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How to stop being afraid of Being Arrested.. And thrown in jail? And never being able to prove my Innocence?

Even when I’m not having Intrusive thoughts sometimes I could look at someone and suddenly get this horrible feeling that I would like the feeling of acting on that intrusive thought about them and it feels so real and then I start imagining things and ruminating to check and it feels like I get shudders and don’t like it but I still don’t believe myself, there also seems to be something connected to vulnerability, when I see someone who seems vulnerable, even someone shorter or old or very young or an animal it feels like the thoughts and feelings coming up and feel like I would ‘like the feeling’ and now I’m worried it feels like I like it because they are weaker than me and I’m evil. I was in a shop today, not thinking about any thoughts and this woman walked past me and she was shorter and older than me and I suddenly got this feeling that I would like the feeling of ‘smothering her’ and then I was thinking why did it feel like that what is that feeling? Is it anxiety that’s making it feel like that? And then I got home and picked up my cat to show him to my mum so she can say hello to him and (my cat only has one eye as well and he’s quite skinny and old) and while holding him all of a sudden I got a feeling like I would like the feeling of smothering him and then i was thinking is it because he’s got one eye and is more vulnerable and then I’m thinking wait why would it feel like I like it because he’s more vulnerable and has one eye? And then I’m worrying and imagining things and today I was getting ready in front of the mirror and suddenly had an intrusive thought about my mum and then started thinking would I actually do that or imagine I did and because before it’s felt like I ‘know how it feels to smother someone and like the feeling of stoping them from breathing by squashing them with the pillow) sorry graphic, I don’t understand why it’s felt like that, but then I started imagining the thoughts about my mum and wondering if it would feel like I like the feeling of doing that and now I’m worrying if that feeling came up again would I actually be evil? Because in those moments it always feels like something bad is about to happen or that I just dodged a bullet? Especially now that these thoughts are backed up with this feeling of ‘liking the feeling of imagining doing that’ it feels so real and I don’t know what to do, I mean jsut last night I was crying because I was thinking about how I’m noticing people around me getting older and worrying about everyone dying and then this morning it feels really real that I would do that and like the feeling of doing that and the other thing is, I know I don’t want to do that but since this feeling came about of liking the feeling im worried that one day in the moment I will actually do it because it will feel like I like the feeling and I won’t be thinking clearly I’m worried I don’t want to be evil but say I’m irrational 😞 when I’m angry I can be a bit irrational and throw things and say horrible things so say I’m not bad but if it’s actually true that I like the feeling of doing that then one day I actually will and then my heads suggesting to me ‘you wouldn’t be able to be around a baby or kid because you like the feeling and would be a danger and might do it since it feels like you like it’ how can I even be thinking that it feels like i ‘like the feeling’ ?? If I’m not bad how is that possible? That I could be the thinking or feeling that way please help

When I was in like 3rd grade I went to a friends house and she turned on lesbian pornography. I then went home and watched it again, and again and again. This being the only pornography I have watched and “got off too”. I have always had heterosexual relationships and crushes since I was a young girl but this pornography addiction I think is what led me to SOOCD. I have always been scared of being gay and I remember telling myself when I was young when I would watch porn that “one day I have to figure this out, why do I watch this if I’m straight” and that was an ongoing question for years but I was always able to move on. So the question has always been there. But I knew I was always different. Now that I’m 20 and I’m more educated on OCD now I notice how I have always suffered from instructive thoughts just could never put a name to it. Thoughts like death, imagining scenarios and having to plan the resolution as if it will actually happen, existing ocd, all of the above. But now my SO ocd has affected every aspect of my life to where it hurts when I wakes up. And I truly question my sexuality despite loving my boyfriend of 4 years. My question is, anyone who has experienced this, how did you recover. From porn addiction and SOOCD. Does anyone have a similar experience? Please share. I feel really alone.

