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Is it normal for someone to end up questioning their wants when they have vivid harm thoughts?

My changes all the time, or I’ll get loads at once at the moment it’s death and the feeling and thought of I’m going to die soon and it’s so scary and feels real I hate it it’s giving me panic and anxiety where it feels like I’m being choked I can barely sleep I can’t eat it’s awful, anybody had this and is there any tips to get out of it?

I'm stuck in a cycle of checking and I can't stop. I've checked porn, Google images, listened to gay people talk, gay people with makeup I've looked at everything trying to tell what I am but I can't get a conclusion except anxiety and more confusion I also get groinal movements from checking sexual things but apparently that can happen from anything sexual? Im so confused I can't tell if I'm bisexual in denial or just straight with OCD anymore it's so stressful I spend everynight repeating the same thing which is researching trying to find an answer good enough to stop this suffering I just want a girlfriend and my life back to normal bit I'm scared to get in another relationship due to them having to go through me having these doubts and loss of attraction at times :( I need help I don't want to live this life I want this to all go away and back to how it was

TW for emotional abuse My ex partner was verbally and emotionally abusive. It’s taken a long time for me to admit that to myself, and I still sometimes struggle with feeling like it “wasn’t that bad” even though it still deeply affects me two years later. I’m in a relationship now with the sweetest guy in the world. He communicates well, we agree on almost everything and we resolve conflicts respectfully. We have a near-perfect relationship… and it freaks me out. My current OCD theme is the fear that I am unknowingly abusing my boyfriend the way my ex abused me. I’m terrified that I’m actually an awful person and I deserve to be alone forever. Sometimes I think about just ghosting all of the people I’m closest to because I feel like staying in their lives is going to inevitably lead to me hurting them. The worst part is I feel like expressing any of this to my loved ones is ALSO an act that is hurting them. My main compulsions are rumination, googling things and other types of reassurance seeking. Has anybody else dealt with this specific theme? I feel like it would qualify as some combination of ROCD and HOCD, but I’ve never been able to find any resources about the fear of being abusive. If anyone has had this as a theme, how did you go about treating it?

Hey everyone my name is Ral and I’ve suspected that I have had OCD since fifth grade because mine was pretty textbook but have been in denial my whole life. I finally got officially diagnosed at 22 and even a couple hours after getting my diagnosis I was still in denial. The reason I decided to seek a diagnosis cause when traveling I had to use the bathroom on the plane and broke down crying. Broke down crying two other times when I had to the hotel bathroom too. It took me two years after my travel to seek a diagnosis. I’ve sat with my diagnosis for a week now and I think I’m finally ready to accept it and seek therapy. Maybe not exposure therapy just yet but some kind of therapy.

How can I help as a parent of adult daughter experiencing OCD. Intrusive thoughts, rumination, false memory ocd. Psychiatrist upped antidepressants and antipsychotic. She did some NOCD treatments but hasn’t in a while. She said she was doing better and that’s why she does NOCD once a month if that. Now she’s in a bad spot and won’t listen to reason. Delayed response to questions. Lost in her thoughts. Irritability, insomnia, absentminded…. How can we help her? We have offered to pay, go with to appointments, everything. What do we do? We are stressed out, tired, exhausted, hostages. We love her so much but just can’t seem to be able to help her. Any have any advice?

Guys I’ve been very hesitant about getting on meds but my OCD thinking has gotten really bad. So I decided to just get fluoxetine and start it. But my reservations about meds is carrying over into my ocd and i’m scared when I take the medicine i’m going to start freaking out due to “placebo” in a way. Like i am going to start getting symptoms or freaking out and wanting to throw up the meds or something idk

i’m a gentile who believes in judaism. i haven’t read the entirety of the oral torah, but i’m scared it said gentiles/ people who aren’t decended from jacob are meant to stutter/ will stutter as a consequence for their sins. i asked chat gpt if it said this and it said yes. now i can’t stop stuttering and i don’t know if it’s because im trucking myself i have a stutter or bc that’s what the oral torah says. im so scared.

