Welcome to
the NOCD Community

Does anyone else struggle with schizophrenia ocd?

I hate this and I hate me. I have real event ocd where I did really bad stuff in my relationship while I was manic. I know I hurt my husband. And he tells me to let it go that he forgives me. But I still dwell on the past. I can’t get over the thoughts I was having…. Now I have this memory that I might have done something bad to my daughter. I have images and these images and “memories” are attached to a real event so it’s so damn hard trying to find the truth. I’m so tired. I feel uneasy all the time. It didn’t feel real at first it was just an image and now it’s a whole damn movie…how?!? I hate this so much… I feel so immoral and disgusting.

Hi everyone. This is my second post here, I think there’s a part of me that is just desperately seeking reassurance for probably the millionth time. I have terrible health anxiety and OCD. I am always hyper focused on my health, mainly my heart, and have constant intrusive thoughts about my own death, that most of the time come with terrible images of my dead body or my family in mourning. I am recently starting to struggling with looking toward the future. I am supposed to be getting married in May of 2023, and am making myself sick with worry as my intrusive thoughts are telling me I am going to die sometime between now and then, and will not live to see my wedding. I am terrified day in and day out that any day is going to be my last, and my intrusive thoughts aren’t helping in the slightest. They, if anything, bring me a sense of confirmation. They feel so true and so real. I have convinced myself that I am sensing my own death before it happens. I have been checked by a dozen doctors and other than having mental health issues and a brain condition called Chiari malformation, they all tell me I am healthy! I am so scared. I am worried that I’m going to feel like this forever. Has anyone ever dealt with this and come out on the other side? I don’t know how to beat this, but I want to be able to live my life without the fear that at 24 years old, my life is about to come to an end. Thank you all in advance.

hello !! usually i dissapear for like three months and come back, but i’m gonna try to stay active lol :) i’m ingrid, and i had SEVEREEE sexual orientation for two years, and it’s been a year or so of post-recovery !! i used exposure and response therapy, so if anyone would like to ask anything i would LOVE to answer !

I can’t do this anymore I’m done fighting

The ROCD advice in a recent video was to decide what you want and do it - without determining what is right or wrong. This was helpful but then I started thinking how I want to do both options so ended up being triggered thinking how if I don’t know what I want how could I have made any correct choices. I want to leave and I want to stay. What if you are married and falling back into the worst of ROCD? Obviously it’s not an easy decision with that much commitment. Last night I told my partner that if I could just let myself I could be happy, almost if I could turn off a part of my brain. However it’s like I’m triggered by some annoyance or other multiple times a day. And it’s getting really intense in my head. I question everything including my decision to marry. I’m scared and exhausted and only a few months into marriage. Has anyone overcome ROCD in marriage? Or even broken up and has experience? I’m trying to avoid reassurance/checking but I don’t how to not feel so alone and awful of a person.

Has anyone experienced rocd in relation to the intelligence of their partner? I am very frustrated as I feel like I’m watching my partner’s every move and when they do or say something that isn’t intelligent my anxiety and fear grows stronger and tells me that I should break up with them and I can’t handle it. I pay such close attention and feel like I’m waiting for my partner to do or say something wrong. For instance we were at a Christmas event the other day and he didn’t know what a “spiked” drink meant and my brain took it as how could you not know what that means, you are 34 years old. And while watching a football game he didn’t realize they cover the field due to snow and he has watched and played football his whole life. Anytime things happen like this I get so triggered and feel like there is no way I can be with a person that isn’t “intelligent” . Please help. He is super sweet and amazing and is reading books on OCD to try to help me and he knows that I am struggling though this. I have been told I’m smarter than him by others and now I’m so stuck on that comment and his intelligence. Anyone else experience this ?

Has anyone ever had a misdiagnosis interact with their OCD? I currently have an official diagnosis of schizophrenia, which I’ve had since 2007. My current doctor thinks I may only have mild autism or OCD. I have done my research and I’m pretty sure I have both of these… in fact it is only the schizophrenia that I’m unsure of. I am delusional for sure but I do not hallucinate technically. All this has got me thinking that for all these years I’ve been diagnosed was it just the diagnosis feeding the health OCD? Any stories relating to anything about this would be a great help.