For 13 years, OCD is not just a part of my life; OCD IS my life. I cant work, Im having intrusions all day, anxiety all day, afraid of my own mind, it even caused me chronic fatigue syndrom because I did only sleep a couple of hours for years because of the compulsions I did on repeat every awake hour of every single day, no pause, not even for 5 minutes. Ive had a couple of months where it was better, like I was able to live life a little more and not being tortured 24/7. Sometimes I feel like Im the only one with OCD for so long and the only one on whom OCD has such a big impact... 😔

This may be long so i appreciate anybody that read it. First of all I’m really proud at how little I’ve been posting on here. I feel stronger for resisting this app and that i can pin point the anxiety and ocd voices in my head no matter how real it feels. But then we come back to the realness factor and that it indeed feels sooo real. The physical symptoms are unlike anything I’ve ever felt. So I’m gonna start by saying that my health anxiety/ocd is very much so back. I thought i recovered from the heart disease and brain tumors intrusive thoughts. But let’s just say that they are back and the physical symptoms feel more powerful that ever. I am getting head pains, chest pains, arm pains, stomach pains, feelings of deja vu because I’m scared of having a seizure, dizziness, skin tightness (not really sure how to describe this other than my skin legit feels weird), heart racing/ palpitations etc. and regarding deja vu it is soooo scary like i keep telling myself that it feels like I’ve been in this situation before. so my health anxiety is definitely back in full force and I am convinced of having all these things that feel so real. Next thing is that i still get harm related intrusive thoughts however they aren’t bothering me as much. And i know that it’s a good thing that they aren’t bothering me but it’s scaring me into believing that i want them because they don’t bother me. And this last part is really bothering me. So my nephew literally hasn’t gone to school In 3 weeks. And so yesterday i just straight up said “why don’t you just drop out” and i mean him Not going selfishly irritates me because like what if something is wrong like depression or being bullied. And everytime i try to say something he gets an attitude. And that’s why eventually i just said what i said. And i have been beating myself up about for 2 days. Like I’m regretting my decision of saying that so bad right now. Like im just sick about it. Even though i don’t necessarily see him as depressed i just see him as not liking school. However my anxiety over this has been crazy and i literally had a panic attack last night and my heart was pumping 120. And so this has been bothering me so much. And on a side note my dog almost choked a little bit ago and could hardly breathe and i feel like i didn’t react enough. Like don’t get me wrong I’m freaking out I’m still shaking over what happened but my mind is convincing me i didn’t react enough. I’m going through the ringer 😭😭😭😭😭

Hey guys, just would like to preface that this will get really triggering so if that is an issue please prepare yourself or do not read my post. My name is Ezequiel, and i was recently diagnosed with ocd (jan 20th 2023). Im 18 turning 19 in august, and before my diagnosis, I was preparing to cut myself off from my loved ones and end my life. I grew up in one of the worst parts of Milwaukee, in the southside to be exact (53204), and became accustomed to seeing violence and drug abuse at a young age. Growing up you never take into consideration how those things affect you, but they do. My grandma died when I was 8(or younger can’t remember too well), and although i didnt know her, i think this was the earliest memory of ocd affecting my life, as it made me disassociate with those emotions completely, up until her funeral which broke me down when i saw her in the casket. Im a puerto rican, and my dad is one of those tough love people that come from abusive households, so j never received much emotional support from him although he was my idol, but that started to change when he was deployed for his second time while i was in 4th grade. Starting high school, i tried making as many friends as possible to cope with my emotions and thoughts( i wasnt aware of the concept of intrusive thoughts at the time). I ended up in a bunch of relationships where people took advantage of my kindness and naiveness. When covid 19 hit near the end of my sophomore year, i had already been seeing a therapist, and the school psychologist for suicidal thoughts(what i learned to be suicidal ocd). At the time my condition was unknown and my regiment with therapy fell off. Lockdown was extremely depressing and junior year i was giving up and slipping away, while playing games every night with some friends who were actually real friends to me. Yet i was becoming closer and closer with a terrible influence at the same time, and during the summer of 2020, i took 3 tabs of acid and had one of the most traumatic experiences of my life. I hd thought that i was killed, as my life flashed before my eyes, and woke up in the hospital being held down as i screamed. Ill never forget the look on my dads face from that day. I still continued to be swayed by those people, and on December 17th, the worst happened. A good friend of mine took their life. This caused me insane amounts of emotional trauma, and for the next few years i was plagued with suicidal tendencies and intrusive thoughts. I started losing my mind freshman year of college and started having hallucinations. I went to get help immediately which led me to getting medication finally, and a diagnosis for my OCD. It tore me apart for so long and i am now just restarting my life and learning to live again, which lead me to cutting those off who used me for my naivety and kindness, and giving more time to those who appreciate me for who i am. With this I just want people to know that if your ocd has taken you to the bottom of the barrel, treatment and some love can make you feel on top of the world again with every step you take towards recovery. I hope this reaches the right people, and good luck to everyone dealing with OCD as it is a never ending up hill battle, but not an impossible one to beat.

