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Has anyone else had this? What can I do? I hate that my ocd is focusing on my heart rate seriously! It’s so scary!

Can I get peoples thoughts on the logic of ‘ocd feels real’ with a lens of SOOCD? My brain seems to focus on hyper-noticing anything remotely related to me being gay. I identify as a straight 35 year old male, and before my initial “you are gay” thought at 25, I had never given my orientation a second thought. There was just no consideration about it. I’m in therapy trying to commit to ERP. A key factor holding me back is this inner thought that “I just feel gay”. And it feels real, like that I am. From what I’ve read, the real feeling or believing your theme/thought can be common. Is that true? Secondly - my logic goes: OCD is a fear based disorder. It’s a thought that lots of us have, but our ocd says “that thought is danger”. As soon as we give the thought the power of “danger” and engage in it to work out wether it’s true or not, then we conform to our brain that the topic is intact, danger. Hence, your brain will continue to make you want to engage with things that it perceived as a danger. The logic I get stuck with is for SOOCD, is that my brain seems to want to prove that my fear is RIGHT, not wrong. Is this OCD doing whatever it needs to, to prove it’s a real danger so I know I have to do something to fix it? Like, why would my brain try to prove it correct? How do others deal with this?

Does anyone else get OCD about people in their lives committing suicide?? I get this a lot with my mom and brother who are both mentally ill. I dont think either of them have a history of being suicidal but im worried one day they're going to catch me off guard and I'll discover them. Sometimes it makes me afraid to sleep as I'm scared of what I'll wake up to. I also get worried people with do it because of me, if I accidentally say the wrong thing or worry I'm not being a good enough friend/family member and they'll die a death I could've prevented. I dont know why this theme keeps coming up for me and I'm not even sure what subtype this falls under..

I really hope I'm not alone. Today after experiencing (what the hospital said) was a complicated migraine, and being given drugs I've never had before, I've spiraled terrible. I have been panicking for about 4 hours now honestly because I read about side effects and risks, also even though i specifically asked would they interact with zoloft and another med I take, they said they don't but multiple drug interaction websites say otherwise. I just took my first dose of zoloft last night because it has saved my life in the past and I'm at the point where I need saving again. Now I can't take it for like 24 hours and I am feeling trapped in my panic with no escape. Here's the kicker, in my catastrophizing, I have been ruminating on if something actually happens with my health and I need an ambulance I'll freak out and legit lose my mind and they won't give me anything to calm me down and I'll get locked up in a psych ward or something. Like if i have a medical event all im going to be thinking about is ima die ima die and I'm going to be flailing and freaking out. Today I'm scared of being scared. I've felt that before. It used to keep me from wanting to go anywhere. I feel so exhausted. Does anyone understand what I'm even saying?

Thats mostly it…

My friend/coworkers sons birthday was today and they stopped by at our job on a day off and said hi to everyone and when I heard that they were there I got excited for someone reason to see them and say happy birthday because I know them. I felt weird like I was in speed mode if that makes sense because it felt like I just had to see them or him. They cut his hair recently and she had told me about it because he used to have longer hair and so when I saw him with short hair I mentioned I didn’t recognize him because he looked different. I told him happy birthday and I kept overplaying the tone of how I said it and was worried I said it in a creepy way. Later on she was running after him and she looked worn out from running and I said she was going to get worn out from chasing him and that she would sleep good tonight which made no sense but I then got and intrusive thought which then twisted what I said and then I worried that I was being weird when I meant that since it was his birthday he was hyper and she looked tired. I didn’t mean it any other way. It was weird the way I said it but I didn’t mean it in the way that the ocd twisted it. Then before they had left she told him to give me a hug and I just felt really uncomfortable and scared because I didn’t want to do anything wrong. I would NEVER hurt anyone. It just makes me sad that when I’m spiraling my mind won’t shut up and try to make it into something it definitely isn’t 💔 I can’t do this. I absolutely can’t understand why I was doing fine and then all of a sudden this theme came back full force. Please help 😭

My OCD theme is fear of psychosis/schizo and it’s gotten so bad idk what to. I feel like it’s starting to make me think crazy.. like my brain gathered all information on this mental illness and now mimicking it. Does anyone else have this problem? I feel like crying

Why does ROCD have to be so hard. One minute I’m excited to get married and have kids someday and grow old with my person, and then the next minute I have unexplainable anxiety with intrusive thoughts popping in and out. Ugh.

