Welcome to
the NOCD Community

Hi everyone. I want to share my story here cause I think you might understand. I got triggered over something very stupid. I noticed that my brain is not focused and the thoughts are bothering it. I didn't give it much attention. the next day the same thoughts came to bother me.. this went on for a couple of days untill I had enough so I decided to push away the thoughts when they came. This led to a chaos in my head and It got to the point that I didn't know what to do. If I left my brain for itself It would bother me and would not let go and If I fought the thoughts It would just get worse. So I made a decision (which made sense to me at the time for some reason) to force myself to be focused all the time and not get distracted by the thoughts. This meant I was putting a lot of pressure on my self since I was afraid of leaving my brain for itself cause I was very afraid of it (I had a history of my brain locking on some things constantly for months and It was very though). I kept living this way for two months and at a certain point I had a breakdown cause I couldn't take it any more. I again fell into the loop of trying to remove the thoughts from my head (my mental ritual) to not have any annoying thoughts and stop the thoughts from making me lose my focus (due to this whole thing. I developed an obsession about not losing my focus!) . It got to the point that I was doing this mental ritual every second of every day and It became very automatic :(. From that point it took me two months to be able to stop doing the mental rituals, which I did by looking at the frame of my glasses each time I had the temptation to do the rituals. this stopped me from doing weird stuff in my head and I came out of my head. Unfortunately after I put an end to doing the rituals I noticed that I was extremely depressed and was experiencing depersonalization and derealization. I am depressed to this day (two months after stopping the rituals) and I feel like an alien on this planet. I feel like I'm not understood and I feel like I suffered so much for something that didn't need suffering. I'm afraid I might get to the point of blaming myself for not being able to not be strict on my brain and just let go. I'm Afraid of getting to the point of wanting to end myself. I know I did my best in that situation but that doesn't stop me from the fear. I would like to hear about your thoughts.

(PLEASE HELP IM BEGGING!) Hey guys, right now I’m having suicidal OCD and it’s really fucking scaring me because I know I want to live but it’s feeling like I’m going to end my life any second or any day now and that I’m going to die soon, and I’m afraid that I’m going to come up with a plan and go through with it, or say fuck it, I don’t care about recovery, be selfish and just do it. I’m SO scared I don’t know what to do anymore, I don’t know if these are real suicidal thoughts or just my OCD attacking me and I’m genuinely scared for my life. It’s like every second of the day I get a stupid intrusive suicidal thought and it makes me feel like I’m really suicidal and that I don’t want to live anymore, for ANYTHING positive I hear, I twist it and make it negative and tell myself, you’re going to die soon, or you’re gonna kill yourself anyway, you don’t have a future, you don’t care anymore. I even feel a lil bit down and sad when I get these thoughts and I start to feel depersonalization, I almost feel depressed when I get these thoughts all day and it makes me feel like I’m genuinely gonna get depressed and the suicidal thoughts will become REAL I’m so scared. Even when my parents tell me that I’m going to be ok and not do anything, I tell myself in my mind that I’m still going to go through with suicide and just kill myself. I don’t have a set plan and I’m afraid that I may develop a plan and want to go through with it. IM SCARED FOR MY LIFE! IM SO FUCKING SCARED PLEASE HELP PLEASE! Anyone that has gone through this PLEASE HELP! Going into a hospital won’t help because I’m not ACTUALLY suicidal but these thoughts make me FEEL like I am and it’s just SO confusing I don’t know what’s real and what’s not!!! PLEASE HELP ANYONE!!!! I’m so fucking scared ??

