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How am I meant to tell what’s false memory & what’s real when intoxicated I feel so guilty about a night 10 months ago. I need help

Hey everyone! Sending love and support for all of you managing your OCD (We’ve got this!!). I’ve had a very rough week— I just tried out Prozac and had an AWFUL physical + mental response to it, so I am going off of it after about 9 days. My spirals have taken an intense physical toll on me and it’s been extremely hard to eat properly/stomach anything. I am curious about the holistic health end of things. Does anyone have experience with taking magnesium supplements and/or multivitamins to help deal with stress and anxiety? How have they made you feel, and have they helped ease your mind a little? Any recommendations? How do you deal with the physical effects of your OCD?

Like youre in a bad dream that you will wake up from at some soon? Of course I know I am not in a dream and that this is my reality and has been for 4 years. It's just so frustrating because I desperately want my life back. I've had 3 different councellors spread over this 4 year period which I've realised has just made the OCD worse and I had 10 sessions of ERP with a nocd therapist which helped a little bit but unfortunately I can't afford anymore right now. Does anyone have any solid advice other than ERP to overcome this horrible mental illness?

Today has been a rough one. I’ve been having Face Pareidolia (seeing faces in everyday objects) for the past week and it hasn’t bugged me much. But today I was driving and saw a car that made me see a face in the object. I broke down with awful anxiety and have been ruminating and scrolling all day. I feel like it is never going to end. Everything I’ve been seeing today I feel like I can make a face out of it. One of my OCD themes has been psychosis… this on top has made me feel like I am going into psychosis. Has anyone else dealt with this and what kind of ERP did you do to help? I have also recently had a time of high stress. My OCD wasn’t to bad the past few months and it all the sudden had been heightened today. It almost felt like the first day I got it. Any tips, experiences with Pareidolia and psychosis OCD is greatly appreciated.

I have realized I have severe “Apeirophobia” I’m terrified of an infinite afterlife. Suddenly I can’t do anything without the whisper in my mind that I’m going to die one day. Every time I find myself doing something I find my mind asking why am I doing anything at all if I’m going to die someday. Things like showering, eating, drinking water. It makes me wish I didn’t even exist. Oddly breathing happens automatically. The only reason I fear death is because I fear an eternal afterlife and I can’t imagine going there and suffering the pain of all of my loved ones if I’d died of anything other than natural causes. Yet, at the same time I can’t seem to find joy in anything with the constant realization I’m going to die someday. Loving my family seems foreign and futile. If there isn’t an eternal afterlife then life seems even more pointless. Eternal life vs eternal nothingness. If eternal nothingness is reality then consciously existing is silly. My brain is frying between the two possibilities. Both of which I hate the idea of in my brain. Has anyone concurred this?

Today I found myself questioning the thing that started my soocd. After my best friend at the time (female) gave me care and support (after being cold and distant for a long time) I got something like butterflies in my stomach. And then the soocd thought came and everything went down. I've never been in love and couldn't diffrenciate this from having a crush, I never loved or understood myself. I wasn't sure what just happened so my mind went to ocd mode. Now I also fear that because I haven't been in love that I may be asexual which I don't want. But I'm so socially anxious and doubtful that I'm convinced that I'll never find somebody, and ocd tells me that I'd just do that to pretend/fake it. I heard that some people can recover from ocd in 6 months if they put work into it. I was doing so much for the past 8 months and I don't know what else can I do

