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anyone else suffering with contamination ocd? I have been struggling really bad lately.

Working my way through ROCD/SOOCD. A symptom that happened the instant I had my first obsession, was complete loss of excitement, libido, attraction, and basically any positive emotion. Makes sense as to why I went from ROCD to SOOCD with the loss of these feelings. The best way I can describe it, is it was like “you’re unable or not allowed to feel these things anymore until you’ve sorted out this thing” I want to believe that if I get my OCD under control that all these feelings will naturally return. However, is that true? Is that common? So difficult to deal with these themes when there are no positive reinforcements. I.e. if I felt libido, it would reinforce abc. Any advice or experiences anyone can share on this?

Well, even though i didn't knew it was OCD it started at 11 yo, I was in 7th grade, it was so early for me, I had this friend since 4th grade who i spent most of my time on school with, on 7th grade I had this dream of me and her kissing, it then turned into a nightmare, that exact minute i woke up and ran to the bathroom to cry, after that quarantine started and I got better over time, i got out of it actually, I had some normal time, actually got a boyfriend, after almost 4 months we broke up and then again a new type or episode started, and it was me being attracted to my mom, that freaked me out, I couldn't touch her, she couldn't even touch my by accident or I would cry for hours, then that turned into "what if she touches me because she wants to do something gross to me" in other words, being scared of her, then it turned into something weird because I thought I was psychotic and actually talked with God and saw my dead cats, almost as if I had some kind of schizophrenia (which i of course didn't had). Well, quarantine ended, i got back to school (still with ocd) and finally got better, got back with the boy i dated (I'm still with him and i love him so so much, I'm working hard for both of us), well, I was perfectly fine, didn't even remember all stuff that happened, it was perfect, but, a few months ago, he went to a world event, which i was so scared of him going because I couldn't stop thinking he was going to cheat on me etc. Etc. ACTUALLY days before he left the country, me family had to take me to two clinics because my anxiety was so high (I was scared of going back to that time I thought I was in love with my mom) and well, I got better for like 2 or 3 weeks, some day my sister came up to me and told me some problems happening in our family and she was crying, kind of a traumatic situation, I accompanied her to her work and a friend of her came and gave her food, I thought it was bewitched and really couldn't sleep that night thinking "What if I fall in love with him because of that?" "What if I left my boyfriend for him?" Etc. A day after that i was playing league of legends and my little brother was near me, my mind really just "you like your brother" immediately I started crying, I had an horrible anxiety attack and my family took me to a clinic because I couldn't stand the thought. To do a summary, now I have this thoughts: It started with other man like "You like him" (Brain pops an image of them naked) "what if i like another man than my boyfriend??" And i guess my compulsion has been telling myself "No, I don't want to cheat on him, i love him" Then it changed, and it has been a nightmare With my girls classmates The thought of that girl I told before, it came back, but then it got away and changed to another classmate, again changed to another classmate (also girl, they were all girls) now it's not about a certain girl, it now changed into "what if I'm really gay and i don't want to be with him?" "What if I end up liking a girl?" "What if I break up with my boyfriend for a girl?" The ones that scares me a lot are the ones that say I'm actually gay like "How is he going to react of my telling him I'm gay and breaking up with him" I hate that one because I'm not gay, I was completely sure, and it's funny because, all, my instagram and tiktok were FULL of girls, and never have i thought of them otherwise, I literally just looked at them like "i want to do that makeup" "i want her skirt, her shirt, how would that pant would look like on me?". It's tiring because, my feelings for my boyfriend have somehow changed, that spark of me seeing at him and feeling super attracted and feeling of love has like blurred, and I'm scared of actually liking girls (I don't lol) I'm tired of this .. can someone else relate? I'm still with him and won't break up because of this, I'm going to get out of this, I don't want to be with a girl (everytime I say that a thought on my head pops and says "really? What if you REALLY REALLY want to live with a girl?") I want to live a normal life :) I want to love him again and feel all i felt for him, and i will!!! Don't give up :)

Intrusive thoughts just keep morphing... i try to think of a girl, a guys privates pop up, or a guy just pops up in my head, and this feeling in my stomach happens... my hocd is saying its denial when i dont ever want to be homosexual or bisexual or phobic of these two sexualities in any way... and its making me feel like im not going to regurgitate...