So I’ve been doing really well in managing my OCD, but recently it’s morphed into fear of a feeling of fear. I don’t really have a specific thought in mind, but I can just feel so much anxiety in my body physically - nausea, tension in my jaw, and just an all over feeling of unease and it’s really scaring me. I’m doing my best to “sit with it”, but it doesn’t seem to be dissipating. Any tips / can anyone relate? What is some good ERP to do for this?

When I’m on a guilt trip about something minor someone will always walk past saying something about doing the right thing. Not always that exact thing but always something that makes me feel extra guilty. What I did was minor at worst and considering I have other false memories I don’t know that it actually happened. I gave £500 to charity to absolve my guilt which was far too much. I think I’m the one who has done the right thing and that preachers of perfectionism should be more considerate of OCD.

I've been getting relationship ocd recently which is a relatively new theme. Have had intrusive thoughts all the time but they haven't caused excessive distress before, it has always been relatively manageable. It is really hard to know how to approach this cause I've had themes that are very obviously ego distonic before but cause these thoughts are about my relationship and questioning it I'm finding it more difficult to navigate not engaging with the thoughts. I have managed to talk to my boyfriend about some of the thoughts and it really helped but I was wondering if anyone had any advice. Especially cause some of these thoughts start with something in reality like a difficult discussion and then spiral into worrying what it means about our relationship and if it means we're doomed, nor sure how to find where ocd starts and normal relationship difficulties end. The really annoying one has been feeling checking and analysing how I'm feeling in a certain situation like when I'm with him or when we're having fun, like "am i feeling enough" etc. Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated, thanks 😊

Hi I get really overstimulated easily, it can be hard being around people because sometimes noises like chewing or just being around people in general can cause me extreme anxiety and I get super overwhelmed. I’m not sure if this is ocd but recently I was watching a show with my friend and they were chewing and laughing super loud and I said they were overstimulating me and they haven’t talked to me since. Was that rude of me, does anyone know ways to help getting overstimulated or if they get overstimulated? Does anyone think this could be ocd or could I possibly have autism or adhd? I’m not sure.

I hear therapists often say “you’re worth enough as a person” as advice for self-esteem issues. I’m still struggling to understand what that is. I don’t buy it entirely as myself I don’t think I’m worth anything besides my career abilities. There’s proven evidence that I have mathematical abilities (e.g. I have a PhD in the subject). But if you take that away, there’s nothing more. I’m just an empty shell of a person. So that advise is not something I’d say applies to me. At least not in my interpretation of it. What are y’all’s thoughts?

Can we please talk about the emotional or thought contamination ocd. I would be so grateful for other people's experience.