So I saw this video on TikTok of this family doing an ad for a football team and they had the video in slow motion and one of the daughters who's in high school looked down and then up and I thought she looked attractive. I can feel myself wanting to ruminate and start catastrophizing but I have this feeling of not caring. What I mean is not caring to the point of ruminating, or where I have to start trying to figure out which tools. It's almost like, "man I don't even care, I'm just going to move on". Basically like "I thought she was attractive, so what. Now let's move on because it's tiring playing the what if game. It'd be much easier just moving on. Idk if what I'm saying makes sense because it's not forgetting about it the sense of directing attention away from it but more so not directing attention towards it. Sitting here, I'm just line man...I'm tired of ruminating. I'm tired of feeling like I have to catastrophize JUST because I thought someone was attractive. I'm tired of letting my OCD turn what is natural and human as far as having eyes and finding people attractive into shaming me as a monster who should be locked away in a cage. It's just tiring battling with the OCD and playing tug of war to try and prevent rumination. But I read this article that to not ruminate should be effortless. Meaning, the practice in itself. Obviously it's hard to not feel the need to ruminate but if we catch ourselves, stopping rumination should be like someone telling us to stop solving a math problem. We don't think about why, we just stop solving it. It's like the metaphor of "fighting off the fish". Imagine you're in a lake and surrounded by fish and instead of using all your energy to fight them off, you just float and let them be. It's much less tiring. My OCD loves to shame me and shun me for finding people attractive. My OCD has forced me to feel that I cannot find anyone attractive that isn't over 18. That if I do, I must be a pedophile. I'm not trying to give myself reassurance but to hell with that! I know myself and I'm not going to let the OCD make me into something I'm not. I know the difference between a pedophile and finding people attractive. I would explain the difference but I feel that would be reassurance. My whole point is, I feel I've gotten to the point of where I'm like, "man...this ruminating thing is so exhausting. Why don't I just move on? Why sit here and let the OCD run wild?" 💚

I suffer from endometriosis and migraines. And I’ve tried everything! I was even given morphine and other opioids by my er doctor and it turns out that not only am I allergic to them but it doesn’t help. I’ve tried everything else. Over the counter, natural, and prescribed. But I’ve heard a lot of people say that weed/edibles is terrible for ocd and ptsd. Should I risk it???

So I have a confession to make. I was raised very strictly so I had barely any access to social media, no friends, no social interaction. I was smart, but it really made me lag behind when it comes to social situations. When I was 18, I befriended a 14 year old that became one of my closest friends as we were in the same sports club. We hung out together everyday and he was my first ever friend that made me feel special. I was raised with an abusive dad so he made me feel very safe. One day, I ended up kissing him. (He has kissed multiple people and been in Relationships before but because I was a man child this was my very first kiss) it was like those first kisses you see in movies. Pretty brief like 4 pecs. I just loved him as he saved me from my depression. At that time, I had no idea that a 4 year age gap was weird and inappropriate. We only kissed that one time and we never talked about it until I remembered after 3 years. I was essentially a person with no access to social media no idea about relationships I just assumed it was ok because he was my friend. Around 3 years after the incident, I got access to social media and hear people saying people like me are pedophiles. I regret kissing him very much and even asked him if I hurt him, and he says he loves me as a friend and that I never did.(he is still very close to me). I still feel like a predator that I kissed someone that was 14 and I was 18, I attempted suicide multiple times, racked up over 100k in emergency and medical bills and therapy, but I feel like the only way is to end my life. I asked multiple lawyers if the kiss was legal, they all say it’s legal but I still don’t think I deserve to live. I’m mad that I was raised as this socially isolated loser. If I wasn’t, maybe this would never have happened. I want to hear the opinion of Reddit, am I unforgivable ? By I didn’t know the 4 year age gap was weird, I was complete socially isolated never even knew how relationships work, didn’t know about age of consent and stuff nothing. I essentially came out from the jungle. My worst fear is that I will go on the sex offender registry and my life ruined. I think I would rather die before that happens.

