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the NOCD Community

How long were you in treatment before you felt that you didn’t need treatment anymore?

does anyone else feel happier and peaceful when they aren’t in any relationship so they isolate and feel happy and think they don’t have OCD. which makes you believe that it’s the Person that’s not good, but then you go into another relationship and Boom OCD relationship happens again and you feel that you haven’t learned anything.

I fear I’ve reached the end of my road. I’m scared. I don’t want to die but I don’t want to live. I’ve struggled with depression for years I’m 27. I can’t see away forward. OCD has consumed me. It sounds nice to not suffer anymore.

How do you reduce your anxiety when you feel like your ocd/anxiety is getting overwhelming? I had a anxiety scare an hour ago, but that went away quickly when I found out that I was worrying for nothing. Now that I feel relieved, I still feel a bit anxiety. I'm almost getting emotional because I feel like my anxiety is trying to latch onto something else at the moment and I'm scared.

I have always been a person who believes in signs and everything happens for a reason. This makes OCD even harder because I am constantly seeing everything as a sign that the thoughts are true, and I even set up signs by linking unrelated events. One random example, I will say something like ‘if I go outside and the first car I see is red then it’s a sign the thoughts are true’ or if I browse the newspaper online and the first article I see is related to a car then it means my thoughts are true.’ These are just a couple of examples of magical thinking. A car and SO OCD are completely unrelated. The thing is the law of probability is these things will happen at some point, and if they don’t for a few times and then do, I focus on the the times they happened and see it as a sign from the universe, even though other times it didn’t happen. These are just two examples of many examples. Can you relate to magical thinking? I’m also constantly seeing signs in quotes, music, tv programmes, anything related to relationships or sexuality trigger me. I always think the universe is speaking to me. Please know I’m not homophobic, I have a brother who is gay and friends. Although, they trigger me somewhat at present because of this theme. I actually believe sexuality is on a spectrum for many people, but I am in a relationship with a man who I love, so these thoughts disturb me for that reason. I have had various subsets of OCD since 7. I was diagnosed at 18 with harm OCD and have a history of body dysmorphia and eating disorders which are part of the same obsessive family. OCD loves to latch on to what we value most i.e relationships and sexuality. It attacks our happiness. OCD has haunted me in one way or another for most of my life. SO OCD is by the worst subset I’ve ever had.

It’s so frustrating when you’re doing so well, but then experience a bad moment. Lately, I’ve been off and on with my harm thoughts. There’s days where I can allow it to coexist and go on with my day perfectly fine, but then there’s others where it’s too hard. Tonight is one of those nights. My whole demeanor and mood instantly changes when it starts to overwhelm me. I get so much anxiety which makes me thinks it’s nothing but thoughts, but then my feelings say otherwise. It’s like I never have a definite answer on whether this is truly me and even if someone tries to persuade me it’s not, I don’t feel better because it doesn’t feel like it. With my germ anxiety, I’m able to remedy it with music and distractions, but with my harm thoughts I have never been able to find something that instantly makes me feel better. On nights like these, I’m glad I’m able to come here without feeling scared that someone is going to judge or insult me for what I’m going through.

It ruins every single day I don't feel like I'm self I have no self worth left I'm a constant mess I'm constantly panicking I can't do this anymore everything triggers me every single day is something new iv been struggling with this for ten years every single day is hell I haven't even eaten in days bearly I spend days obsession and my partner has to help me and it's putting strain on our relationship I can't even express how low I am and how I can't do this anymore I'm constantly having. Seizers from stress I ocd In my sleep it's constant hell everything triggers me I can't do anything without conpoltions I'm constantly in fight or flight and frozen in fear every single day I can't do this anymore

Whenever i have some trauma or i am going through a very hard phase of life or people's behaviour upset me, i just want someone to talk about it. Is this also a part of ocd or it just means that i need emotional support? I really want someone to listen to me without telling me i am wrong. Sometimes people hurt me too much and then they just act like they did nothing and i am overreacting. This made me an ocd patient that made me thinking all the time why someone just don't understand me and put themselves in my shoes for a while so they would feel how i feel but i have learnt something in my life that nobody can genuinely understand your pain unless they have been through the same. I just want open communication on everything to be clear. My mind gets confuse.

I always wonder why I have OCD. It’s odd that I don’t have any trauma or family history (except for anxiety and depression) And im medically healthy. It confuses me.

I cannot seem to stop the cycle and I’m questioning how much longer I can manage like this. I keep having a symptom, or so I think. It’s not super consistent, and when I’ve gone to the doctor to explain it, I feel like a crazy person. Its sharpish, tingling pains in my stomach that do seem to be more present when I’m stressing and hyper fixating on them. But sometimes just pop up on their own. I won’t notice it for a few days, and then I’ll feel a twinge in my stomach and absolutely have a freak out over it thinking it’s some stage 4 something. I’ve stopped wearing certain clothes and working out because I’m afraid of “triggering” it. I feel like I can’t even distinguish between what’s real and what’s not anymore. How will I ever know when to actually go to the doctor for something if i don’t know that what I’m feeling is even real? Has this happened to anyone else?

