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ROCD, depression and excessive guilt are consuming me

Does accepting the feelings such as anxiety and the discomforts is part of the recovery? I'm trying to work on this, to work on my ability to tolerate the discomfort even though it's so hard it feels like I want to escape my own body, my question is, can we human beings tolerate such discomfort? I know it sounds like a reassurance question but it's not, I want to know if I have the ability to tolerate discomfort no matter how hard it is in order to boost my confidence and head towards recovery.

Hi guys, I am struggling so much right now. I have had pretty constant panic anxiety the past week or so (and before that as well), in relation to leaving my husband. I love him but my body feels so exhausted from constantly feeling like someone is holding a gun to my head. I have had anxiety about various aspects connected to our relationship like intimacy, life choices etc. But this "high alert" anxiety feels different and I just feel so torn as to what to do. I wish I could figure out a way to be in this relationship without feeling so much anxiety inside. I feel like I "need to make a decision" and just "listen to myself" but I dont want to hurt him as that is such a big fear of mine. But I also dont want to continue to suffer from this anxiety. I feel like I made a decision to stay in the relationship and felt better for a week but then I felt triggered and am back in this stressed state. I dont see my compulsions besides I guess being stuck in this limbo mindset. Its hard to capture everything in one post but my anxiety is related to what I actually want with my life and that leaving my partner is what I actually want. I couldnt think of a better partner to have though which is why this all feels so distressing and catastrophic. At the same time being single and the freedom from triggers it would seemingly give me feels so tempting. This is so hard and I dont know what to do! Any advice?

I'm not sure if this needs a trigger warning but there are mentions of sexual intrusive thoughts, OCD surrounding Covid and I mention some compulsions I had to do. Idk if anyone relates to this, but I often have a hard time explaining what OCD is, and what my personal experience with OCD is to loved ones. Like last night for example, I was suffering really bad from (TW) sexual intrusive thoughts surrounding incest. I can explain and share this with people that also suffer from OCD, but even my closest friends who have known about my disorder and certain fears for years and years won't hear about this. So if I call them for help I usually just say something in the likes of: 'Oh yeah my OCD is just being a bitch.' or 'I'm just feeling anxious.' Even explaining how compulsions work and that I have to do them is shitty, I mean how do you explain that if I don't knock a certain way on my fucking desk that I will get a fucking cold or something (random example so that I don't trigger anyone). A couple of weeks ago (TW surrounding Covid) my dad got Covid and I was terrified that I might get it too. A close friend of mine that doesn't know a lot about OCD and how it works for me asked how I was doing and I told him honestly that I was afraid of getting Covid and how it was affecting my OCD. But, I didn't quite know how to explain it, I didn't know how to tell him that I slept with my cushions in a certain way, that I used the cups at work in a certain way and all that other OCD shit to not get Covid, knowing that that is not how the world works. I don't know if anyone relates to this, but if anyone does and wants to share their experience/tips about the having to explain OCD to loved ones (that are neurotypical or are neurodivergent but don't suffer from OCD or symptoms of OCD), please share.

I'm pretty elevated now as I recently learned one of my OCD fears is true. I worry about ocean contamination, particularly human feces being present, now after learning that several of the beaches are contaminated with enterococcus (a bacteria found in human & animal feces) on the island where I live. I never knew about this before this year as I receive water quality reports now from an NGO I'm following. When taking something out of my closet, I came across a beach lounge chair that I used at a beach last year that I recall had murky water. I started doing some digging on the internet and while some articles said that beach is highly contaminated, when I looked at the NGO's website with month by month published data, the contamination levels show they are low for most of the year. From July 2022- March 2023 the contamination level was only high in January and medium level in September 2022. All the other months show low contamination. The data doesn't go as far back as when I was at that beach, May 1, 2022, but it dates back at least to July and since the contamination level was low then I have some peace of mind. I still want to clean but not even sure what to do. I can't put a chair in the washing machine, obviously. I have Clorox Clinical spray, which is hospital level disinfectant and meant to be used on hard and soft surfaces so I'm thinking to spray the chair and whatever in the closet the chair touched. I don't know if this is really going to help since bacteria doesn't stay in 1 place. So if there was any contamination, the bacteria would have already traveled everywhere I took my chair, gone through my closet and even died. I have many of my clean clothes hung in the closet as well as my hamper with laundry. I can't practically go and wash all my clothes again and I think discarding things like the chair and my hamper would be super wasteful and cause me to feel guilty for being wasteful. The chair looks to be in perfectly fine condition and there are no major stains, no soiled marks whatsoever. So I feel discarding the chair would be wrong. I'm not sure what to do. I have a bottle of Clorox Clinical, hospital level disinfectant. I could spray it on the surfaces (chair, hamper, wall and other things the chair touched) and allow them to air dry as the instructions say. Or maybe I should do nothing. Maybe I have to accept there might have been enterococci, albeit a low, safe level according to the health department, on my belongings but that bacteria is long dead and gone. I guess beyond that I have to sit with the anxiety about contamination having been in my closet. I guess I can be somewhat reassured as the data shows low contamination at the questionable beach and that it's been 11 months since I went to this beach and never got sick, further reassuring a low contamination level. I'm really struggling, unsure what to do. I feel like these are my options: 1) accept the situation as is and just sit with the anxiety, accepting the possibility that enterococci was possibly on my belongings though unsure but rationally would be dead and gone by now, thus proving to not be a risk 2) try to do some cleaning with disinfectant although I feel it's futile from a rational perspective at this point since bacteria travels and doesn't stay on the same surfaces it first comes into contact with.