Hi! So I just recently got my OCD diagnosis but I haven’t really seen any of my symptoms listed anywhere online. I’m mainly pure O, but I do have one physical compulsion where I am constantly cracking my knuckles/ other joints. To the point where I cant go over 45 seconds without cracking something without being incredibly uncomfortable unless I’m asleep. It doesn’t help that I have super lax joints so cracking repetitively is just something my body naturally allows. I feel so awkward going on dates/ job interviews/ work meetings/ etc… where I’m around new people because everyone I’m close to in life knows and just accepts the cracking since it’s been going on since at least middle school, but to new people it must seem incredibly rude if not just plain annoying. I also do not have to crack a certain amount of times, but I have to get a “satisfying” crack before I can do anything else. It started interfering with work to certain extents because I could have my report all typed up and then sit there for 5-10 minutes before being able to hit send because I HAD to get the right crack before doing anything else. Or when I have a patient that I’m taking vitals on and pause for a solid 3-4 minutes after putting the blood pressure cuff on them because I can’t continue until I get the right crack. As for the “O” part, I feel like my thoughts don’t fit neatly into a single category of OCD. There will be nights (most of them lately) where I cannot sleep because I’m overthinking things to the point that I become suicidal. Not to the point of acting on it, but where I simply want to give up and not exist. Most of these thoughts seem to be about things from my past that I consider embarrassing. For example, I went on a date with a girl about a year ago now where I word vomited and was so embarrassed about it that I still think about it daily. I have since gone on dates with many other woman and don’t have any attachment to the girl this date was with, but I think back on how awkward I was and the self loathing is fueled for the night. If I hang out with friends or people I’m super comfortable with and I say something stupid, not even thinking about it in the moment, I’ll go home at night and think about it until I’m nauseous and crippled with sadness and regret. I’ve been having panic attacks a lot lately because I can’t seem to quiet the thoughts and I just get so worked up. Night time is definitely the worst for me as its typically when I have the downtime to sit with my thoughts as opposed to during the day when I’m working or out with friends my mind has other things on it. I also go through really bad obsessions, different from thoughts that keep me awake at night but just things that I become utterly obsessed with for weeks on end (if not more). For example, I was watching the show Supergirl a couple months ago and got so incredibly obsessed with it that once I finished, I had a huge depressive episode and felt like I couldn’t get out of bed for over a week. And the obsession continued for weeks after. This sounds more like ADHD to me but I thought I’d throw it in here as a symptom as well since I’m still super new to the diagnosis and am not 100% what is what. Lastly, I have a weird thing that’s been going on for years now where I’m deathly afraid of intimacy. I’ve had long term relationships, and along with them sexual relationships, but overall I am so uncomfortable with anyone perceiving me that the past couple months I have not been able to even put myself out there because I’m so scared of being judged. I dated a guy for 4 years and maybe made out with him 2-3 times the entire relationship because I was scared of kissing because I felt like I wasn’t experienced enough with it and was always overthinking everything that I just never pushed through and got myself comfortable. Its been 3 years now since that relationship ended and I’m still scared of kissing someone or touching them in case I am doing something wrong. I don’t mind being kissed or touched as much as I mind starting the act myself. I’m just so self conscious about anything that has to do with my body that I feel like I cant function as a normal human. I also have an issue where I can’t eat in front of anyone other than a few close friends or family. I feel like I gave myself an eating disorder because I don’t want to be seen doing anything with my body that I don’t have to, and it’s made some normal life tasks incredibly uncomfortable. I’ve been really depressed lately and have been having a hard time managing my health, work, and school all together. I’m not sure if this is due to the OCD or just depression on its own, but that’s another worth mentioning I guess. A lot of these symptoms I assumed were maybe autism for a long time, and I thought maybe the finger cracking was tourette’s at first, but I was given an OCD diagnosis and am curious if anyone else has anything similar going on with them because I really cant seem to find anything relatable online. Part of me feels like I may have been incorrectly diagnosed, so I would love to hear from others!

