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Literally now when I think of my past crushes, my head like "yeah, but it was fake or you forced it"

i just want to go to sleep for my classes in the morning but i still feel the need to do all of these compulsions or said thing will happen. this is so exhausting i want out of this routine based lifestyle. it has become debilitating.

it’s been 3-4 sessions with my therapist (Not the NOCD team) and i haven’t got a diagnosis. she refers me as having ocd because she’ll say “how’s your ocd going” and stuff like that. but she’s never mentioned a diagnosis. and it’s treading me out. i feel like a diagnosis will help me feel like i can get better instead of worrying if i havé or don’t have ocd. i just want to cry.

I have just found out that I am allergic to nightshades which includes the following Bell peppers Tomatoes Chili peppers Jalapeño peppers Potatoes Eggplant And a lot of snacks and foods have those in it French fries Pizza Chez-it Hot sauce Most snacks Doritos Muster Spaghetti And tater tots. I have been struggling to find night shade free recipes. I was wondering if any of you know of some, please share! Everything food I ever loved has been take away! ☹️

NSFW- discussion about porn below: Hi everyone, I don’t know how to explain this concisely, so I’ll just give the bare minimum details and if anything needs more clarification, please feel free to just ask. Long story short, I have been deeply struggling with partner-focused ROCD and my anxiety has seemingly gotten worse, even though my partner and I broke up 1.5 years ago. I recently found out that if you know someone’s username on pornhub, you can see their entire watch history. Everything is there. I can’t believe this information is public and it feels like such a breach of privacy. Again, without too much detail, I’ve struggled with some anxiety surrounding porn with my ex. I went through the first page of the watch history and my stomach was sick the entire time. I don’t care that he watches it at all- I’m just terrified something really weird or taboo or inappropriate will be in the watch history. I stopped after the first page because I knew it was super personal but I’ve been so anxious about it for days. Last night was really bad- I had to physically put my phone in the other room to not check. It would be like having your partners phone in front of you, unlocked, and NOT checking even though some awful secret could be in it. I feel like I’m ignoring a huge warning sign or ignoring important information by not checking. I feel like all my fears about his morality might be true if I see what his fantasies are about. Maybe I’m not making any sense 😅 The point is, I know not to check. It’s a huge invasion of privacy and even if I find anything- what am I going to do? Call him up and quiz him on it? I just need backup here, please. Please tell me if I’m doing the right thing by not checking. Thanks so much

For months, this question plagued me. I knew I loved my boyfriend and I knew he made me happy, but there were also bumps in the road and so many doubts. I had been hurt in the past, what if this was going to happen again? I needed to know if these doubts were legitimate and so I'd ask....and ask....and ask. Have you found yourself in a similar situation? This article really helps touch on how normal doubts can be present in a relationship and how we can distinguish between this and Relationship OCD. Let me know what you think!

I love my boyfriend so much. I am so afraid to get married though because of my OCD. A year ago I was fine and excited to eventually get married, but now it seems super nerve-wracking, and impossible, to me. I am a Christian and I have struggled with a lot of sexual sin in the past, before me and him started dating, but it eats me alive and I feel like if we do get married I have to confess all of it to him and that if I don’t I’m being dishonest and it’s horrifying. I know that nothing I ever struggled with was really that bad, I’m not going to get into that but he pretty much already knows the worst of it, but even when I have opened up to him I just feel like it’s not enough. My intrusive thoughts tell me that if I don’t tell him *everything* I’ve ever struggled with that I’m terrible, dishonest, a bad person, a hypocrite, a liar, that one day things will completely implode, that I’m destroying our relationship even though it’s completely healthy and he’s SO good to me, etc. I hate feeling this way. I want to marry this man, but it has become so terrifying to me. I feel like I absolutely do not deserve him and that I’m too awful and damaged for him. Me and him are long-distance and I’m even scared to meet him, to kiss him, etc. because I’m terrified of these fears coming up when I do. When I picture myself in 5-10 years being potentially married with kids, that thought in itself doesn’t give me anxiety, and in the grand scheme of things I can picture myself moving on from this anxiety, but at the same time in the present moment I feel like I’ll never move past this. I think this may be a form of ROCD and/or scrupulosity. I hate it I hate it I hate it. Does anybody else feel this way? Any other Christians who maybe relate?

Hello guys. I really need help. I have been questioning for days about “not being in love anymore” or “not loving my partner anymore.” The intrusive thoughts make me feel that this is all real. Why does it feel so real? Sometimes there's an image of me treating him badly or the feeling that I'm angry with him. I started repeating to myself about love being a choice. But then there are new thoughts like "what if I don't want to choose him?" Has anyone please felt this? Did you manage to get away? Are there any exercises I can do? Please, help me! Please.

