Welcome to
the NOCD Community

Currently with a girl I love or at least I feel I do / anyone know how to deal with the anxiety of feeling like you will get intrusive thoughts / images around your partner ? And how to deal with those thank you

ROCD is so weird. It always comes out when I’m stressed or even sometimes for no reason at all. I might be losing my job and all of a sudden I’m feeling guilty over questioning my relationship the way I have with ROCD. I lean on him and need him and love him so much but then the ROCD comes and makes question if I even know what real feelings are. It’s like ROCD wants me to be isolated and alone. I want my boyfriend. He still makes me laugh and smile and he still gets me aroused. It ebbs and flows as we’ve been together almost five years. But he is the one healthy person I’ve had in my life and it’s like ocd is like nope, you need to be alone. I can’t stand it. I’m already dealing with existential ocd, pure ocd, suicidal ocd, ROCD can you please leave me alone? Damn

I'm not sure where to confide to talk about this as this is a current stressor. I've been dealing with constant worrying and intrusive thoughts for months, rumination, checking, etc now.The current one started to gradually develop in the past few weeks, where I fear checking out other guys. I'm in a relationship with an amazing and beautiful guy, and both of us are very loyal. He's very big on loyalty and checking out people, and I never did at all, and I still don't. However it became a constant worry of "do I check people out? What if I check someone out?? Will I do that?" And I notice it begin to actively obsessively tru and avoid something I already don't do to make sure I don't it. So now i began to get the intrusive thought question of "does that guy look good, I bet you find him attractive and you don't want to admit it, I bet you think he looks better, what if I look even though I know I won't cause I have no interest". I begin to feel nauseous or uncomfortable with even acknowledging a random guy's presence, and even if I glance at them as I often do with strangers (not out of attractiveness, just observing people) I get this rush of fear as I worry of "did I just check this person out??" It was mild at first, then I noticed because I started having the thought and fear so much my brain was already used to it where I could look at a guy and my brain auto registered the intrusive thought for it without it no longer showing up. So I now get the rush of anxiety and nauseous feeling. I blocked a friend I knew since middle school cause he posted shirtless pics and I never been attracted to them or found them hot (still don't, my brain just messes with me) but for the sake of not triggering my anxiety I blocked him. It got worse this week, where I stare at a guy that triggered that anxious response out of making sure I don't find them attractive. I feel the impulse to look at them after I look away in fear of never confirming that I wasn't attracted to them, cause I'm afraid to be left with the "was I? Why did I look? Am I checking people out? Am I horrible??" Looking leaves me distressed and sick. School started and this happening a bit more, and in general with guys too. For example I wouldn't bat an eye to the guys I knew from last year or a celeb, but now I'm forcing myself to stare at them and analyze them to make sure I don't find them attractive, even though I never did. I cry a lot cause of it, feel unwell, sad, guilty as if I do this with the intent to legit check them out even though I don't. It branched out into random small anxiety about "what if I am being unloyal now?? Does my boyfriend look good??" But this type of one doesn't get the chance to worry me like the reast cause it quickly goes away cause I'm immediately reminded with how beautiful he is inside and out. haven't mentioned this intrusive thought to my boyfriend compared to others I've shared as I don't know how to word it best to not worry him yet. I love him, and I hate when I get the intrusive question of "does he look better, you're getting anxious to answer that means your prefer the other person". It feels pretty up there with second in line with my brief POCD being first. I don't want the guys to think at school I'm checking them out or I have a thing for them, or for people to think I'm trying to chest on my bf. It's hard to explain the auto repsonse I get of anxiety and checking by looking at them. But I know it's just my brain and anxiety trying to mess with me, but can't help but worry often especially cause something like this means a lot to me and him. I used to be able to say "oh looks decent/not bad" when I saw a celeb, or friend, or once in a blue moon any strangers. I didn't think much about this way, since my boyfriend said in a way he does the same (not in a "oh he's hot/attractive" way but a "you don't look bad, but you can't be considered good because my boyfriend immediately takes that spot". Even typing this I get the intrusive worry of "what if I'm lying what if I'm not being honest what if I'm forcing myself", even though my boyfriend is the most glorious guy to ever lay eyes on. I stared at his photos in awe and taking in how gorgeous he is to me all the time (one point I went through my entire photo album of him in amazement- I still do this, I did this today seeing him). I notice I can only effortlessly do this without worry when I'm in a good mood. I know I haven't lost attraction to him one bit, but this intrusive has been bothering me for some weeks as it quite distressing to acknowledge another guy forcefully out of anxiety. As with other random intrusive thoughts I have, they die out eventually but probably will come back. I love my boyfriend, when my friends talk about how other guys are, I don't respond as it's not in me to do that and still isn't. Out of anxiety it's just never been a thing for me. In anxiety, it became so stressful to deal with.

