Welcome to
the NOCD Community

Has anyone taken any medications that completely just removed the ocd? Or did you still have issues with it?

It was too much for her and I don't blame her. She was freaked out about it. My OCD is really bad with unbearable themes. We planned our whole life together and I lost it all because I can't control my stupid brain. I've hit rock bottom and I don't know if there's any saving me

Who of you are Christians and have had to learn to live with OCD as a Christian? It’s one heck of a ride!!! How does it affect you?

Hello, I do not have OCD but my boyfriend does. We’re both in our early 20s, we have been together for almost a year. I’m making this post seeking advice , thank you for taking the time to read. He’s always had issues obsessing over my past and asking me questions and things of that nature. I talk to him about it and answer when he wants to ask me stuff, but the problem is i don’t want to talk about these things because it’s really traumatic for me. He tends to obsess over my past romantic history which brings up bad feelings for me (SA, DV trauma etc) I want to help him but it’s VERY hard to stay patient when it’s triggering me. Every time he asks me about these things i either end up having a panic attack or getting so upset with him which ends up making him feel worse because he can’t control his obsessions and it’s a really hard cycle for both of us. I don’t understand much about OCD and it confuses me how one minute everything is fine and the next he is upset. and he hasn’t been diagnosed yet but is working on getting into therapy. He has his own trauma which i think is where this all stems from. But in the meantime I want to find better ways to help but also keep my own mental health in check. I’m willing to do whatever I can to help him with his issues. It’s also really isolating because it’s a difficult situation and i’m having difficulty finding anyone who relates and can help. Thank you for reading this. 🥺 And anyone who has advice would get greatly appreciated.

I keep getting intrusive thoughts of men and their privates when i pleasure myself and i hate it so much... plus i have this intrusive urge to smell my hand during and after i pleasure myself, and when i do because i dont want to smell weird, my hocd goes "YOU LIKE THE SMELL OF YOUR HAND AFTER PLEASURING YOURSELF BECAUSE YOU LIKE MENS PRIVATES AND LIQUIDS" when i really dont want to be attracted to men or their privates in any way...

First time posting! My therapist recommended that I give this app a look. Hopefully this isn’t too much to read and a another trigger warning for anyone sensitive to SA and sexual themes (straight and gay). Anyways I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years now and he is my first. During the first year we were together, I actually got diagnosed with OCD and ADHD. Was on meds for both but stopped because I didn’t want to be reliant on meds and wanted to overcome them without it. The OCD started off with ROCD. I constantly had thoughts about cheating on him and leaving him because “I’m not his type” or he only got with me because he’s desperate. I freak out sometimes when he looks at my phone because I think that I downloaded a dating app and a notification will pop up. I would constantly ask for reassurance from him and make sure he loved me for who I am. I constantly felt guilty and had anxiety attacks whenever the thoughts came in. The thoughts deceive me into thinking that I’m unhappy with the relationship and that it’s doomed to end. Then it evolved into SO-OCD. A quick backstory was that I always and only had crushes on boys up until college. I went to an art school where most of not all of the girls were part of the LGBT+. I think that influenced me to be more “open” with my sexuality. I had a friend who was a girl who I “developed” a crush on. I’m pretty sure it was because I liked the attention and being influenced by a lot of my friends. What makes me think it was just because of attention was that I never thought about the sexual part. I was very lonely and craved any amount of attention and I was desperately wanting to be loved. I never dated anyone in my life and it showed. I even confessed but she rejected me. Later I was constantly sexualized by who I thought were my friends. I was even molested and groped by a girl while I was drunk and high and was about to pass out. Ever since then I’ve been very cautious around female friends especially if I’ve been drinking. When I was confident enough to go on dating apps I only put interested in men since I was sure I am straight. My SO-OCD makes me not trust the women in my life and not to get close to any female. I have thoughts that I am a lesbian in denial and that I am lying to everyone around me. That I’m leading my boyfriend on and that I should be with a women. Looking at myself in the mirror and imagining a lesbian lifestyle. When I try on certain clothes or get my hair done I think “I look so gay” or “I should get a pixie cut or shave my head so I look more gay”. (I’m sorry if that part offends anyone i’m just repeating my thoughts). I have detailed visions in my head of my having sex with women even though the thought repulses me. I get triggered from looking at a gay couple or even having conversations with a woman in the store. I constantly think that I should ask them out even though I have a boyfriend and I’m not really interested. I even have thoughts of messaging my family and coming out. I feel so guilty looking at my boyfriend and having those thoughts cloud my mind. Recently it’s been getting so bad that I’m convinced im completely gay and that im not attracted to him anymore. Sometimes I wish that I didn’t go to that college and maybe none of these thoughts would happen. I also feel that my OCD is invalidated because of my past. Like the OCD uses it as leverage to validate the intrusive thoughts. It makes me feel like I’m never going to get over this sometimes. I’m lucky enough to have the most amazing and understand boyfriend. Even though it is hard to tell him my thoughts he doesn’t judge me at all or take it personally. I feel super guilty whenever I get these thoughts because I love him to death. He means a the world to me and it kills me that I have these thoughts. Couldn’t ask for someone better to fight the OCD battle with. If you made it this far, thank you for reading. I appreciate it a lot and hopefully it wasn’t too much at a time. ❤️

