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Has anyone experienced like feelings of needing to cry for no reason and it’s like you can almost feel like this intense urge to cry but it’s not even appropriate for the situation?

Months ago I made a mistake at work and I havent brought it up. Im a grad student and part of my work is in the lab. I took some things out of the lab and into a different lab where there's more potential for cross contamination and I'm worried I may have contaminated them and someones lab work will be messed up but because I didn't say anything they'll never know. I feel like I need to announce what happened but it's been months, and I dont actually know if I did contaminate anything and Im embarrassed so I'd rather not. But it keeps popping up and haunting me. I know my OCD is at play right now, I'm not sure if this is a real fear or not...but I also think what I did was wrong, like there's a pretty common protocol to not take that stuff out of the lab, I just didn't think about it at the time. I could tell my advisor on Wednesday and see what she thinks I guess, but in the meantime I'm feeling consumed with guilt and it's hard to work. I know this is possibly an urge to confess so maybe it's good for me to wait? Any thoughts??

Ok so like already mentioned I’m extremely scared I might have sexually abused my dog in the past and now I feel terrible. I know back then my sister or even more family members were around and have already thought of asking my sister if she remembers sth. But just now my parents had called me for dinner and I just simply started to have tears running down my face because I feel so terrible and so of course my parents noticed and asked me if sth was wrong. My father doesn’t know I have ocd so I of course couldn’t blast out that I was scared I might have abused our dog and our dog was right next to me and that made me feel even worse. My mother kept asking if everything was alright bc the tears just didn’t stop flowing. At first I had excused it saying „oh that was just randomly in my eye I don’t know“ but the tears wouldn’t stop flowing and started forming in my other eye too so my parents knew sth was up. My mother asked me if I am being bullied at school or anything. If only she knew it’s even worse what I’m hiding. She said she would go upstairs after dinner and have a talk with me. Rn I’m sitting in my room and can’t stop crying anymore. But maybe she remembers this event or can ask my sister and maybe they can help me. I don’t know anymore I can’t deal with the uncertainty of this event. I don’t want to sexually abuse sb and I would never forgive myself for such a horrible crime. I keep hearing things from similar situations and people saying even worse things and then people responding by saying „you’re a different person now, everybody deserves a second chance“ but I’m not feeling this. If it had indeed happened the way I fear it, then I don’t want a second chance.

Hey guys, I‘ve been struggling a lot recently with the feeling that i in fact may not have ocd. I am feeling a tremendous amount of uncertainty and fear and i think i know where this is coming from. I‘ve dealt with psychiatrists and therapists in the past that i feel like were obsessed with maintaining psychological power over me, which is very toxic especially because of their high responsibility towards their mentally ill patients (who are not capable of dealing with this additional dimension of struggle in the phase where they do not (yet) have any trustworthy relationship with them) I felt abused, unsafe and so anxious; i never felt sth like this before. It was a bit like a black hole or the feeling of drowning. They kept making me feel like i have to prove my pain and one time my therapist literally said to me that my stuff i was telling him was basically nothing. And now i am constantly feeling like an imposter and think that others have it so much worse than me. Can somebody relate to this? Much love (P.S. i now, luckily, have a very understanding therapist where i feel quite comfortable and safe, but i‘m still not over my past experiences)

Does it usually bring great sadness? Besides anxiety?

I just mostly wanted to get this off my chest, I guess maybe some advice if anyone has any. I’ve noticed lately that my husband has been really distance lately. He doesn’t talk to much like today he has only said a couple of words to me and it meant very little. He less affectionate and doesn’t seem to care. I also notice every little detail about him. I know this is part of my OCD, finding little things that big become huge in my mind. But I’m having a hard time distinguishing if I’m really seeing something wrong or if I’m just making things bigger then they need to be like. I’m he has already lost interest in me during our short time of marriage. For context we’ve been together for 3 years and married for 6 months. I just been so sad about it lately, and when I asked him he says nothing wrong but I just don’t believe him.