Hey! I have some doubts and i'd be really grateful if you guys could help me! Sorry for the long text. Well, since i was a kid i had some problem with patterns, i didnt like to leave the house so i could keep up a routine, and i had problems with bugs and things like that. IT wasnt much of a problem. In my teen years i started to pick on my own skin, i was obsessed with having perfect skin and as an acne prone kid i would pick on it relentlessly because in my head i was getting rid of all the imperfections but of course it only made everything worse. It got to the point where i burned my skin with products because something inside me thought that by doing it i would be cleansing it from anything that was making it impure, and two years ago i got to a low point in my life and it led to picking on my legs so hard that its badly scarred and Marked, so much that i cant bare to show it in public. And i continued to have a routine necessity that made it hard for me to accept things that wasnt in my original plans, i overthink things way too much and it's Almost impossible for me to make any decisions because i just cant decide. Anyway, i started therapy right after that low point i mentioned and it helped me out a lot, but i started to notice my anxiety, something that i just didnt think about even in my lower points. I was just so used to being so sad and lost and paranoid and feeling left out of good things (i spent all my teen years spending at least a couple of hours a day locked in the bathroom picking at my skin and only thinking about it, hating so much on myself that i didnt want anyone to see me, worrying about everything too much). Well, ive always had arachnophobia and was generally afraid of bugs but it also increased lately to the point where i start to cry by only thinking of it and when i see any bug it makes me want to clean everything and check my belongings because im terrified they'll climb on me (when i was little i had trouble sleeping because i thought something could climb on me at night, and a couple years back i intoxicated myself with repellent because i kept applying it every 5 minutes becaude i was sure some bug could get to me), and my room had a termite problem and it made me paranoid for weeks and during that time i started to get really bad anxiety, i started to have a lot of panick attacks (they werent common before) and doing anything was really hard, even getting out of bed was hard because thinking about making any decisions all made me start crying. At the time i went to a neurologist and he said my skin picking problem was linked to obsessive compulsive spectrum, habit disorder. When he said that i bacame automatically self conscious and my anxiety became unbearable, i went to a psychiatrist and started to take medicines and it helped with the anxiety but im still having problems with compulsions specially related to bugs now, i was exposed to lice a few weeks ago and now i cant stop thinking about it my head is already hurt from products and checking and ive been dreaming of spiders and other nasty things that make me panick amongst other things. I dont know how to feel about all this because i only started thinking about it recently even though ive suffered with skin picking for most of my life, i never thought it was related to anxiety and never even thought of ocd until going to the neurologist, but he only confirmed the habit disorder. What do you guys think? Everything ive been going through is habit disorder or ocd?

Does anybody know the statistics for our friend OCD? Does it goes worse through the years or is there any chance the symptoms will become more manageable as the time passes by ?

Someone reply ? I am absolutely shattered, my whole body aches, maybe I got an hour sleep if I was lucky, but don't remember sleeping at all. It's clear to me that I can not sleep round anyone's house but my own. I slept at a friend's because of my pocd because I'm so scared of my head. I told my cousin about my intrusive thoughts whilst a bit drunk last night by text, I said I had to stay at a friend's but I lied and changed my ocd into a different thing. Because it was clear to me that she wondered why I avoid my nephew. So I said I was worried I'd throw him out the window. Cause of course I couldn't say I'm worried everyone will think I'm a pedo cause I think I look shifty in the face around kids. And she said why are you worried about throwing him out the window he is just a little boy. Well of course that made me feel absolutely shit, and now I'm worried she'll tell everyone. I made it clear that I'd never act on the thoughts and she said oh I get it. But she might tell people in the family. And then everyone will think I'm horrible. Someone help. Also anyone know how I can make myself sleep when I get home when he has hopefully gone home? Also I feel so bad about not staying because he begged me to stay ?

I’m new to this app, just set it up and I just finished reading about Pure O. I have learned a lot about OCD but never knew that there were so many different kinds, and so many ways it manifests. I never thought It could be OCD, I thought it was everything else. I haven’t been officially diagnosed with it. Which drives me a little crazy. I’m constantly checking and rechecking my conclusion that it could be OCD. I’m constantly seeking reassurance and Ive constantly felt unsafe. I had to call my mom or my dad whenever I drove by myself to make sure I wasn’t doing something wrong, to make sure I wasn’t in danger or doing something terribly wrong. The reassurance helped but I think perpetuates the cycle. I need to learn to be okay on my own

I’m having a rough time rn. My parents both told me that they don’t think I could or should be a dr (I’m going to be a sr in college this year). They said that I have too many and too intense of problems to be one - I’ve got OCD, depression, and dermotillomania (skin picking). Normally, I brush things ppl say off pretty easily, but not w my parents. I love them and really care about their opinion. But it’s making me even more depressed, as one of the last things I was holding onto was the thought that I would be able to use my experiences to be an even better dr than I would have been before getting these things. I’ve been suicidal for a long time but I always told myself that I was going to get through this and use it to help ppl. But it’s tearing away my last shreds knowing that not even the ppl I care about the most think I can achieve my dreams. ?

I saw a therapist a couple of days ago, I have another appointment on the 20th may (my 16th birthday). They think I might need to be put on medication. Is anyone here on medication and do you find it helpful?

