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Is anybody scared of being depressed or becoming depressed… and think about scenarios that will make you depressed?

Anyone currently rocking with a raging obsession around psychosis/ schizophrenia? It’s been ridiculous. I’m constantly checking to make sure what I’m sensing is real. It’s gotten out of hand. Just curious if anyone can relate!

(I’m sorry this is so long, bare with me) So I (30 years old) have dealt with constant infections and OCD, anxiety, and tic coughs/ gagging for as long as I can remember (preschool). More recently, I have had Covid twice.. Once in may of 2022, and in October of 2022. Since my 2nd time having it, I have been in an absolute spiral of infection (sinus, chest, and kidney), and worsening OCD, even though I am doing some constant heavy duty therapy, that has historically worked for me.. before getting Covid the first time I was making more progress than ever before and was finally starting to feel in control, after the first time it came to a halt, then after the second time, I began spiraling, where my ocd feels uncontrollable. It feels like I’m playing wack a mole. I conquer one thing and ten other pop up. I’m incredibly frustrated and feel as though I’m losing myself, my personality, my intelligence… I feel like sometimes I struggle with finding words, and my balance. I get dizzy and sometimes feel numb and am constantly trembling. I feel like I am deteriorating, even though I’m trying to do everything I can. It is sometimes insufferable and I am afraid. My therapist has recently suggested I see a neurologist/ specialist for a PANS/PANDAS evaluation. When I looked up the symptoms I cried tears of joy and fear. Almost all of my symptoms align with PANS/PANDAS, and would make soo much sense of my childhood illnesses, however reading things about “cognitive damage” are scaring me. I was wondering if anyone on here has similar experiences with COVID or PANS/ PANDAS, and if so, what has helped and what hasn’t? Has anyone who has had or heard of any experience like mine? Have you regained your control after this? I’m sorry if this is so nonsensical, like I said, multiple infections, and on some wicked antibiotics at the moment.

i have thoughts about incest, specifically from trauma, and i love my boyfriend and we are intimate. 99 percent of the time when i have intrusive thoughts during sex im able to move past them, but yesterday, my mother ended up texting me during it (TMI i know lol), which stressed me out, which caused more intrusive thoughts PLUS groinal responses, then she decided to go into the kitchen that’s RIGHT outside my room, causing more thoughts and feelings, while this was happening me and my bf were intimate in the moment and it felt as if the thoughts and feelings helped me finish, i was trying so hard NOT to think about them that i sortve thought about them on purpose???? it’s weird to explain… i told my bf about it since he knows about my ocd and he suggested we could take a break if it ever got that bad again, but it’s making me question myself and my morals i guess like now i feel like i really enjoy those thoughts and im just making excuses for myself. i feel so horrible and this is so haunting to me my ocd therapist doesn’t even know how to do erp for this according to her and i just feel so stuck

hi all i have been prescribed fluvoxamine for the past 3 months now with no significant relief if intrusive thoughts. my psychiatrist wants to put me on lamictal (lamotrigine) because she thinks i could have BPD presenting as OCD. the lindsay clancy case has been freaking me out and she was on that medication so now i'm scared to start it what do i do i'm so conflicted :(((

Does anyone struggle with feeling like when something good happens in your life, or your excited about an accomplishment that you feel undeserving of it? You feel excited or happy about something then the intrusive thoughts come back saying "no you aren't a good person so you don't deserve to feel good" almost? I am really struggling with this bc once it sets in, it prevents me from moving forward and continuing the thing that was making me happy bc I don't truly believe I deserve good things. Any helpful tips to come out of this? I'm working with positive affirmations reminding myself "you are a good person with a loving heart" but it's like I'm lying to myself when I say them.

Hey, I have a lot of environmental stressors right now that are out of my control. They’re all throughout this upcoming month and a half. My ocd is getting very bad very quickly and I can’t afford for it to derail my erp and life progress. I’m also very depressed and anxious because of everything. I’m not really sure what to ask for, but any support is very welcome right now.

