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Has anyone else with kids during a spin out seeked reassurance from their children? I’m feeling alone on this one and extremely guilty about it.

I’m lying awake right now and having a major OCD episode. I am tired, and only 14. I can’t calm down and feel a PA coming. Advise?

I feel like I’m living in my own personal hell right now. Everyday, all day, my thoughts are focused on food. My brain is stuck in a cycle of fearing eating and I want it to be over, but I don’t know how to get unstuck! It’s basically like, “Okay the wife told me that we’re having pizza for dinner tonight… but am I in the mood for that? Will I have an appetite for that later? What if I don’t have an appetite and I try to eat it and the texture feels gross in my mouth and I gag or vomit? What if the smell of the pizza makes me feel nauseous? Oh god, but if I don’t eat dinner my blood sugar will get low and it’ll make me feel worse and I’ll get more anxious, so I’m gonna have to eat the pizza to feel okay, but now the pressure of eating this pizza is stressing me out!!” And it’s like that all the time!! I’m trying to push through and not pay the spiraling any mind and just eat like normal, but it’s hard when something that’s such a simple task feels like a herculean struggle, and it doesn’t seem to be getting any better :(

I don't know why maybe it's the OCD in me but I just can't comprehend why I'm currently so stressed about my relationship and questioning my feelings towards my boyfriend because I thought about changing the color of my hair or the way I present myself physically??? My brain immediately associates "change" with "this means I'm probably unhappy with my relationship and that I want it to change too" why??? I don't want to have these thoughts and I don't want to associate every little desire I have to change my routine or my appearance with breaking up with my boyfriend. Anyone can relate to these triggers too?

So my biological father had a talk with me a couple hours ago. I’ve been trying to process it and honestly it’s not affecting me as much as I thought it would. Anyway so here’s what happened: he told me that I should be careful what I claim. (For context I told my bio parents that I had ocd and possibly schizophrenia due to some signs I’ve noticed) he thinks I’m making this up, to quote this bastard; “I don’t know what game you’re playing…” and he also said that I might’ve been influenced by social media and im attention seeking. In the car he also said that if word got out that I do have a mental illness then no one is going to want to work for me or want me on the road (now I’m not learning how to drive anytime soon, I’m 16 and was supposed to learn this summer because next year I’m going to college) but that’s not the worst of it. It’s the fact that he said I’m causing THEM problems by having mental problems and asking for help. Help that I really need because I have tried to take my life and cut myself a few times now. I’ve also resorted to drinking to numb the pain. But now I’m going to have to tell them that I am in fact fine and have no mental illness because even though I need help, I value my freedom to get away from them than I do getting help. He has told me to go to hell and that he doesn’t care about me multiple times and every time I knew he wasn’t lying when he said he wished this would happen but now there’s no denying it. He never cared and will never care. My bio mother lets this happen and tries to convince he he’s a good guy who does these things because he cares. Someone who cares about me wouldn’t do this. Both of them can go fuck themselves. Thank you for listening to my rant talk 😻🫶‼️

Hey y'all - I did something unintentionally, and now I'm really scared that I broke a boundary in my relationship. I have heard the logic for both sides of the argument, and while I don't believe I broke a boundary (when I'm somewhat calm) - I'm still plagued with doubt and fear, and it's making me believe that I did indeed do something wrong. Is this real event ocd? Did I actually do something wrong? I don't know what to do.

