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Hey y’all, I have had a few stressful interactions at work with someone and I can’t stop thinking about what I wish I had said or “should” have said. It’s making me sick, and I hate the idea of going back and being around this person. It’s also making me question if I’m any good in my career in general. I know ruminating can be a compulsion, but idk how to stop. I’ve talked to a friend and prayed about it but I just want it to go away. Thanks ✨

Going through a very very tough time with anxiety depression and OCD The counseling wait for the nhs is long I’ve had my meds increased from 50 to a 100 For a solid 2 weeks I’ve felt terrible with what started off as a panic attack I’m now consumed with an overload of thoughts, mainly negative doubt guilt worry what if questions Generally feel like I’m going out of my mind I’m now fixated on my marriage should I be with him ? Am I even happy ? Do I even like him ? I don’t like my home at the moment and don’t want to be there or what To do with myself Like I want to leave work right now and break down I worry about things that happened in the past my fault and then ruminate in why I done what I did It’s so overwhelming No appetite Exhausted Emotional nothing interests me apart from googling my feelings / thoughts Anyone been here before ?

What kind of events that caused you to have OCD?

I (21F) just graduated college and moved back in with my parents. During this period I’ve been staying with different friends and doing long distance drives to my college town because my life is still there (church, friends…etc). So, while I’ve technically moved in with my family again, I’m hardly around. I’ve been in a really deep depression since graduating for a couple of reasons. I’ve applied to countless jobs and heard back from hardly any, I went through something really hard in June that kind of threw everything off for me, and I’m still mourning a previous relationship where the door just can’t seem to close (we go to the same church and are both pretty involved, although he hasn’t been as involved recently). My family doesn’t know I have depression, let alone OCD. Everything I’ve done for my mental health I’ve had to do behind their backs. Now that I’ve seen a psychiatrist and have talked to counselors about my symptoms and stuff, I realize that a lot of my mental health issues began in elementary school, and I wish I could have gotten help for them sooner. The thing is, even if they did know, my family doesn’t believe in antidepressants. I’ve tried opening up to my mom a couple times but it’s never received correctly. For clarification, it’s not like she tells me this stuff isn’t real, rather, she’s never helped me be proactive in it. Growing up it was always “well maybe you’re just not going enough” and “maybe you just need to do another sport” or whatever. I remember one time I told her explicitly I felt that I needed to speak to a therapist, she acted supported but then insisted she could find an “alternative”, aka, just talking to her friend about it. The worst part is I know this is her trying to be helpful, but it never is and I feel like I’m always stuck back at square one. Now that I’m out of college, I realize that I kind of have to do this whole “getting better” thing all by myself, and that’s what I’ve been doing. I found my first real therapist and we’re meeting for our first session tomorrow, and I spoke to my GP about re-prescribing me the antidepressants I was taking before my psychiatrist stopped taking my insurance. Anyways, like I said, I’ve been in a rut since college ended, but things are finally looking up. I just got a hybrid-remote job at my church (it’s part time but it’s 5 bucks above minimum wage), I’ve been doing freelance work for a couple startup companies, and I actually have a job interview tomorrow for a full time job pertaining to my major. The job is close to the city I went to college in (3 hours away from hometown. Church is in the same proximity) and would need me to move there, which I feel excited about. I feel like I had a rocky start, but things are getting better. HOWEVER, my mom doesn’t see it that way. She’s been telling me it’s “been too long” and I need to be doing something. She’s been pressuring me to do insurance. It’s all she talks about with me. Insurance this, insurance that. It’s gotten to the point where my whole family won’t stfu about how I should do insurance. I found it kind of funny at first but it’s become suffocating. I didn’t see my parents for a MONTH and the very first thing my mom said to me when we talked after three and a half weeks is how I should do insurance. Even if I was interested, I’m so sick of hearing about it. When I tell them I don’t want to do insurance, that I went to school for marketing and graphic design and want to do something in that field, my mom tells me that I’m not doing enough and I have to be doing SOMETHING. I’ve been doing freelance, she does not care. I just got the job at the church, I can tell she sees that as a waste of time. I just told her today about my interview, and she basically told me to choose insurance over the job that I went to school for. It’s just so discouraging. I’m upset because I’m TRYING, and she’s just so fixated on one thing that she can’t see me moving. It’s discouraging when my depression takes over and I feel like I can’t move and nobody in my family understands. It’s upsetting when I try to connect with my younger sister by confiding in her with my OCD diagnosis and she just shrugs and goes “I don’t see it”. Also, I don’t mean to paint my mom in a bad light. I love her and I know she’s trying her best despite her biases (for context my parents are not American; I think this might be a cultural thing). She’s the family member I’m the closest to (which maybe says something about how close I am to my family haha), and I hate having to sneak around her like this I WANT to tell her I’m going to start therapy and about my medication and all this great stuff, but she’s so anti antidepressant I don’t know what she would say. I’m just so tired of being discouraged. I feel like I’m lying to her, and i want to just be honest with my family that I’m getting help without them getting all weird about it.