Withholding, not sharing, not speaking up. All compulsions. Here are some of the What if’s that sort of bombard me so quickly that I fear I’m becoming paranoid and the compulsion is not to share because I’ve been afraid to share: What if I’m a pedaphile with OCD? Or what if I misjudge someone’s age and I do something wrong with them? What if I already did this and didn’t know it? What if my subconscious just suppressed it? What if I’m really this person who committed (insert name of specific crime they are talking about on the new) but I don’t remember? Would it be fair to lock me up? And what if because I am thinking that, it proves that I’m actually a criminal? And what if I share things with my therapist and they see it as proof that I have a much worse disease and they want me locked up? What if I don’t do compulsions and someone dies because of it? What if I don’t do compulsions and play into satins hand? What if fear of playing into satin’s hands just proves my insanity? What if things aren’t fair at all at anytime and that leads to me failing in life? What if everyone can just see how anxious I am and think I am behaving in an insane manor? What if my behaviors make people think Im incompetent? What if people mis understand me and think that I am saying something horrible? What if I’m not clear enough in my speech? What if all these what if’s bombarding my brain in rapid succession just proves that I have a worse disease?

I was beating myself up over how much I’ve let my OCD take the steering wheel recently. I was going to post a long ranting post about how bad I am at this, asking why I’m so bad at ERP or living an ERP lifestyle. I know when stress piles up that OCD is stronger and that winter is harder because I find myself spending more time alone indoors. But then I started reading some posts on here and I as I was answering them I realized that there are so many other people struggling with the same thing. And I wouldn’t respond to them the way I respond to myself. Maybe I need to take my own advice and give myself a break. My OCD of course chimes in that this could become a compulsion and maybe it will… maybe it already has…. Maybe this whole post is a step backwards in my recovery. Maybe recovery will lead to terrible horrible things like someone will read this and say… wow that’s the person who is truly dangerous, that the person who did some terrible thing like raped someone without knowing it, or ran them over with out knowing it, or caused someone harm without knowing it, or who forgot all the insane things that she did without knowing it, or maybe I will be falsely accused of things or maybe I will be rightfully accused of things but be too insane to see how rightful it is…. Maybe all this just proves I have a different diagnosis like… schizophrenia or maybe just typing this all out will just make me a psychopath or sociopath. Maybe my suspicion of such things will just be seen as a ruse to through people off of the fact that I’m a hardened criminal who is also a sociopath. Maybe Im too focused on the consequences then on how it would effect others. Maybe that means I don’t have OCD at all, maybe that means I lack empathy and don’t care about people’s feelings and only care about myself. Maybe… Maybe not. But what I am sure of, is that I’m suffering. And that suffering doesn’t stop when I sit for hours searching my memory to try and determine if I’ve done something or not. So, if I’m a crazy sociopath who has hurt people or is about to hurt people and be locked up for life, then it is what it is. There is nothing I can do about that. And if these words are used against me for some false or real accusation in the future. So be it. But I wont be held hostage to an illusive possibility. Because I never find the truth that way. I just find more possibilities, more fears, more confusion, more doubt. Maybe in posting this I’m doing ERP. Maybe I’m just confessing? My thoughts may twist it that way. There is no way of knowing until I hit share.

I stopped thinking about this but I started again recently, before it just felt like ‘urges’ but I deliberately imagined doing that intrusive thought and I don’t know why it felt like I liked the feeling of doing that action in the thought, (it’s about smothering someone with a pillow) but sometimes I think of the thoughts and I get an instant shock of anxiety and my head/face flinches and that tells me I don’t like it but at the same time sometimes it feels like I like the feeling of squashing someone with a pillow and it’s really scary. I had a break down crying twice today I couldn’t take it anymore everyday it’s the same garbage. Me deliberately imagining the thoughts to check if I like the feeling of doing that and if I don’t get anxiety or a shock kind of feeling And it feels like I do like it I feel uncomfortable and have to keep thinking it until it doesn’t feel like that please help me, I don’t know how to explain this but it feels really real. Before I was worried the ‘urges would cause me to act but now the urges combined with the vividness of the thought and the feelings of ‘you like the feeling of doing that’ is torturing me I just wanted a normal life please I don’t want this to be my fate, What if I was normal but after thinking and imagining doing that in to much detail now I like the feeling of doing that through imagining it please help me. Sometimes I think maybe I’ve confused the urges with it meaning that ‘I like the feeling of doing that’ so every time it feels like an urge I’m taking it as ‘I like the feeling od doing that’ please help me none of the other intrusive thoughts have felt like this it’s only the smothering ones and it’s awful please help

Recently, a number of false, misleading and extremely harmful articles about OCD and the OCD community have come to our attention, including one particularly offensive piece in the New York Post. Make no mistake: any statement or article that suggests a connection between OCD and harmful or violent behavior, beliefs, or attitudes is false, unsupported by evidence, and rooted in misinformation and stigma about OCD. At NOCD, we know how damaging and distressing articles like these can be, as many people with OCD are consumed with fear about harming others. We want to be clear: all attempts to characterize people with OCD as dangerous are completely unfounded and unsupported by evidence. If you notice that published misinformation about OCD is distressing or triggering, remember that obsessions and distressing thoughts do not mean anything about you, your values, or your beliefs. You are able to live life true to your values. Read our full response to recent articles making false claims about OCD based in bigotry, stereotypes, and flawed, unvalidated research.