At this point I don't care if I'm reassurance seeking. I don't know what else I'm meant to do. I know this next bit is practically another confession but I'm all out of other ideas. In advance I'm genuinely sorry and I hate this. So I'm pretty sure I romanticise like adhd and maybe autistic traits. I'm sickened by myself. I read, and I was reading and this character, while not said to have adhd, in my opinion had the traits that I associate with it. And I feel like I like those traits. Do I find them cute? Interesting? I literally don't know. Only thing I know is that I'm disgusted with myself. I also remember feeling "something", whether that be a groinal response from worrying about being attracted to these traits, or actually being attracted to these traits, I have no idea, it's 50/50. But I'm pretty sure that it's the latter. I feel disgusting all over. I'm going to have a shower because I was going to anyway, but this won't even make me clean again, I know it won't. I just want to apologise, that's all. I don't know why I'm like this. I don't like it. I wish I was different. I wish I could go back to being young when the only thing on my mind was what I was going to have for tea. I knew no wrong. Now look at me. I am the wrong. Also I can't tell people about my worries because all they'll say is that it's intrusive thoughts and ocd. Like, okay, sure, maybe I worry more than the average person, but these are real genuine worries and I hate them. Maybe I'm putting this on the wrong place but I have nowhere else. I'm sorry. I'm just sorry. Words can't describe how badly I'm sorry. I think of what people with adhd would think of me. I'm disgusting. Maybe I'm just feeling overly sorry for myself to make myself seem like less of a disgusting monster, but I genuinely am sorry. I don't want any of this. I just want to be a good person.

me and my boyfriend have had periods where we fight a lot recently. Ever since then, a lot of people, strangers, coworkers, classmates, anytime, I am around them, I find them attractive, or find qualities about them that are attractive. I feel like maybe this happens because I am lacking something that my boyfriend is not giving me. I just don’t know what, I’m really sad because I really do love my boyfriend and I don’t want anyone else, but these thoughts are really hard to deal with. I also have coworkers that are males that I speak to at work, and I always get intrusive thoughts while I’m talking to them or after. I’m really scared. This means I’m a cheater, or about to cheat. A lot of things have happened to me and my boyfriend’s relationship, not cheating at all but you know there’s way more than that that can happen. I feel like a lot of things have happened that we need to discuss and it’s been weighing on me and causing these thoughts. I feel like maybe I have these thoughts about other people, but my OCD makes it more than what it is and gives me anxiety. Help :(

Can i have soocd and ocd at the same time, can someone explain to me what does it mean pure o with soocd?

I've been having a really hard time fighting HOCD for 5 months know. It got worse and worse, and it ruins my new relationship as well. I had thouhths like what if I'm gay for a few years know, but I always liked girls, I had a girlfriend, had a lot of girls in partyies as well, and I never had any sexual attraction towards men so I could get over these thouhths, but HOCD got really worse in the last 5 months due to some big stress in my life. It is so bad, it makes me question everything, my basic values. I love this girl, she is the love of my life, but I started questioning first weather I like her enough, and then the what if I'm gay question came. I strugge with false attraction, and it is so bad. Deep down I always know I like girls, but HOCD makes me question everything, I get a lot of mixed feelings, sensations and urges as well. I love this girl, I know I want to be with her, but my OCD tells me every type of shit,like: you don't love your girlfriend, you want to be with men, you like men and so on, but I always have so much anxiety concerning everything with my life since OCD and I could not think to the future positively. Not to mention my sex drive lowered, I have ED before going into the sex part, and I have anxiety concerning the whole topic as well, and I always question everything, whether I like it or not. I do ERP for a few weeks now, OCD got better for 2 weeks but it got stronger know then before. I try to do ERP all day, but sometimes my OCD is stronger. Could you please tell your stories or share some similarities to know I'm not alone. Thanks.

Do you guys have certain shows/situations that are triggering to your OCD? Like for example since my brain has convinced me of thinking inappropriate things about children/babies, any shows I watch I get really uncomfortable when seeing kids and babies which makes me really upset. Also being around people or out in public and seeing kids or babies my OCD gets really bad. Does this happen to other people??

Ever since my mom had a recent health scare, I've been obsessing over the inevitability of death, of the people around me, of my loved ones, and of my own. Looking at historical figures, hearing about dead people triggers a lot of these obsessions. Combined with the fact that I'm agnostic, and do not necessarily believe in an afterlife, so a thought that constantly appears and distresses me is the fact that when someone dies, they don't exist anymore, and they wouldn't know they existed. I've been struggling with these thoughts for a few months now, everytime I'm laughing or having fun with someone, an intrusive thought such as "They're going to die one day, and none of this would matter" would pop up, and it prevents me from grounding myself and enjoying the moment with loved ones. It makes me feel alone, and scared. I don't tell anyone about my thoughts, and I do not seek reassurance from them because I know it doesn't help. Some days it's okay, some days it isn't. On really bad days, I secretly wish that I would pass away before anyone that I cherish does so I won't have to bear the pain of losing them. I'm only 19 years old. And I know that my entire life is ahead of me, but with these thoughts, it's hard to visualize my life, and that it's worth living for sometimes. Ever since these thoughts appeared, I lost the ability to make long term plans, and visualize a future that I want because the thoughts tell me that none of it will matter. I know deep inside that what I do matters, and that I matter as well. But these thoughts cloud my judgement, and it takes a toll on me because of how persistent they can be. It's really hard to deal with these thoughts because death is a real concept, something that *will* happen. And because of these obsessions, I've become nihilistic, and I slowly lose the drive to accomplish anything. But I do try to live my life as normal as possible. Do the things I want to do, despite the heavy burden that I carry with me each day.

