Welcome to
the NOCD Community

What are your tips or what's the advice you'd give to someone starting their journey towards healing from ocd?

I wanted to figure out a way to explain how I feel in the easiest way possible. I thought maybe I could divide how OCD makes me feel into colors to help others understand. If you can relate let me know :) or drop in the comments what code you are experiencing right now. You are not alone and you deserve to be loved 💚 🟢Code green- no anxiety, feeling like I am alive. Feeling happy. Feeling like my true self. Thoughts are rare. Anxiety is rare. Feeling loving and loved. Laughing, being productive. Spending time with friends and family. Making memories. Watching any movie. Listening to any song. Going to any place. 🔵Code blue- feeling less anxious. Able to function and be around triggers. Able to continuously believe I am someone with ocd and anxiety and life will still go on. Knowing and fully believing I deserve to be happy. Laughing, smiling, being myself. 🟡Code yellow- anxious but functioning. Getting through the day with triggers. Having moments of panic but still getting through it. Thoughts still there causing anxiety. Some moments of intense fear but not enough to stop function. 🟠Code orange- struggling to function. Panicking but still have moments of relief. Not wanting to be around triggers. Understand everything will be okay but not feeling that way. 🔴Code red- drop everything, all energy goes into not spiraling. Putting all efforts in so I don’t fall apart. Extremely painful, feeling sick. Crying. Having panic attacks. Feeling like I don’t want to live. Can not function. ⚫️Code black- emptiness. No feelings but fear. Feeling like life is not worth anything. Looking in the mirror and not seeing a human. Not being able to feel emotions. No laughter. Crying. Pure loneliness. Feeling like the world has ended. Nothing exists. If you have read this far thank you :) i want to say that since therapy and understanding OCD I rarely ever fall to code black anymore. I know that OCD is tricky and will try to tear me down but I will not allow it. Stay strong friend. If OCD is tearing you down right now, SCREAM AT IT! Do not allow it to ruin your day. You deserve to be with family and friends. You deserve to have fun and create memories. You will feel happy and safe again. Dark feelings are not for forever.

So a couple weeks ago I was sleeping and laying by mom and she accidentally touched/squeezed my boob twice like at two different times or twice in a row and I talked to her about it and I moved past it like never thought about it again and then the other night I was laying by my mom again and she squeezed or touched my boob and I’ve been obsessing over it ever since and I even talked to her about it and she said it was an accident and she would never hurt me. But I’m upset because I feel and and think “she touched you on purpose” or “shes bad” “she sexually assaulted you” and I don’t wanna feel this way about her but for the last few days I’ve been obsessing and researching because i don’t know what to call this and I have severe ocd as it is. I mean I can convince myself of anything literally. I thought I liked my mom in a sexual way before like I had a crush on her. Anyways it’s really distressing and yesterday I was crying about it while hugging my mom’s sweatshirt because I love her so much. It feels like there’s a voice in my head telling me that my mom is dangerous and that she touched me on purpose. I don’t want to feel scared of her or uncomfortable around her, it makes me upset. I would not be here if it wasn’t for my mom. She has never done anything to hurt me and she’s a teacher. I love her so much and I just don’t understand why I can’t believe her when she said it was an accident when touching or squeezing my boob. I’ve always been comfortable changing around my mom or if I think there’s something wrong with my private areas like my vagina I’ll show her because I worry a lot and need someone to tell me it’s ok. Also this is really tmi but when I was younger I had some issues with my vagina like yeast infections and my brain is telling me I was 10-13 during this time because I knew I was older but I’m not sure what age, anyway my mom would Check my priv area and apply cream for me or use q-tips to get like white stuff out of my vagina. IM SORRY THIS IS TMI BUT I FELT I NEED TO SHARE TO EXPLAIN IM SORRY. Anyways I have never ever thought twice about this stuff but now my brain feels like it’s pulling out past memories as evidence to say my mom is bad and dangerous and that she’s sexually abusive. I even talked to my mom and she said she did that stuff to take care of me and my body especially my vagina. Why can’t I believe her? Again I never thought of this memory until now. I have never thought my mom is dangerous, I’ve always been comfortable around her and I’m 19 so why is this happening now? I’m just upset because I love her so much and would not be here if it wasn’t for her she’s my bestfriend. I just can’t get rid of these thoughts and feelings that she’s dangerous and bad and sexually abusive. I love her so much and she even told me she would never hurt me and her touching and squeezing my boob was an accident. Why am I not believing her or why am I feeling and thinking this way?!😫🥺😢😭

Has anyone been prescribed medical marijuana to help with their ocd?