This is the second time in my life I've had this bad of a relapse. I'm not falling for the compulsions this time. It is really hard but I think I'm doing better than I did before. I'm curious how effective ERP can be in place of medication. I was taking Luvox but getting it was becoming increasingly hard. I'm considering going back on though I'd really prefer not to. Have any of you gotten off of meds by just practicing your ERP?

For a while now I’ve been having trouble with accepting things have changed. Ever since I started struggling with my OCD in 2021 I’ve been wanting to go back to the past. Many things have changed since that happened and I absolutely hate change. What I mean by change is old routines even if they aren’t my own, but also other peoples I was used to seeing, furniture being rearranged or thrown out so it doesn’t “look” the same etc. me myself has also changed. I’m always wishing I could go back in time and relive or wish things would go back to how they used to be or feel those certain feelings again. I always tell myself maybe if all this never changed my OCD wouldn’t have troubled me. Even though I know that’s totally not true. It’s getting annoying and I wanted to ask if any of you have any tips on how I can just accept things are NOT how they used to be and won’t stay the same forever. I just feel sorta stuck rn.

I feel like I lost myself. I over think my favorite color. I cant name a top favorite song of mine. I don’t know what’s my favorite food or drink. I don’t know who I have a crush on. I don’t know who my real friends are. I just feel like I’m a stranger to myself.

Why is it when I recite that I’m straight it feels So wrong? But when I recite that im bisexual it feels right? I’ve had crushes on men all my life … I try to keep the thoughts and say “ okay OCD if you say so” “ thanks ocd hahaha” but every show I watch I seeing a pretty girl and keep getting a lot of false attraction. Is it false? Idk what to do. Everytime my sister mentions me marrying a guy … I feel so triggered? I’m about to be 25 in September and I keep so much false attraction. What do I when these attractions feel Soooo real. I’m so convinced I’m not straight anymore 🥹 any tips pls don’t ignore

1. reduce the time you spend on this app, because you could be unknownly stuck in a bubble, by being always surrounded by ocd and ocd and ocd..., however you're not ocd. You are more than just someone with ocd, so try not to let it define you. It's not healthy to be always surrounded by ocd content, because something that could happen is that ocd becomes everything you think about and without realising it you become stuck in a self-loathing bubble of compulsions and distress. Try to poke trough the bubble and do the things that you would normally do if you hadn't ocd, distract yourself. You're not just ocd. Try not to actively seek and surround yourself with ocd content. 2. useful tip: try to delay as long as you can the time in which you enact a compulsion, until you get used to not addressing it at all and just moving on. Try to keep doing the thinga you were doing before you were stopped by ocd, allow yourself to keep having fun even when you're uncomfortable. All these things stop giving power to ocd. Try to stop being so concerned and "immersed" about the type of theme that you are experiencing (all themes are just the same ocd) and try instead to recognize the patterns of how ocd works. The less you care about something the less ocd will bother you with it. Ocd feeds on your attention, that's why it picks a strong theme to make you worry about, so it can grab your attention. Don't feed it, try starve it as long as you can. I used to self harm too as a compulsion but it's been more than a month since I stopped doing it. The less you address the thoughts and the less you give attention to them the more you weaken the power that OCD has over you. I still get triggered and get intrusive thoughts from time to time but now I just ignore it. I feel less like shit and I'm able to shake it off eventually. What I basically did was "delaying" the compulsion (in my case compulsively addressing the themes by posting here or self harming) further and further until it becomes a habit and every day it just becomes a slight annoyance that you know you can overcome, because you already did it once. In some ways it's like maintaining a duolingo streak. Sure, maybe you can relapse from time to time, but everytime it happens try to lenghten the period in which you stop addressing the thoughts or episodes. It's like "faking it until you make it" but instead of faking it is trying your hardest to delay it, until the make it to tomorrow. It's not just sitting through the distress, it's also moving forward while sitting through it. Whenever I get triggered I try to sit through the distress and, even though sometimes I unknownly do a compulsion by trying to rationalise it, I just "forget" it and move on. I let it pass instead of letting it stuck and pile up. For example when I'm high with my friends and I'm having a good time sometimes it happens that I get bad intrusive thoughts but I try to sit through the distress, allow myself to be uncomfortable and just "swallow" it, "neglect it" by not giving attention to it, because you you shouldn't let ocd ruin a good time or dictate who you are based on fleeing thoughts. ocd has no power over us, and our identity is what we want it to be and not what we worry it "could" be. If it makes you uncomfortable it's because it doesn't reflect who you are, just try to keep that in mind. So delay and delay.