Hi! Thankful for this space where I can talk about things that are way too TMI for other people! I’ve had ocd for about 3.5 years now and have always been terrified to start a medication due to possible side effects. My ocd started as sexual orientation/relationship ocd and I was always so afraid that the medicine was going to take away that attraction from me and leave me feeling like my fears were true. I tried 4 separate times to take a med but never took it longer than I week because I got so anxious of the side effects. I’m getting married next year, and we’re waiting to have sex until we’re married. Mentally, I am unwell and probably should be medicated, but I’m still so scared of the side effects!!! I don’t want my first sexual experiences to be while I’m having a side effect from a drug, we’ve been waiting for 4 years and I really don’t want to throw sexual side effects into the mix of that. Additionally, I’ve heard people talk about how meds numb their emotions, and I want to be feeling happy and excited throughout this season of life! I don’t want meds to suppress me, but I need my anxiety suppressed. I feel stuck

I’m wondering if anyone has insight. I want to share my exposure successes with someone. (It’s so lonely to do this work alone and nobody knows) I just don’t want to risk reassurance seeking. When is it okay to share with someone I trust? Maybe when my anxiety surrounding the matter is completely gone?

Ive already posted abt this but basically for the past two days I’ve been extremely afraid I might have sexually abused my dog a few years ago. To imagine what and how I mean it: So basically back then I would see her like she was my child or sth. And so, just like many parents do, I wanted her to lay on top of me and then I wanted to cuddle her. Now is the thing that abt a month ago I had also remembered this again and suddenly was like „Did I see that as sth sexual?“ and like back then I also still remembered the situation in a way that everything was fine and I simply had her lay on top of me. But the day before yesterday I then had the intrusive thought „what if I had rubbed my genital against hers??“ and ever since then this has been haunting me. It’s not sth I would do. And the chance is also really low bc due to a few points it’s barely possible (and yes I’ve been thinking for so long I even made myself a contra-pro list): •fully clothed of course •floor is really hard so moving wouldn’t be possible anyway without having the most insane back pain afterwards •my dog stood up after maybe 2 seconds • I don’t know if she had ever even laid down on top of me bc she’s a quite huge dog and usually I remember she wouldn’t do this so if she had ended up doing so, she would’ve stood up right after definitely •somebody was around when it had happened. I think it was my sister. I’m too scared to ask her but she definitely would’ve started screaming at me if sth bad had happened •I never had the intentions to do this • up until the day before yesterday I was 100% sure of the situation and never had any doubts if anything sexual was up besides way before the doubt if I may have seen that as sth sexual •it’s just simply not possible bc why would my dog lay herself on top of me in a way of touching my genital with hers? It’s not possible without a human forcing an animal to do so. • it’s gross and I’ve always been aware of not doing inappropriate things with actual human beings (back then I was 11-13, I can’t remember when exactly it had happened). •keep having intrusive thoughts showing me doing things in order to get her to lay on top of me like this but the only thing I actually remember doing is that I tried to get her to 1) even lay down bc like I said she doesn’t really understand it and if she had actually ended up laying on top of me, it would’ve taken a long time to get her to do so and she would’ve stood up right again immediately 2) lay with her head close to mine so I could actually cuddle her. But I still keep having those weird images. Up until yesterday I didn’t have them and I had never remembered the situation this way. •keep having intrusive thoughts abt my genital touching hers, but I’ve always found that gross and don’t touch her genital even when not for any other reasons besides normal ones bc it’s disgusting and I also can’t ever remember feeling that. Like how on earth would that work? It’s just disgusting. But like the thing is, I just can’t let it be. I can’t accept this uncertainty because it’s eating me up. I can’t go outside with the chance of me being a sexual abuser. Yesterday I even yet again had the thought of ending my life bc I felt I can’t live with this guilt. And I keep on analysing my dogs behaviour to see if she might have any trauma regarding this. For example a few minutes ago I came up to her and started to see if see did this kind of shock move when I touch her at her back close to where her genitals are (yk the back with the fur of course, I didn’t touch her genitals bc obviously that would make all my guilt even worse, I don’t want her to suffer bc of me). She didn’t move one bit and was happy to have me around. But today I also remembered that she doesn’t enjoy getting bathed and I don’t know if I remember this right, but I think she also doesn’t enjoy being bathed and cleaned at her groin area and now I’m scared she has a trauma. I think she has been hating this for way longer than this is ago but I think I’d need to ask my mother and sister to see if the timeline matches. And now I just feel horrible. I mean there are many things that she doesn’t enjoy and she also doesn’t like being bathed in general. And the bathing around groin area is mostly when she for example has a lot of dirt there so maybe she’s referring to that but I still feel bad. I know I’m asking for reassurance but I feel I need this one. Do you think this has happened or is my brain making it up?