So a bit of yesterday and today I was able to handle my false memories a bit, but now I'm back to something else again and its if I acted on urges because I remember holding them and having the intense urge that made me so fucking scared so I don't know if I did like a checking or anything but I feel like I'd know. The thing is, this thought didn't bother me for a while because I had confidence, but well you know, once we start to feel better, your mind will just attack you again and now I feel god awful. So how was everyone's night ? What were some things we did today ?

Lately I have been dealing with a lot on my plate aside ocd . There’s way to many stress factors in my life I don’t even know where tk being to start ...for all I know is OCD has been number 1 issue to all of my fallbacks in life . I want to regain strength and stability in order for me to fulfill those dreams /goals I have set up such as college . Therefore , I know I have to prioritize mental health . For starters , I’m not sure college is right fit for me at moment because I don’t know if I’ll be financially stable ...covering expenses etccc.....plus I don’t have enough driving experience for me to drive myself back n fourth . Sure, my original plan was to live on campus , but the catch is it’s way more expensive compared to non housing . I don’t have a license . No one here at my house ever really reaches me to drive and/or let’s me use the car for practice ...this is one of my stress factors rn. My younger brother can drive and has his car , my older sister is in college has all her shit together . I can barely leave the house - so bascually all these obstacles play along with each other ...i habent started therapy because of how expensive it is . My insurance does not cover it unfortunately. Meanwhile I’m stuck at the same shitty job that only puts me at more negative moods when I’m already at my worse with a ocd let alone . What I’m trying to say here is I’m more worried/concerned about my dad’s reaction of me not beginning college again and taking another gap year . I feel like I don’t do much around here ...:I’m isolated . I know how piss he’ll get when Figures out in not going to college . My mom has been on boat wit the idea somewhat considering she’s been more open minded on my mental health and more understanding of my struggles I face everyday . I know this will lead up

Does anyone get horrible intrusive thoughts where your ocd makes you think that you have said an offensive or inappropriate intrusive thought outloud after thinking it? It causes me to go back to the places where i thought i may have said these intrusive thoughts outloud to check if anyone has reacted and heard this. Deep down i know it is just my ocd convincing me that I have said these intrusive thoughts out loud but I can never be certain because of the bully that is ocd. I just wanted to see if anyone can relate to this as it’s very distressing.

My teen says that chores "stress" him and exacerbate the OCD. I of course don't want this to happen but I also feel that his chores are minimal and he needs to be able to be responsible and to function.

Accepting the fact that everyone will die one day seems the only way i can deal with this but when i do erp and accept that we are all going to die i really lose hope.. if im gonna die why should i even do recovery work? why should i even be happy? could i be experiencing sign's of depression with my ocd?

I don’t know if what I have is OCD or just severe anxiety.. I’m really confused. Every time I do something that I feel bad about I will think about it for ages and it will ruin my day, and feel guilty. I keep getting emotional all the time and feel distressed , as if something is off but I can’t explain. Occasionally I have the urge to confess things and if I don’t they will be In my head making me not feel present. And I keep focusing on my partner and getting the urge to break up when I don’t actually want that (of course I have doubts like everyone does) but it’s more of a urgent upsetting feeling which hasnt left for 5 months, the only time it seems to go away temporarily is when I’m with him. and I’m soooo confused. My therapist told me I would have had OCD as a child so I can’t have it (I’m 20 years old but I don’t know what is going on with me). Starting to think I’m going insane as this has been going on for several months now!

I’ve not used Instagram for almost 1 year and don’t use Twitter or TikTok. I only use Snapchat to talk with friends, but seeing random peoples stories and stuff really overwhelms me. Since I only talk to 2-3 people I think it’s better to just use WhatsApp exclusively. The amount of social media apps is insanely overwhelming and it’s no wonder why my attention span is shockingly low, as we’re always looking for that next news article or viral clip or whatever. Has anyone else deleted social media to reduce anxiety?

