my head, it’s based on a real event that happened a few weeks ago and caused my anxiety to spiral. It’s hard to explain without giving all the details but basically I’m just scared she’s going to tell me something bad, and the more I fix it on this fear, the more I feel like it’s just another gut feeling that’s going to come true. I have to finish getting ready for my trip and I leave for the airport in just a few hours, but this anxiety is truly making it feel impossible. Thanks for reading, I really appreciate it

I don’t think I’ve seen anyone really describe what I experience with unwanted sexual feelings like I get this strong need to m*sterbate to these thoughts and it seems a lot like desire because of how I feel such a need to act on it when I would never ever do that I could never be a pedophile. But what if I’m in denial and one because of this strong feeling like that’s what I want to do and it’s not just a groinal response it gets really intense but I never have acted on it and never will. I would never in a million years want to hurt a child ever.. I just want to give up. I’d kill myself if I was actually a p and that’s what makes me think I’m in denial cuz I actually would do that if I ever gave in to the thoughts in any way… I hate this. And I apologize to anyone who has helped me under my posts because I am grateful for your help but it seems like no one with pocd truly goes through what I do. Also, I realize how annoying I’m being with the amount of times I post constantly I just am so desperate to hear that I’m not alone in my experience. I’m sorry

OCD can be hell. I know what it’s like. I have lived with it since I was five years old. I am going to celebrate my 57th birthday in June. I suffer from Pure-O. My latest battle involves dealing with living on the second floor. I just moved to an apartment which I love, but my OCD brain has been nagging me night and day. This wouldn’t make sense to anyone, but to me it’s business as usual with OCD. The more something me as to me, the harder it is to deal with. I find myself recalling every time I have been on a second floor and thinking about how I felt and remembering the persons that were with me each time. It’s a different way of living, a different condition, my brain tells me. I get saturated and snap at people. Then I think about how time is passing and I am wasting it with those ruminating thoughts and I get even more anxious. Then I think about work and my commitments and I feel worse. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. What I am doing right now is like massaging my brain. I let it out, I tell everyone what is going on inside my head and I feel better. When I am really feeling bad, I may need several sessions, but it always works sooner or later. I hope my story helps more than one person and I pray that it will not cause anyone’s symptoms to worsen. Please keep in my mind that we must give our condition, the importance that it warrants. By addressing our OCD we will defeat it. I am not an expert by any means, so please get help with the experts on this site. Kindest regards

I keep getting groinal responses when i look at good looking or feminine men... ? My brain directly goes into "cause you're gay" it's gotten to a point where it doesn't phase me anymore, i still don't want them to happen ofc but what really messes with me is that I've lost libido, and my attraction to women, i wanna go back to a time where i was happy when all this didn't happen, my thoughts keep using the fact that sometimes i didn't perform in the bed room against me as proof that "you're gay" even when i didn't perform i still knew i like women, but now whatever my thoughts give me i don't like it. Before i used to panic, now it's like whatever, i still don't like or want the groinal responses to be there and i miss my ex and me together so much. Sometimes i don't even feel anxious and my brain goes "cause you're gay" what's going on with me? I don't wanna be gay, at the same time i cry over my past relationship a lot. Lot of contradictory things going on and i have no idea what's real and what's not. I miss the old me, before this thought never even came to my head, now it's in my head giving me vivid images of men having sex with me basically convincing me that's what i want, the fact that I'm not fazed by it is making me think that is that what i want? And it's making me more confused, so yeah i guess i am worried cause it goes against how I've lived my life until now yk? Did you go through this? Or is this normal? If anyones reading this can you please tell me what’s going on? How do i deal with this?