I’m on the brink of becoming some kind of crazed fanatic. I’m avoiding talking to spiritualists because the bible says not to talk to wizards. I don’t want to be this person.

I had an incident 2 weeks into my relationship where I drank so much with my friend that the night was hazy. This friend was supposedly attracted to me and I did find myself connecting with her quite a bit, so while I don't find her that physically attractive tbh, I do find her somewhat emotionally attractive and enjoyed the attention in a time where my gf was ignoring me a lot. At the end of this night, I doremember that I called my friend after she left to pick me up and take me to her apartment to keep drinking. She said something like she'd love to but it was late, I think I pressed one more time and then said nevermind and went to bed. My friends and even my girlfriend all think I wasn't trying to cheat and was just looking to keep hanging (People were sleeping in my living room hence me asking her to go to her place), but I have immense guilt because I feel in my heart that I made that call to cheat. I told my gf about this night and that I feel guilty, but I haven't really emphasized to her that I really feel I made this call to cheat. It's been over 7 months and I'm still hung up on it, I think I just need to confess further to her, but I'm not sure if that's a mistake. If it was me almost cheating, is it okay to keep this to myself? I love my gf and am so happy with her, I am tired of feeling like I'm living a lie, it's making me sick. Sometimes it goes away and I feel silly, but then I remember what I did and hate myself

My bi friend accidentally said something mean about me. She jokingly gave me a kiss on the cheek and said sorry. I had SUCH a strong urge to make it a real kiss. Then I had a groinal or real attraction, I can’t even tell. And I’m scared. I’m scared because it really felt like I’d like it. I want to cry. I can’t do this

I am so depressed… I am ruining everything… 😭😭 I made my partner lose confidence in himself… he is scared everyday I am gonna break up… I need this to stop!! I need to stop this! 😭😭

Man. I had 2 weeks where I felt almost no attraction to my partner. Cue panic, cue ruminating, cue debating. And today, all I wanted was to kiss him and love him and I'm definitely very attracted to him. I love him. I knew objectively, I loved him the past two weeks too but rocd lies and tells me otherwise. Love isn't a feeling, it's a choice. I'm glad that during my worst episodes I make the active choice to stay and wait the worst of it out. Even if it feels like hell. Even if there's so much guilt and swarming intrusive thoughts and feelings. Every good moment is worth all of the bad (though god, theyre exhausting sometimes)

As a child I struggled a lot with repetitive thoughts, and feeling like I had to do certain things to prevent bad things from happening. For example, I would get up a million times in the middle of the night to check if the sink was off, or make sure I if I looked one way I had to look the other way the same amount of times. I still struggle with similar thoughts, but now I deal with a voice inside my head constantly bringing up repetitive thoughts, and a lot of anxiety. Can anyone relate? I just started Zoloft because I think all of this indicates that I have OCD, but I am looking for some clarity. Will Zoloft even help? Please comment if you have any advice.

I kind of don’t know what to do anymore, I don’t want to be a bad person but I’m just convinced I am. I just want to sit in my room and cry and never come out so I don’t risk hurting anyone. I just want to feel normal

Hello everyone! I’m hoping to get some advice here because I’m worried that my OCD therapist might be steering me in the wrong direction. I started having doubts when she would give me reassurance/logical “explanations” to neutralize my thoughts while we worked through CBT (ex: I would be afraid of becoming schizophrenic, and she would help me list out evidence against that thought, and reassure me that I’m not at risk of psychosis). However, we recently started ERP and now I’m even more concerned. I’ve been doing a lot of research lately, and the biggest thing that’s come up is that you cannot fight OCD with logic, and that the cycle must be broken at the compulsion level. I have pure O, so lately, whenever I catch myself start to ruminate on an intrusive thought or try to use logic to neutralize it, I’ll say something like “I don’t need to answer that question, I don’t need to know this for certain, etc” and try to move on. I’ve found it’s been helping. While doing some ERP today with my therapist, I told her that I caught myself doing a compulsion. For context, I was working on my suicidal OCD fears by reading an article on suicide rates and OCD, and I said out loud “I just caught myself trying to engage in a compulsion by telling myself that since other mental illnesses have higher suicide rates than OCD, I shouldn’t be worried (this is something I researched while deep in rumination about this thought a while back), but I know this is a compulsion and that I’m trying to neutralize the anxiety, and I need to sit with the uncertainty instead”. However, my therapist then denied that this was a compulsion at all - she told me that it was just thinking logically, and that it is normal and a good sign to push back against OCD fears using logic to beat them. Now I am wholeheartedly confused. Is this normal? I thought that logic was not the answer with OCD, but rather, sitting with the anxiety and uncertainty is the right way to go. However, my therapist now has me questioning everything, and this has honestly led to even more anxiety on my part (ex: why does logic not work against all my OCD fears? Does that mean some of them are real?). Could anyone tell me what the right answer is in this situation? Is my therapist right, or should I be looking for a new one? I thought I was on the right track, but now I’m so confused!

