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I constantly believe that the words “I blas—— the H——G——,” are an unforgivable sin, and I cannot get them out of my head.

Yesterday i tried to come out a little bit of my comfort zone and went for a wedding with a friend. My friend went to the bathroom first and i feel like she might have touched something contaminated then we went in the same car. Now i am anxious over all the thoughts bcz i feel she might have touched my dress but i am not sure. She grabbed a sweater which was just beside me so i am anxious she might have touched my clothes but i cannot even wash it as this is a long maxi dress with a big flare. I just rubbed it with wet hands. But if i am not 100% sure then why these thoughts are disturbing me. When i came back home and changed i feel like everything else is also contaminated. She touched plates and food and everything thing else there which made me more anxious and i was just trying to get a plate from the middle and obviously i was looking weird for doing such things. Then one lady told me to pass her a bowl of meat which my friend has already touched so i didnt want to be rude due to which i couldnt say no but i touched it from a side and passed her. It was a terrible experience and now i am thinking to wash the whole earth and everything in it bcz then i came home and touched everything. This is not possible and i dont even remember which things are contaminated so i am just sitting anxious with these thoughts and cant do anything. I really dont want to throw my maxi which i just wore once and is really expensive but i am unable to wear it ever bcz i feel it is really contaminated and will contaminate everything else. What should i do now???

i’m having a hard time with the concept of people having soocd and it coming true. is it more likely for those with soocd to have their ocd fear come true than pocd? it’s so hard because people say ocd is ocd but then it seems like some themes can really manifest?

I missed my Zoloft dose this morning… will you his cause the medication to stop working if I take it again in the morning?

I’m almost there in breaking my skin picking obsession. It’s a team effort. And we’re doing beyond great.

Today I was brave enough to go out, together with my toddler, and walk to the church house, where I was going to meet the priest to have a chat about my struggles. As the Lutheran church has been so welcoming to me, I felt entitled to do so. The priest has been so kind every time I have met him, that I was very confident about today, and despite the very harsh weather (we were -17°C with feels like -24°C) I would much preferred to have stated home, but I didn't. I did my best to be there. Still I didn't make it on time. I had to call the priest 2 times to apologize and let him now we were almost there. I explained him, my baby girl she is still slow to walk in so much winter clothing and shoes, and it was so cold. I somehow knew I shouldn't have gone there. But I thought it was my OCD sending me negative or intrusive thoughts. The priest wasn't the same today, he seemed to disconnected from the conversation, he wasn't happy today, he seemed bored and not interested in talking, I got confused and uncomfortable, since he invited me to go and talk. He insisted me on saying hello to the deacon there, but I was very scared to so so, since she just came back yesterday from Africa, she was there more than a month. So I was so worried thinking: "what if" she brought a disease home? Since no one told me, what was she really doing there and where, they just said on service, it's not so hard to assume perhaps she was in some place assisting people in need and maybe suffering from some diseases. Still they introduced myself to her, she didn't seem any nice, she seemed to not to be eager to meet me, as in the past due to extreme fear and isolation I was into, I failed to visit her and talk to her I guess she must have remained me. She had handshake with me (which I got so nervous) and then she came close to my child to greet her. But I got even more nervous. After all, I came home, took long shower, gave one long shower to my toddler also. I couldn't handle the anxiety about: "what if the deacon is ill without having visible symptoms yet, since she had to take several planes and being at airports, and maybe to have been around people who was very vulnerable and ill? So I decided to send an sms to a colleague of the deacon, I have met her a couple of times and she seemed nice. After I wrote the message, before I even sent it I thought I didn't want my question to be misunderstood and get them upset with me or think something wrong, so I asked to the chatgpt to re write the message in a very respectful way. So the AI did it. I sent it, it took several hours until I got a response. When I got the response I was so hurt by her words. She never even answer my questions. She just said something like this: Paulina, I'm so sorry to hear you feel this way, I'm worried and very convinced you need professional help with all of this... Among other few words she wrote. I felt like she tried to say that I'm crazy. It's something I have noticed here, people tends to be rude or to sharp to say things about mental health. To suffer from anxiety and OCD its not to be crazy or insane. To struggle from this psychological disorders doesn't make me stupid, crazy or dangerous. I suffer from this all the day every day. It makes my life a hell, the last thing I need is someone being rude and treating me as a crazy or mentally impared person. I'm not. After thinking a while about germs words I wrote her an answer and I cried my eyes out. I feel more calm now. But it feels so hard to live in a society where people has so much ignorance about OCD and how badly affects the life on the individuals who suffer from it. I wish people was more empathetic, kind and supportive. Instead being harsh and rude. The only good thing here is I was outside with my daughter, and I tried despite all, to recognize my effort and to feel I did one thing different today. I hope someone can share with me if you