My and my partner broke up 5 days ago and it’s been hell for me. I find myself looking at his insta following and he’s following other girls and porn pages and I just feel sick. All I wanna do is fix things but he’s hurt me and would put so many people before me. I’m mad at myself for wanting him still and more than anything I just wanna not care about him. I’m hurting so much I just wanna call him and things to go back to how they were before he was mean. I’ve been crying nonstop and breaking down and I’m truly sick of it. I’ve tried playing video games with others and even talking with someone who’s going thru the same thing. I tried a dating app but I haven’t even talked to anyone on there bc somehow I feel like I’m betraying him. I can’t do this I’m so devastated and I tried reaching out for help but it’s not working. I’m at my end rn and I’m hurting so much I just can’t do this. I don’t wanna die but I don’t wanna live. I’ve just been suffering

Its making me feel like its more exciting looking at girls and talking about girls than guys. And like in my head more exciting to date girls than guys and it feels like its the truth and I’ve been hiding it for years. Ughhhhh

so i wanted to come back on here because for the past few weeks i have been struggling and today i woke up in tears, crying at my thoughts and i can’t take it anymore. my anxiety has crept up to a very intolerable level. i am having constant thoughts of leaving my relationship, monitoring my partners actions, ect. backstory: i can trace these feelings and thoughts back to something that happened within my relationship almost a month ago, my partner hurt me badly with what we think now was something related to an autistic outburst. to elaborate, his therapist and others have suspected he might be autistic due to a lot of issues like bluntness, sensory issues, not reading social cues, invalidation within our relationship. i have been with my partner for almost 4 years and through my bpd, ocd and other mental illnesses plus his it’s been so up and down and downright heartbreaking at points, we almost broke up this year due to a bad “splitting” episode i had with my bpd back in june and that was very low for me. i got my shit together and now i can say my bpd is being managed. but with his issues he still struggles with poor communication (only when he is emotionally overwhelmed it’s usually never when he is able to properly read a situation). and something happened like i said a month ago where he had a anger outburst and it hurt me quite a bit. because for the first time i wasn’t reacting. he hasn’t been in therapy long (4 months i think) because it took time for him to be evaluated and he does have adhd and depression. but ever since then i keep having these thoughts and they are constant all day long (they aren’t present if i watch my favorite movies like harry potter) but it’s like 10 times a day. the other day we had a rather intense disagreement and now I’m noticing even the slightest of conflict I can’t handle, whereas even eight months ago we were fighting and it got really loud and obnoxious and it wouldn’t really affect me. But now, since I’ve been on my healing journey, and myself work journey, I just no longer create those types of arguments or ways of communicating. Now 95% of the time I am really trying to initiate that healthy balance and it’s not like he’s not doing any work at all. He’s really pushing himself to work on himself in therapy and focus on coping skills, but I just have, these thoughts every day like I said earlier in the post I woke up this morning crying because my thoughts are so loud it physically makes me anxiously ill and start to panic now and all day until I go to sleep I’m just debating whether or not I should leave or not. I can’t do this anymore. It took me over two years to get out of these habits into actually start healthy, communicating and he’s just now started, but what’s really going on and what I just discovered is I’m trying to make him meet my needs when he’s emotionally overwhelmed and he does not communicate boundaries. For instance, that he can’t talk about the situation, whatever it might be so I’m taking that at face value and going oh he’s never going to change. What if our relationship doesn’t work out what if I just put all this effort in for nothing? And what I mean it taking it at face value is he’s not communicating that he either needs more space or he can’t talk about the disagreement and that’s exactly what happened the other day he didn’t communicate, and so he wasn’t understanding he wasn’t validating, I don’t know what I just can’t get over all of these thoughts in my head all day we’ve come really far and our arguments are nothing like they used to be. In fact, they don’t even happen but once or twice twice a month I just keep having thoughts going back-and-forth, comparing my relationship, thinking it would be better off if I just left because there’s someone who can meet my needs even though I’m expecting my partner to meet my needs when he’s emotionally overwhelmed and there’s Points not even just points where I can’t even do that for my partner if I’m not calm so my therapist says it’s really simple that we need to wait till we can calmly initiate the conversation. I don’t know I’m just really heartbroken and I don’t know what to do our relationship has ty tests like no other relationship would have and I really don’t want to be with anybody else and I can’t tell if this is my intuition screaming at me or if it’s relationship OCD again creeping back up.