I watched videos that helps you learn to interpret your thoughts differently and change your thought interpreter(how you relate to your thoughts). I can't find videos about emotional interpretation, everyone talks about emotional pain but that makes us rumminate more. And i dont talk just about ocd feelings like in harm ocd that you feel like you want to do it. I have struggles sometimes that i feel bad about things normally i wouldnt, and then i deal with trying to figure out if its a real probpem or not, then i get worked out and i feel bad, shame so i say lets try to ignore it cause i know i have ocd and it can attack everything, even make you feel that you have a problem when in reality you dont have. I recently wrote 2 posts about trauma and this includes that. Its a really hard battle cause you feel like you have a problem what you should work on but if you start to work with it you get more deeply into that till you get stuck or you get angry and decide to ignore it. Then 2 things can happen, one that you start to feel good cause you dont feed this or what I always deal with,you get hit with shame and fear cause you avoid dealing with a problem, like trauma or depression or any problem that aplies to your personality. I know trying to figure out isnt the answer, but what you should do then? If its ocd and not a real problem/trauma/depression then how you can see that and decide to not work on it? I feel like alot of ocd videos deals with how to react to your thoughts but not about your emotions. Sometimes i dont even have or see my thoughts, i just feel bad about something or have a bad reaction and i just react with "something is wrong here, something needs to change, i have to do something about this, what is the problem?" And when you are sensitive and struggle with ocd, and someone tells you something that triggers you then you get hit with strong anger and desperation or victimhood and you feel like this is a trauma that you have to work on cause the reactions are the same... but it can even be ocd cause youre just sensitive right now and youre already worked up. But saying this doesnt help cause you feel like you avoid the real problem. So then how should we interpret our emotions? How to know what is real problem?

It feels like my mind scans for things for me to “confess” to my partner. Things that aren’t even important or necessary come into my mind and I feel so guilty about it and get super stressed and feel like the only way to get rid of that is to confess. I feel like it’s something I have to do. No matter how much I tell myself it’s something that doesn’t need to be said I still have to say it somehow. I don’t know if this is normal, but I just feel like my partner has to know everything. And this is causing arguments and making him upset. I don’t want to hurt my partner anymore as I can tell my OCD is really affecting him. If anyone has any advice that would be great!

So, today, I had decided ERP by spending time with the person my OCD has been telling me to avoid and its backfired so badly because now I feel like I want to act on the thought and I'm terrified now

Please share your stories of hope and recovery. I’m in a dark place and I need to know it’s possible to carry on.

Hey all! I am really struggling with driving ocd or also known as hit and run ocd. Tonight while driving home from work in the dark, I was passing a car on the side of the road that had their flashers on. I saw them ahead of time so I prepared and got over to the left a little as they were on the right shoulder. Anyways, I was driving on a two lane road. As I started going farther past it, I felt a bump. I looked back but it was hard to see anything because it was dark. Long story short, now I’m struggling with high anxiety with the uncertainty. My rational brain thinks all is ok as there was a car behind me, so I don’t think they would keep going if something were wrong and they would alert me if there was anything to be concerned about. Also I feel like I would know if I hit something. But my what if brain is saying well what if the person in that car got out and walked down a bit to go the bathroom. It’s on a bridge near woods. So now I’m scared as I don’t know what the bump was. I don’t know how to deal with this anymore. I didn’t go back as I know I’m not supposed to and expose myself but the anxiety is too much to handle. What to do? I’m so depressed about this theme! It’s very overwhelming and debilitating 😓😓

