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the NOCD Community

Please pray for me to do what I want and not what OCD wants

I have been making progress, granted it’s been a tad rocky at times with my OCD since this flare up began. Some moments are just for some reason easier than others I guess. I just finally had a “win” where I essentially said to my OCD “okay sure” though I don’t agree with the thought. It made moving on with my day surprisingly easy for once but then I’m sat here now feeling anxious about how indifferent I could be with the thought and even have this “lol okay whatever” attitude towards it. I know I don’t agree with the thought but now the OCD makes me doubt that and that causes me anxiety despite knowing I don’t agree with the intrusive thoughts. Has anyone experienced this before? And if so what helped you get over feeling bad for feeling indifferent towards the intrusive thought (even though that’s essentially the point of OCD therapy)? Thanks.

My harm ocd thoughts would get me life in prison and that’s one of my biggest fears I never want to go there just want to be happy with the little family I have left and my gf and enjoy life, but when I get thoughts all I think about is how one day I’ll do the thoughts to make them stop and wind in jail and I worry about if people will see me in jail, I’m scared idk what to do

i’m a healthy 20 year old female who is smart and athletic. i don’t have any brain diseases or anything. i must not have false memories. i am scared.

so at school my teacher made us think about "is time travel possible?" and it made me wonder about it so much to the point that it made me question like my present moment and like idk just my sense of time, also like made me question going into the future, like isn't every moment like every time the clock ticks, you're going into the future and like idk tbh, all these swirling thoughts that make me feel terrified, and like just questioning what's happening around you and like idk, I've also felt like a sense of depersonalization/derealization where it just feels like it makes me question my reality and each moment I live it's like I have to check that it's real and that it's what's actually going on, and then it makes me question my sanity and makes me feel like I'm insane and losing my mind, and then it brings myself to the terrifying thought "what if I can't do anything to the point that I end up in an asylum and die there or what if I get terrified of like everything basically and just die from it I've been having heart palpitations that occur way too frequently since yesterday and I feel like it's because of the constant anxiety I feel from these thoughts that don't end please help

soo i was on bumble and i matched with this guy and we had things in common but then the idea of "he looks like my brother" came into my mind (my main intrusive thoughts revolve around him) and i freaked out, i started analysing his face lol they probably weren't that similar looking but once i had the idea i can't let it go, and i just couldn't get to keep talking to him, I thought a lot about what to do next and i decided to delete bumble and not talk to him anymore, was that a compulsion? lol i hate thissssss i wanna go back to 2022

So I was on a car ride with my grandpa and than my grandpa said “this happen in 42” so as a joke I said “Jesus made this” and started pretending to be like I’m creating what we were talking about as a joke but I didn’t realize it can maybe be offensive to Jesus and now I thought about it and got really scared i mocked Jesus and I’m going to hell so can someone. Tell me if I am or not I didn’t do this to try and mock Jesus in a rude way I just did it to be silly and not as a offensive way but looking back makes me wanna know if I’m still gonna be punished for this by the Holy Spirit

I have severe ocd and today I half-attempted suicide I say half-attempted because my attempts weren’t that risky. I hung myself at a low level and waited to die. I also sort of cut my wrists I tried hanging from a higher point but my belt wouldn’t fit What does this all mean? Am I doing this for attention? What is wrong with me?

Holidays have always been hard for my dysfunctional family. This year in particular may be in the top 3 worst thanksgivings. It’s always been just me, my mom and sister. This year, my sister went out of state so it’s just me and mom. I have suspected I have OCD for over a decade now. I can respect self-diagnosis. However, I personally don’t believe in it. I have never been professionally diagnosed. A week or two ago I decided it was time to open up to mom and seek help. I’m bad at communication so I printed out a 28 page document and showed her a 3 min video. Since then, she hasn’t lifted a finger. When I’m balling my eyes out literally begging for her help like a 5 year old she dismisses me. Invalidates my feelings. Looks and treats me as if im a monster. I downloaded this app with the hopes of connecting with a therapist. I can’t find my insurance card and can’t afford a session out of pocket. Does anyone have any suggestions on what I can do? If I’m being honest, typing this out helped me more than I thought it would. I already feel a little better but my anxiety is still extremely high right now.