Hello! I’m new and feel pretty alone in my everyday life having OCD. No one else around me has it and they roll their eyes at any of my compulsions. If you’re comfortable with this — leave one of your compulsions in the comments? I’m just trying to find a new normal :) I’ll go first… I hate the bottom and top stair of every staircase. I refuse to touch them and if I do, I have to hold my breath for a certain amount of time to get the feeling to go away. 😂 I know it’s silly but that’s what OCD is, right?

I'm kind of embarrassed to write about this topic here on this app. But I thought maybe some people have a piece of advice for me. I have rocd and am on a holiday with my bf currently. It's going pretty well, and I'm proud of myself for having a good time and resisting urges. However there is still one topic that is really bad which is our sex life. My rumination is really focused on this topic, especially during holidays. I had bad experiences in the past with sex, I also had a relationship that basically was just about sex (good one) and I think it kind of morphed my perspective on this topic. I always feel a lot of pressure that me and my bf have to do it, even if I don't want it. He would never force me or want me to force myself. But I feel like it's almost a rule that I need to have sex a amount of certain times a week so that we are a good couple and that we constantly need to want each other. I also have very high expectations how everything should go, there is almost a checklist in my head and because of that I feel very tense sometimes and can't enjoy it really. Afterwards I feel crappy and have anxiety. Then I start with rituals like checking, constant rumination about what ifs. What if we are not compatible? What if he is just bad in bed and I'm lying to myself? What if something is wrong with me and my libido? What if this means we are a bad couple or will break up? While I'm typing this it sounds like typical OCD behaviour. My OCD also focuses a lot on his physical flaws during these "episodes" and I also compare him with my ex whom I had great sex with (but a very toxic relationship). I am ashamed for that. I feel like I'm a bit in a trap with this topic. How can I deal with this? I thought I probably just have to stop ruminating and expose myself. But it's hard with sex because I don't want to force myself but I also don't want to avoid. I talked about this openly with my bf, he is super supportive and he also told me that we will figure it out.

You yourself can be your biggest critic - remember that you're going through something immensely difficult, and try not to be not too hard on yourself throughout it. I had to be more intentional, and had to practice being kinder to myself - giving myself credit when I tried, and giving myself a break if I felt defeated, or took any steps backwards. Be kind to yourself!

I kept overthinking because of my ROCD and ruined things. I need some advice. I broke up with my bf and downloaded hinge immediately because I hate the feeling of being alone (red flag I know) but I didn’t plan on using anyone. I just wanted to find something real and my soulmate. This is the second time I’ve broken up with the same guy and done this and then regretted it immediately. I feel like there’s something incredibly wrong with me and it feels like I cheated. Because even though I broke up I still wanted to be with him and if he said he’ll change I’d go back. I feel like that’s really emotionally manipulative of me. The first time we broke up is because we kept arguing for the past month and a half and he was being mean, insulting & controlling. We made up and he promised to change. This time it’s over something stupid. I wanted him to be more of the romantic type & someone who does special things like plans dates and buys flowers. I thought he didn’t want to do anything for valentine’s day. It annoyed me because we’d argued over this before that I want someone who cares to make me feel special (because I want to do the same for him too). I also hated that we don’t really have engaging conversations anymore and I do most of the talking and he just gives the driest responses. I feel like maybe it’s because he was busy with work and stressed but over time it feels like he’s talking less and less and doesn’t want to do anything anymore other than physical things. He only does things because I beg him to do some fun activity but it doesn’t feel like he WANTS to. The one time he got me flowers he complained about it the next day and said he’s just not the romantic type even though he was so different when we first started dating. I just feel like I am probably too demanding and have unrealistic expectations. It’s partly because I see all this stuff on social media about how men should treat women and I have relationship OCD which makes my overthinking insane. And then when I get upset I react so impulsively and get so emotional so I say I want to break up and in the moment I mean it but then regret it later on. I know we aren’t right for each other and I wasn’t super happy for the past month and a half with our relationship, but he was my best friend and I’m finding it extremely hard to let go. I hate myself for messing things up and talking to other guys on hinge immediately after breaking up - twice. I hate that I need attention so badly. I just wish he could be the person I first met. I know he loves me and I wish that could be enough for me. I need some advice on what to do? Would it make me incredibly awful if I got back with him. I know I need therapy. But how do I stop being so emotional and impulsive? And the thing is even though I want him back, I am still taking to people on hinge because I miss the attention and having someone to talk to.. I don’t know if I’ve already ruined thing and it’s too late to go back and fix it.