in a month i am going to be seeing a psychiatrist. I have actually been feeling better since this flare begane like 12 weeks ago but still not good. I just dont really know what to say to a psychiatrist. Should i tell them my symptoms in the same way I told my therapist? Im also feeling anxious because it jsut feels like im doing these things to myself and im making myself feel bad and like its my fault. I feel very uncertain and its actually made it harder for me to talk with my therapist too so i feel like im not making the most(or anything really) out of our sessions. Idk what i should tell the psychiatrist. Heres my plan Tell psychiatrist: i have frequent and distressing thoughths about time + age + change + things being new vs old I usually check age and count times from specific dates. Count weeks. Compare ages and dates. Pick skin and pull hair to distract myself which sometimes lasts for hours. Tell about physical feelings stomach aches, vomiting, chills tell about crying. How it used to be everyday and a lot and at almost anytime for around a month or two but now its only occasionally. Used to be very panicked but now mostly anxious and sad. Mood is very up and down. Sometimes i feel hopeful and even jovial but sometimes i feel awful and sick. Also i might want to mention that i feel very dependent on my parents right nwo. I dont know if that's important but ive gotten really dependent on them lately because i feel bad. idk if i should tell them more like how sometimes it made me kind of feel suicidal because i dont feel like that now. Please give advice on how to approach this. It was hard to find a psychiatrist that allowed 17 year olds where i live so Im not really sure on what to expect since it was really difficult to set this up in the first place also should i tell them from when i started having these feeling. Like specifically these feelings came a week after my 17th birthday. But its more like they got worse then. Like the first time i started having these behaviors and feelings i was aroung 10-11 but within those past years it jumped from time/age to different worries (but still kind of in the same realm of what they currently are) But idk if i should becuase the only time it was even close to this bad before was when I was 13 or 14. Also idk if i should mention some other things i struggle with that might not be OCD related. Like i have really trouble with focus and reading as well as visualisation and also verbal articulation. I also tend to like space out for a while. And also when i feel more overwhelmed or anxious its really difficult to talk in general or if its too loud sometimes it makes me cry or feel like i need a physical release like squeezing my self or hitting myself or squeezing something in general. I feel like those are relatively normal things though lol. Even my fixation on age feels really normal its just an issue that it is disruptive to my life. Anyways sorry its so long but id really appreciate advice.

Earlier this week I was suddenly worried about a brain eating amoeba. I began to feel weakness and faintness, and light headedness. I calmed down when I realized that it might be from lack of sleep as I had stayed up until 3:00 and assumed my symptoms were from my anxiety. Well now I’m no longer worried about it and my legs feel so incredibly heavy. I ignored it and went out for a walk, and I was pretty excited and began to walk faster. Suddenly my chest hurt but only for a moment, and then my left shoulder blade, left side of my neck, and left arm started hurting. I came inside and told my mom I was worried I was having a heart attack, she assured me that I wasn’t, and massaged my shoulder and my arm and the pain lessened and was gone within an hour or so. My blood pressure seems okay, it was elevated no doubt because of my fear. Today my legs are still heavy and I still feel somewhat dizzy, I’m having some heartburn and I’m still anxious about possibly having a heart attack. However my mom won’t take me to be checked out and still says I’m fine. Im only 17 but I’m overweight. Im terrified.

Did tracking intrusive thoughts and compulsion in the beginning of treatment make any of you feel worse?

