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I’m having guilt about my pocd :( which I’m not sure if it even is

Please help. Does anyone here feel bad after watching pornography/masturbation? I'm always convinced I've done something unforgivable after such a session. I don't mean that I feel bad from the watching or masturbation itself, but moreso from the details - I'm always convinced I enjoyed the wrong sort of video, or thought the wrong sort of thought, or masturbated to something immoral, etc. I don't know how much of this is my OCD, but I always feel so terrified and guilty that I think about suicide. Right now professional treatment isn't an option, so what do I do? I know that my experience fits the description of OCD (there's confession, reassurance seeking, mental review, rumination, etc) but also resembles addiction (because I have a very hard time stopping porn and masturbation); and I've read that addiction can lead a person to do bad things. I'm worried that if I treat this problem as OCD when it's not, I'll do bad things; if I treat this problem as an addiction (and/or as me being evil) when that's not the true problem, my OCD/condition will only get worse; and if I treat this problem as both OCD and an addiction or me being evil, I'll end up doing contradictory treatment and won't get better at all. What's your advice? As I said, professional treatment isn't an option right now.

I keep thinking that I want to act on these violent thoughts I am having. I want the thoughts to go away which makes me think I don’t want to act on them but my ocd is telling me that I want to and I am even having urges to act on them. I am nervous that it is only a matter of time before something bad happens. The thoughts are directed towards my family who I love so much and I just am scared

I literally have every social media/contact app on silent, because I’ll get ocd over the random notifications popping up. Ill start thinking “I have to do (whatever it may be) before she texts me back, or (consequences) will happen” anybody else?

Why is it that everyone tells me my thought isn’t bad (real event-false memory) and deep down I know it’s not bad but my ocd is telling me false things and I’m in a horrible loop and I still believe that it’s bad? Why am I not able to see it rationally? I feel so crazy and I feel like none of my thoughts make sense about my false memory real event. I keep asking for reassurance and at this point nothing helps at all bc my ocd tells me they don’t know what I know????

I’ve been experiencing extreme annoyance and black and white thinking with my partner bc of ROCD and intrusive thoughts. Part of the issue is I always expect to be annoyed bc it’s a habit now, almost like it’s a compulsion to be annoyed with him. He could just be talking and ill get annoyed. It’s just all very frustrating and upsetting and I do love my partner but I feel so consumed that it’s hard to ever feel loving or caring. But that’s exactly what the ocd wants…. All I see is negative and fear. Or, if I do feel okay I feel guilty for being okay and assume it means I don’t care.

Once again I am having trouble with the same memory that I have shared here before. When I was a kid I had a dog and I don't know why but sometimes he would sniff like private parts, and one time I let him and kind of encouraged him to do that (jesus that's so weird) and even said something about knowing he liked to do that, like I know I was probably reproducing something I heard and I know kids don't have a sense of right and wrong, it's all about discovery and they need an adult to guide and teach them what's right. I know these things and I have heard similar stories, but I can't feel free of guilt. There was another time when I was playing with a cat and I climbed up on a spot and threw it off, it wasn't a high place but what if something had happened to the cat? I don't know, what if it had gotten hurt? Again, I know that children are unaware of things but I can't stop thinking about these memories, I feel the need to sort of confess to someone, as if to judge me and define if I am worthy to have a happy life despite these events. I don't know what to do, it's suffocating.

Hi everyone, how are you doing? It’s been a really long time since I’ve posted on here. I still remember at the beginning of this year (in January) I had gotten my ocd diagnosis. After that I did ERP and I did get better thankfully. Started doing mindfulness and being present in the moment. 11 months on I feel better than I was at the beginning. Yes there are times where it is tough, but after the rain there is always a sunshine Right now I feel like I’m relapsing, but the truth is ocd isn’t something that goes away… it’s something that will always be a part of you. You just need to learn to accept it. Sometimes when we get better we forget that ocd is still there, that’s when we get caught off guard. This is a reminder to myself first, always continue to be consistent with ERP. By the way, has anyone got any advice for when ocd themes/symptoms resurface again? Thanks!

I think I've been a little stressed about school and about what I usually do in my life because I've been getting these occasional, annoying thoughts about dissociating. I know it's not something I normally struggle with and I know for a fact I didn't think about this kind of stuff without anxiety, so naturally I tie these intrusive thoughts with a form of anxiety. Lots of overthinking. I want it to go away so I'm just giving it time. Has this happened to anyone else?

Before hocd I didn't once care for men bodies, but during hocd it felt like I started to enjoy it. I don't like this.