I’ve been on Paxil for a year never had anxiety or my one intrusive thought that made me so anxious and stuck , after seeing the Lindsey case I’ve been horrible my doctors upped my Paxil to 40mg still having my one intrusive thought stuck !! Anyone have any ocd medication that really helped them thinking of switching !

In uni i had close make friends and two months into meeting my now boyfriend (whilst we were getting to know eachothers - at this point we chilled a but but we didn’t explicitly say if we even liked eachother) i sent a pic of me in my new silky pjs to him to impress him😂 it wasn’t revealing it was a shirt and shorts but i was feeling myself My brain is telling me i sent it to other male friends too to get their attention I think this behaviour is disgusting and i would never do that in a relationship but i feel like i have to tell him that i did this 3 years ago because i guess something was potentially blossoming😭 Also im remembering inappropriate jokes i had with male friends in the past which i just didnt see as bad but i wouldnt joke with them anymore😭😭😭

I keep getting intrusive thoughts of children doing explicit things and then I when I try to calm myself down by cringing to the thought, I get intrusive thoughts of the word “boyfriend” and it makes me think I’m using the intrusive HOCD thoughts as reassurance when I dont ever want to ever be homosexual or bisexual at all… I calm down when I vomit and gag after trying to see my reaction to triggering HOCD thoughts…

Sexual theme ocd sucks. I’m 15. So. When my ocd first started back in 2022 near July. This was about 4-5 months into dating my current gf. So my ocd first started because of a false memory saying “what if I ever did something very bad that hurt someone as a kid.” And this carried on for months and months. Anyway in the middle of dealing with that obsession. My gf insisted she NEEDED to know what the thought wasn’t. So she listed some things. And she listed the theme or topic that my false memory was about. And I didn’t respond for a min and she said “that’s scaring me” and I lied and I said “no my ocd isnt about that topic or theme” and we haven’t talked about that obsession since. Since that point. Ever since I lied. I feel guilty. Every single week. Guilt comes over me. I feel like a horrible person and I don’t know what to do. Do I just carry on? I was so scared and she wouldn’t have understood it’s JUST ocd. She wouldn’t have understood and she would have treated me different. And I was terrified because she didn’t understand ocd well so I lied. I’ve told my bestfriend about what the false memory was about. And for months he even tried to convince me that it is a false memo ry. But no matter what I would always say “but what if..” he knows I lied to my gf about the false thought and he just said it’s okay, i was scared and I lied. And a thought is just a thought. I even asked the PERSON that my false memory was about if I ever hurt them or did anything bad ever when I was a kid. And over 5 times they promised me of course I never hurt them or anything. I don’t know what to do I don’t want to tell my gf the false thought that I had so long ago. But I lied so I don’t know if it’s NEEDED to tell her. I don’t know if keeping it from her is bad or not. Do I just move forward and be happy in my relationship. I feel like I don’t deserve this happiness nor love because of the lie I’ve said. I feel like if she knew she’d stop loving me. Or breakup. Or anything. And I don’t know if it’s so wrong that I lied and that I’m keeping this from her. Please someone tell me I’m okay. Please someone tell me if I deserve to stay in this relationship. Or if I should just tell her I lied and accept anything that comes. Sometimes I feel like I should breakup because I lied and I don’t want to cause her pain. I’m f*cking struggling I really need help

I’ve never felt like this with HOCD it feels so real like I’m actually in denial and am fighting it. I genueinly feel attracted to men but I defiantly feel attracted to women, Mabye I’ve discovered I’m bi or something. I spend most my days anxious scared and depressed now and don’t know what to do. I keep having thoughts about falling in love with men and dating them and feeling attracted to them. I never thought before that I was but it feels real now, I don’t know what to do. I really don’t want to feel like this I really don’t. I would do anything to not be it. I don’t have anything against the LGBT community. But it’s not what I expected from life or what I wanted to be. I think I’m in denial and don’t know what to do anymore