Hey all. I've been dealing with my OCD for about 2 1/2 years and treatment had been going well. Lots of ups and downs, but I had things under control. Well yesterday I had the worst relapse of my life. It feels like I'm back to square one and my obession switched. I called my therapist but she doesn't have office hours during the weekend. Soonest I'll hear anything is Monday. I'm really scared and lost right now.

My heart hurts:( my bf gave up on me Bc of my mental health and I feel I’m not enough. How do I heal? I gave him everything when I didn’t even have anything to give myself:(

Anyone else have symptoms of ADHD as well who was diagnosed with OCD?

Help! I need help from someone who suffers from ROCD. I’m scared that I will never know if I want to promise forever to my partner.

Someone try and help. My worry is people think I'm a pedo when I'm not and that I'll get sent to prison when I'm innocent I've never harmed a child and never would. I worry I make even the child itself uncomfortable because when stuff like toilet habits are mentioned I go bright red and panicky cause I look shifty, and imagine if a parent asked their child if someone touched them inappropriately, they might find it funny and joke around saying yes and now I'm super worried that this post will make people think I'm a pedo but I swear on God's name I've never harmed a child and never plan on doing so. I fucking hate ocd so much I can't live a normal life, I can't stop thinking the worst possible situations and scenarios.

does anyone find that sometimes reassurance can push you in the right direction? i got reassurance in the sense that i knew for a fact something i worried about wasn’t true so then afterwards i disregarded and i feel great. i decided not to analyse it and leave it be and it feels better

Hey guys new to this so maybe someone out there might have the same thing and can help me. I have been a EMT for a year and half now but toke a leave of absence due to my anxiety and OCD recently flared up. Due two events I the first was that when I was walking with my family I saw a needle now the floor and it didn’t really bother me then and then in another event when I was cleaning the ambulance stretcher I saw another one and got close to it. Since then I had got check because my OCD was acting up about that and had to get check to make my self happy about that. That was a few months ago and last month I was changing the garage at my job (coffee shop) and a straw hit me and it kinda flared up my OCD again and now I think there are needle everywhere and every-time I see my body I think I see something wrong with me. And I am always sacred that I can give something to my family. It’s been bothering me a lot so wanted to see if anyone has the ame thoughts are something like it.

How do I know if it’s ocd or if i really want to be trans ?

my biggest obsession is about possibly being racist (i’m confident that i’m not racist). it was germ fear before, but that has subsided and now im obsessed with not being racist. can anyone relate? how do you deal with socially-driven obsessions? i have invasive thoughts whenever i’m around anyone who isnt a close friend.

POCD TW. Need some help. Hey guys! I hope everyone is doing well as of lately. I’ve been doing ~decent~ better than I was say 4-5 months ago. Due to the Lexapro I’ve been on it’s definitely made a dent. But everyday is still a struggle. Lately I feel as if I’m faking all of my POCD. Everything started with one particular child. I don’t know exactly what, but it started to make me feel like I had feelings or something like that. I hated it. I’ve been an anxious mess since. The thing that’s bothering me is I don’t see much online about people’s OCD particularly targeting one person. I also have it about other children in general. But it’s heavily influenced by one. There is an hour that goes by that I’m not thinking something about the child, sexual or not sexual it can just be general things. My thoughts tell me I want to be around this child, they tell me to walk by her so she will notice me. I hate this and want this to end. I want to go back to myself in September when I was going on dates with girls my age, and thinking about that. I would NEVER hurt a child. Never wanted too. I just need support. I went to a OCD specialist back in January who told me she definitely thought I had OCD. I haven’t been able to go back because of my work schedule. But I want too. I just want to feel normal. Can anyone relate? Idk. I’m just depressed again.

I washed clothes in the washer and put it in drier.. now i am getting thoughts were clothes washed? Its top load maytag machine and gets locked while washing. It gets unlocked only when done? Am I right?

I've had every ocd there is, even transgender ocd. I thought to myself, maybe I want to be a guy, cause I thought I was a lesbian and thought being a man would be easier. But I'm really really feminine ? I also worried people would think I'm a hermaphrodite, has anyone else had this? I worry that some people think I'm a man secretely, and again I'm a really feminine woman. I don't wear thrilly dresses but I wear makeup and tight fitting clothes. I like perfume. I'm not even remotely the opposite sex ?