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Oh man, therapy is insanely expensive, and on top of that… almost impossible to find someone. How would I go about getting back into services? I feel i never have given 100% to treatment and I think I’m finally at that point to do so. Any help helps! Thank you ocd fam

my boyfriend and i have been dating for a little over a year now. we were friends for a while before we started dating and he always wanted to date me, but i kept saying no because there were certain things about him that i didn’t necessarily want in a partner (ex: he isn’t a strong christian, i am, he smoked weed occasionally and drank a lot, i don’t, etc). as the months went on i realized how strong my feelings for him actually were, and he stopped smoking and started going to church more. another thing to mention (and i know it’s stupid) is that he’s shorter than me, which was a huge turnoff for me at the beginning, but i got over it. we still do have a lot of bumps in the road, but we work through them. but recently, my OCD has latched on to my relationship and i’m having so many doubts. do i actually love him? am i settling? do i find him attractive? is he ugly? do other people think it’s weird that i’m dating him bc he’s shorter than me? do i actually like him for him? does he make me the best version of myself? etc. and while some of these thoughts are valid things to be thinking about, i feel in a way they are almost coming out of nowhere and it’s making my anxiety SO bad and makes me feel anxious when we’re together and like even when i say things like “i love you” my brain starts freaking out and makes me feel guilty. does this sound like ROCD or just not the right relationship for me? this is my first relationship, so i have no idea if this is how i should be feeling and i’m so anxious about it all

Tw: sa For those who don’t know what cocsa is it’s child on child sexual abuse. My cousin who was 4 years older then me sa’d me continually until he was an adult. These memories taint and confuse others especially because he disguised his play as abuse. So it’s like nowadays thinking back to when I was playing with other kids, was any of it sexual like it was with him? Obviously I didn’t know it was with him until I got older and he admitted that shit. He told me straight up that he did it on purpose. There were also times where he didn’t even bother to disguise it.. These are the thoughts that consume me. Worried that I sa’d or was sa’d by a family member or friend. God admitting this is scary because I feel most people would fucking hate me. I don’t wanna be a bad person. I feel disgusting in all aspects and I hate being in my mind and body.

Does anyone else here take a high dosage of Zoloft/Sertraline? I’ve been taking it for 9 years and have been at 350mg for a little over a year now. It feels really excessive, but when I’ve tried weaning off of it my obsessive compulsions intensify almost immediately. Just curious.

So I saw my NOCD therapist for 9 months and we made SO much progress. Just loved her to pieces. She really helped me out and taught me so much, I miss her terribly. I started with my new therapist and we’ve met twice. My OCD is focused on my insecurity of being married and not wanting to have kids. I told my new therapist today that if I got divorced, I don’t think my OCD would be so latched onto it (since I wouldn’t be married or engaging in sex etc.) Anyway, after I said that she said she wasn’t sure it was OCD because OCD isn’t usually dependent on a circumstance. Does anyone get where I’m coming from? Just kinda confused now.

I've been struggling with this theme for almost a year and it's been hell. I was at my lowest and even considered suicide. It all felt so real and I felt like a monster. I had no clue what to do and honestly felt I was losing my mind, my innocence, and any chance of feeling normal and confident again. I remember finding out this was OCD and learned about different themes. This was P-OCD. Then everything clicked. My abnormal fear problems in my early life made so much sense. Even though I knew it was OCD, I wished it was a different theme. Anything but this, literally any theme but this. I never thought I would recover, but I am. These past couple of days I have been doing really well. I still have my moments where I feel the panic creeping in or recognize I just gave into some mental reassurance. But this is the most hope I've had in a long time. For those of us struggling with this theme in particular I promise it does get better. I know it feels like you've thought the unforgivable and your mind will never be the same. But is that such a bad thing to not be the same? I don't want to be the same, I want to be stronger than how I went into this. More knowledgeable, empathetic, and resilient. I want to let all of you know who struggle with this type of obsession that this in fact can get better! Please leave your P-OCD or sexual related OCD recovery stories in the comments along with any other helpful strategies (not reassurance) you've used to combat this. You are going to make it. It wants to kill you and wants you to push the button, you don't owe it that. You are worth so much more than what your brain is giving you, and if you need that reminder we are all here to remind you. ☀️