i was watching funny videos of kids on youtube as an erp way to prove to myself i’m okay with kids and familiarise myself to kids again so i don’t feel so anxious when i’m around them. when i was looking at a video to watch there was a man lying down with a naked baby on him with the baby’s bum facing him and i think the video was babies farting on people or something but it’s just made an imprint on my mind and made me feel really guilty and horrible.

Hello y’all! It’s been a minute since I’ve come to this app and really relied on it for when I’m feeling low, but tonight, my anxiety hit me like a brick. I started college in August and instead of making my thoughts worse, it has actually made them better. Yes I still have the thoughts, but the volume has lowered and I can be more happy with my life. However, it’s a give and take situation. Because I have harm and contamination ocd, my harm is worse at home but my contamination is far worse at college. It does get frustrating, but I’m trying to work through it. Anyways, I wanted to just let out what’s going on through my mind right now. I’m having bad harm ocd at the moment and the anxiety is very intense. My heart is pounding, screaming for me to just act on it. There are some days where I wonder why I don’t and what exactly is stopping me. Like I question if I really think harming someone is bad. However, before this ocd came on, I remember being absolutely terrified and sickened by these thoughts. I remember thinking that if I hurt someone, it would haunt me for the rest of my life. I just can’t understand why my feelings towards them feel like they’re changing and it’s confusing me. I usually chalk it down to “it’s just ocd”, but sometimes I feel like I don’t believe that. Also, I feel confused about my values and what I 100% knew was truly me. Is this a normal thing? Furthermore, my brain thinks, well what if you’re forcing yourself to not act on them when it would be easier to just do it? It’s hard to think about the fact that acting on these thoughts is something I really could do if I wanted to and I’m confused about my feelings on that. I just need some input on other’s experiences because it usually helps to calm me down.

Spiraling, it’s hard because its like i know is true. That me not wanting to be intimate must mean something, not wanting to go out a lot, but then some days i want to see him. being anxious and unsure of the relationship, i see him and feel like im lying to him. I dont want to lose him, but this feels like its time you know. And sometimes im sitting down and my mind is thinking “stuff like how am i going to tell him its over” and stuff like that. I was diagnosed with depression, and i know that also affects my mood, intimacy etc, but most of the times im angry and dont want to do anything, and little normal things that never bothered me are starting to bother me now. Please how can i get better🥺 its hard to make plans and think of the future when i dont think is going to work, i feel like im scared of the future because i think that if i stay is always going to be like this and im going to be sad all the time, and i want to be happy🥺🥺🥺🥺 but its not his fault, so how can i get better, just keep pushing even if i feel anxious or scared? But im tired of being like this for 2yrs straight, with better days than others of course, but always doubting please help

I am new to NODC and starting therapy this Tuesday. I am excited but very anxious and honestly a bit triggered about starting and making my symptoms worse (on top of my other current triggers). I hoping for some positive vibes and the ability to take back control. All of my issues are mental obsessions and compulsions in various categories of OCD. Any good insight would be much appreciated!

i’m so scared right now. I’m so scared that i’ll hurt someone or myself im so so so scared i can’t breathe i don’t wanna hurt anyone but i feel like my mind is trying to trick me and make me think i want these thoughts but i don’t i just want my life back i don’t wanna live like this but i don’t know what to do im scared that i’ll lose control or something pls help me

Guys Im currently feeling low as a christian. I dont feel anything. I dont feel that god lobes me that he wants to heal me that he hears me I just feel like a bad person because im struggling with thoughts especially sexual ones and the sad thing is i fear what if i lile these thoughts because sometimes i see a girl i find attractive and when there comes a thought i hate myself :‘)