I feel weird bc there’s this show call who we are we are and there’s this boy who’s the main character and I first thought was that he was cute but then it said in the show that he was a fresh man I was like oh shittt omg I feel so weird bc now he could be younger than I thought and I’m abt to turn 20 in February😭 but then I was just thinking that he looks young but not that young, and I looked up the shows cast to see how old he is and I figured out we’re literally the same age I’m just a couple months older than him but the show was made in 2020 and he was 17 and I was 17 too but I haven’t watched the show til now 😭 I just don’t know if that’s okay tho ughhhh

I understand when you have OCD you're supposed to respond to worries you experience with "maybe it will happen" or "I don't know if that will happen." To me, that doesn't seem to work when I am experiencing something that's real. Something that isn't an abstract thought, it's something that's actually occurring. My wife and I just bought a house, I'm in my first job as a teacher in a district where I have to drive 45 minutes each way to get there every day and it's brutal when I get there compared to anything I've experienced (rough area). My wife and I are also having some marital problems, she told me that needing excessive emotional support from her the 6+ years we've been together has bred resentment in her and she's questioning "us" a bit as a result. I don't know how I'm supposed to look at those very real very terrifying situations and just ignore them and refocus. That seems to only apply to mental hypotheticals

I am new to OCD with one child—and had one harm intrusion and then some very light pediophilia OCD kinds of energy of, course all unwanted because that’s how this whole thing works and its like separate from me but a part of me like a parasite; in short, like OCD!…I’m learning to put all of this under OCD‘s watch and separate OCD from me and it’s a wonderful thing to do but it’s very hard with the pediophilia OCD thing because of the fear and phobia, love for our children. We just want everything to be free and natural and NORMAL all around which means ME and my internal experience (my thoughts). Instead I feel like walking on eggshells in my head. so if anyone has experience with that I would appreciate your comment it seems like such a taboo thing to talk about but it’s so real because it’s all about what we fear and about what our dumb OCD puts in our brain to confuse us and make us miserable. I really could use some help because I just feel so exhausted refereeing OCD from me and back again I’d love to know how to do this more easily w/out draining myself of my lifeforce!!!

Honestly I’m just over this. I remember having feelings for boys when younger but now I’m convinced that was all a lie. My mind makes me think my social anxiety/awkwardness was me just actually being attracted to girls when I’ve never thought of them in that way. Sometimes it’s not even thoughts anymore it’s intrusive feelings/emotions. I can’t even go see my friends without feeling like I’m suppressing feelings and it’s not even good feelings it’s out of fear. I don’t know how much longer I can do this. I have a boyfriend who I love and have spurts where I do feel in love with him but they don’t last for very long. I don’t wanna leave him we worked too hard to come back to each other and this is all because of one grade that caused my depressive episode that made me lose my sense of purpose and feelings. I don’t wanna be gay I’ve always wanted a husband and my own kids but now I feel like I’ll never have that. None of this is fair at all. I just wanna be straight and normal again I’ve even had clarity moments that tell me I’m straight and then I feel normal but then the thoughts take over and I don’t even know what’s real anymore