to shorten a very long story, my ocd got "formally" triggered when i was but 17 years old. i was reading a book with really triggering topics and suddenly the thought of "what if i am..." popped into my head, i spiralled into my first ocd episode of my entire life and it nearly killed me. everything got stripped away from me, my family, music, movies, tv, playgrounds, reading, my mind, everything. i was grieving the loss of my entire life, entire self. from the moment i woke up to when i fell asleep in the early hours of each morning i would have obsessively intrusive thoughts/images, compulsions and i would ruminate and go through rituals for about 12 hours a day. in the span of 3 days, my entire life had been flipped upside down, hourly panic attacks, constant earth shattering anxiety. i lost everything. it felt like my world split and i, along with everything i once loved and cherished was gone. i prayed every night to a god i do not believe to either kill me or take whatever it was in my head away. at that time, pure ocd was not spoken about as much and i couldn't find anything at all about it online. i tried to kill myself, was in hospital, did not get taken seriously because i was too afraid to share my intrusive thoughts with anyone at all. this continued for a while, i withered away, i stopped eating, i was bed bound, i self harmed, i was no longer a person. i lost hope in anything that ever mattered to me, in being a sister, girlfriend, and a mother one day. those things where no longer possible for me with the ocd themes i struggled with. it was simply out of the question. however, i am extremely lucky with the people in my life that surround me, i have an incredible mother, boyfriend and best friend who all thought for me, did not judge me for my thoughts and supported me to the best of their ability. things were starting to look up, they gave me the reassurance that i was normal, and that i am not those things my head tells me i am, that the intrusive images i get are normal. however as we all know, reassurance only makes things better for a very short while. just like that, my ocd got worse and i grieved once again. i remember googling once, if there is a cute for ocd, or if there will ever be a way to get rid of it, the answer was no. that was the reason for another suicide attempt. i felt utterly hopeless, all i knew is that i could not live the rest of my life like this, in fear, in avoidance, in heartbreak. even there was proof it could get better, i did not believe that i would ever be okay as long as any part of ocd resides in me. i was so wrong. my boyfriend, who i have most of my recovery to thank for, found out about ERP therapy, signed me up and paid for me as i was not in the financial position to do so myself and though i had given up hope long ago, i gave ERP a shot, for the sake of my loved ones. several months later, i really started doing better, applying everything i have learned and gained from ERP into real life. every day tasks became doable, me and my partner started trying to be intimate again since that was an impossiblity in the worst of my ocd, i started spending time with children, animals and slowly but surely living became a possibility to me once again. i had my down moments, even days, weeks or sometimes months where my ocd felt relentless again, but i fought hard not to lose hope, as i saw that even with ocd, i sometimes had days and even weeks of peace, where it was quiet, manageable and did not take away the joy out of life. i kept working so hard with ERP, both in therapy and in day to day life. now a couple of years later, i am no longer in therapy, i am a better sister than i have ever been before, there is nothing i cant watch, listen to or read, even though yes, i still get triggered, i no longer avoid and with time, i know even those triggers will become light work. i once again cannot wait to be a mother. i even work within childcare now! i couldnt even bare to walk past a school or playground a few years ago. i wouldn't say i have overcome ocd, but truthfully sometimes there is a couple of months at a time where i dont even motive it, at all. yes, admittedly, sometimes it pokes its ugly head out and demands my attention but with hard work, i am able to deal with it. it is still scary at times, but i am no longer debilitated by it. one thing that ocd has taught me is to never take anything for granted, it can all be so easily stripped away. i promise you all, there is hope, and it is not fair that we have to fight so hard for things that come to most so easily, but i swear it is worth it, you will survive ocd, you will be happy and glad you stayed.

