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I don’t like the ERP for Harm OCD because I feel like I’m careless purposely to prove something to myself like I feel like I genuinely try to do something. Has anyone else felt this way?

So, i just seen a post talking about why logic doesnt work? But really why doesnt it? why cant i just say hey thats not true that doesnt even work? is this just another effect of ocd? The inability to understand the true logic behind it so it can hind the fear?

One thought that suddenly came to me was ‘stop trying to find peace in violence’ it’s become a regular habit of mine to ‘test myself’ on intrusive thoughts, which entails me deliberately imagining and intrusive thought that bothers me to see how I respond and how anxious I will get over it. It’s become a very bad habit to the point that everyday I am ‘testing myself’ I am hoping that by imagining the thought I will get a disgusted feeling or start feeling anxious to prove that I ‘Don’t like that thought’ except I ran into a problem where sometimes I get anxious and feel ‘disgust’ over the thought but a lot of them times when I deliberately imagine the thought it felt super real and worse and even to the point where I would have the thought and it felt like ‘I liked the feeling of imagining doing that action’ in that horrible intrusive thought which made me get into such a bad state of worry. But I jsut thought to myself ‘why are you trying to find peace in violence?’ How is imagining something violent or something horrible going to give you peace? I was under the illusion that ‘testing myself’ will make me feel better because it will let me know I don’t like the thought but it backfired and made me feel even worse. Because it’s absurd to think for a moment that imagining something so awful could bring you ‘peace’. If you want to feel peaceful are you going to watch a violent film? No. You are going to watch something light hearted, like a romance or comedy or something. There is no peace to be found in something violent. So if you are struggling with ‘testing yourself’ you need to know that it will never give you peace, your brain will always come up with something new or doubt your feelings or not believe the evidence because that’s the nature of this problem, to DOUBT. Obviously easier said than done though, it’s been a habit for months now, the worst part of it is, before I knew I hated the thoughts because as soon as they would come I would hate it but since ‘testing myself’ it made me get use to thinking of the thoughts and now I can bring on the thoughts no problem and not get anxious but then the fact I don’t get anxious makes me worry and stress even more. Dwelling on intrusive thoughts or deliberately imagining scenarios where your acting on these horrible thoughts is not going to help you, it’s just feeding the obsession and making your fears worse, it will never bring you peace of mind, so stop trying to look for answers/peace in violent thoughts because you will never find it. I don’t know what ever gave me the impression that deliberately imagining my intrusive thoughts in so much detail would make me suddenly think ‘oh yes I definitely hate that’ I can move on with my day peacefully now’ because that’s not the case, at least for me it just made it ten times worse the questioning became worse, I started focusing all my energy on how I feel and whether I hate the thoughts or not and it became an everyday thing

For anyone who has recovered or found ERP helpful, can you please share your best tips pr words of encouragement for doing the hard work of leaning into uncertainty? So many of us on here, myself included, are really struggling to accept uncertainty and not seek or give ourselves reassurance. It's really fucking hard not to, especially when our OCD is demanding that we find answers, resolve our worries, and get rid of the anxiety. I feel like hearing even just a few words of encouragement from those who have done the hard work could be so helpful for those of us who want freedom from OCD but are so afraid to give up our compulsions.

Hey All, I’ve suffered from contamination OCD for almost 10 years. It ranged from fears and unwanted thoughts about getting a basic flu to contracting something life threatening by engaging in everyday activities. I’ve been so excited about the progress I’ve made over the last year, and have been getting more time back in my life, and have been just generally more happy and peaceful. However, on Sunday, I was taking my dog for a walk on trails that I frequent in the neighborhood. I love them because they’re not traveled much and if they are, it’s local folks. Anyway, while I was on the walk, I tried to get out of my comfort zone and not go on my “approved route.” So, I went for a longer walk. My dog and I jumped over a little snow bank to cross the path and stepped over a condom on the ground. I have no idea if it was used or not (it wasn’t unrolled so hoping and preying it was not). However, I freaked out and had to experience unmanageable discomfort and pain, frankly. I bathed my dog after, wiped the floors quickly, showered myself, washed all the clothes I was wearing and have not touched the boots I was wearing on the hike. I’m struggling petting, or even basic interactions with my dog now, who I love so freaking much. It’s tearing me apart. I was to sit and let the anxiety in, but I haven’t experienced a scenario of this magnitude before and I’m really struggling moving on. I try and think: what would a normal person have done or do? I can’t reconcile my behaviors as extreme, and frankly, maybe I should have done more which is now causing the uncertainty and discomfort. Anyway, wanted to share. I know we’re not supposed to do this but I just want to know that everything is okay and I just want to move on but I’m stuck. OCD remains my greatest challenge and I will never give up fighting it but the likes of normal and ocd behavior have been blurred for so long I’m struggling with how to respond. Matt

Anybody scared or worried about becoming depressed? ?