Accept uncertainty and question your assumptions about worst case scenarios. Recognize all or nothing thinking and practice taking a step back. It's tough, but we can do this!

I kind of concluded that this event that happened when I was 6 was rape but now my ocd has latched onto whether it was rape or not or whether I was responsible for it. My mom left me with this baby sitter who's kid was 11-14 and he was a sociopath i swear. I remember he'd constantly ask me to kiss him and I'd say no whenever I could and he'd like badger me and I would do it because I was scared and he knew this. He tried to make me give him a bj and I'd keep saying no and he was like "otherwise I won't be your friend" or other things. Either way I was really scared of him and I think it was fairly clear I was scared. This other time he made me have anal sex with him saying other wise ghosts will come and hurt me and I was like 6 and believed it. He also said he'd kill NY parents or hurt my parents if I said anything so I didn't. The whole thing felt super coercive and he'd generally bully me or scare me in ways. My ocd is like well you shouldn't blame him it wasn't rape and it wasn't sexual coercion but I think at 12-14 you know not to force six years Olds to do things and the fact that he threatened me means he knew it was wrong but my ocd is latching onto this.

I feel like OCD has made me a shell of the person I used to be. I am not able to keep up with work, family or friends. I am worried I will lose the ability to work and connect.

It’s so hard to not seek reassurance and to not engage in mental compulsions and rituals. You will feel safe and reassured, and then the vicious OCD cycle returns coming back with “evidence” and putting memories on loop. The reassurance you did feels useless and it feels like you’re against a monster that keeps asking what if’s, how about’s, and you will’s. I miss who I was a week ago, being able to go to clubs, on vacation, hang out with friends, go on walks, watch movies and listen to music. I was a college radio DJ and would listen to hours of music and now it’s triggering. I was looking at my screen activity and noticed I started using NOCD again on Wednesday, I miss who I was on Monday and Tuesday. But it’s been comforting to know I’m not the only one experiencing this. I know ERP is scary, OCD will have you thinking you’re a special case or that this flare is different, it’s a mental hell. It’s comforting knowing I’m not alone, my family is supporting me and they’re going to help me get enrolled to get insurance and start ERP with NOCD and start sertraline again. It just feels scary, what if this time is real, what if this time it’s not OCD. Of course it’s OCD, but OCD has no logic and will latch on. Sending everyone strength and courage. Don’t give up! We got this!

I feel like something that pulls me back into the ocd cycle is the fear that I won’t ever feel like my normal self again. That every single thing I go through since OCD ruined my life will be tainted by OCD. I have been in therapy for six months now and days like today I feel hopeless that I will never get better coz it’s been too many months now and it still has a hold on me. Does anyone feel the same way?

Has anyone continuously googled themselves?? I hear of people doing background checks on themselves. I just need some support. I have done this compulsion for 6 weeks straight now. There are some spam results at the bottom of searches that contain key word stuffing phrases some which are inappropriate. I guess when spammers create these pages, the more you click on them, the more they get paid. reported to google and they even sent me an article about spam/key word stuffing and read some other stuff of people going through this. Ugh but why does my OCD have to put meaning to this!! This is so scary, I hate that i can’t use logic because clearly it’s not even related to me. This can be so distressing

This is getting bad. I genuine believe I’m gay now. Feel like I barely have any attraction to girls. I feel like I’ve always noticed attractive guys, more than girls at times but never thought anything past it. Feels weird calling myself gay but maybe because I’m so deep in denial and can’t understand it. Watched gay porn to check and it worked. Sometimes I get off to it sometimes I don’t. This was different like I tried to actually enjoy it and did. I feel lost and hopeless. I don’t want it to be me but it just feels like I’m stuck with it. I’m supposed to marry the most amazing and supportive girl in 6 months and I feel like I’m doing her a disservice. I was actually doing good and it feels like I’ve been knocked to rock bottom. I just want to be happy. I don’t care who it is anymore. I just want these weird ideas of different identities and realities to go away so I can be happy. I’m to the point where I feel like I have to physically be with a guy and test a new live to figure this out. It makes me want to be sick thinking I’ll betray my fiancée like that but I’m so lost. Please help

How can you accept uncertainty when it is maybe, maybe not a false memory and it would ruin everything when it is true? How can someone accept this? I do not remember the act of cheating, I just remember drunken thoughts like "I wanna die, how could I have forgot about my bf earlier this evening etc." I can not do this anymore, I feel like I am living a lie. I love my bf so so much and doing stugf with hin hurts me so badly. I use this as exposure but it is just getting worse.

I don’t know what it is, but I have an odd trepidation of change. There is something about it. When I buy a new shirt, I fear something bad might happen if I wear it. When we moved to a new house, I didn’t like the change at all, for 5 months straight. When I used to rent cars, I would get emotional turning them in. Why does this happen?

Because is controlling my life