Has anyone else gone through a long period of unemployment? I have been unemployed for 4 years now. I quit my job due to mental health stressors, then the pandemic happened, then my mental health got even worse (to the point where just existing day to day can be a huge struggle). My girlfriend has a high income and has been fine with me being unemployed and working on my mental health, but I feel like I’ve taken advantage of that. (Why in earth was I OK with letting her support me in this way for so long?) I feel so ashamed and lazy. I’m applying for jobs now (and struggling due to the huge gap in my employment and my still very poor mental health). I feel like even if I get a job now, I will still feel so consumed by the guilt and shame of being a useless member of society for 4 whole years. I am just so sad and tired and I feel like I’ve messed up severely in every area of life. And I am terrified to go back to work because of how severe my OCD still is. But I feel like such a burden on my gf, and I know things have to change. Has anyone else overcome anything similar? How do you get over the guilt and shame?

All I’ve ever wanted is for my Mom to understand me. I try. I try so hard to explain but nothing ever comes out right. Idk what else to do. If your own mother, who brought you into this world, looked at you with disgust every second of every day.. what would you do? If your own family’s love is only ever conditional… is there such thing as unconditional love? I thought that was the point of “family”??? What do I need to do to be less of burden to the people around me? I only ever want to make people happy. That’s what makes me happy. This can be a good and bad thing. Good, well..because who doesn’t want to make others happy? Bad, because i sometimes go overboard. I forget about self love, self care and self worth and those 3 things should come before loving someone else. I end up losing myself and burning myself out all to appease the people around me. To make sure they are still happy and striving even if im suffering in silence. I’m burnt out now. I can no longer fake it till i make it. I’m lost and don’t know what to do. Where to go. Who to trust. Any advice would be highly appreciated if you stayed long enough to read all of this

During the summer I allowed myself to play videogames without necessarily petting my cats to compensate for allowing harm to come to them thinking that whatever happens to them happens, but with what happened in September with the whole me not removing the extinguisher from the closet before going to class and not going back home to fix it, I felt so much guilt that I realized that not deleting my save removes any stake, like I have no reason to be as mindful or careful about removing threats from my cat’s lives, I become lazy. If I have this sword of damocles hovering over my head that it’s gonna get deleted if I’m not being careful around my cats then I’m more mindful and less lazy about it.

I dont understand how others can accept that we have to trust in God but we still arent protected by Him. Not in a black and white way, He shouldnt protect from things you did for yourself. But as i read more and more i start to think that He cant protect us from other people, from physical hurt, from rape, murder, cause all those things happens to christians too. For me a God who throw us here and doesnt protect you from evil, then make you choose either Him or hell... i cant believe in this god... i dont knoe how yall can

Has anyone here dealt with UTIs? I'm honestly so worried about this one in particular. I don't know if it's because of how I got it or if it's because of how long it's been lasting. I've had UTIs in the past but they never lasted as long as this. The way I got this was a very dumb way as well. It was all due to my addiction and I acted so impulsively during all of it. I'm praying that this goes away completely. I'm hoping I never have to deal with this ever again. I got no sleep last night.