I’ve been feeling on edge since I woke up, last night my mum was sleeping and I was deliberately having the thoughts (testing myself) and my head was flinching when having the thoughts and it felt like I didn’t want to do that, but other times it feels like I do want to do that or like the feeling of imagining doing that (the thoughts are about smothering) but now all day I’ve been down because I feel uneasy and on edge and still worried I like the feeling of doing that, and also feeling guilty and like I’m evil because I’m as having the thought while my mum was asleep and I even turned on the light to look at her and try to imagine the thought because I’m testing myself and now I’m thinking oh my god why was I doing that and say if I actually did do that in that moment and I’m worried 😞😞 I started crying after I done those test thoughts but still don’t believe I’m good or not evil 😞

Logic and OCD - It feels like if we could just convince our brain, "this isn't logical", then we should be able to get over the obsession, right? Unfortunately, this isn't the case. I know for me, I ended up giving myself constant reassurance prior to ERP therapy but telling myself, "but that isn't logical" or "but logically, this person is proving they care" or "but I liked someone who looked similar, so of course logically I am attracted to my boyfriend" Yet, time and time again I would come back to the same questions, obsessions, and compulsions. Do you find yourself trying to logic your way out of OCD? What did you think of this video? I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments!

I have contamination OCD, and have had it for years but the past year I felt I was really making progress with it, being much more fearless and confronting and doing the things I feared. However, a lot of stuff has happened in my personal life recently, which has triggered my anxiety and OCD to get MUCH worse. Some of it is specific to the OCD itself with some comments being made about how I don't try to get better from people who do not even understand OCD, when everyday I work so hard on exposure therapy. People close to me have also been telling me more about liquids and fluids that they have spread around the house when I have asked them not to because it makes me more anxious and makes my OCD more difficult to confront. I'm writing this because I was so proud of the progress I had made, and now I feel I'm back to square one. I just tried to have a shower, and ended up crying and nearly throwing up because I was so anxious, I used so much soap and was anxious getting out and getting dressed. I'm really disappointed in the reversion because the last time I felt that anxious was a year ago before I started trying to get better. What am I supposed to do when the people in my life do things that hurt me and raise my anxiety levels? I've thrown all my progress away because of their hurtful actions.

I’ve washed my hands until I had contact dermatitis before and my hands bled. I’m on top of that now. I was with only water unless they are really dirty then I use soap. My brain keeps on telling me that this isn’t enough and it is dirty. Can someone give me a bit of common sense please so I can avoid scaly hands

Why does my ocd seem to be geared towards my older son? He’s a great son, ect, love him With my life, why does it seem I think stuff about him the most, and he’s named after me, I don’t get it?

How can I sit with this if it’s this real!? I don’t know what to do anymore!!!… I believe I am only with him for bad reasons…

I’m looking for some encouragement. How many of you have actually gotten better with your OCD treatment? I feel like all I’m doing is switching from one theme to another and not actually going forward. The new themes are sometimes scarier because they’re “new” and there’s more uncertainty… at least with the old ones I knew how to respond and what that looked like for me.

it was quiet for a second and my mind was like it’s quiet cause you want all of these thoughts to happen. i didn’t get anxious like i usually do and it made me worried that this isn’t OCD and this is all me. now my mind keeps going back on this and i genuinely hate it cause the anxiety i used to get when this all first happened is not the same rn and it makes me even more worried that it’s not like that anymore cause i want these things to happen. i hate that this is all happening and i feel completely out of it. i feel like out of body and all stuck in my head and it sucks completely. i keep getting spike of anxiety and that is scary. does anyone else feel this way or knows what i’m talking about? i feel like this is just me and no one else gets this way and that is also very scary.