Sometimes I think back to the absolute lowest point of my ROCD/ocd and the depression it caused and I get so scared. I remember just feeling nothing but pain, constant pain. I couldn’t get out of it no matter how hard I tried. I was so desperate for relief that I thought I had to leave my boyfriend and that caused me such an incredible about of pain and depression. It was the worst absolute feeling I’ve ever felt in my life. The fact that ocd caused such a depression scares me. I’m medicated and I did and do ERP. I am much better from where I used to be a year ago. But sometimes when I think about that girl crying uncontrollably texting with her boyfriend as he said he just wanted her happy, feeling a slight relief at the thought that maybe the pain would be over if we did break up, confusion and fear because he was the best thing that ever happened to me and I didn’t want to break up, then more confusion because why was I feeling that way out of nowhere after years of being together? Sometimes I just think about those moments where I was so downhearted and destroyed by the thoughts and the constant rumination. Not sure how I survived. I get SO AFRAID I’ll go back to that terrible terrible indescribable feeling. It’s coming up on a year since I seeked out treatment. Since I began therapy. Since it felt like my brain broke. My love for boyfriend was the breaking point in getting help. Before ROCD and ocd took full control of my head I always felt like I was strong enough to get myself through things on my own, like I didn’t need medication or therapy. Oh but man was I wrong. The ocd and depression last summer was the most terrifying moments. My head was against me. But I held on. I swear I have ptsd from it. Ptsd from the depression and the intense dissociation. Sometimes I get so afraid I’ll go back to that place of darkness. After a year of fighting my way out of it and choosing my relationship over my intense fears and unexplainable anxiety. I’ve come very far but I still feel like I have much further to go, as last summer is still so FRESH in my head. I still have hard days but no where near as hard as last summer. I’d have to say I have a new found respect for my relationship and myself due to how hard I fought my ocd to keep it. I held on through the worst unexplainable depression of my life. Even now as I write this out and write that I love my boyfriend more then he’ll know, my ocd is in the back of my head doubting me. But that’s what I have to remind myself of, the ocd is just background music and I have the power to accept that it is there and tune it out. The ocd does not define me. The fears do not control me. I choose to love despite the ocd. I can feel the fear and do it anyway. Although I am scared, although I still get anxious, I am proud of myself for how far I’ve come since that girl last year. It’s a slippery slope and I’m so afraid of going back there, but I did make it through.

I know I mentioned this in the last post but I really haven't gotten it out of my head. I'm really scared to tell my therapist about it because I'm afraid she'll report me. Many years ago when I was very poor I sold NSFW art commissions. I wasn't very professional and I clearly was very lackadaisy on who I sold it to. I'm pretty sure I even sold a couple of them to minors. And if I did I feel extremely guilty over it. I want to talk to my therapist about this but I'm afraid she will report me. I feel like this is something illegal I did. I don't know 100% sure if they were minors. But I wouldn't put it past me because of how desperate I was. And I honestly just didn't know any better. I would never do it now because I see how stupid and wrong it is. I even did an art trade with someone and I didn't check their age and judging by their art style which I requested an NSFW pic they seemed very juvenile. I should have been more careful. I just don't want this to ruin my life. I want to move forward.

i feel so worthless. my ex came back to me. but he isn’t ready to date so we were exclusive and i gave him my all. he gave me half. and now we are trying for one more month but he’s ignoring my texts and calls. he’s not being himself. i’m just so broken. it’s making me question my worth and i’m becoming s*icidal. i can’t let him go and i won’t. how to i get him back? pls help me pls. he’s my only reason for being alive. and if he leaves again i think i’ll wind up dead

I am taking care of my father. I have harm OCD. My obsessions are about him. Is anyone in a similar situation?