I struggle with dermatillomania (skin picking, excoriation disorder) for over a year now I've seen 4 psychiatrist, psychologist, therapist, dermatologists... they all say different things to me one even said this is not skin picking she said its just your anxiety😩 another one said it has nothing to do with ocd when I've been struggling with different ocd symptoms since my childhood other say it is a compulsive behavior which I am not able to stop myself no matter how much I try I am not able to control it i need help no one seems to know the right way to help me I am getting worse I started on my legs after I fracture my left foot and now its also my face arms chest shoulders hands it has ruined my life and the best years of my life plus ocd has ensured me ppl are going say how disgusting I look and its just best if Im not seen by no one and isolates me from the world even from family it makes me think how much better It would be if I end my life to end my suffering because this is not living inside a room alone their's no way im gonna go out and let ppl see me NOT looking like this they tell me theirs no cure I have thought to cut off my fingers or every single of my nails but then that will also make me look ugly. I also struggle with body dysformic disorder (BDD) I pick without even knowing that im doing it its automatically bt also if I touch and feel even a tiny bump or extra skin I cannot stop it and I have all mirrors covered because I also pick if i visualize anything on any part of my skin I even removed lights from my bathroom so when I shower and its very painful I don't want to do this I hate it I need help the right help. Im that person if something its not where it's supposed to be im not going to sleep or eat or be comfortable at all until I clean up put things where they belong even the smallest dumbest things its a big deal to me years ago I had managed to beat that obsession i had control of it i would see things and would have that mayor thought to myself "that dosent go there, it needs to be fixed, its wrong, looks bad" bt I was able to let it go whocares its just a pillow or fan facing more to the right or whatever, but now its so bad its even ridiculous and I know so but I just can't stop this its like I know this isn't me but then why can I control it. im so tired very extremely exhausted I want to stop thinking for a bit and rest my brain stop worrying and taking the dumbest things ever so serious for example I get a pimple when is time of the month let it be its normal your hormones will get back to normal it will go away with out having to bleed burn take skin out cause ur dead worry what ppl are going to say and your ocd is saying take that off now it looks horrible its nasty ur ugly if u leave it their... I wish I met someone who knows exactly what I am going through someone who can understand me and all of this.

So I recently had an ultrasound for both my breasts because I was experiencing pain and I have an infected nipple. The doctor of the ultrasound wasn't very concerned, he didn't find anything suspicious just some dense breast tissue which would be normal for my age (23) and 2 small cystes. He told me for safety measures he would recommend coming back in 3-6 months just to make sure norhing changes. I felt very good afterwards and was really proud on how I handled the situation with my health OCD. However a few days after I had to call my regular doctor to discuss these results and she was very nervous and scared me a lot. She told me she would really recommend going back in exactly 3 months because I had Birad score 3 which according to her wasn't very good. I looked this up and birad 3 means that what they found is like 98 percent sure benign but that they will do a check up after a few months to be sure, just like the 1st doctor said. Now I have a hard time because I want to believe the doctor from the ultrasound who actually is specialized in this field but my GP really scared me by being so nervous. I am going back in February but that's still so long... Any tips on how to handle this period of uncertainty?

I have contamination ocd which has also caused me to have an ed due to the fear of using the bathroom. I only partake in so many calories and liquids every two days so I dont have to go as much . I'm usually bed ridden. If I go to the bathroom once I have to wash my hands 12 times- forearms 12 times- back to hands 12 times total if interrupted due to backslash or phantom feels on my face, clothes, legs, shoulders, etc then I need to bleach my skin, change clothes, and repeat until I am satifisied. My spouse does all the chores while giving me food/water. I'm too afraid without me having to go open the cupboards and be contaminated or else I feel I would have to do my routine shower which takes up to 3 hours total using two whole bars of soap for 1 shower. I also use clorax wipes filled with bleach continuously and can go through 1 whole canister a day. I'm struggling to live. I'm afraid to leave the house. I'm afraid to honestly live. I tried every medication available for me imaginable. I just want to live, go to school, go to the store by myself, pet my cats, be comfortable in my own home, and just be normal. I used to be unbelievably gross I honestly don't know what happened to me. I was the sole cleaner and cook and did all the house work but it drastically changed and I started to spiral out of control mentally. My spouse and I are now platonic and I live in a separate room. If I could I would 1000% get brain surgery because I know this is something I cannot obtain just by myself.