Anyone else feel overstimulated over having to spend time with family? i hate this i feel so awkward, i keep watching my movements to make sure i don’t bump or touch anyone inappropriately to the point where i look awkward. I feel so weird and stupid I had to go back in my room because i couldn’t deal with it

Its good and im happy and thankful that i learned alot about myself and how to process things and how to be more kind with others but im also angry cause all this gives me more problems cause i see how my family ie just toxic in some ways, that i want to talk with them something and it gets turned on to me, and they blame me. Maybe i do it wrong to, i need to learn how to approach people when i have a problem to not sound like im attacking them. But this is why i feel angry about these kind of teachings cause its all beautiful and that, we should be kind, we should listen others but if you get there, you will see how toxic other people are and it makes you depressed. And im in that place right now, im angry that i learned these things cause now i beat myself over that people around me are toxic, noone can deal with others in a kind way, noone gave time to work on their problems and everyone blames others and the world instead of working on their problems. Its good to learn these things but when it hits you how others are around you, and you realize youve been accused and gashlighted before and you believed it, it makes you depressed. And people only got 2 answers for this 1. Leave them, 2. Forgive them or say that youre sorry and then they will say it too and yall cry and yall live happy after that... the only problem is people arent like this. You can say youre sorry what you did wrong before and they agree with that without saying that they are sorry too and continue blaming you, or maybe if they say sorry, after some time they get back where they were... I gave chances to people many times and they ended on the same place blaming me. The other opcion to leave them is the another end of the black and white thinking, some have experienced sexual abuse, i agree that those people should leave, or if you feel happy about it you can leave, but i dont fee like i want to leave because some toxic people, ive dealt with depression bc of this cause others said to leave but i didnt wanted to and i felt like this is the only way and i dont want it. I dont want leave now, also leaving its not that easy as others say, you have to give up alot of dreams and you have to work for surviving now... i dont want that life. I dont expect any advice for this, i just felt like i need to vent cause i try to talk with people here but they are childish and cant sit down like grown people and talk about a problem, they act like they dont hear you or start to blame you for things... and im actually hate that i learned how it should be, how you should deal with problems and seeing that i dont have that help in my family makes me afraid that i will end up having more problems or i will hit rock bottom cause you can only deal problems with help, and you need others, but all i have sometimes is myself cause im the only one this family who actually deals with their problems and want to be better. So yeah there is that fear that i should have people who listen me and we talk like grown people, but because i dont have it, all i have are people who just blame me for their problems, then i will be broken throughout my life and i will be depressed, until i dont find someone... i want to believe that God gave us powers to deal with things alone, cause always needing someone is neediness, but all i hear on the internet is to not be alone, find people, dealing problems alone is painful and dangerous, and this just puts me to not be able to deal with this alone cause i start to entertain these "oh im alone, noone helps me" victim mindset. Yes we need people who listens us, i dont say that, but when you want to find that person but you dont find it cause everyone around you didnt learned how to be compasionate with others, then you get in this dark place that you will never get through things and the social media just add to this with the "we need someone who listens us without blame" thing... and again you will just feel depressed that youre around toxic people

I hate this I feel so sad and I’m not having a good day

I am getting help but I’m scared it actually just reassurance seeking.

I don’t know if this is just my hormones settling or years of terrible sleep due to the hormonal birth control pill, but it just feels like every day I’m dreaming or I’m not real as my mind continually takes minor mistakes from my past and turns them in dark sometimes dangerous what if scenarios. There are some days I can cope but other days (like today) this overwhelming anxiety is something I really can’t cope with 😢. I feel so alone as I have emotionally distant parents which means I will never get properly diagnosed since they don’t take it seriously. Other than changing my sleep patterns, changing my diet and doing more exercise I really don’t know what else to do. Please help with suggestions I really need before I break one day.