Not sure if this is what this is for but my contamination OCD is really hung up on mould and rust at the moment. I previously lived in a converted attic which wasn’t the warmest and upon moving out of it to move back home I noticed there was some greens stuff on the outside of a black suitcase. At the time (before I had OCD) I just did what my mum said and wiped most of it off with some wipes and then took stuff home with it. Fast forward 12 months and I know I need to go under my ottoman lift up bed to get stuff out of it and that suitcase is also underneath. I now also have OCD - or i always have but now it is ruling my life and getting me to fear things which could harm me or others. I told my mum about this and she lifted the suitcase out and we binned it but there was still a smear or smudge on the suitcase. I’m now fearful of whether mould might have spread to other items under my bed or the spores have filed off onto other items in my bedroom whilst we took the bag out. I’m now scared to touch things and fear that I could be spreading mould around unwittingly. This could lead to mould getting under my nails and then on my nail clippers and then I fear about nicking myself with them. Do people think I’m being stupid 😅?

I feel like I’m being buried in an ever-growing to do list of things that really can’t be ignored, but I don’t have the capacity to deal with them. Bills, finances, clients, etc. My income has basically come to a screeching halt because of the OCD relapse I’ve been going through. I’ve been living on what little savings I had and now that’s almost gone. How in the world are people supposed to live with this disorder? The treatment is so expensive. Working is impossible. I feel like giving up entirely but then I don’t even know what that would mean? How could I give up anymore than I already have? I am so sick of dealing with this and the stress that is on top of it for BASIC LIVING NEEDS! I am so so tired 😭😭

Do you find it easier to get sucked into SOOCD when you’re sick or alone? I’ve been sick for the past 6 days and home alone and I swear I feel like im in denial. However, when my friend and her bf came last night to visit, I felt a little better… when they left and I was alone with my bf the thoughts came back… I just can’t shake the feeling that tells me that i’m gonna be unhappy forever if I dont “face the truth”.

So, I’m absolutely done for. It’s 2am and I just scratched my back/butt and I felt something, it felt like how dried sweat can feel like little packets of water or something. So I just had to scratch it to hell till the skin felt normal. Then, I just had to smell my fingers cuz I needed to know what it smelt like and it smelt weird ish, but then I was like now I got to look at it. So I’m trying not to blind my partner or wake him. And I see this bloody looking sight. It’s freaking ring worm at least I truly believe so after my thorough search. I couldn’t handle the thought and I didn’t know how to handle ringworm. My friend got it way back in elementary school and it looked rough. So in a panicked state I get up and stop petting my cat, which good lord. I scurry to the kitchen to then wash my hands, which I’m so glad I did. Then, I proceeded to attempt to take a picture to google search it through my camera, which is embarrassing bc it’s me bum. And it’s like could be exema which I do kinda have but it only shows up on my finger really. Or it’s definitely ringworm. And it’s round and it’s prolly bc I’ve been having night sweats, but jeez I still shower. It makes me feel gross, but also GrEaT because now I don’t know how I’m even gonna sleep. How many areas of my body did I touch? How many things might I have touched, is my boyfriend gonna get it now, like it’s a lisssst. And now I’m tryna figure out how do I sleep with this, and like the best thing to do is to not wear tight clothing or bandage the sight bc it could make it way worse. On top of everything there’s no way I could see a doctor bc I’m traumatized, and so I really hope some topical medication and stuff is gonna get me thru this. I’ll be praying like a mad man for God to help me cuz I really don’t do well with something like this. It’s contagious man. And all of this has to happen at 2 am bc I couldn’t sleep. I’m so done for. Like all I can do is laugh bc that’s all I can do man otherwise it’s full meltdown and it’s 2am and everyone is asleep in the house. I have no one to talk to about it and I’m low key still freaking out. So, ig I’m gonna sit somewhere and watch Hulu and YouTube till I figure something out or some safe way to sleep. Like I really don’t want to spread it. I guess I could whip out clean sheets and sleep on the leather couch and pray. Oh jeez, if anyone’s out there pls pray for my peace of mind. This is tough and btw I’m on my period too so hormones. This really sucks. Idk I hope this made someone laugh a little. Ig it’s not really funny but it just seems so funny to me at the same time. The whole adventure to finding out what was on my bum. This is just like the worst. And I swear if I passed it to my cat… or got it from her?! I hope she doesn’t have it, guess it’s vet time. Which is what sucks too like am I overthinking everything? But it said you can get it from animals and normally it’ll look like a missing patch of hair, which! I noticed after her last vet visit (she’s a kitten) and I thought maybe they just shaved her down or something, but honestly the hair hasn’t really come back. Dear goodness folks.