Why do I feel I raped someone intoxicated, I’ve felt fear and guilt for months it seems real, Could you suggest what I do next please

Anytime a see an image of my best friend I feel a moment down there or I feel huge or I feel like I’m about to get a boner please why is this so, it makes me feel lost.

Additional trigger warning topics of self harm I struggle with self harm. When I opened up to someone about my struggle with it they told me that my scars were so bad and that my future husband would have to see them. It hurt me really bad. I’m working on stopping and am in therapy to stop doing it. I’m honestly trying so hard. I’m now just afraid that because I have scars that look “bad” no one will love me. That was my best friend at the time who said those things abt my scars. Now I feel unlovable. My ocd tells me that I’m gonna die alone, and that no one will ever love me.

Okay, so to spare you the DISGUSTING details, I won't go into symptom details here. Context: After being on prescribed Adderall 30mg to treat ADHD while I finish my final year in university, I had to go to the ER a couple times because I got very panicky. Essentially, the doctors and emergency psychiatrist said I'm experiencing dopamine toxicity as a result of Adderall, which can cause extremely uncomfortable, delusional hallucinations. I've never gone through something this terrifying before and I don't know how to manage myself at home. It's making my sleep terrible, which only makes the physical sensations worse. I am okay with accepting that it's a temporary thing and that it's just based on my perception of the feelings I've been experiencing for the past 4.5 months. I thought it was "just my OCD symptoms coming back with a vengeance" as I used mindfulness to help with fear and reassurance in the past. However, I've noticed a longstanding trend of paranoia and that reassurance does not seem to help me often these days. My thoughts seem to loop between some form of "can't trust myself," "can't trust the world," and "everything feels unsafe." It's affected my sleep (demons/ghosts/intruders/death/bugs/etc), my ability to walk outside (ie. Storms/lightning), my ability to eat (ie. Contaminated water/food/etc). It seems to always relate back to something hurting me, and I have done CBT enough to understand that I don't need to give power to the thoughts, nor do I need to let thoughts or emotions control my behaviours. But HOW THE F**K DO I GET OVER THIS!!!! It ruined the last 12 weeks of school. I could literally only submit 2 assignments and had to get an illness form which essentially rendered me incapable. I am a huge people pleaser and I am extremely self-critical. I just want to feel normal, and I know that I can't continue trying to use Lysol wipes to clean my back, or challenge the doctor when he says antipsychotics are the quickest solution. Like I'm CHOOSING the harder route by making myself learn to trust myself, even when it feels like I can't trust my senses. I'm at a complete loss for what to do at this point and I have a lot of exciting opportunities coming up in January. I can't continue feeling like I'm going insane slowly... I KNOW I will get through this, logically. I just don't know what to do when reassurance doesn't work. It's like no matter what the doctors say, I just feel stuck on these thoughts that I know are false. Any thoughts?? 😕 Thank you for reading if so. This is my first post here, I apologize for how long it is and I appreciate your time and/or literally ANY words of advice/support ❤

i just switched therapists and today was my first session with my new therapist. while on the call i had a panic attack and ended up hanging up the call cause i couldn’t calm down. i’m extremely sad about how the therapist is treating the situation. i voiced what was going on when the panic attack started. i later messaged her apologizing and explaining that my panic attacks cause a rush of compulsions that i HAVE to submit to rapidly. she’s suggesting i “wait until after the new year” to continue therapy. i don’t understand that because i so clearly need the help now, i can barely function. i’m not sure what to do in this situation and im so sad and hurt. i need help and im literally crying over how disappointing it is to be brushed off by the person who i need help from.