Anyone wanna talk about dealing with OCD, uncertainty, and anxiety after a breakup? Mine is specifically LGBT+ but all discussion is welcome! The last couple of months my OCD has been getting somewhat intense at some points during the day. I have already received treatment/therapy for OCD and I don't consider this most recent spike to be "bad". However, it's been causing me to dissociate a lot which interferes with me being connected to myself. Which, in turn, interferes with my connection with my partner, both emotionally and physically (sexually). I also have been struggling with not being able to regulate my emotions very well and I have a tendency to either shut her out when I'm overwhelmed, or just get upset and angry about everything, then I end up raising my voice. For 3 months, my partner has stuck by my side while I recognized these patterns and tried to figure out how to better cope with them and be better for her. A couple weeks ago, I decided I needed to go back to therapy. Not OCD treatment, just regular therapy. Just to overall better myself. 3 days ago, my partner wants to talk and, seemingly out of nowhere, tells me I can't work on myself if I'm in this relationship with her and that I need to let go and better myself as an individual. She then retracts her statement and says that it's not a "breakup", it's just a "pause" on us. And that she would ideally like to rebuild, but she doesn't have a plan or a timeline for when that would happen right now. We haven't talked in 3 days now, and I've had so many obsessive thoughts and panic attacks. Paired with so many other horrible things. I am finally now starting to regulate my emotions and look at this "pause" from a neutral standpoint (i.e. not preparing for and expecting the worst, but also not staying super "positive" and manifesting the best.) I am trying to accept the uncertainty of our relationship and recognize that no matter how much I try to analyze and ruminate, I don't know her final decision yet. But now after 3 days, I'm starting to feel better in this position. And now my brain is constantly telling me that I'm feeling better so quickly because I don't love her and I don't want to be with her. Any thoughts or advice?

Hi everyone, I don’t have my first meeting with a therapist for a couple weeks and just need some advice. although i do not have an official diagnosis, i have definitely been struggling with SOOCD for about a month now and it’s tormenting me. Reflecting on my life i definitely have always struggled with anxiety and other themes (health, harm, etc.). About a month ago one of my female coworkers told me she had a crush on me and i didn’t think much of it, then i woke up a few days later and started getting intrusive thoughts about “what if i’m gay?” and “everyone thinks you’re gay, that’s why she has a crush on you?” and since then the thoughts have gotten much worse and frequent where they feel almost constant. They cause me tremendous distress and anxiety and it’s gotten to the point where i’ve been nauseous and fatigued for days. I even had a panic attack at work the other day which was very out of the blue for me. I have absolutely nothing against gay people at all, I’m just terrified that my thoughts are turning me gay and “what if i’ve been in denial all this time”, though i’ve been straight my whole life. I’m scared my therapist is just going to tell me i’m in denial, and i’m also scared that i am/will lose attraction to men which has never happened to me before. I recently stopped birth control pills after many years and my brain is now trying to convince me that i’ve turned gay because of my changing hormones. My life has been so miserable since this started and i want it to stop so bad, i wish i could just go back to how things used to be. No matter what i tell myself about these thoughts, i can’t seem to believe there isn’t truth to them. Any advice would be much appreciated, thank you!!

I feel like my OCD is at its worst, and maybe even depression. I can’t go to work, and I just sit in the same spot in my house all day so people outside can’t see me and judge me. All I do is eat, shower, and take baths. I cry, text my mom, and talk to my husband. I feel like my life is over. I want things to be the way they used to be, and they’re just not. But I can’t go back to the hospital. Then I have to be away from my home, and miss a vacation I’m supposed to go on next week. But will I even enjoy the vacation? I have no idea. I’m at a loss. I used to be a happy teacher with lots of hobbies and a social life. Now I can’t even bring myself to cook meals or read a book. I look at all the paintings and crochet I used to do, the photos of me traveling - how am I possibly the same human being?