I won’t lie, my dental hygiene has definitely taken a big hit since I spiralled since last year. I’ve definitely improved since then but I haven’t been consistent enough to make a huge difference. It sucks as it’s difficult and often times it makes me feel really depressed about it. But knowing that I’ve made a difference even if it hasn’t shown enough has been consolatory in a way. I’ve still got a long way to go, but always wishing and hoping for the best.

Hi all I’m curious if anyone knows of a psychiatric medication for groinal responses? Mine have gotten so bad to the point where it feels like I get groinals to the exact opposite of my beliefs/morals/real personality/desires. Stuff that is so intensely disturbing but it’s like ocd or something is just in there pressing the gas pedal when all I want is brakes. Has anyone tried to seek out medication for this before and if so what did you find? Or is there any other way that helped you? I honestly feel like I’d be able to get over my ocd if it wasn’t for this.

Brothers and sisters, please keep me in my prayers, I'm going through tough times with ocd, I've neglected to maintain the erp and now ocd feel strong but pray for me, surely God's grace is stronger

Hi all! I have partner-focused ROCD (undiagnosed if that matters). My fears and themes mainly revolve around him being an awful person, and him doing awful things. The problem is…I also love true crime documentaries. But in almost every one, my brain fixates on a detail and it triggers either a real event or memory (something he’s said or done in the past that MIGHT elude or be evidence towards my fears…sorry it’s hard to explain). Anyway, it’s very easy for me to get very triggered with true crime and so I want to stop watching it. But now, the thought of having to stop watching it is making me even MORE anxious because I keep thinking “if I am that easily triggered by so many different things, then it must mean all these fears are true and he’s an awful person. If I have to avoid this to feel okay, then I’m ignoring/avoiding the problem” I’m not sure what to do here…thanks for reading!

I been noticing flaws on my bf that don’t bother me at all I love him the way he is but I feel bad that I notice something is that normal ?

okay so I’m being sent into panic rn because yesterday and a few times the last few months I felt like I was “ evil” and then my cousin who also struggles with the same things I do said she felt “ evil” too .. and we’re both scared we’re possessed and mirroring eachother.

So now it's switched to sending me images of women either doing graphic sexual acts on each other, or doing them on me! (Followed by a groinal response). The content is starting to bother me less, but the sensations I get after these thoughts (grounal), is what worries me?! I have never had a desire to "experiment" with woman because women are only aesthetically attractive to ME, its never really been sexual. So WHY do I keep sexualizing random women on the street?! On top of this, I feel like I've been noticing men less since this started about a year ago.

I grew up believing that all people are equal and deserve to be treated with love and respect. I was always surrounded by black people and went to predominantly black schools. Recently, out of no where, I've felt scared about being around black people out of fear of being perceived as racist. I have an extreme fear now whenever I see a black person. I fear that my anxiety may cause me to inadvertently do something racist. I feel so much shame at the thought that I could be racist but I know that I'm not. Why am I scared of black people then? Why do I try to avoid them? Someone please help me. I'm waiting for my therapist to respond to me so I can get some professional help but I would appreciate any helpful advice on this.