Real event OCD comes with an insane amount of pain and suffering. For me it felt like the worst pain,guilt and anxiety and not one moment of relief for months on end. Feeling hopeless and like ending your life was the only way out. Feeling like my belief in my “goodness” was no longer true if I had done something wrong as a child. Fear of having done something horrible because your memories are blurry and grey. Fear that people will ruin your life and your future because of it. It turned me into someone no longer wanting to leave my house or put myself anywhere where I would receive attention. A deep fear of being a bad person and being rejected by society and made to be something I am not. Understanding OCD - it’s the doubting disorder so whenever your doing compulsions that you think will make things better, remember that no matter what you do, your brain will still doubt it. - It is like having a monster in your brain that knows what you care about the most, and it will attack that relentlessly, it DOES NOT mean anything about you - If OCD is saying “you need to apologize, if you don’t you’re a fraud and a bad person and you’re not doing enough” and even if you give into the compulsion, it will give you the same doubt again and again, leading to you wanting to apologize over and over. IMPORTANT- If you’re scared of a thought NEVER show you’re brain you’re scared- pretend you don’t care, say “maybe that happened maybe it didn’t” or “I don’t really know” or make fun of the thought. If your OCD knows you’re afraid of something, it’s evil and it will give you more of it. Doing compulsions to get rid of fear shows your brain “oh she’s trying to cope and feel better, that means this is something she’s afraid of” by acting like you don’t care, accepting the anxiety and uncertainty, you’re teaching you’re brain that you’re not afraid of these thoughts, and they WILL reduce. Identify your compulsions- I was doing so many mentally that I didn’t realize. - I kept planning out an “apology” or how I would fix a future catastrophe as a result of my real event - Mentally reviewing past events - Trying to figure out “what exactly happened” I kept writing it out in my notes - Compulsively googling and looking on Reddit for answers regarding my real event (I used to google “real event ocd” and obsess over all the symptoms as a way to feel better. I also googled and read Reddit posts related to my real event) - Reaching out to people from the past and apologizing -DO NOT DO in most cases, you will just regret it after and never feel like it’s enough- if you do it only do it ONCE (I apologized across 6 years and never felt like it was enough) - Confessing - I felt like a fraud or like I was lying if I didn’t keep trying to confess or apologize or if I tried to “let it go” it meant I didn’t care (not true) - Self reassurance (don’t worry about it, you’re not a bad person, look at who you are today and have been for the last 15 years, etc.) - Rumination and giving the thoughts continual attention in my mind. Practice exposure and response prevention - start small but expose yourself to the things you find triggering and avoid - Make sure to let the anxiety in and don’t resist it and don’t try to force it out - Most importantly don’t do any compulsions, just face the fear Ans let the anxiety and guilt in and say “I notice I’m feeling this way” Ans keep practicing, over time it will get easier Practice unconditional acceptance - Real event false memory is especially difficult because there is a real event it’s often tied to that is the source of unbearable guilt and anxiety. - Learn that there is no such thing as a “good” or “bad” person and having done something wrong doesn’t make you “bad” . - We are all humans who are growing and learning, and the most important thing to show your brain ( even if you don’t believe it) is that you love and accept yourself no matter what. - Question all or nothing thinking “my life will be over” “everyone would hate me forever” “I’m a horrible person”. None of these things are true no matter what and life changes with time Hormones - As someone with a menstrual cycle I noticed that my symptoms got SIGNIFICANTLY worse and I had only a few days a month I felt better and those dates lined up every month. This told me that my symptoms were definitely hormonally exacerbated. - If you notice this, I would recommend trying to regulate your hormones - Birth control and acupuncture have helped me Summary - ERP therapy- NO COMPULSIONS! - Meditation - Releasing my past and future to the universe, what is meant for me will be - Understanding that the problem isn’t the event, it’s the OCD and learning to trick your brain into knowing you’re not afraid. - Self Care and relaxation - Establishing a routine - EFT Tapping- do not do compulsively to relieve anxiety - supplements like Ashwagandha, and magnesium (I’ve also heard of inositol but would verify) - Consider medication (I didn’t take any but definitely consider it and would consider it in the future) All this being said, I have a much better quality of life at this point in time and have recovered significantly over the last 6 months. I’m able to find joy in my life again and look to the future with less fear. I still have a long way to go and anxiety and these intrusive thoughts do bother me, but the degree to which they do is far less. Im not longer plagues by guilt and anxiety24/7 but I still have bad days where I struggle. I’m still working on my fears around posting on social media or becoming a public figure, or returning to the locations I’m afraid of. Hope this helps!

I’ve been freaking out today because my intrusive thoughts keep telling me I have a crush when I don’t and then my anxiety mounted, then the intrusive thoughts about it not being OCD came in, which made me panic even more, I feel like screaming and crying and just don’t know what to do, I don’t want to be gay or bi, I’m not attracted to women and don’t want to be, I’m really scared because I just feel like I can’t trust myself or my thoughts even though I know I don’t want them. And now I’ve read something on here saying multiple people have had this theme and have been treated and have still come out as gay. Now I feel sick and am panicking again. I can’t do this. I wish this had never happened.

or do we all believe we are the exception...