i’m new to this app, im sorry if this post is inappropriately long. ever since july of this year, my very under the radar ocd has jumped gears and completely taken over my life. TRIGGER WARNING for people who don’t like s!ckness or anything of the sort, i don’t wanna make anyone panic! but i had a bad UTI and it made me loose my appetite for two weeks with a fever, stomach aches and nausea. all the symptoms and worry accumulated from a camping trip i went on with my boyfriend, while i loved being with him, it stressed me out because we weren’t at a campsite, there was lightening and we were to far from the car to leave in the night. we barely slept, and left very early, and when we got back from eating a bagel at dunkin i felt extremely nauseous and tired. i’ve always been afraid of getting sick like that, but this caused me extreme distress. my boyfriend and dad sat on my bed with me to make sure i was ok, but it all just was to much for me. finally my boyfriend left and later i was able to fall asleep. after this for the next many days i dealt with the feeling of being ill, and it scared me so much. i feel like that was all such a small event that triggered it and i’m wondering why? i don’t really understand. ever since any inkling of being sick i fall into complete panic, hysterically sobbing and begging my parents to take me to a doctor. in the past i have been prone to convincing myself of many different sicknesses, specifically different cancers. right now all last week again i had a UTI, with a stomach ache all week, i felt better for one day and now i have a cold/flu and before i had a fever of 101-102. i’m so terrified that it’ll go into my stomach, but there is a rational part of me that tells me that by reacting so strongly, i am literally the one making it traumatic. it’s turned to me taking an hour to get dressed because all my outfits will leads to a future where i get sick. i have to wash my hands constantly to make myself feel safe, i can feel a wave of ecstasy like run through me when i wash my hands. it makes it hard to kiss my boyfriend, who tries so hard to support me but i’m afraid to kiss him and get sick from him. i mean i cant but feel like all of this makes me such a weak, insufferable person. i’m really scared to push everyone away from me, but i have lost all control. what do i do? am i overreacting? are my fears stupid? any imput would be so helpful

To start off, yes I have a therapist, yes I have a psychiatrist and so far I am only diagnosed with ptsd, ocd, gad, hypochondriasis, and panic disorder. So for the past 5 months I’ve been dealing with a terrible ocd/hypochondria theme where I have COMPLETELY convinced myself I am in the beginning stages of schizophrenia or some other related horrific psychotic disorder. Ive read way too much on common delusions, symptoms, hallucinations, personal stories, Reddit stories etc. Anyway, for some reason my ocd has really latched on to the common symptom schizophrenics have which are religious delusions, at least I hope it’s just my ocd and not actually schizophrenia. Everyday I get these terrible existential/demonic “delusional thoughts”. Like “what if my wife is a demon” “what if my cat is a demon” “this song has demonic energy” “the face that person made was demonic” “this house has negative demonic energy” “what if you are possessed” “what if these ugly brown mushrooms growing in your yard are a sign of demonic energy”, shit like that. Literally everything I look at now has some sort of “negative energy” or feels eerie or “demonic”, everything I look at always has to have some sort of malicious intent or negative undertone, I can’t watch anything on YouTube anymore, I can’t listen to my favorite bands anymore like Black Sabbath, Iron Maiden etc, these thoughts have made me become so avoidant of dark things and even normal light hearted things! Now first off, I am a literal atheist, I am a complete skeptic, I have never ever been superstitious. I was a huge Marilyn Manson fan in my teens, I’m a horror movie junkie( or at least I used to be before this theme took over), i literally have shirts with pentagrams and upside down crosses etc. why has my ocd suddenly branched off into this religious ocd/delusional thinking? Is this maybe a dp/dr thing too? I know for sure that every single one of these thoughts and feelings are untrue and very unlikely. I do not believe any of these thoughts at all, yet the fear they create and the vibes that accompany them make it feel almost real. When I’m in full blown panic and start to spiral really bad sometimes I feel like I almost believe these thoughts, and feel paranoid almost, when the anxiety and fear passes though I can have a brief moment of clarity where I can laugh these thoughts off and almost be myself again, but it’s very short lived before these thoughts start creeping back up. The content of the thoughts is scaring me but the fact that I’m even having these types of thoughts and fears in the first place is scaring me even more because it is reinforcing my fears that I am becoming schizophrenic/psychotic. Why have I suddenly become like this? I can’t enjoy anything anymore without getting these awful awful thoughts. Has anyone ever experienced anything like this?