I drive a really old truck on narrow streets and I keep getting really scared that I am going to hit another car without realizing it and get charged with a hit and run. My car shakes a lot and I keep getting scared I hit someone and didn’t notice. I should have stopped this time and checked.

Why is it that when you're in a loving and healthy relationship with someone who has the qualities you've been waiting for , for so long, and treats you like gold, that you still have to be nitpicky about superficial things and still doubt if you are truly in love? This is me I'm describing. I fear the commitment of marriage, yet I have all I've waited for right in front of me. Wh y does my mind make me question such an amazing relationship and get me stuck on flaws in my partners appearance? I hate ROCD and its mind games!!

18+ I didn’t know what loli was what of that content it represented when I did my private time to it when I was 17-18… I thought it was safe to watch because it had millions of views, the content was on public sites, and some of the creators said they were 18+ in some of the content… I had avoided most of it but thought it was safe for those reasons when I rarely did it… I had no idea what that content was… when my POCD started, I wondered what loli actually was because people were triggered by it, and when I looked up what it was I puked and gagged… I had no idea the type of horrible content it represented at all… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… I’m 21 now and I’m so triggered everytime I see anything related to the concept of loli… I don’t ever want to ever be attracted to kids in any way shape or form…

Anyone here experience friendship OCD? Unwanted thoughts about your friends & becoming scared of potential friendship dynamics you don’t want to experience like competition or jealousy?

Those of you in recovery.. what does it look like? How often do you have flare ups? I went through therapy here for about 6 months, I’m on medication. I just feel like I’m stuck in such a cycle of feeling normal-ish for 2-3 weeks then feeling bad for a couple of weeks. Woke up this morning and am feeling super anxious for no reason. 😭

Sorry if this is uncomfortable for anyone—please click away if it is. All my OCD is real event OCD—I've known this for a long time. But it's not just about real events; it's about what could have possibly happened during these events. About a year back—I'm in high school—I began to wonder if perhaps, when I make jokes, I'm actually sexually harassing people. I'm pretty open sexually, and talk and joke about my body a lot. With my close friends, I also pretend to flirt around—they have all said they're okay with it, which I know because my OCD made me ask. Then there are other times where I make sexual jokes, they don't land, and I spiral. What if I sexually harassed them? What if I'm a predator? Just the other day, I was hyping my friend up because he wanted to ask out his crush, and I told him he was handsome jokingly—he made a face at me, which I assume is because we usually insult each other playfully, not actually compliment each other. Some time back, some girl helped me with a problem, and I told her—again, jokingly, in the way girls in my class usually do—that I loved her and wanted to marry her. In this case I spiraled for a day until the next day, she began to say stuff like that to me too, and then I calmed. Just today, I had another incident like that. For context, my friend and I have a running joke she sells pictures online for a living (I don't remember where it started, but it was probably her) and some kid I'm somewhat close with overheard and began to laugh. We joked around with him for a bit until my friend mentioned he had really big feet—we could see his shoes—and I blurted out, "Oh, show me!" without really thinking, which is somewhat inappropriate because of what we were talking about before. He made a face and said "ew, no" but didn't seem super uncomfortable; we do pretty often make jokes like those together, but never about each other. I'm spiraling now too, wondering if that's enough to consider sexual harassment, or if it was just a joke that landed weirdly. I also know the topic itself is weird—I promise I'm not this strange usually, lol, it just so happens that the times I make sexual jokes are what my OCD picks on—but hopefully someone can reassure me they have similar themes? I know I'm probably overreacting, but idk. I also worry that—because while I'm not always making sexual / romantic jokes, I do pretty often, usually about myself but occasionally about others—I might have sexually harassed someone and don't even remember. Admittedly, if this were the case, most high schoolers, who are always making sexual jokes, would have sexually harassed people, but I just feel so dirty and guilty inside. Does anyone feel the same way? Is there anything I can do to make it feel better? I feel like accepting that I might have done something wrong is also harmful, because then I'm saying "yes, I sexually harassed someone, but who cares?" As long as there's a chance, isn't it morally right that I keep looking?

Do you doubt if it's OCD or not? If you feel symptoms strongly resonate with you, but you're still doubting you have OCD, this is very common amongst those who do in fact struggle with OCD. I want to validate this, and let you know it's typically another sign of OCD when you doubt OCD itself, even when the signs are very clear. This is the perfect reason to see a therapist for an assessment - it can provide some relief and clarity, and allow you to take the proper next steps to overcome this! ??