Being out with my boyfriend after constant rumination and constant doubts makes me feel even more disconnected from him :( I know I love him, I wouldn’t be trying so hard to go back to normal if I didn’t, but I don’t feel love for him right now. Being numb about everything doesn’t help at all either. I’d be out with him at a restaurant or something, not feel the false attractions towards women, but still feel like with him I’m lying to myself. Ugh I hate this, he used to be my home and now it’s so hard to find comfort around him.

I’ve been dealing with what I believe to be harm ocd for a while and it goes away for long periods of time and comes back worse and I can’t stop thinking about doing awful things to people and I visualize it and think about consequences and stuff and it scares me because I want it to stop, but idk how to get violent thoughts about hurting people to stop I haven’t been diagnosed but I’m just scared for me and others, someone please help, I just want to go back to a clear mind

I’m in India in a vegetarian area but I’m heading to Nepal for a week tomorrow. I’ve been eating a vegetarian diet in India so far but have intentions of eating meat in Kathmandu. I feel so guilty especially of eating anything cowlike, such as a buffalo or a yak. I’ve had dietary OCD before and I was vegan with no supplements and eating a very restricted diet. I think I’m going to cope with this as I had no meds last time and I’m a lot wiser about proper nutrition now. I figure eating meat for one week then coming back to vegetables in India is a simple way of stocking up on important vitamins. On the quiet though I do enjoy being vegetarian and the food here is delish.

if this app has helped y’all, i’m very happy! but for me this has been about nothing but money. my therapist only cares about money. the people that work nocd only want your money. i’ve been worse ever since starting therapy on here. if you can get different therapists, please do so. i would not recommend this. the fees are also ridiculous. just giving you a heads up! the community is sweet and loving, but everyone behind this is sketchy. be warned. they just took $150 after i finished my payments already!

I'm getting so stuck on intentional exposures. This is what I understand & I'll use an example. From my understanding ERP is about letting yourself experience an intrusive thought and then not doing a compulsion. So for example if I had the thought "Have I left my hair lathered in soap?" And my compulsion was to re-rinse, ERP would be about letting myself sit with the thought "Have I left my hair lathered in soap?" And then not re-rinsing, moving on with my day. Same for say I had the thought "Have I dropped $30 on the ground?" And my compulsion was to check the ground for money. ERP for this would be letting myself have the thought "Have I dropped $30?" And then not checking, moving on with my day. But Then there's intentional exposures, like habituating to dropping $30 on the ground, or habituating to my hair lathered in soap, or habituating to soap smeared on my TV (another intrusive thoughts I have is "You're going to smear soap on your TV). I don't get it. I thought we just let the intrusive thoughts be & don't do compulsions, not actually turn our intrusive thoughts into reality and live that way. So strange and contradicting.

So recently I realized I'm queer and I have feelings for my best friend. But with all feelings I always had uncertainty. And I don't know if it's related to OCD or not but I have so much doubt with anything I'm feeling. For example I like my friend but my brain keeps telling me 'what if you don't actually like her you just convinced yourself you do' but then when I think I don't like her my brain keeps telling me stop being in denial. And this so sometimes happens even with happiness or sadness or any other emotion. Not all the time but sometimes. I can never be sure of what I'm feeling. Can anyone relate?