I believe I don’t love him anymore… That I am lying to him… using him… I believe I actually wanna break up… 😢 Watching law and order.. I know it’s a show but I can see how you can convince yourself of anything… I am scared what if I convinced myself I don’t love him… I don’t love anyone right now.. I don’t feel numb… I love my family but not that much.. I don’t wanna break up with my partner 😭😭😭💔

18+ I don't really share this with much people but when I do they're usually understand, but don't know what its like. I'm glad they don't. I don't want any of them to struggle with what I go through, that being porn. This makes 10 years that this has been a problem for me. Porn is the only thing that keeps my POCD afloat because I'm constantly questioning the age of people involved. Whenever I'm aroused and I unexpectedly see the visual of someone I know is a lot younger than me it just messes me up everytime. I then ruminate about all the possible instances where this has happened and when this has definitely happened when I was very young. This has never been a good thing for me. Porn is what's causing my low self confidence and my low self esteem. It's what makes me shameful and guilty of myself. Porn is what keeps me in my intrusive thoughts and stuck in my head. Porn is what holds me back from being worry free and overall happy. Porn was a big contributor in how horrible high school went for me. What makes it worse is that there's triggers everywhere and the people around me don't seem to really see the triggers and negatives that I do, which is why I don't share it outside my support group and this app. The amount of guilt and shame that is felt whenever I get trapped into this again is immeasurable. Just don't know what to do right now

Im 21 now. I’ve showed signs of ocd as early as 5 years old. From Obsessively fearing touching things cuz of germs, washing my hands till I got rashes, to crying obsessively every night to my mother because I the same bad words or bad things keep repeating in my head, to fearing I was going to go to hell, and so much more my mother just told me to pray it away or that I was crazy :) I was convinced all my life that I was a psycho evil person all my life to the point where I wanted to end my life multiple times. My ocd worsened to harm, relationship, POCD, somatic, and just about everything you could imagine. I wish my mother would have taken this seriously because all of my childhood was violently miserable until I sought out help at 20 years old.

Absolutely nothing. My HOCD and real events OCD is rampant and just triggering… I have no one who cares or just blocks me. I’m done.

Dear Brothers and Sisters, how are you? Let's put anxiety aside, how are you? Let's make believe ocd isn't affecting your lives right now, how are you? I once heard someone say that intrusive thoughts didn't have physical arms to stop you from doing things, tha k God that's true. We can't let anxiety and ocd stop us from doing what we want. This is hard to do yes, and some of this might sound tough but let's be real how many times have we used the excuse of ocd and anxiety to justify not doing something or avoiding people? Ocd can be crippling some days, but I'm not talking about those moments, I'm talking about the days when we are fine but we just decide to use our behaviors to get in the way of love, of charity. We know the game ocd plays, we know how to not play that game then why aren't we doing it? Let's shake off our comfort my beloved, let's lean on our Lord Jesus to help us shake our fears and face them in therapy, let's ask our Father in Heaven to give us the graces we need to fight ocd and to live to the fullest as He wants us to. We are loved by Love Himself.

It's my 28 birthday and my intrusions have been getting the worst of me today. I feel like I'm losing my mind and for what, another year around the globe losing my mind? Today was supposed to be a good day and I can't help but fester on my intrusive thoughts. I honestly hate life right now and it feels like I was born just to feel this pain that won't go away. I'm sorry is so depressing of a post I just need to let it out.

i have never had actual sex before. but my period is late and i’m scared i’m pregnant. i feel like my period is trying to start but i’m so stressed that i’m pregnant that it won’t.

The three of the NOCD therapists who've license in India don't have a schedule. What am I supposed to do?

Soo twitches sorry really triggered me!!! Now I just keep trying to avoid any post about him, idk if that’s the best thing though, maybe that’s what’s making it worse? I know I just have to accept the thoughts but it’s soo scary

Today my OCD has latched onto one of my real events where I haven’t apologized since I very recently remembered this incident from probably about 13 years ago when I was about 8/9. The person involved and I have been on great terms our whole lives and I’m not sure if she even remembers, but I feel like my actions were wrong and I am desperate to apologize or check if she’s okay or if she remembers. Ever since this became an obsession, seeing a message from her or her IG story pop up has been scaring me and I’m so afraid of how to act the next time I see her. Should I reach out and apologize? I don’t want to bring up something now Ans affect her for something she wasn’t initially affected by, I feel like apologizing right now would be more for my sake than hers. But also is the right thing to do apologize when you realize you might have hurt someone? I don’t know the right thing to do and I don’t know if this is OCD, or genuinely the right/wrong thing to do.

it’s almost hard to explain how i feel. i feel like i’ve been more distant, causing a toll on our relationship. i DONT want to lose him and refuse to think about the fact that we may not end up together. we’ve been having more disagreements lately, but i love him. however, rocd convinces me that i don’t and chooses not to see the good in him. lately i’ve only been seeing the bad and telling him how he needs to improve, which isn’t fair. i need help. i want to feel natural and in love again. i’m afraid because i don’t think about him all day like i used to. it’s been 4 years of this relationship and i don’t ever plan on leaving. it’s so hard with rocd. i am always thinking about something bad

Does it ever feel like the thing you’re afraid of is unquestionably real? And if you tried to think otherwise it’s just you being in denial? How real can OCD feel? Is there even a limit?