The backdoor spike isn't affecting my life as much anymore I've doing the maybe maybe not thought but I don't have my attraction to women my age back 17 or older. I know it's early doors like only couple days of feeling abit ok. But I'm just impatient because literally 2/3 weeks ago I had a crush on a girl a bit older than me just turning 18 and now I just don't have that evidence or spark should I say even though I'm starting to feel better just with that doubt still lurking in me I can still feel the doubt like its ocd last resort

I've learned alot about this type of ocd, and i still have to say, this is my hardest one to deal with. Its hard cause when i try to ignore, it makes me feel like i get the wrong treatment, when i actually should get the treatment that suicidal people get, and this made me get reassurance seeking alot of times cause i went and talked with people about this as a real problem and it always ended up like me wanting them to say im not actually suicidal. That doesnt happened always, actually one of my therapist said that i have suicidal tendecies, and that was the time i started not trusting her and eventually i left. I learned more outside therapy, for me youtube videos helped more than any therapist ever could. Now i know what to expect from ocd, yet today i questioned again. Its because i compare myself with otherw. Alot of times i see ocd portrayed as "i just got a random thought while i was enjoying my life" and yeah i had that too but also many times the thoughts had a reason to come, and also an emotion. Im dealing with a problem today and i got exhausted by anger and it got so bad that suicidal thoughts came and because the anger i felt it was strong and sadness came with it too so for some seconds it was like all this is genuine, but then i was like wait i dont want that, but the two thing started to go with a war and i felt anxious. After that i remembered back in the days this was the time when i started having panic or and emotional attack cause the two things(that i want and i dont want to do it) felt exhausting and i couldnt decide what is the truth. And because suicidal ocd is always portrayed by just a random thought, i said well then i might have a real problem. So this is when i started falling in ocd. And now that i had the same experience I question again cause i feel like i just put the "ocd" label to that to feel better, or im avoiding real problem or to get the right treatment. I also have problem with this cause i hear everyone say "everyone has these kind of thoughts" but i was open about my struggle and i asked others and many times the answer was "no i didnt thought about that" so this made me feel that okay this might be a problem then... its just strange if its ocd why do i get these thoughts when i get really angry, and i follow it until i get scared cause i realize its leads me to a bad place. This always makes me think that there might be a problem cause ocd is just the obsession and fear about something, but that when im angry or feel really bad and i turn into these thoughts or i get these thoughts, like theres no obsession or fear... it comes after that. So my question is do you get it with outside problems like when youre suffering and you just get these thoughts and go with it before you get anxious or you just get the random thought when youre living your life?

My happiness, my passion, my relationships, my life, my will, everything is being taken. And I can’t help but feel I deserve it. I am having these thoughts, and actively choosing to engage in avoidance. Horrible thoughts that feel like they might be me “deep down”. I’m so tired

So hey guys I’m like 16 and I had my first sexual encounter with my boyfriend three days ago I was a virgin but I really love him so I let him take my virginity while we was doing the deed he came in me with my consent but now I’m scared I’m pregnant but now we just had this big fight and I now feel dirty for letting him touch me because he might leave me I hate feeling this way I really loved him that’s why I let him take my virginity.

I was going through a server for ocd on Reddit and some random person who isn’t in the server started questioning groinal responses saying „if you aren’t at least a little bi you wouldn’t question being attracted to them“. And as I was explaining this further he also started to claim that if you’re scared of being a pedo then it probably makes you one bc „no normal person does that“. I know this comment was just absolute bs thrown out by a random person who doesn’t have ocd (but for some reason still knows abt intrusive thoughts) but it made me question everything again and made me feel like I might actually be all of these. I’ve been questioning liking my dog, my family members, children and other women. This is just eating me up

Hi everyone! I have real life ocd where I’ve been stuck on something I’ve done 2 and a half years ago. I’ll be vague but when my partner and I just first started talking, I was still friends with my ex and it’s been something that has haunted me because of how much guilt I now feel for my actions during that time period. I love my partner to death, I would never in a million years hurt him but I face chronic guilt over this and seem to have a hard time moving past it. Recently I’ve been consumed by what other people would think if they knew and how I feel like a terrible person and partner. Can anyone relate to this? The guilt is awful, and any strategies on recovering?