I have some things i really struggle with lately and need to know if someone has the same experience 1. I am very calm sometimes if i question like i really question my sexuality 2. I feel not present and it makes me sad 3. My thoughts center specific people especially a girl i did kissed with and had some dates with because i thought maybe it is not ocd but denial so i tried dating girls . This girl is stuck in my head and it frustrates me because i did really try it but never went further with her and she has a girlfriznd and i dont think i am jealous of her. Also i have a rzally nice boyfriend , i want these thoughts with him 4. Wow okay 3 sound like denial fck 5. Sometimes i am like let me fantasize about a girl because maybe i have a hard time accepting and it is not ocd and then i like check or try to like them or not like them i dunno i feel weird Can someone please respond i really need someone to say it is okay

Back in September, I accidentally signed for and opened a piece of mail that had my address on it but was for the previous owner. I was a bit worried about it but called my local postmaster, gave him the details and he said it happens all the time just to bring it in and they’d take care of it. So I did just that. This past week we got another piece for the same person, and I wrote that it was the wrong address and sent it back. I have had 2 additional friends that work for usps tell me it’s nothing to worry about. But I am so consumed by the thought of accidentally getting in trouble it’s physically making me sick. I’m seeking reassurance like crazy. Nothing anyone says eases my mind. Everyone has told me that it’s okay and to let it go. How on earth do I let it go?? This is the worst cycle of ocd I’ve had yet (and that’s saying a lot 🥴). Can anyone give me some advice on how you’d let yourself let this go? thanks

Attraction to attractive females feels triple real than non attractive ones :(

Extremely close to giving up and throwing in the towel, dealt with 24/7 intrusive thoughts since March, done ERP therapy, cold showers, gym, diet changes, medication, work. However I can’t find the motivation to get out of bed today, life surely can’t be this miserable forever 😟 contemplating ending it all

Two months have passed since I started therapy. It has been helpful in reducing symptoms and I began to work on the things I like, but there are still some things which irritate me. I am feeling depressed and I find it rather difficult to think rationally. I spend a lot of my time inside my head with thoughts regarding my future and I am overwhelmed with dread that I am going to fail school in my last year, although my grades tell another story and I still managed to study for myself to get a better understanding of some matter beyond the things that have been taught in my class. I have the feeling of not possessing control over the most trivial aspects of my life. I stutter a lot more and I find it difficult to explain or come up with ideas. My performance of tasks is much more slowly and I have become quite forgetful. When I try to think logically, it feels as is if I have brain fog. The worst part is that now I have a lot more thoughts besides my main theme surrounding my sexual orientation. Thoughts that sound like "I am the smartest man alive", "I am better than anyone else", "I am smarter than Albert Einstein himself", "I possess knowledge of everything" and the worst one "I am god". With these thoughts burdening my mind, I have not quite felt like myself in a long time, approximately 4 months and 23 days. I encourage myself to advance through life by telling myself that everything will pass, but it feels like a lie. It feels like my mind cannot be mended anymore and this started when I truly believed that my main theme became reality. I fought for a whole year against HOCD, only to find myself at square one with the fear feeling ever so real. I hate it so passionately, because although these thoughts tormented me, I became accustomed to them and I managed to be a rational person who finished at the top of their class. But with the new theme of my fear of being bisexual, not only did I feel powerless against my thoughts and feelings, but my mental resistance towards them also sank. Now, when a aforementioned thought appear, it feels like I do not want to create resistance anymore or to put up a fight against them. It seems as if I do not want to do anything, not even ERP. This apathy drags me down. Everything appears so dark, devoid of potential. I try to escape from this mental prison, but I cannot. Everything I do and try to do feels like it is doomed to fail and will not improve my situation. I try to adhere to the my training given by my therapist, but even then I am not sure if it will help me. I do not even know if I have OCD or not anymore. After triggering myself with my new theme, I cannot discern my thoughts from intrusive thoughts anymore. I lack any clarity on this matter for a very long time, although sometimes I get some glimpses of truth. Thank you for reading this lengthy post and I apologize for any grammatical mistakes or word repetitions. Is this a comorbidity between depression and OCD or just another tactic of OCD unknown to me that surprisingly well in keeping me occupied with this never-ending agony?

What's the point in talking when nothing makes you feel heard? I'm pretty sad rn. Things don't feel special. And conversations feel empty So frustrated and sad... I feel invisible too. But why bring that up and talk about it if I'm gonna feel unheard anyway? It makes no sense

so you know how the more you have an intrusive thought, the more likely it is to show up in your dreams? well coming from someone who is atheist/agnostic and is skeptical on some holistic/spiritual takes on things, i am having a difficult time wondering why my intrusive thoughts are showing up in my dreams the way they do. once i wake up, whether it’s right afterwards or later in the day, i’ll remember the part of my dream that is totally fueled by an intrusive thought. unfortunately it’s not pleasant and very upsetting. so, how do any of you deal with this? i get worried and wonder if it has something to do with my subconscious trying to tell me something/having a spiritual meaning or a higher power trying to tell me something. these are super common ocd subtypes too so i know it’s that. i just struggle sometimes with the rumination.

I just have too many emotions every day and I feel like I’m just repeating every day the same as the last.