for context,, theres a 10 yr age gap between me n my sister and an 18 yr age gap w me and my newb brother. the birth of my sister was the first trigger to my pocd. it was severe and sent me into terrible depression that i didnt know how to ever talk about bc of how disgusting i felt, and only got worse as time went on. i "coped" (my rituals) w avoidance, ruminating, research, etc. the past few years have been easier as ive been parentified n havent rlly had a choice, but its still there n ive never really been able to get thru rlly bad moments without either shuttting down or performing the rituals. i was doing better though recently. then boom. a new baby in the house. half of me avoids him because i dont want to develop a bond before leaving the state in like 3 months. i don't want to be parentified and i dont need that added separation anxiety. the other half is the pocd n harm ocd. everytime i see him, hear him, hold him, even think of him, the intrusive thoughts get so so so bad that i depersonalize and even after performing rituals, im in distress. ive been trying to mask by playful teasing, joking that the dog is my favorite brother, isolating, etc. but my parents keep trying to insist i spend more and more time with him. i feel like im going to snap. i dont feel safe with myself or him. i js wanna yell "i dont love him", partly bc its true, and not that i hate him, i js don't feel anything beyond neutrality towards him and distress around him (which i obv do not blame him for). ive had multiple meltdowns already because knowing all of this makes me feel like an absolutely terrible sibling, to him and my sister, and i dont know what to do other than finding excuses because i know if i outright tell them all of this, they will see me differently for the worst. but idk how long i can keep it to myself anymore. its too much and i dont feel like i have anyone to go to. i dont want reassurance for the kind of person or sibling i am or the pocd or harm ocd, i js want to know what the hell i should do because if my parents press me one more time im going to say smth i regret.

Someone please help. My TOCD started a month ago and I’ve been so miserable and unable to find an answer since. My amazing fucking boyfriend has been there through every step of the way. I even went to get help when I realised how badly it was affecting him. Our relationship has always been everything I could ever fucking ask for. I imagined me marrying him, us being parents, etc. But ever since this TOCD started I’m so on edge with him all the time. He’s so caring and instead of admiring him like I used to I’m so convinced I’m jealous and that I want his body. I can’t even think of my own body because his just seems suddenly preferable to me. In the 2.5 years we’ve been together I don’t recall EVER wishing I was him or being jealous. But I just cannot feel attracted to him or admire him anymore because my mind either asks me too many questions and keeps checking, or I just straight up feel jealous. Yes I did want a more androgynous body ideally but I was accepting of it. With him while we cuddle I just feel so unfulfilled and sad. I can’t do anything with him anymore and I feel like I’m putting in a girlfriend act. During s3x it’s especially hard because I am in a very feminine role which I enjoyed and never questioned before but now I feel disconnected and like I’d rather be in his place - I don’t really think that and never have thought of that before but I now just see it as “better”. I need help. I just want to love him again but I feel like that’s not “me”. The worst part is I have always had awful ROCD and terrifying of losing him. And with my best girl friends I feel fine and even can forget about my intrusive thoughts but they get stronger with my boyfriend.

Today is Father's Day as you know and my baby daddy, 2 babies and I are going to another city right near us to celebrate with another family that we know. My anexity is thru the roof and I'm just so scared to go. My ocd takes over me 24/7 but especially when I'm in public, around people or in a different place. I just don't want my ocd to take over me and prevent me from being present and I don't want my compulsions to get so serve that I'm just living in my head. It's so hard for me to enjoy life and doing normal things that normal people are able to do and enjoy. I just needed to get that off my chest. I know today isn't about me but it's so difficult to put my mental issues aside and be there for someone else if that makes any sense. I feel like a have a 30 pound weight on my chest. I also just got in a fight with some girl at Starbucks cuz she wouldn't make my drink how I asked (I work at Starbucks too) and I know my drink can be made the way I ask for it to be made. I let my emotions come over me and I started yelling and cursing at her with my kids in the car. Now I just feel so down and so so guilty that I acted that way and let something so small effect me, my mood, and my feelings so much. Ughhhh I just keep praying over and over but god is also part of my ocd so praying just enables my ocd to take over me even more. I really hope someone can relate to me or has advice for me. #help