I just want to feel the same with my boyfriend that I used too. I just randomly woke up with this one day and it’s tormented me ever since. I just want to be able to be happy again. I miss my life before all this. I just want to be with my boyfriend and not have thoughts like “what if I don’t love him” “what if we have to break up” “what if we never feel the same again” or constantly feeling the need to see if it still feels “right” when we kiss or cuddle. Or sometimes I’ll want to surprise my boyfriend with small gifts to just show how much I love him, but my heads like “you’re just doing this to convince yourself you still love him”. I just miss everything the way it was before this. Will i ever get to just love him and not have thoughts like this again???? I feel so lost. I just wish my life wasn’t like this, it’s made me cut myself off from everyone. And of course right when I start to feel better, my head just convinces me that it is only getting better because I now realized I don’t want to be with him. I just wish this never would have happened to me. I’ve never loved anyone like this before and I don’t want to have to lose him because my ocd is telling me it’s the only way the thoughts will go away.

I can’t look at quotes or sayings that are self positive I avoid them (not as a compulsion I guess) because I feel as though they don’t apply to me or I don’t deserve what they say. Like for example “You are worthy and loved.” But I feel like I’m not worth it at all and I don’t deserve love. Or when people say that I’m pretty or a good person I turn it down because I don’t deserve for them to say those nice things because of what haunts me everyday. I don’t even think it’s ocd. I don’t know

Hey guys! So I have ROCD, and have been in a loving, healthy 7 month relationship with my boyfriend. But now we are having slightly a love language crash and I’m not really sure how to communicate this (or not) with my boyfriend, so I’m looking for some advice. So basically, last week, I accomplished something super exciting related to my job. The day this happened I was out of town, but we called each other and he was super excited for me, and we yelled excitedly with each other (lol). Since the specific thing that happened is something can be watched, him and his family had a little watch party and celebrated me. It was super sweet, and he posted me on his social media, etc. But now that I’m back in town, we were making plans for when to see each other this weekend, and I was hoping he’d take me out to dinner to celebrate. But last night, we were talking about our plans, and he goes, “I can’t wait for our night-in this Friday!” And my OCD ran with it. Initially, I didn’t feel much of anything about it, but then I just felt bummed and anxious that he hadn’t planned anything to celebrate me. So later that night we called each other, and we were talking about plans, and I told him “I was actually wondering if we could celebrate this weekend.” And he goes, “omg yes let’s do it!” And we went on to planning. So it’s not an issue of he doesn’t want to or anything, but I think it just didn’t cross his mind perhaps? But anyway, I guess I felt a little bummed in this, and I’m not sure if I need to address it, and how to. Previously, for my birthday, I had noticed that all he was planning was going to my parent’s celebration for me. And honestly, i kind of wanted him to celebrate me separately. So, a week before, I asked him if we could do something just us, and he excitedly agreed and followed through my request. I was hoping that with this, he would see i really like dinners / celebrations, nothing extravagant, but something just us. And I think since I never outwardly communicated it, it just slipped his mind. But I guess I wanted to ask, am I being too hard on him? If not, how can I address this gently? Any advice appreciated! Thank y’all <3

After going 2 weeks now with none to limited intrusive thoughts it feels amazing. But at the same time almost foreign like it’s odd not to be obsessing like it’s hard to get adjusted back and like you worry if and when they’ll come back.