I got a Christmas advent calendar consisting of 25 presents from my boyfriend at the beginning of this month. When I opened day one, I had this thought that if he and I broke up I wouldn't get to open the rest of it. It really freaked me out because it felt like such a terrible thing to think while opening a present from someone you love. I think I was trying to reassure myself by saying that he wouldn't break up with me, which turned into "If we broke up, it'd be me breaking up with him". That was another thing that really overwhelmed me. Since then, basically everyday I've been so focused on the idea that if we broke up, I'd be the one to break up with him. It had me questioning whether or not I really loved him and whether or not I should break up with him. These sort of thoughts really overwhelm me. They make me feel bad, for lack of a better word. I've tried so many different things and a lot of my compulsions revolve around reassurance, Google, thought replacement, and trying to find the source of all of the anxiety. I try to understand what started or could cause it. Lately, I've tried to journal whenever I feel that I've had a very overwhelming day with my OCD. I think it helps somewhat because I'm forced to sit with my thoughts for at least a moment, but then I just go back to feeling negative at some point the next day. I love him and I know I love him so I don't understand why I question those feelings. Last night I sort of just broke down while we were on the phone and explained a lot of what was going on in my head and it health. But while we're on the phone, he apologized for bringing me the box in the first place because we both consider the possibility that it is what triggered the OCD. When I woke up, I didn't feel bad about our relationship, I felt bad about ruining has joy when it came to the present that he got me. I managed to move past that. A couple of minutes ago, I started to get upset again because I had another thought about just us breaking up and it made me cry. In the privacy of my room, I said something about us breaking up out loud so that I could force myself to feel feel what I would feel if we were to break up, and if I were to break up with him. It sucked. I think it was probably a bad idea to try that because I know it can be damaging with OCD, especially without regulation from a therapist. Then, I started to overthink about whether or not I'm loving him the way he deserves to be loved and it made me feel even worse. I started to think about whether or not I was holding him back from finding somebody who would treat the way he deserves, but I feel like I treat him well and that I love him so much. I think more so that thought was centered around whether or not my OCD would be too much and he'd never feel like I loved him enough. I haven't talked to him about this yet, even though I talk to him about basically all of it. I just don't understand why I can't relax. I want to know if it's because of the box and I want it to stop. I'm scared that treatment would show me that my OCD was actually honest, or that it wasn't OCD at all. I also worry that ERP would make me actually feel the things I'd be exposed to. I know that for a lot of people, these concerns are part of the disease, but it still is a fear of mine. I just want the anxiety to stop, even for just a day.

Hey everyone, I’ve not posted on here before so here goes… I might be all over the place so please bear with me but would appreciate your guys help. I’ll do my best to explain everything. Sorry if I go on a bit here. I’ve always had quirks since I was a kid such as having to step on grates in the floor, counting things and asking people to repeat themselves. I’ve just always lived with it and never thought much of it or paid much attention to it I guess and then COVID happened… I ended up with far too much time on my hands and nowhere to go which drove me crazy. I couldn’t stand it and had no escape as such. I really struggled and sought professional help for what I thought was anxiety. I ended up on Sertraline tablets and had counselling. I’m not so sure the counselling helped but I think that might be because we were classing it as anxiety. In the mean time, I’ve done a bit of research in my spare time and came across OCD. As soon as I looked in to it, things made a lot more sense. It just seemed “me.” The reassurance, the making people repeat themselves, asking the same question, going round in circles in my head and never being happy with the answer I got so I “had to ask again.” It really just started to make sense to me and I kind of understood what was “wrong” with me and I guess I got a bit of peace from that. I came off my tablets about a year ago as I thought I was better until recently. The past week or so, maybe two weeks, I’ve really gone backwards and it’s almost debilitating for me again. I think the fact I’ve done this before and remember how awful it was last time makes this time even worse because I thought I’d beaten this, naive maybe? How my OCD tends to work is I get fixated on one thing/question and it runs around in my head repeatedly. I might get the reassurance once, I won’t be happy with that, it doesn’t seem to go in so I have to ask again and the cycle continues. It’s also sneaky as OCD generally is and I’ll find different ways of asking etc. I always tell myself the next time I ask will be the last time but for some reason, it doesn’t click and I have to ask again. It’s making me unhappy, I’m sat at home with it going round in my head. I can’t focus on spending time with my family or my children as it consumes me so I take myself off to the bedroom to be alone. I’m scared of ruining Christmas for the kids because of it. I’m a grown man but I’m getting upset over all of this. I feel like my heart is beating out of my chest as I’m getting that worked up from all of this and panicking so I end up in floods of tears just not able to handle this. I take the small wins such as finding this subreddit and there is more online than I thought about this so I’m glad I’m not alone but I do feel like “my OCD” is on it’s own. I don’t find many that are obsessed on these small things that I get fixated on so that makes me feel stupid as well, like my OCD isn’t relevant if you get me? What seemed to trigger me this time around is something that happened at work. The problem is I now feel like that person has the “answers”, is the key to my happiness (awful feeling) and I’m holding some kind of disdain for that person as I feel I need reassurance from them. Can anyone please help me at all or give me some advice? I’d greatly appreciate it. Have a nice Christmas guys, thanks for reading. :)