Hey everyone. Just struggling and reaching out for help again. I appreciate anyone who can reply.

it just feels true right now but I just feel numb and like I don't even care to do compulsions. My boyfriend also isn't treating me well right now which makes stuff worse wahhh

I keep thinking about a decision I made while under the influence of alcohol and to this day it still hurts me to think I’d do something so stupid. It went against my morals, my life and the way k belive and think. At the time I was in this depressive state where I didn’t care about myself, I didn’t care about anyone else and the thought of allowing myself to let people in was scary because they’d just leave again so I looked for a release of connection through short periods of time, getting it anywhere and with anyone without a care and once I woke up from who I’d become I sort to change it and I have. I’ve learnt from my mistakes I take responsibility and I’ll never do such a disgusting thing again. I’ve met the absolute love of my life during the wake up call, it was the day of the wake up call/ biggest mistake of my life and now I can’t associate meeting him and this day as the same thing, it’s like because they both happened at the same time I’m not allowed to say meeting him was the best thing in the word, even though it was and had forever changed me. He’s like exactly who I’ve been dreaming of and I’m becoming a better person alongside him. But these mistakes still hurts to think about and I don’t know how to move past it, I’m scared I’ll never be allowed to

I guess I ask this because people say if you are facing distress and anxiety, its HOCD. So i got this when i turned 20, i remember I got a panic attack from it and was very upset about, before I knew about HOCD i would look up how to be straight and not gay. Ive been dealing with this for over a year now, but it feels like i dont face anxiety or stress, or worry, or distress anymore, and now im questioning if i ever felt it. The actions that I do and have done every single day for over a year, is looking, googling, researching(usually on the same website and topic) talk to my mom and sister about it ask for reassurance, they have told me that this has caused me distress and anxiety ect. Whenever i use to take the are you gay quiz, and it told me I was straight, I would get happy and excited(even tho at times it felt like I was forcing it). I post questions, I debate, argue, and analyze my thoughts all the time even though it feels hopless and feels like I lose. Compulsions and ruminate I believe I do a lot, my ocd tries to make me doubt it, but whenever I do compulsions or rumination, it feels worse, like the gay feeling feels more real and true, I dont want to be gay but it feels very real.

SometimesI feel like my brain functions differently than others, I receive information in a different and more analytical way, which makes my understanding of social interactions and the way I react to is kinda weird and slow, so lately I keep ruminating about how I might look to others and what if I’m actually looking like a creep for my weird reactions to them, I try to act natural and to blend in with them but I can’t help but feel like a creepy weirdo who doesn’t know how response well, does OCD makes it hard to interact with people?

Please tell me some Prozac success stories I’m starting it tomorrow! Feeling hopeful because I was doing ok on Zoloft and have been much worse since I’ve been off so we’re trying a new med.

Please forgive me in advance. I do not want to offend anyone on this platform so if I'm not politically correct, I am sorry. My bf of almost 2 years comes from a lower economic status than I did growing up. His father has intellectual disabilities from childhood trauma and abuse. His nieces and nephews have some disabilities as well. My bf and I have talked about marriage in the future. My OCD makes me focus on the possibility that if we marry, we may have a child with disabilities because of it running in the family. I know I sound judgemental and that does bother me. I know I'm not perfect so I shouldn't seek perfection in others or judge ppl but it worries me. I look for things wrong in my bf too, worrying that maybe I missed something and maybe he has something I didn't notice. It sounds ridiculous as I write this. Am I alone in this issue?

The thoughts feel so real. I feel like I'm denying everything just to hold onto what I'm comfortable with. The depression is crazy too; it feels like none of my ERP work matters because I'm just in denial.

So I’ve been struggling to write this down. The truth about OCD is that it sucks. I get weird thoughts and they stick. And because I can’t confirm their weird thoughts i get stuck in a cycle of rumination. That’s my compulsion. I avoid people and situations because I think I’m a bad person. Which ultimately drove me into depression and more. The verdict is this: you can’t make a thought go away. You can accept it as a thought even if you feel doubt about accepting it and letting it be there. Fake it till you make it. I’m faking it everyday and I’ve grown so much since staring my exposure therapies. Don’t avoid your exposures. They become so easy like water. The hardest part is starting. Rumination is a choice - believe it or not. I go, wait a minute wait a minute, I don’t want to keep figuring this out. And I feel the train tracks move and my mind goes else where. This is with therapy. This is with holding on to my last string of hope. And to make this easier for all of you. I’m a mother. My ocd has made my life harder because I have a tiny human who relies on me. I had a horrible childhood with the main billion still in my life. I’ve accepted it. Accept and move on. Work out for 5 min a day. Buy a new gym outfit that makes u feel hot!! Eat something different like a good quality chocolate bar ( a piece ) enjoy it!!!! Chew it slowly. Drink some water. Listen to your heart not your OCD . We don’t need compulsions, you will get there and one day believe it. Live with ocd like you don’t care! You’ve gotten this far. Rewrite your story this year. Start again everyday. And take it day by day… Build your peace and remember, nobody has the motivation to get out of bed, it’s about building good habits and discipline. Start preparing your meals for thanksgiving. Give charity, pray to god once a day. Tell him your letting him take over. Now get up and , 1,2, ready set GO.