Hello, I have hypochondria, gad, ptsd, and panic disorder. For the past 5 months I have been in a deep episode of what I’m hoping is just hypochondria where I’ve fully convinced myself I’m psychotic/developing schizophrenia. This theme has become so debilitating I lost my job and was completely bed bound for a while. Anyway, I have the extreme fear of developing delusions and hallucinations, so I’m constantly on the look out for symptoms like that. For whatever reason I have become extremely sensitive and afraid of anything demonic or horror related, I literally used to be a horror junkie, listen to Marilyn Manson etc. I am literally an atheist, I don’t even believe in the devil or superstitious things like this, but for some reason I have started getting extremely fear inducing demonic type intrusive thoughts, like one night I had the terrifying thought “what if my wife is possessed by a demon and isn’t really my wife” this thought scared the fuck out of me and actually changed my behavior towards my wife and gave me a panic attack, the fear of that later passed, but the uneasy feeling still linger. I’ve been getting all sorts of terrible demonic type intrusive thoughts like that about everybody and random places and even objects and they cause a panic attack everytime I get them, it used to be a panic attack about struggling to fight the urge to believe these thoughts but now I feel like it’s gotten to the point where it just straight up feels like it’s happening and I’m afraid for real and not even questioning the thoughts anymore. I’ve completely stopped listening to any music that references the devil or any type of media that may have dark references, to avoid getting these types of thoughts. When I am not anxious and I take my anxiety medicine (clonazepam) I can laugh these thoughts off and confidently shrug them off as ridiculous, but other times it feels real!Why is this happening to me? Keep in mind I am a literal atheist and do not believe in superstitious things like this, why am I suddenly afraid of things like this? And better yet why do they scare me and “feel real” if I don’t believe them. I feel like I’m fighting for my sanity every single day. I literally dread the anticipation of getting these thoughts. These strange new fears about demonic shit is only solidifying my root fear that I am developing psychosis. Can anyone please help me?

For the past week-ish I have been having a really scary existential crisis that feels like it is stemming from ocd. It started with me being freaking out that i’m going to die one day, then it merge into me being freaked out about what was going to happen after I die (mostly the thought of nothingness). I found some very brief relief in some spiritual beliefs and watching psychic medium readings but then I started think about even bigger and harder to answer questions such as, “if there is a God, who created God?”, “Is the afterlife scary?”, “Could the afterlife end one day?” “What is the point of anything at all?”, “Will the sun exploding destroy whatever afterlife exist?” Really ridiculous questions. I truly believe that there is something after death and something that exists as a life force science cannot explain, but the fact that my mind can’t comprehend or figure it out is really really scary. I feel as if I am going crazy. I have been thinking about nothing but the universe and the meaning behind it all and where it all came from. I can’t enjoy anything anymore. I just want to lay in bed all day and even that is hard. I have been non-stop watching videos about people’s beliefs about this topic trying desperately to find some sort of answer and I am starting to think that may be a compulsion. I am trying my best to remind myself that I when I die I will have all the answers to these questions and I don’t need to worry about this right now because it truly doesn’t affect anything or change anything in my life but it is really hard. I feel as if I have “uncovered” something and my life will never return to normal again. I am terrified that I am going to go crazy or start having hallucinations and that I’ve ruined my life by researching into something so complex and not understandable at all. Any kind of suggestions or anything would be helpful, I hate dealing with this and feeling so crazy and hopeless.

I'm a straight man that suffers from SO-OCD/HOCD. If you have read this and you have the same subset of OCD PLEASE comment. Do you have thoughts about a person on the same gender that says "he is cute" or "he is sexy" or "he is my type",she if youre a woman. I do not like those kinds thoughts, in fact i loathe it, but I have learned not to give those kinds of thoughts power. But i'm just curious about if you have those kind of thoughts I have a girlfriend that I would VERY VERY much want to get married to, but im just afraid that maybe in the end I might end up hurting her because maybe I'm gay. I do want to be gay and I have nothing against gay people, its just I want to have a happy marriage with my girlfriend.

Is it a compulsion to get rid of social media. I feel extremely triggered by social media, even before I had ocd my boyfriend told me to get off tik tok because it was feeding so much bullshit into my head and making me worry about my relationship because there was so many cheating video things on there… I took myself off Facebook when me and bf broke up months ago, we got back together but social media was one of our biggest problems in our relationship so he still chooses to not have me on there which is fine. But I sorta just don’t even see a point in having it? At the same time tho, I don’t want to go on there also because I get triggered easily by things. Was thinking of if I go back on there one day to just make all new accounts for things, if I choose or want it again one day…

it feels like i’m not interested in boys now and that just scares me, like i always have been and wanted their attention but now it feels like i don’t. i just want all of this to be over :(