OCD hit me 12 years ago when I was in college, but I had no idea what was happening. I thought I might have been going crazy. I felt so lost, and I eventually fell into a deep depression. If you can relate to this, know that you’re not alone - I get it, and I can also tell you that there’s hope. Once you have the tools to manage OCD, things can become so much better! For me personally, getting effective treatment helped me get my life back, and still helps me manage OCD every day. From there, I began to find myself again. I felt like Allison again. I could start doing the things I love again. If you knew in 4 months from now you wouldn’t be as bothered by OCD, what would you do first?

I have contamination issues and I now work at a grocery store. I got fired from my last job, at a hardware store, for being drunk thanks to lack of coping, and now I work here. When I was working there, it wasn't so bad because people mostly bought tools and lumber and hardware stuff. But now, I'm at my 3rd day here, haven't even been properly trained yet and I can tell this is going to be a nightmare. Its harder because people consume it. Not just produce either but boxes and stuff too. And people don't wash that nor do some people even wash the produce. They have hand sanitizer by the registers and I keep some on me at all times but I'm not sure how I am going to be able to work here. Theres also kids who come in with their parents to buy food and i have pocd too and i know thats gonna be a problem. It hasnt bothered me too much yet but i know its gonna make me uncomfortable. Todays my first day on the floor. I can't quit though. Anyone have any suggestions?

Any advice on this? It’s hard to stop doing

I have been struggling with ROCD and recently learned that my girlfriend has had a lot of casual sex and has slept with around 30 people in her past. I never did casual hookups and am now getting intrusive thoughts of her sleeping with all those different people and intense jealousy and disgust. I feel like my attraction to her is gone and I can’t imagine touching her again. I hate that I feel this way and wish it wasn’t the case but I’m not sure if I can get past it. I’m not religious and generally sex positive, it’s just not something I ever found attractive. Just wondering if anyone else has dealt with this and can these feelings go away with time?

Someone official asked my diagnosis today. I told him OCD but officially it is schizophrenia. They also said “but something normal right?” Lol. My diagnosis is sort of in the air atm but I wasn’t honest. My doctor thinks I have OCD and I have had almost every theme since childhood. Are white lies OK? I’m not sure I had to tell him anything tbf and he probably shouldn’t have been asking.

Something happened yesterday, my father made me angry cause he always talk negative. And i felt anger cause that day alot of things made me stressed. I woke up today and i still felt anger and through the day i felt it and now it makes me angry cause it gets worse and ocd is attacking too cause i have harm thought about people, negative thoughts about life and the world and thinking like a bad person about the world and i dont like it but i cant find the good thoughts... these feel like ist geniune, authentic...i talk with others and they say its normal when your angry but this is not cause i keep being angrier till i feel like crying. If ocd can be so bad that it mimics real feelings than this is that, i got over it and i still feel the anger towards my father, and it keeps being worse. I dont know how to react cause if i disregard to it and move on i feel like im pushing away the feeling, but if i try to let it be and work through it it gets into rummination and i get angrier and when i go to therapy they say its trauma and i have to accept that im angry towards my parents. I did that,.it still happens im still so angry, its not trauma. Its ocd

Can someone please help me understand why ERP therapists encourage OCD sufferers to not seek constant reassurance. Many times telling me to just ask once, when I tried ERP therapy, gives me even more agitation and anxiety than anything else. I have other mental health conditions that makes this request difficult. Please explain.

When i was suffering the most I found a YouTube channel called OCD recovery and the guy named Robert bray was talking about how he was the only one who could cure your OCD and that normal therapy don’t get you truly recovered. He’s not even licensed but I was desperate and their YouTube had free content. They talk about how you have to accept worst case scenarios and dispute irrational beliefs. And use REBT and ERP I think. Robert also sells 1 on 1 sessions. And Skype group calls. The Skype group call costed 25$ something like that so I bought it for their real event/ false memory OCD themed group call. They talked about that if you accept your self even if you did a bad thing you will get over this OCD. I think it worked for a while but it then came back. I think this acceptance thing was just another compulsion and didn’t actually help. I then got invited to a WhatsApp group with them. I was in that group for a long time and my OCD was so bad and was so depressed. I was gonna book a 1 on 1 session with him for over 100 $ and then I saw on Reddit that people was saying he is a “cult leader” and that you shouldn’t listen too him. I then took time off from his videos and group chat. I got real ERP therapy and I’m much better. I feel like I need to make a text in the WhatsApp group chat warning people who’s in it to get out but I’m scared cause Robert has my number through WhatsApp and I don’t want him to blackmail me or something. What should I do. Should I just block everyone and leave. I feel so bad for the people in the group. They are probably scared of getting real ERP as they have been thought that ERP is not enough to recover from OCD. I think this is such a horrible thing to happen to someone with OCD. It should be more known so that people don’t get drawn in to his trap. Can a NOCD specialist comment on this and speak up about this cause I’ve never seen any other professional talk about this topic/ Robert Bray. I think it’s so messed up that he targets desperate people with OCD. Please correct me if I’m wrong about Robert Bray and his YouTube channel.