So I really thought that I had beat rocd. I was getting to almost a year where my intrusive thoughts weren’t in the way. Even had amazing positive thoughts of my future with my partner. There was times I thought I wouldn’t deal with rocd anymore because of how good I felt. I felt “normal”. As time went by I was numb though. I assumed it was Zoloft that made me that way but now that Iv been off it that numb feeling hasn’t gone away and it’s really messing with me. Makes me have intrusive thoughts that it’s because I’m not into my partner anymore but when I sit a have a moment of clarity I’m pretty much numb towards everything. Horror movies don’t phase me, videos of abandoned puppies etc. I’m not looking for reassurance but does anyone else experience this? I don’t wanna go down that hole again and could use some advice. Also, if anyone who’s been married and had kids while dealing rocd can share their story with me I’d love to hear it:)

Hi everyone, asking for prayers, advice, anything…My mom died very suddenly last night. I live in a different state than her and was not able to be there with her. I know that in this case, finding an OCD therapist is crucial especially in this time of crisis but i have to fly out tomorrow to go be with my family and want to focus on one thing at a time. I struggle mainly with pocd and can already feel the warning signs of it flaring up, I’m sure it’s triggered by all the stress I’m feeling but I’m still so extremely confused as to why I’m struggling with this theme during this time, it feels completely unrelated. I’m trying not to give to much importance to the thoughts and feelings im having but it’s hard. I have a lot support from my friends and family and partner so i feel incredibly blessed in that regard. I’m shaken and confused and sad and numb all at the same time. I’ve never lost anyone like this before.

So I took out a loan for my college. And it said it covered the costs, and I was all set. I only had to pay eighty bucks per month because of the loan. Suddenly. And I mean SUDDENLY. I have 7k to pay off?? The loan was SET. And covered it. I am really confused and scared and my compulsions have come back because of it. I feel like vomiting I can’t call the school as it’s too late. What if I get kicked out? Because I can’t pay that amount? What if they won’t work with me? I’m so scared please PLEASE I need some advice. ANYTHING.

Right now I had just realized that I may have plagiarized another artist work. let me explain, Basically i saw these really beautiful figures that were women and included gore to them. And I wanted to redraw the exact pose but changed her look to make it look like my OC(original character). I was doing this because I wanted to practice a little bit of gore but it was on paper and it didn't turn out that great, but I posted the original artwork next to my drawing on my insta story but I couldn't remember the artists name and now I feel so horrible. Like it's a bad move for an artist to do to another artist, and I can't even say it was inspired because I literally did the same pose and same concept, but nobody called me out now that I think about it. And I did it multiple times with her other artwork but I just changed the way the women looked, I feel like shit now oh my god

I have harm ocd and my friend has been self harming and I want to be there for them but I am not sure how to. Any advice?