To anyone who has POCD and has had a successful recovery, how does your day to day life look like now? Do you still have those thoughts in the back of your mind and just not let them bother you? Or have you gone about your days without even thinking about it at all? Has your life somewhat been back to normal? Do you still have harder days? And how often? Have you gained trust and confidence in who you are? Do you not allow OCD to make you question yourself? The reason I ask is because I worry that though I might get “better” I still will have hard days like every other week. Like having to have good days but deep down knowing you’re going to struggle with this for the rest of your life. Because personally I just can’t possibly imagine having to knowingly do ERP everyday for the rest of my life just to not crumble and fall apart. Yes I might be “better” at handling it, it will still be something I’m gonna have to be focusing on not allowing OCD to take over. I just want to live my life how I used to. Not having to try everyday to fall apart, ignoring thoughts, forcing myself to be uncomfortable, having to resist questioning things, and faking being okay with what I’m going through. It gets tiring having to do those things everyday. It’s so much easier to just give up. I’m doing my best to not give up. But the thought of having to fight OCD everyday and knowingly sounds much worse than just giving up. I feel like I’m a pretty reasonable person so having to live through this just doesn’t sound worth it and I think it’s pretty messed up to shame someone for wanting to “give up” if you know what I mean. So If there’s no true good outcome after consistent hard work. I think mental illnesses can be just as bad as a physical illness. But we don’t shame them for giving up a treatment because there’s no actual cure. We understand they can’t deal with the pain anymore and want to be set free. But when it comes to mental illness, being set free is looked down upon. But maybe there is no cure or good outcome and all we want is to be set free.

does anyone else’s thoughts/compulsions get worse as it gets later in the day?

I know comparing themes is bad but I just want a few opinions

Does anyone else have ROCD that is partner focused? For a while now I’ve been noticing my partners physical “flaws.” And of course, after I first noticed them and my OCD decided to latch onto them, I can’t unsee them. It’s horrible and unfair to him. It sometimes feels like I am ruining our marriage. He is a literal angel. And he puts up with me so well and takes care of me and tries to understand my thoughts. But of course it hurts his feelings. Like I literally feel like a mean person. I just want to go back in time to where I didn’t notice these things. Tell me I’m not alone

I'm stressed i have contamination OCD and laundry is always a struggle. There's pets in the house and one of the cats got near my basket and now I don't know what it touched. My laundry is on hold but its getting so late and none of my support people are answering. Help!

I'm religious, so anyone else who is religious I need to know if this happens to y'all. When I read the Bible, which I want to do twice a day, I feel like I have to reread and reread stuff bc if I didn't comprehend it properly, something bad would happen, or my fears would come true. I also have intrusive thoughts that come into my head about what I'm reading and the thoughts will say something bad about the Bible or about God, and it's like I know God knows I didn't say it but I have to "undo" the thought by getting up out of my seat completely, and saying something that "undoes" it then I can sit back down and read. Sometimes I also shake my head or hit myself in the head trying to rid of the thought. And say "no, no, of course not" and stuff like that trying to undo the thought that intruded...

Has anyone come to a point where ERP has been more harmful than helpful? I’ve been doing ERP with a therapist, but I have found that doing the exposures every day has kept my mind so focused on the fears that it feels like it is keeping me stuck. I decided to pause doing exposures for now, and it has been such a huge relief. I feel like I can actually set aside some of my fears and just live my life now, whereas before it felt like the exposures were keeping me from thinking of anything BUT the fears and intrusive thoughts. For example, many of my recent OCD themes have been centered on my relationship with my fiancé, fears about divorce, etc. So I was doing exposures around that, but the exposures just kept intensifying my fears and kept me from being excited about my upcoming wedding! Like, I’m trying to imagine any situation in which reading an article about the top 10 reasons people get divorced (one of my exposures) at least 5 times per day as someone is preparing for marriage could be helpful. It just made me even more scared and overwhelmed 😢 I’m wondering if any of you have had similar experiences

Does anyone else feel that there is a certain time of day when your OCD really seems to take hold? For me, it is at night. Especially before bed. It doesn’t matter if I’ve had a super busy day or if I don’t really do much. My mind begins to go a million miles a minute and it seems I can’t get my thoughts in control. This also causes me to act on one of my compulsions, which I do consider a form of self harm due to the thoughts I have while performing it. I often struggle with nihilism, existential dread and overall negative thoughts about myself. I used to perform this compulsion because I thought it helped me relax and take my stress out. But really I’m just taking all of my emotions out on myself. It is especially bad if I’m struggling with my emotions, had a difficult day or if I’m extremely stressed. It is a compulsion I’ve had for over 10 years now and I truly worry I will never be able to stop.

I get so stressed when I know I love my partner but my thoughts say I don’t or don’t as much as I should or whatever. It’s hard letting thoughts be neutral and forgotten about

so i have tik tok and i comment on videos sometimes. well some random stranger started like arguing and disagreeing with me about something in the comments and every time something like this happens it affects me so much and i don’t know why. like i feel sick and like i’m an awful person and idk why it makes me feel like this. like i don’t even know this person. has anyone else had similar experiences? idk what to do