Why does it feel like I could be fantasizing if I wanted to but it’s like I’m holding myself back???? Because every time I get an intrusive thought that that’s what I want it seems like I’d be able to linger on it if I didn’t think p*dophilia was disgusting and awful and it just seems like I would like it but I would never do that 😭😭

Hi! I have contamination OCD. It’s fascinating to me how people with OCD have such a hard time being rational with their own thoughts and fears but can be so reasonable when it comes to other people’s OCD thoughts. So since I am having a hard time distinguishing reality and fantasy, I thought I should share my newest OCD thought and have you try and make me look at it in more rational way. Since my mom stayed with us for a month I started obsessing that she put something in the dryer (a phone, a battery, or something else toxic) that - with the extreme heat - melted or exploded and contaminated my dryer. Now, weeks after she left, I still have the feeling that every time I dry my clothes I am getting contaminated and that they are making me and my baby sick. It’s bad to the point I don’t want to wake up in the morning because I feel so depressed. Imagining the worst case scenario in which my mom is a liar - would never tell me she put something else other than clothes in the dryer - and in which she’s extremely careless and doesn’t look inside pockets etc and in which she actually put something in there. What are the odds that me and my family are actually getting sick from using the dryer? Thank you all! 💚

So to give the whole run down of my story I had been on effexor for almost ayear at 37.5 mg. I thought I didn't need it anymore because I was feeling better. Well then I started feeling really anxious and worried. I was to embarrassed to admit to my doctor that I had stopped my medication and threw it out so far a short week and a half I started smoking a dab pen. (Sigh I hate myself still) I had a really intense panic attack and during this panic attack looked up different things about pot. Of course weed psychosis poped up and I started feeling more anxious. Well I slept this off and felt fine for a few days and haven't smoked since. Around day three me and my husband were watching scream 2. All of the sudden I started having intrusive thoughts about stabbing him. I had no idea what was going on with me and I was convinced this was me developing schizophrenia or going through psychosis. (I was and still am really ignorant about the mental illness I will admit but more on that later) I called my mom I was so scared that I was gonna hurt my husband and wanted to go to the hospital. She was scared about me going to the hospital so she convinced me to come to her house instead. At this point I decided I would start my medication again. Three days later and nothing had gotten better so I finally convinced my husband and mom to let me go to the er. They admitted me to their bh floor and the next morning I was talked to by their best psychiatrist who explained to me that what I was dealing with was OCD. He increased my effexor to 75mg and sent me home. I still struggled for about two weeks with this theme and even became very depressed about it. How could I feel that way about my husband ? But I also I felt guilty as I felt as if I had triggered this mental illness to develop in me. Anyway. Then once that intrusive thought stopped bothering me I started to get fixated on psychosis and schizophrenia. I would research for hours and hours on end (not in the greatest of places mainly tik tok and reddit😑) and I came across this girl on tiktok saying she was in a psych hospital because she believed the world was a simulation. It scared me I started questioning my own belief in reality to because of this. Could everything be a simulation?  Was reality real or perceived?  It freaked me out so much I felt TW suicidal and again went to the er. Well same thing they kept me just over night said hey guess what this is your ocd and you need to give your meds more time to work also your pregnant. Which is one of the only positive things in my life right now. They sent me home and things got better until my anxiety over all of this became so unbearable I started to experience derealization. I was referred by my psychiatrist (who wasn't really good) to a IOP program. There I was prescribed a increase in effexor, trazadone, and buspar all after talking to someone for 20 min. Needles to say between that and hormones I was not feeling great. Increased derealization/throwing up everything I put in my body which resulted in er trips to get iv fluids because I would be severely dehydrated/ blurred vision/ out burst of anxiety that would then turn to frustration and anger. I told the psychiatrist that and she swore I would not go through withdrawal and took me off of everything cutting me down back to my 37.5 mg of effexor. I went through extreme withdrawal which Increased my throwing up and anxiety which then increased the derealization. In this time I became desperate worried once again I was going through psychosis or schizophrenia. So I started researching symptoms and taking test online and again watching videos. I learned about citards delusion and began to go in my head "I'm dead" "I've felt this way before" even though I hadn't until reading it. My original psychiatrist then said "you aren't suffering from psychosis or schizophrenia because you are to aware and this only happened after you read about it" eventually I made it through and became just depressed. My depression had been so bad I didn't even feel like showering so I started to look up if this is normal and of course anehdonia came up which is a symptom of schizophrenia(as well as depression which I do have mdd without psychotic features) I became convinced again. This was it. I was developing schizophrenia and I wasn't gonna be able to live a normal life (ignorant) I wouldn't be able to be a good mom (bigoted) and my husband and family would no longer love me (wtf). My psychiatrist in attempt to make me understand told me that anehdonia is much different in schizophrenia then depression and that I again wasn't suffering from schizophrenia. He even told me about a patient who had schizophrenia that he seen that couldn't recognize her husband. This sat with me and not in a good way. My intrusive thoughts then became "That's not your husband" while looking at my husband. Which of course would make me anxious. Why was I thinking this ? Did I honestly believe it or not? I wasn't trying to get away from him. I still felt comfortable around him but my brain was trying to convince me otherwise. Sometimes I could rationalize that of course I didn't beleive it and here is why. But others I would get so anxious because of that thought that I would wonder if I did beleive it. This caused me to become very depressed. My psychiatrist was at the end of his rope with me (his words not mine) and decided to prescribed me seroquel in adjunctive with my effexor. He started it only at 12.5 mg to help with my "untreable depression" ( I would also like to note I have tried lexapro and it made me a bitch and I have tried Prozac but it made me more suicidal.) Now of course with my fear being schizophrenia I was triggered by being prescribed a anti psychotic. But I was told this is actually a common practice during pregnancy (found out later there were plenty more ssri we could have tried that were safer during pregnancy and his main reason for perscibing the seroquel was "pregnancy safety") well ther seroquel made me a zombie for a few days. Sure I wasn't over thinking anymore but I also felt like all I wanted to do was sleep and nothing else. Then after the "adjustment period" I started right back on this "that's not your husband" bs and felt suicidal more then I ever had. I even had a plan this time (I know some of yall are probably gonna judge due to me being pregnant and trust me I feel the same way about my self :(  anyway I told my husband and he was reluctant but eventually gave in to taking me to the er. But this time I was actually admitted for a week. They uped the seroquel to 25 mg and the same process started over I felt like a zombie and then the thought started again. My husband visited me everyday. I wanted to be better and go home but also wanted these thoughts to stop as they scared me even more convincing me that I was schizophrenic and that I would lose my life and become unfunctional (bigoted I know) but not one not two but three psychiatrist assured me again this was my OCD. I was released and was still having thoughts and intense anxiety and passing suicidal thoughts. 