Pls help me someone🙏🏻i know this is a long post i just need some advice…A guy i have been in a situationship for the past 10 months asked for time and soace and i cant help but think if he is Bored with me lying to me sometimes i get thoughts like he is guy who is fickle minded will leave me and just say i told you so and then i think should i listen to this and let go or listen to the hope of him coming back but do they ever? We were never in a relationship the situation was messy now what? If we dont see each other again or come back we will be done for good i dont want to put these negative energy out in the universe but i cant help these thoughts what is the guarantee that all of this wont happen with so much misunderstanding and miscommunication will we ever work out its become so platonic will we feel stuff cause to begin with we were never emotionally vulnerable with each other now will we?? If no one texts no one calls in this duration of space then what going back to being strangers but seeing each other in class and having it hard is that one reason i don’t want it to end cause i cant see him in class like that and he can or might be okay with it cause he is over this? Or is he? He isn’t sure about me he know that and has told me but doesn’t want this to end and I don’t too i am holding on taking this risk without any guarantee am i doing the right thing? Will it be in my favour and if not then what ? And why am i not okay with it not being in my favour why am i so scared. If no contact doesn’t affect him? Continues like this i need the fear of him not coming back to go away only then can i make peace with the situation at hand Because he can romantically involve and wants to be friends what if that is what remains just being friends.. and no feelings ??what if we get bored of each other the feelings? I dont want to force myself I dont want it to be fast but 2 months later if i ask this question if do you want this to work and he just says no i will regret everything what do i do? Will i have to say goodbye even when i don’t want to? Is that what god is teaching me? He earlier was but he isn’t now am I expecting from the wrong person i read an article that said take him for his word and here are 2 sides to it i could believe when he says he will come back to me or i could believe when he says i am not sure a lot can happen in 2 months.. how is he so okay with letting me go? And i want this to work and i just dont want to let go… pls help me someone Should i know my worth and walk away but i want this to work and i want to stay but the only way it can is for me to do my own thing and not worry a lot of relationships similar to this haven’t worked out but why am i hoping for this to be different. We think of the best but so many things haven’t worked out? So many relationships and also comparing old to new specifically the conversations what to do? I can chose to hope for the best but there are so many ways things can go wrong..pls pls help me🙏🏻

This week has been a torment for me, since college started again for me and my boyfriend we've been both back into routine which is pretty normal, but one of his flaws is being bad at replying my texts at time (I assume it's because he's actually busy) but since I have terrible relationship anxiety I've been constantly asking for reassurance and immediately regret it because I feel like a burden to him, I feel so ashamed and it actually flamed my anxiety even more because now I think he's going to break up with me because of my mental illnesses even though he says he loves me very much. I'm obsessing over it and I can't even sleep.

Does anyone else struggle with this! Everytime i confess to my boyfriend, i always overthink what i said when i confessed and ruminate over and over. i then realized that i might have lied about something and then feel the need to confess again. for example, i freaked out because one of my old coworkers texted me, and i was scared that i got excited when i was texting him or that i still had feelings for him. so, i confessed to my boyfriend, told him everything, and said that i can’t remember if i still liked him or if i just thought he was attractive still. i then went on to say that i was having a hard time remembering everything that i thought at the time. BUT NOW i’m afraid because i might have said that “everything” was hard to remember, which would be false if i knew i thought he was attractive at the time, and i can’t remember if i did or not or what i said. i’m just scared i lied to him. i feel like i did find him attractive still and i feel like i lied to him.

was having a good time with my cat, i love her so much, then got a “memory” that i touched her inappropriately…. then it went from that to me having her touch me inappropriately. i started freaking out and told my bf about it and started to confess that the only thing i did was have time to myself while she was in the room and he stopped me because he knows confessing is a compulsion and i started crying and i feel so defeated i love my cat so much i never thought about this what if or false memory before and it feels so real :(( I want to just sleep forever

My girlfriend and I spent the weekend together. We’ve been together about 1.5 years and have been long distance for the entire relationship. I’ve been diagnosed with OCD and the ROCD developed about 4 months in. I should note this is the healthiest, safest, and on paper, best relationship I’ve been in. This weekend, she shared with me that she just feels really distant and I haven’t been giving her what she needs — and honestly, I fully agree. Most times I’m hesitant to initiate anything since I’m so wrapped up in my own head and questioning everything. The problem is, now that she’s said that and I’ve been feeling that, in my mind that just confirms we shouldn’t be together. And now I just feel absolutely terrible.. I potentially will have an opportunity to move to her city for a job and I’m just questioning everything. I’m not happy but I’m not sure if it’s due to the ROCD or the relationship itself. Anyone else?? Help! Also, I’m on 100mg Zoloft coupled with Gabapentin and just not sure if it’s helping.

I don’t think anyone will ever understand what it feels like to think about death 24/7 for so long, it’s been a year now, 2022 was not the one. It was almost every minute of the day for a whole year. Almost as if you were watching a horror movie that really scared you except you can’t turn it off and go back to reality/your normal day, you constantly have to watch that movie and can’t click off it. For me this was the heafty price to pay for watching documentaries about evil people. I don’t even like the word ‘serial k’ I don’t like saying it or writing it. It almost feels like your in a war zone in your mind on the front lines especially if the intrusive thoughts are gory, absolutely awful, like I’ve witnessed people dying in front of me thousands of times over and over and the worst part is in the intrusive thoughts you are the culprit, you are the person being evil, this problem is like a curse, would not wish it on anyone, I really hope anyone with this problem who is suffering can be healed from this, it’s so unfair