Trigger warning!!! I'm in a total slump this morning... OCD has ruined friendships and relationships, sometimes, because my constant suffering and my limitations keeping me from being all fun and games, sometimes because of my themes. When I hear, that OCD is OCD and that the theme doesn't matter, I can only shake my head. I am sure, I would have not been cut out by some people, if I only had "suffered" from MT OCD, as it might come off as weird, but not as dangerous and perverted. I got told by a former partner, that he doesn't believe, that I suffer from OCD... he didn't need to say out loud, what he believed me to be... but for clarity purposes I type it out, he thought I am a paedophile. Knowing that someone you love think that of you is really painful. And always wondering, if others cut you out due to your theme, but lying about the reason, is hard to take, too. I had medical professionals ask me - But you don't do anything to children, right? - when I had been honest about my theme. I had various themes and all had the potential to bring me down to my knees, hurt me massively and limit my life, but POCD hits on levels no other theme could and it makes people suffering from it, or at least me, even more alien and lonely. There had never been a pre and post OCD with my first big theme (MT OCD), but for years, I categorized memories that popped up in my head in pre 2005 and post 2005, aka pre POCD starting and post POCD starting. I suffer from OCD for about 32 years and from POCD for 17 years, I just have enough! I just want this self-distruction to stop! Because that's what it is, my own mind attacking me severely and there is no running and no hiding. When I told my sister, that I had hit rock bottom, I got met with a snide comment, that she hit rock bottom, too, as she has three kids and two jobs. I stopped talking about it, as all I wanted to say was - You chose them, your kids had all been planned and you chose your jobs, too... I on the other hand did not choose to suffer from OCD, I had no choice... It started, when I was 6, or 7 it impacted everything ever since... And before this post gets flagged, or deleted, no, I'm not suicidal, just massively sad and angry.

Sorry this is really long and has bad grammar When I was 10 I was in a toxic friendship with these two girls and one day everything snapped like there was a ton of chaos and drama. I don’t remember it clearly but I’m pretty sure I caused it like I got jealous and stuff because they would leave me out and one day I overreacted and we stopped being friends. The one girl had problems with anxiety and stuff and I had no idea really what anxiety was so I just treated her normally I remember her getting stomachaches at recess and stuff and I didn’t know what to do. So back to the one day. So one of them asked me to hang out and I couldn’t my mom said no so I was bummed out and I had a softball game that day. The other girl was at the school fair so I didn’t expect them to hang out that day and they did but I didn’t care really. I was a little upset. So I asked the one who was at the fair if she was still at the other girls house through text and she said no. But then I found out she was still at her house so I texted the one girl asking why she lied and stuff and she made a group chat and stuff and I don’t remember a lot of this part but I remember them rubbing it in my face that they were together and I wasn’t there pretty much. So this got me really upset and I know I shouldn’t have but I told other people what was going on, I don’t know why but I did. And the girl with anxiety started saying how she wanted to kill herself so I started comforting her and stuff because I didn’t want her to kill herself she was my friend and yk. Before that part I remember she sent a photo of a self harm wound she said she inflicted on herself because of me. I didn’t know what to do really. I forget the rest but We made up a few days later but im pretty sure the girl with anxiety went to the Er. I don’t remember why but I think it may have had something to do with me and what happened and the fact that I caused someone else to harm themselves they could have gone to the er makes me sick. I feel like a terrible person and if my friends now knew this then they wouldn’t want to be my friend. I’m sorry this is long I just needed to get this out there. It’s been bothering me and I’ve been wondering if I’m deserving of any love after this.

Some days I just feel weird. Life feels weird. I think it happens when I over think what I’m doing too much. It feels like I’m on the brink of a panic attack but I don’t know why. It’s a very weird feeling.

I just heard someone talk about how to shift your mindset for better health. I think it’s Law of Attraction stuff. They said “you become your thoughts”. That triggered me because my thoughts are the very opposite of me. Has anyone else heard this saying before?

Do the urges ever go away I feel like any second I'm going to cave into these intrusive urges trying to convince me I have to do these things. Does anyone have any advice or can share from there experience. 🥺

I feel terrible and guilty writing this. I find my boyfriend’s best friend really physically attractive, maybe more attractive than my boyfriend. It’s giving me a serious case of “the grass is greener elsewhere” feelings. I find my boyfriend more emotionally attractive though. There’s a lot of “icks” with the other guy but I can’t get past his good looks. My boyfriend and I have similar values and he’d be a great life partner. The other guy, I’m pretty sure, would be emotionally unavailable in a relationship as he’s not looking for anything serious which feels familiar to me as in the past I only fell in love with emotionally unavailable men. My boyfriend isn’t the most conventionally attractive guy, he’s average but sometimes I think he’s really attractive and he does turn me on. I’ve experienced ROCD thoughts since the beginning (am I in love, do I find him attractive enough?). Last weekend was amazing, we’d spent two weeks not seeing each other because we were both away and coming back together felt like the honeymoon phase again. I was so in love and told him I loved him whilst looking him in the eyes and I didn’t doubt my feelings at all. We talked about getting engaged and I was whole heartedly in it. His best friend has become another focus of my anxious thoughts but there’s some truth behind it which makes me more worried and more convinced I shouldn’t be in this relationship. It feels unfair on him but I want him to be my forever. Please don’t be harsh if you comment, it’s taken a lot to type this out and get it off my chest

Can someone please help me? My OCD is telling me that bc I acted on harmless intrusive thoughts in the past (nothing about actual harm, just weird stuff) I am more likely to act on the harm thoughts I have today and that I eventually will, just to get the thought out of my head, and it’s making me panic… I feel like I truly am the special one bc of this! This is hell!