🙃 my at home psychiatrist AGAIN assured me it wasn't schizophrenia but my dumb brain would let it go so I started to research my symptoms as he increased the seroquel to 37.5. Once again a zombie and then bam worse anxiety. I found a word to "fit" my "symptoms" to the convince myself that I was indeed schizophrenic (even though I have been told now by SIX. yep SIX psychiatrist that I am not) capgras was the word and man have a ran with it. I started messaging my doctor every day asking if I was delusional for having these thoughts or feelings. He assured me every single time that I was because I was to aware and I didn't come up with this thinking on my own and that I also wasn't trying to get away with my husband and the way I presented proved other wise. (I will give him this he was patient) I asked about zoloft as it is safer during pregnancy and is better for OCD (based off of research I did) and also explained how bad the seroquel made me feel. He denied my request and increased the seroquel once again to 50 mg. This time I had no zombie period just increased anxiety around this "that's not your husband" thought. Again reality testing in check unless I was super anxious. I begged him that my anxiety was becoming unbearable and he recommended because he didn't want to xhabge my medication just to go back to the hospital. My therapist disagreed with him and told me not to because they don't take people just for anxiety/ocd/ and medication management it's for crisis only. So I got rid of him and am now in the process of getting a new psychiatrist. My therapist who has also told me it's not schizophrenia but just really severe OCD that we would start erp therapy starting with breaking my compulsions of resurance seeking and looking things up. I still have the (if you will) fake delusional thought process about my husband but it is slowly decreasing (I hope) but my fear about schizophrenia and not being functional or losing my baby or  husband or becoming dangerous and forgetting loved ones counties. Again I know this comes from limited and terribly bigoted ideas of the illness. I'm posting this to see if anyone has went through anything similar so I know I'm not alone. As well as to learn more about schizophrenia so I am no longer ignorant to it (and possibly can decrease my fear) also I'm nervous to talk to a new psychiatrist as I always am because what if they find something the other 6 professionals haven't? (Dumb right) anyway if you read all of that thank you. wasn't trying to get away from him. I still felt comfortable around him but my brain was trying to convince me otherwise. Sometimes I could rationalize that of course I didn't beleive it and here is why. But others I would get so anxious because of that thought that I would wonder if I did beleive it. This caused me to become very depressed. My psychiatrist was at the end of his rope with me (his words not mine) and decided to prescribed me seroquel in adjunctive with my effexor. He started it only at 12.5 mg to help with my "untreable depression" ( I would also like to note I have tried lexapro and it made me a bitch and I have tried Prozac but it made me more suicidal.) Now of course with my fear being schizophrenia I was triggered by being prescribed a anti psychotic. But I was told this is actually a common practice during pregnancy (found out later there were plenty more ssri we could have tried that were safer during pregnancy and his main reason for perscibing the seroquel was "pregnancy safety") well ther seroquel made me a zombie for a few days. Sure I wasn't over thinking anymore but I also felt like all I wanted to do was sleep and nothing else. Then after the "adjustment period" I started right back on this "that's not your husband" bs and felt suicidal more then I ever had. I even had a plan this time (I know some of yall are probably gonna judge due to me being pregnant and trust me I feel the same way about my self :(  anyway I told my husband and he was reluctant but eventually gave in to taking me to the er. But this time I was actually admitted for a week. They uped the seroquel to 25 mg and the same process started over I felt like a zombie and then the thought started again. My husband visited me everyday. I wanted to be better and go home but also wanted these thoughts to stop as they scared me even more convincing me that I was schizophrenic and that I would lose my life and become unfunctional (bigoted I know) but not one not two but three psychiatrist assured me again this was my OCD. I was released and was still having thoughts and intense anxiety and passing suicidal thoughts. 🙃 my at home psychiatrist AGAIN assured me it wasn't schizophrenia but my dumb brain would let it go so I started to research my symptoms as he increased the seroquel to 37.5. Once again a zombie and then bam worse anxiety. I found a word to "fit" my "symptoms" to the convince myself that I was indeed schizophrenic (even though I have been told now by SIX. yep SIX psychiatrist that I am not) capgras was the word and man have a ran with it. I started messaging my doctor every day asking if I was delusional for having these thoughts or feelings. He assured me every single time that I was because I was to aware and I didn't come up with this thinking on my own and that I also wasn't trying to get away with my husband and the way I presented proved other wise. (I will give him this he was patient) I asked about zoloft as it is safer during pregnancy and is better for OCD (based off of research I did) and also explained how bad the seroquel made me feel. He denied my request and increased the seroquel once again to 50 mg. This time I had no zombie period just increased anxiety around this "that's not your husband" thought. Again reality testing in check unless I was super anxious. I begged him that my anxiety was becoming unbearable and he recommended because he didn't want to xhabge my medication just to go back to the hospital. My therapist disagreed with him and told me not to because they don't take people just for anxiety/ocd/ and medication management it's for crisis only. So I got rid of him and am now in the process of getting a new psychiatrist. My therapist who has also told me it's not schizophrenia but just really severe OCD that we would start erp therapy starting with breaking my compulsions of resurance seeking and looking things up. I still have the (if you will) fake delusional thought process about my husband but it is slowly decreasing (I hope) but my fear about schizophrenia and not being functional or losing my baby or  husband or becoming dangerous and forgetting loved ones counties. Again I know this comes from limited and terribly bigoted ideas of the illness. I'm posting this to see if anyone has went through anything similar so I know I'm not alone. As well as to learn more about schizophrenia so I am no longer ignorant to it (and possibly can decrease my fear) also I'm nervous to talk to a new psychiatrist as I always am because what if they find something the other 6 professionals haven't? (Dumb right) anyway if you read all of that thank you. /l