so i was just thinking about how girls are able to connect so easily with their boyfriends as if they’re on of their best girl friends and then i got worried that i’ll never be able to do that. like for example i’ve never had a boy friend (emphasis on friend lol) so i don’t know how different the bond is you know? i guess what i was worried about is that if i got into a relationship i wouldn’t know what to talk about with him, meaning that i’d rather have a girlfriend? but writing it down now it all seems kind of silly

So back then when I was 18 I went to Mexico the month after my birthday and I met this dude there who was 14 but turned 15 that same month and we had a thing for a eachother and he did look older and was much taller than me and seemed mature. But now I’m so worried why did I like him or talk to him that way back then. I am now 20 and he’s 17 and I haven’t talked to him at all because I’m in a loving healthy relationship with my bf who is 27. I have a fear of being a pedo and I’m so scared that what happened back then makes me a pedo :((

Y’all I am so goddamn mentally exhausted it’s incredible. I have a cat, she’s two and in perfect health, but my OCD won’t leave her alone. I’m constantly worried she’ll get crushed under a recliner or die of heat stroke in the dryer. My mom accommodates as much as she can, we keep the dryer shut and we keep a cat bed in the living room so she has a place to hide instead of going under the chair. I’ve never had an animal more than a year or so (hamsters that met tragic ends no matter what I did, and a senior dog that we put down after a year due to declining health) so I think the lack of experience with a pet is a big thing here, and she’s the first animal I’ve ever actually bonded with for real. I just want to make my brain stop describing her possible deaths to me and I can’t figure out how. Anything is appreciated. Thanks for reading, folks.

Can intrusive thoughts sounds like “I want too” and not just “what if “

Hello! Over the past few weeks I have learned more about what OCD is and questioned if I had it. I didn't think I had obsessions/compulsions enough for it to be OCD (rather than anxiety) or for it to be worth pursuing anything. However last night was what really solidified things for me. I had convinced myself that homemade pickled okra my mom gave me that I ate was going to give me botulism. There was nothing to make me think anything was wrong with it but the thought just popped in my head and I spiraled. The whole time I knew it was probably fine and I was being irrational but I couldn't get the "well what if this is the weird case where it does happen?" I was obsessing over it for a few hours (I've now learned is ruminating I think), googling things about it (compulsion), and seeking reassurance multiple times from my partner. It even got so bad I texted my mom seeking reassurance that it was safe to eat. Today is her birthday and I woke up from a text from her telling me she follows all the proper techniques but if I'm worried just throw it out. I felt so bad and started crying. The first text she sees from me on her birthday is me questioning if her food is safe to eat. This led me to download this app. I don't have a diagnosis but this and many other things I experience have really pointed to OCD. Already, hearing that other people go through similar things has really helped me. I have felt so silly and irrational for so long and it's so reassuring to see I'm not alone in these things.

Does anyone else feel like the groinal response comes without specific thoughts? I suffer with POCD so sometimes I just see a child or hear someone talking about a pedophile and I’ll instantly feel the groinal and a lot of anxiety. You so often read that the groinal follows an intrusive thought, but for me it’s gone beyond this.

I have dealt with ROCD for years, and I’m in a LDR. I get to the point where my partner does something nice for me, and I feel guilt instead of warmth or appreciation. Does anyone have advice for responses in real time when your OCD automatically asks you to check your feelings to see if you feel the same as your partner? For example: Partner: I miss you My thoughts: Do you miss him too? If you don’t right now, then it would be dishonest to say it back. But if you don’t say it back, he might think you don’t miss him. My response: I love you (avoiding saying I miss him if I don’t feel it in that moment) There are other more triggering moments as well, like when we are talking about the future and he expresses his excitement. I know I want our future together too, but right now I feel this fear like I am waiting to see if things work out first or the OCD goes away. So then I don’t know how to respond, as openness, affection, and honesty are all values of mine.