1. Who I am is based on what I choose moment to moment, and only speaks for that moment. No experience from the past and none in the future can determine who I am, much less the ephemeral experience of a thought. 2. There’s nothing to gain by thinking my identity is fixed or by trying to lock it in at all. In fact, the majority of my identity will be a frequently fluctuating thing. And that’s good. It means I’m never stale. 3. People do not robotically become the content of their minds. Our emotions and neural pathways can definitely influence our actions but brain activity alone does not autonomously build lives with thought. We don’t “attract” our life. I spent so much time wanting that to be true for the sheer power of being able to hand taylor my life, while simultaneously being horrified if it were true because I had never had control over my thoughts the way that I wanted to. Ever. I’ve also never met anyone who has. Don’t waste any more life trying to insert happy thoughts and discard unhappy thoughts hoping for an outcome. They are insignificant, do not energize them. 4. Accept that you don’t control your thoughts. You don’t even choose so many of the thoughts you have, they just occur to you. And many of those thoughts can be very unfair and/or unrealistic. They aren’t coming from some hidden identity you’ve been cursed with. They aren’t punishments. They come from what you value and what you fear. Consequently, your fears are also based on what you value. They’re the anti-values. That’s why you’re afraid of them. Otherwise they would just be more values, not fears. 5. It is not helpful to use thoughts to try and approve or disapprove of life. We are already valid as a life, proven by the fact that we exist. Our natural impulse is to validate life on the whole, that’s why we care about how our life goes and how our life affects the lives of others. We want to approve of life and we want it to approve of us. It must do, because we are here. Thoughts did not do that. 6. Everyone wants to know who they really are and to know that who they are is good, worthy, lovable, etc. When you’re a kid there’s almost too many identities to choose from, and according to a lot of folks you can definitely choose “wrong.” So of course we fear what we may become. But who says we aren’t already lovable, worthy, and good? Intrinsically. Often, we say it to ourselves. With OCD we say that to ourselves in the form of intrusive thoughts, doubts, and fears about what kind of person we are and what kind of life we are living. We often have a clear understanding of what we value, but an unclear view of ourselves. So we fear that lack of certainty. Make peace with what you cannot know. If you can accept yourself, as vague an idea as you may have of that self, you can still lead a goal oriented, value based life, full of questions you no longer need the answers to. 7. It’s ok to not be okay. Don’t make things worse on yourself when it’s hard by thinking you should not be feeling any particular mood. Admit your struggle and have compassion for it. It’s only a display of your dynamism. Love this part of you too. 8. Everyone is going through similar things. Even the most put together non-OCD people have something that plagues them with doubt and fear. Even the ones who manage it extremely well and have minimized it’s effect on their daily life. There is something or there will be soon enough. Difficulties and challenges are not indicative of life’s flaws (or yours) they’re built-in growth stimulators if we let them be. But even if we don’t, nothing lasts forever and stays the same. Hope this helps someone other than me! 😁

After many many subtypes, I managed to come up with a mix of sleep anxiety an OCD. Instead of fearing I will harm someone or not loving my wife or whatever thought, I go like ''What if that thought ruins my sleep?" I've developed several fears concerning my sleep: Fear of being buried alive, fear of dying in sleep, fear of being punished by God with insomnia and lately, having fatal insomnia. The problem is that I'm two completely different persons when I do or do not sleep. As I sleep night after night, my anxiety decreases to the point I feel 98% recovered - just to lose a night of sleep and go back at square one. Over the last 4 months I would go like ''sleep for 8 nights- lose a night- sleep again-repeat". I managed to get 40 consecutive days without losing a night. I was so, so fine. Last night, I didn't sleep for a minute. I'm desperate, as if all my progress was lost, and fearing I will never sleep again. I dont know what to do, or what even to expose myself to :(