Hello, I am 20 years old and I believe I’m suffering from ROCD. I’ve had these issues on an off in my 2 year relationship and it’s been a big struggle for me. My boyfriend is the best, kindest soul I know and I just never want to lose him. The story is kind of confusing but bear with me. My childhood crush from when I was a sophomore in high school is still really close friends with my cousin, so I see him a lot. I am always worried and freaking out that I still like this childhood crush, Im constantly checking my feelings, looking things up, and just ruminating all day. It’s been very triggering for me and stressful. I constantly feel like I need to breakup with my boyfriend because “what if i still like him” (my childhood crush). I need opinions on what you guys think I should do. I don’t know if i’m just insecure and scared of losing my boyfriend or if I’m genuinely still having feelings for this past person. I will say I have had a history with sexual orientation ocd so I have had many experiences like this before.

I’ve just been so sad. It’s been almost ten years of SOOCD. Ten years. I was twelve when it first started and now I’m 22, and I’m no closer to an answer now than I was when this began. Don’t get me wrong— it’s been on and off. There have been times where I’m very confident that I’m straight and other times where I feel like I have no choice but to be a lesbian. There’s so much evidence pointing towards me being bisexual at the very least, and after ten years, it feels like that must be true. I don’t think I will ever have a normal, happy life because of this. I will never be able to pursue my dream career because in my mind it’s a “lesbian” career, I’ll never get to fall in love with a man without scrutinizing it the entire way through, I’ll never know what it is to be at peace. To know myself. Sometimes I feel like I’m okay with being bisexual. Really, I do. But then I realize that feeling comfortable with being bisexual might mean I actually am. I just don’t know what to do. Ten years is too long. My life has been robbed from me. If it doesn’t stop by next year, I might just end it.

I’m running this by this ND community because Google is useless. I feel threatened all the time and feeling threatened is making me constantly irritable. Am I overdoing it? I may be tbf. I meditate nightly and I’m on permanent vacation but I do a lot of studying and I’m trying to expand a business. I need a way to wind down that isn’t drugs. I’ve been clean for 8 years and my instincts tell me to use drugs to unwind but the whole idea gives me a panic attack and I often get defensive if I feel threatened like this and lose my temper.

Hi guys this if my first post here on my quest to a better life The last 2 years have been massively stressing to me and I lost my marriage to an affair, my dream of becoming a father, my home and have to completely reset my entire life after 13 years of hard work I've now spent almost a year with a new partner who is absolutely wonderful in every way and on paper. My life is the best it's ever been and I know I'm happier then ever So why do I continue to ruminate, and have cropping doubts that I'm not good enough for my new partner on a daily basis. That's the next thing I want to understand about myself These thoughts are obsessive and intrusive and massively effect my mood and emotion on a daily basis. Like today's sprang from a photo of my new partner on an NHS id badge where she had different hair. And after sprial to special it ended up in my head as do I even know the real her and is she happy with me Apologies for the word blirt I guess I'm looking to understand if I'm not crazy. And where/ how I can get help and get this crap under control. And live a happy life Cheers for reading

New to all of this. Medications that didn’t make you lose your mind? I’m so nervous about taking medication. Suggestions?

Is it normal for me to focus all day everyday on my mental health? Checking to see if I am going to have thoughts and get anxious before I even do? Always looking up stuff to find more information about OCD? I’m in recovery of OCD and I always check my symptoms around my daughter, before I even have thoughts I get anxious I’m going to have them or something will trigger it, all day I’m looking up stuff about OCD , why am I so focused on my mental healthy every single day! What can I do!? Practice mindfulness? Nothing on the internet says anything about this

How do you deal with soocd trying to convince you that you had crushes on your friends in the past. I keep having thoughts about my female friendships and my brain is like “you actually wanted to date her” or “if she said she liked you, you’d want to be with her instead of your boyfriend”. These thoughts are so distressing because I don’t think they’re true but I also can’t ignore them because I just hate myself for even thinking it in the first place. If I ever told my boyfriend I was thinking these things he would never want to be with me. I don’t know how to spend time with my female friends who I’m seeing over this weekend without this totally overwhelming my brain. Has anyone dealt with this?