I’m not sure if anyone has had this fear, but i’m worried that if i actually get better with erp and face my harm ocd that one day the thought of hurting others won’t scare me anymore. Has anyone else had this fear?

Serious trigger warning here for POCD and suicide. I have these thoughts, urges, and feelings that are terrifying. I don’t act on them and I believe I would never act on them but it feels so real and horrible. I don’t know how this started and I want to believe I am a good person but I’m just so scared that I’m going to do something terrible. And even just these thoughts scare me to my core and make me think, “oh what if I am a pedophile” even though I know I’m not, and I don’t know how to deal with them. When I can keep myself busy it gets easier to forget this stuff, but if I have downtime I can’t get it out of my head. I had a young girl, most likely middle school age, come into my work with her parents today and I was terrified of the idea that I could be attracted to her. I don’t believe I truly am but my thoughts get so aggressive that I don’t even know what to believe. I avoid a lot of things but sometimes you don’t have the option to avoid and it just gets things further stuck in my head and I end up fixating on awful things. I wake up with this stuff floating around my mind and I can’t get it to go away. I’ve even considered just ending it to all to make it easier on myself and to make sure that I never have the opportunity to act on these horrible thoughts and feelings. I don’t ever want to do these things and I know it may sound ridiculous, but the consequences of these actions I haven’t committed scare me as well such as people no longer trusting or loving me, prison, hurting someone else in any way, not being a good person, etc. I just can’t find anything that helps fix this. I have broken down many times due to this issue and I feel like it’ll never go away. I know killing my sled is not the answer and I know I will never act on any of this but the thoughts and feelings are so aggressive that I live in an almost constant state of fear of my own mind and body. I hate this. What did I do to deserve to suffer this way? Why me? Why can’t I just be a normal person with normal human thoughts and why of all forms of OCD did it’s have to be this one? I don’t know what to do. Someone please help me fix this before I lose hope.

I think since I suffer from ocd in several forms daily that maybe I could find possible her as well with the same type of behavior but is different issue that your typical ocd types but I am severally struggling with body repetitive disorder type or skin picking hair pulling it's no well heard of as far as I've seen in my research but it stems off of anxiety alot and is my imideiate response to self sooth or calm myself even when I'm unaware I've been doing and no I've always picked and been scolded constantly if I was caught as a kid it never even registered on my radar as like a thing or habit to me that I have actually been doing all my life .when I do e into a deep very dangerous iv drug addiction after going through some severe long term abuse I did the stereotypical tweaker picking thing that everyone assumes u must be doin if you have sores around your body.but it wasn't a frequent issue or habit.but after being clean and not being into picking at all for the last 4 yrs I randomly started doing it again but more regularly then spend way longer doing it hours and if alone when I'm doing that I've had two e now where I start to become delusional and my hypochondria jumps in and I start having thought that I think I'm seeing things like on my skin or hair and it escalates into paranoia to the point I think I might have a fungal or parasite causing the wierd flaws I'm seeing on my skin and I just desperately then want anything on me that looks out of the norm to me to be gone like I need to get rid of all the infection I think I might be seeing it sounds crazy now me typing it but I do have bipolar PTSD bpd ocd major depression and see a therapist but I don't feel like she knews how to help with that area of mental health or even ocd I have to find help I have already a couple's year ago was put in ICU and almost died from a picking area getting infected and I ended up with blood poisoning I can't put my body through that again my immune system has suffered since please help me I feel so alone and embarrassed.......thank u