I’m trying to be vulnerable and share here about my experience. I’m just gonna let myself write and not think I’m crazy or try to delete.. I find myself feeling alone a lot, feeling crazy, being unsure why I can’t just snap out of it. I know my past caused this in me (I experienced 2 large traumas - sexual abuse by a parent and parent death) But i find myself obsessed with asking myself why and trying to change the past in my mind. Trying to move on. Thinking maybe if I find out more I’ll feel better. It feels like I can never have a complete good day like I can never feel good. i have happy moments, but if it’s not perfect which I logically know no day is.. I feel upset by my day. Somethings always wrong in my head. I can’t get through a day without thinking my husbands mad at me, or he’s not the actual one for me (we’ve been together 11 years…) or that I can try to solve what I’m feeling by just keeping my house clean, exercising, eating healthy, journaling, meditating. It’s almost like my compulsions have become healthy ones. I feel safe not doing some of them, but if it’s been more than a couple days - I begin to feel bad about it and say “well this is why I feel bad - I’m doing it to myself” Lately, I’ve been experiencing outbursts where I hear the thought telling me to think rationally, but it’s as if I can’t control it and then I’m in a yelling fight with my husband who’s simply trying to be there for me.. I just feel so scared to trust him because my intrusive thoughts tell me he’s out to get me, he’s gonna die, a lot. I’m on Zoloft and have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety, buT OCD was never brought up. It wasn’t until I searched something in July of 2022 trying to figure out why i had such intense thoughts about leaving my husband but no desire to actually leave that I started to realize I might have it. Since then I’ve improved and I’ve gotten bad. My OCD is around work. Around things being perfect. Around my relationships - always afraid I’m not acting right or I’m going to hurt peoples feelings. Even coming here and interacting feels scary - my ocd wants me to feel alone I guess. I also feel nervous that I over share and people will think I’m crazy. I really don’t want to post this.

I talked to my therapist abt Harm OCD thoughts but I don’t think she completely understands OCD and thought I enjoyed my thoughts. I tried to clarify but I’m scared she’s going to call someone and think I’m a bad person

So can someone clear this up for me? So basically my harm thoughts around about smothering someone with a pillow and it got to the point where I deliberately imagined smothering someone with a pillow and in that moment I got bad anxiety but the thought was so vivid like it felt like I knew what it felt like to do that and that when I imagined it I ‘liked the feeling of doing that’ I don’t know how I came to feeling like that but now I’m just believing all the time that I like the feeling of squashing someone with a pillow and stopping them from breathing and it feels so real. So today I was alone with my brother and I hadn’t really had any intrusive thoughts today I’ve been ignoring it and I made myself some food and I came to sit down (my bro was playing his guitar) and I went to sit down at the table and I thought nah I’m not comfortable so I went to sit on my couch and I noticed there was a pillow in front of me and then the unease starts kicking in, suddenly My mind is trying to imagine those thoughts about my brother and I haven’t let them come but it feels like I really want to think about it and I don’t know why, I keep thinking that if I imagine it, it’s going to again feel like I ‘like the feeling of doing that’ and I don’t know if the reason I’m trying to have the thoughts is because I’m trying to test myself or if I’m actually bad and like imagining doing that since when I do imagine it I get this mild anxious feeling and it feels like I have to think about or that I like the feeling of doing that and I don’t know what to do, ik worried what if I’m frustrated and the reason why when I imagine it it feels like ‘I like the feeling of doing that’ is because it gives me a relief doing that because it felt like an urge for so long and now I actually want to and like doing that? It’s really scary I don’t even know what to make of myself anymore, the thoughts are desperate to come in like my mind wants to imagine that, but i don’t know if it’s trying to test myself because I got uneasy as soon as I saw the pillow, but it really feels like I like the feeling of doing that and I want to and im worried I wish this would go

Has anyone found any supplements to be helpful for their OCD? I am on medication but I also take Zinc, Vitamin D and CBD oil. I have tried Magnesium and Ashwaghanda but didn't think they helped much.