Hi everyone, my name is Alexa and I have OCD. I live in Romania with my parents, they are a little bit older than other parents of kids at my age, if it does matter. I noticed the first symptoms of OCD two years ago. I associate this onset of OCD with my grandfather's illness, which affected me badly. The symptoms were like: • obsessive screenshots at different magical numbers • symmetrical touching of different things (if I touch something with my left hand I MUST do the same with my right hand) • counting during different activities • intrusive thoughts about my existence • or intrusive thoughts followed by compulsive actions (for example: if you don't touch the wall 4 times something bad will happen to your parents) •in the last year, the situation has worsened a bit, and a recent symptom is the fear of contamination (the feeling of germs on the hands after touching an object touched by someone else) At first, I didn't know what are these things, but after some searches, I found that I identify with mosts of OCD symptoms. I told the school psychologist that I might have this problem but was ignored. After this incident, even I chose to ignore my problem. Lately though, I feel like I can't carry all these things anymore. And I want more than ever to heal! I want to get rid of this damn disease once and for all! So, I installed this app with the hope that it will manage to change something in my life. If not, at least I know that I shared all of this with someone, and that I didn't keep it all to myself. Thank you!

Some backstory: Come present day I've been off Prozac for a few months and went through some withdrawal symptoms such as my OCD starting to come back. I've started independent therapy by reading a mental health book and practicing meditation and working out. Recently I bought a prop knife for my DnD inspired Halloween costume and I realized it distressed me because of how sharp it was. This wasn't meant for survival, just a costume. I suddenly got a flash of anxiety and desperately felt the need to dull it in order to make sure it was safe. Was this the right thing to do, or is this a compulsion? I was very afraid of stabbing a friend or family member as my distressing thoughts, but didn't want to act on them. I did accidentally poke myself as a tiny dot of blood came from it, so it increased my need to dull it, and I did so using a large file. Now it feels safe, but my anxiety is still a little high from this, and the thought is still stuck to my mind.

Being uncertain about everything makes me feel physically ill. I can never know what's going to happen in the future. My current obsession is my health. I can't know if I'm going to develop some sort of life threatening illness like cancer or a tumor or schizophrenia. I don't know how to deal with this. How do I sit in uncertainty? How do I live without knowing what's going to happen? Please someone give me some tips on how

I have this irrational fear that my mom is going to ☠️(i can’t type the word because i’ll trigger myself but i hope you get what i’m trying to say) and i won’t know because i live far away from her and it literally keeps me up at night and i’ve cried so much about it. A lil context my mom is like my best friend I love her so freaking much and that’s where this fear stems from because i simply wouldn’t be able to live if she did pass away. This fear will trigger my compulsions so i literally need to check in with her almost every day and make sure im telling here to be safe and just being annoyingly over cautious with everything she does bcuz it’s like ahh!! don’t ☠️ mom!!! If i love someone a lot the thought of them dying becomes actually debilitating and feels like it’s already happened in a way even when their perfectly safe and healthy. Just death all around I obsess over, even those who I have actually lost i obsess over the fact that their watching me at every minute of everyday and i cant do anything that i wouldn’t do in front of them? if that makes sense? Is this a type of OCD?

It’s going to be 3 years of the same theme. I want to be excited about my bday but I can’t since this reminds me of relapse. In addition, I’ve been in therapy for too long and in a place where I’ve accepted I may be a lesbian but that doesn’t make sense, then I accepted I may be a bisexual. It felt so anxiety provoking! But now, it’s not. Now, I feels like I want it and I feel horrible because I love my husband but my mind is always throwing the thoughts with no anxiety and feelings like I want that. Now,every woman is a trigger and I hate it because I’m still not ok with being a bisexual. I don’t want to be w a woman! I think about me being w my husband forever and being w a woman is just not me, like I cannot picture me living w one and having that kind of life. Just need some encouragement 😢

Are there any Mormons here who have ocd obsessions about perfectionism and if you leave the church you go to Hell? The church teaches this.

Anyone else see that post about the gurl who's so-ocd came true? I'm so worried now that this IS me and I'm just in denial...because my sexual intrusive thoughts showed up before 12 and that's when they say most kids have their sexual awakening etc... I'm scared