So there’s a guy I work with that I am friends with and I have to work around him there’s nothing I can do about it but he has told me he likes me and I told him many many times I was not interested at all and to please stop because he follows me around, I catch him staring, he flirts in a strange way, not sexual but complimenting me everyday 5 seconds and that’s nice and all but seriously and he gets jealous and aggravated when I talk to other people and not him or when I say I’m going to make a change in myself he gets all frustrated but when I call him out on it he denies it to everyone. I went to two members of management about it and they both had a talk with him and told him to stop but he hasn’t, if anything it got worse. He’s 36 I’m 23 he’s also very desperate for a woman and when I mean desperate I mean DESPERATE. I just have no interest in this guy whatsoever and that’s normal but the way he acts when I tell him to stop, he lurks around work pouting because he gets all butthurt when I say anything and then it makes me feel bad. I just want to work in peace without being followed or stared at. It’s one thing for that to happen with someone your actually interested in but one that creeps me out and gives me bad vibes? Yeah I don’t think so. I’m thinking about going to my store manager and telling him but I honesty don’t think it’s going to make a difference. What should I do because I’m worried if I make him made just enough he’s going to lose it and go after me. He’s already gotten angry at me apparently I had an attitude (which I have in general towards most people not just him) and he told my other coworker/friend that he hated me and said hell me hell with this place and that he didn’t care about me anymore and he came up to me today with an “apology gift” and said that he was angry and didn’t mean it but you can’t take worse back. Obviously I forgave him and moved forward but then he started doing creepy crap again and I’m starting to get freaked out…if anyone has any suggestions on what I could possibly do about this I would really appreciate it. I’ve been trying to be nice to him and I told him I will be harsh if I need to be. I don’t think anything is going to make him stop. I get having a crush but I’m sorry he really seems creepy to me