Hi, I have been bothered by a recent event at my work. I sent an email to my company's HR which they said they would forward to the retail leader. I have been ruminating so much and trying to stop, but it is just too hard. It is long but here is the email I sent: "Hello, I am a cashier at (a retail drugstore). I am not sure this is the right person to email but I will let you know anyway. I wanted to ask you about a situation involving a rude customer I had. She came to the register with cereal and said the price was different on the shelf than what was ringing up. I went to check the shelf but could not find the tag for the cereal, but I couldn’t find it. I went all the way to the cereal aisle to check for her. Then, I called over the manager and he checked the price with a scanner and the price ringing up was correct. The lady said in an irritated tone that “could you just give it to me anyway?” for the price she thought it was. Then, we needed an approval for the price modify, and I told her my manager has to approve it. She said thank you to him. She was complaining about something, and I told her “we’re short staffed and there are only two of us”. She didn’t like that and I told her “then why don’t you apply here” to which she said “excuse me” or something like that. I didn’t mean it in a rude way, we really need the staff and I felt she was not understanding our situation and was being rude. If she thinks there are not enough people then she should apply and help us or see what it is like! I felt like she should see how it is for us before she says something. She was older and later maybe I thought I shouldn’t say that to an older person, but then again we do have older staff at our store. I have no disrespect for the elderly, by the way. Then, I accidentally forgot to ring up her wine and she thought I rung it up, and I tried to explain to her by showing her the receipt that I didn’t ring it up. She also complained about the tags not being right. Putting the tags is not even my job. I really felt she was being too rude to me and I stood up for myself and said, “you don’t have to be so rude”. I have hardly told customers that. She said you are never supposed to tell customers that and I could get in trouble for it and that she wasn’t being rude, and I told her “you have no right to disrespect us”. I might have told her you are being rude, after she said she wasn’t, honestly I can’t remember. She said “you should not be working here” and I told her “I should be working here” and she said “okay “. I also told her she “can shop somewhere else”. Later, she told me she thought I had already rung up her wine and maybe mentioned the cereal issue again and I told her, it happens. I don’t know if she was trying to apologize, but the incident nearly made me cry. My voice was breaking talking to customers for some time after. I feel that customers have no right to be so rude to us. She didn’t swear it anything, but I felt she was excessively rude. I have never had anyone in the nearly year and a half I have worked for this company tell me I shouldn’t deserve to have my job. I don’t mean to boast or anything, but I feel like I have done an excellent job and have gotten many positive comments from both customers and employees. People have even said I should get a raise. I have had one supervisor tell me I am one of the best employees they’ve ever seen. I have told a few other customers to not be so rude, and they were not so nasty back. That lady hurt my feelings. I don’t feel I did anything wrong. I got the supervisor to modify the cereal price, I bagged her stuff for her, rang up her items and accidentally forgot to ring up her wine. I said hello to her when she came to the register. I can’t think of what I did to her for her to be so rude. I want to know, did I handle this properly? I have been told by past supervisors that customers don’t have the right to treat us wrong. If I didn’t handle this right, then how can we deal with these kind of people? I know people complain about wrong prices and other things, and that’s fine, but this lady was just too much for me to not defend myself. I think she was just too much to just say “sorry” to. But why should I apologize if I didn’t even do anything wrong? She should apologize to me for having such a nasty attitude for nothing! Other people don’t act like that, even if we mess up. I felt like considering quitting because of this. I told my supervisor about it as well afterwards and he heard some of the things I said. He didn’t tell me that I did something wrong. With OCD, it feels even harder to deal with. I am so proud of myself for the hard work and dedication I have put into this job. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated. Thank you...Hello, I forgot to add that the lady said something was “terrible”, I can’t remember what. I think things like this could be avoided if we had more than just two people in the evening. Other places have more and even our store used to have more. Maybe more people could have helped. Thank you". I don't know if you have worked in retail before but if you did, did I screw up? I don't mean this as reassurance in an OCD way, I just really want to make sure. Thank you so much.

I was inappropriately touched by a few people close to me. All fairly young as well. I can’t help but think some of it was my fault. I also repeated these actions to other kids my age and traumatized them too. I feel so so guilty and awful. It makes me hate myself so much.

I read on Quora that HOCD is not real, it was written by someone who thought he had HOCD but said it was only self hatred and homophobia. He told about how scared he was, that he spend several nights wanting to scream because he was so scared of the thoughts, and he realized he was just deep in the closet and really was gay. I just realized that I don’t want to live anymore, I was already triggered by my own thoughts from the past, maybe false memories but maybe I liked them. and felt like everything I have struggled with and the self hatred I have dealt with all my life is because I am in denial, and that would make perfect sense tbh, because I don’t understand why I have struggled so much in my life. It must be because of denial, and suddenly it feels like something clicked and I am so scared that this is real. Also I have struggled with this for 5 years. I don’t want to be in this life anymore. I just have to say I’m sorry to mum and dad.

Feels like “what if I’m not suffering enough to have OCD” which makes me feel terrible because my anxiety has slowed down after finding out what OCD was and that’s why I’m having these thoughts.

New thought just creeped in: as I used to watch same sex porn, am I afraid of what this means (being gay) or am I just denying that I liked it? It seems like it's the same thing, but what if I, deep down, know I like it and am just denying it? Maybe this isnt even OCD. And my so-ocd latches on to this, to sexual attraction so much, bc it's not something we choose. But I want to be attracted to men. I've always liked men. I don't want to be with a woman. I'm so done with this, it brings me so much suffering. Please be mindful if you respond to this. I'm already feeling so bad..

I’ve taken a test for ADHD and I answered “very often” for nearly every question. I know I have OCD but every question was about things that have been a problem for a very long time. Is there anyone on here that has both illnesses that could have a chat with me please?

Is this ocd I can’t sit on toilets I have to always put toilet paper around the seat to use the restroom even in my own house because I get grossed out

I’ve had a lifetime of battling ocd, and every time I squash one thought another one starts again. Right now, I’m dealing with thought about trying to solve my ocd, if that makes sense. Like I’m over thinking avoidance v. Taking care of myself, constantly worried if I’m doing the right things or not to get better. Like im trying too hard to make sure im doing the right things.. but in that im sooooo lost, because I need to change/ focus on how I think to get better.. but I can’t overthink it? I need someone to tell me what to do. Im sorry if this makes no sense i feel like a malfunctioning computer