i have undiagnosed ocd but i suffer with it daily and im super sure that i have it, for reasons i can't really go to a doctor to see if i really have it. and i was having an obsessive thought while scrolling on tiktok and i thought of scrolling through the ocd tag to feel like im not alone and this is normal and im fine. but then i just see these people describing their habits and like i have some habits, but im not clean or organized, i dont have habits that really go the "extra mile" i guess, like opening and closing a door over and over again, putting on and taking off my slippers because it doesnt feel right. i just usually try to ignore when i open a door and its not right if it does, and with the slippers i would just adjust them till they feel good. i dont keep things in order and my room is very messy, i dont care about folding things neatly or making sure theres not a speck on my plate after eating. i also have never thrown up yet because of ocd but i have gotten nauseous. i feel like i cant relate at all sometimes. i make myself think of like what if i am really faking it, what if its just a phase or something. i have obsessions and i have compulsions, but i just... i dont know. I keep thinking i dont have it, even tho i obsess over things like harm ocd and pocd, and i scratch and pull my skin to get over it, i literally destroyed the case of the phone im typing on by pulling the rubber covering on it all the time as a compulsion. but i still feel like im not real. Im either a fake or its just not serious i guess for me. yk i feel like no one in my life thinks i have it either. maybe their right tho i am more of a younger person, but i think i had it when i was a small child too, but i could just be imagining things or not remembering correctly, i was also pretty lonely as a child which is apparently linked to ocd. i have consciously been dealing with it for 2 years but is that enough? does it count as ocd only when your an adult? does ocd develop over time as you get older?

I so badly don’t want to be with women but feel like there is no way out of this. There is absolutely no way there isn’t a sliver of truth to it. I feel like I can’t like men now or be with them. My attraction is just gone. All the things I did in my past just can’t be sexual exploration it feels too good to be true if it were that. I wish I could take them back but I can’t.

Hey I know some days are tough, some weeks are tough, some months are tough when it comes to dealing with mental illness. Maybe you have, as I did, begun to criticize myself for not doing as much as before or not being as nice as before, but we are humans and when we are hurt we cannot give the same performance as we once did. Forgive yourself. We are humans and sometimes we look past with the eyes from now and that can be extremely unfair. Your past self wasn't aware of things that you are now. We are always evolving and probably you were trying your best. You are worth it. Please, don't suffer alone I promise someone over there would much rather listen to your problems than saying you goodbye. You are so worth, I promise We will get trought it all :) You are strong, I trust you

I have really great parents, that have helped me every step of the way with my OCD. And when I go through bad periods, I can always rely on them. When I relapse, my OCD prevents me from leaving my bed, which means I can't work, eat or bathe properly, or maintain outside relationships. Therefore, I've moved back in with my folks semi-permanently over the last six years. And as I get into my late twenties (going through another relapse), I start to feel guilty. As if I'm taking advantage of their kindness and mooching off them for free housing. I know that's not true, I would be dead if I couldn't live at home, but does anyone else relate to this?

Watch the video at https://learn.nocd.com/OCDAwarenessMonthKickoff Ahead of OCD Awareness Month, Howie Mandel, NAMI and NOCD came together to help people with OCD and other conditions know what to do and where to go if feeling alone. This discussion was hosted by NOCD in support of NAMI and Dr. Ken Duckworth, M.D.’s. recent publishing of the seminal new mental health education book “You Are Not Alone: The NAMI Guide to Navigating Mental Health."

So my new current theme is relationship ocd. More exclusively sex related. I feel like If I’m not completely aroused for intercourse all the time then any time I’m not “100% in the mood” having sex with my boyfriend is rape. I don’t want to try anything to get in the mood (foreplay, romance, etc.)because if I try to get in the mood it’s not for me it’s because it’s what he wants. it’s either I’m ready now or not and if I’m not 100% ready for it and we do it then it’s rape. Does anyone else have this? I have such intense anxiety around this it ruins me for days.

I’ve struggled with different intrusive thoughts and obsessions my entire life. Has anyone else ever struggled with sleep? The past few nights, as I’m trying to fall asleep, I have intrusive thoughts that I’ll never be able to sleep and that I’ll lose my mind as a result of insomnia. I’ve never experienced this before, I know it’s just my OCD trying to creep it’s way into the front of my mind. I’m not sure how to ease my thoughts and I just want to sleep. Any tips or suggestions?