Just because you have thoughts, feelings, and images doesn’t mean you have to interact to them. The problem is reacting to them all. You know how exhausting that is— refuse to give in. Let the thoughts, images, and feelings be there without reacting to them. They won’t hurt you; you’re hurting yourself in the long run by obsessing, ruminating, giving into compulsions, and seeking reassurance. Let me say it again: your thoughts, feelings, and images will NOT hurt you. Am I hurt by my mental illnesses? No, because I know what they are. They are insignificant to me. They pop up in my head and I let them pass by like a floating cloud in the sky.

One of the steps I would say for everyone in OCD recovery is to take responsibility. OCD is just symptoms but there is usually a underlying motive behind them, or a theme, but once you start to take responsibility for your OCD and your actions that trigger or bother OCD, it will be easier to help recover. This is a very common theme throughout literature and I’m sure you can read more online!

Can someone with so ocd explain if they have sexual urges?

It’s maintenance work at this point. I can confidently say I’m better , if the other therapist are like mine you’ll be better with due diligence and the effort you put in with the erp homework. I am on zero medication

so tired of not knowing whether i have ocd or not, it's driving me crazy

I can’t tell if this is a spike and I’m unsure, but I was doing fine for a few weeks and then my brain was telling me I want to be sexual with a woman which I don’t desire or want. It was like “you don’t want to date a girl but you wanna be intimate with one” (I saw a post yesterday saying that and I may be wrong but I think my brain took that as a new thing to obsess over) But then my brain will rephrase the question and then tell me yes I want to do it but I was very calm about it which then made me question why I didn’t mind the thought and now I’m like oh no do I actually want to do that ?! Then it had my spiral and it is really making me believe I want to now 😢 but it feels so real that I can’t tell what’s right or wrong anymore! It’s like I don’t desire that but my brain is telling me if I had the chance I would. But I don’t want to experiment or anything I don’t desire that! But my brain is telling me I do desire it and it’s not an unwanted thought. It’s weird it’s starting to feel so real and it’s as if I have to accept I’m suddenly bi or I was actually always like this! But I’m not attracted to girls! So this is so confusing and makes no sense 😭I also try to remind myself that thoughts are thoughts but it’s getting so intense that I’m like this is just my doing I just want to think this now huh? I also couldn’t tell if this was OCD anymore. Also if I constantly keep asking myself the same question my brain asks me and I say no I don’t want to do this it’s as if I’m lying to myself and my head is like nah you want to do this. And then if I ask the same question and do the whole maybe, maybe not thing it makes me feel like I’m actually gonna do it or that I genuinely want to do it and then it feels very real. I’m so distressed. Also, is me constantly asking the same question my brain asked a compulsion ?

People who are currently taking meds how has life been treating you? Have the intrusive thoughts been reduced? Are you happier and able to do normal activities? (Watch/enjoy tv, read, play sports, go shopping, go to the park, etc.)