This app is feeding my obsessions. I find some stories relatable and reassuring, but it’s only short-lived. I also find some stories are relatable, but triggering and they cause me to spiral. I also search and search and search different questions, spending hours reading other people’s posts. I deleted my Facebook app as I was spending so much time on my OCD forums, and I also thought it was sending me signs from the universe, but now I’m on here constantly. It’s feeding the OCD because I’m reading and comparing stories constantly, but half the old posts I read are written by people who don’t have a conclusion to their stories, so I’m like did they get better from SO OCD or were they in denial all along, creating more ‘what ifs’. This feeds OCD so bad and gives it more power.

I am having the absolute worst week. My anxiety is so bad, I can’t think straight. I haven’t had a moment of calm for days and I feel like I’m going crazy. I’ve had what I think is intense ROCD/RA for about three years now, and it is getting so difficult to tell if all the issues I see are just in my head or if there is actually something wrong with my relationship. We’ve been together for five years and the first two years were lovely. I had some fears and doubts, but I felt very happy with my partner. We were together 24/7 and always had fun with each other. Then we started to spend a bit less time together and ROCD or whatever this is hit me really hard. I started worrying that he didn’t love me anymore, and that I didn’t love him and I did a lot of feeling checking and other things that I have figured out are common ROCD symptoms. Flash forward to now, I still feel like we don’t spend enough time together, and I get super upset by little things like if he has positioned his body so that it is pointing straight forward instead of towards me. I know I have an anxious attachment style and I am finding it so difficult to figure out what are reasonable concerns and what are things that I need to learn to be okey with because they are actually healthy and normal. The longer ROCD has gone on, the harder it has gotten. Two months ago I felt super in love and was actually feeling like I was in recovery. Then I went away for a work trip for a week and I had a lot of fun and was very busy so I didn’t have time to miss him and after I got home my ROCD exploded again. I have been wondering why I don’t feel that excited when I’m at home and do we still have fun together and lots of thoughts like that. Of course, I know that my ROCD gets in the way of our relationship being as good as it can be, and my partner has had health issues since the past few years that make him very tired which also doesn’t help. He is super sweet and funny and caring and smart but I keep finding faults. I also keep wishing that when he was tired he wanted to cuddle with me or something, because that’s what I want when I’m tired, and I don’t know if that’s a reasonable thing or if it’s just that people need different things when they aren’t feeling well. Right now I am super triggered and my mind is pretty much completely sure that I need to break up with him and that my anxiety comes from uprooting my life and needing to have difficult conversations rather than from actually wanting to stay in the relationship. I am so confused and I can’t sleep because I keep waking up with anxious thoughts and I keep waiting for signs that all is good between us but even when I get them my brain explains them away. I should also add that during the weekend I was at a work party and was harassed by a manager, so I think that has contributed to my spike. Also, we are at my parents place for the next ten days now and that also usually triggers my ROCD. My anxiety is so high that I can’t eat properly, which just makes the cycle worse as well. I know this is a lot, and I know seeking for reassurance is not the right thing to do. I just needed to get some things out of my head because it has been spinning for so long. And if anyone has any advice on how I should cope that would be amazing.

How do I stop ruminating so much? It seems like anytime I make a mistake (getting into a fight, doing something wrong, upsetting a friend, etc) I just ruminate and overthink the entire situation and what the results could be. I’ll also know deep down and in my mind that my mind is just overthinking and I’m just creating scenarios in my head (ex: my friend telling my mom what I did after we have an argument or something), but it’s like my mind just can’t believe myself. Any advice??

Hi I’m new, I just want to know if anyone else has experienced intrusive thoughts about being attracted to a family member such as you’re dad?

I am new, I seen this on fb and thought well this could be good! Anyways, I have suffered with health anxiety and ocd for YEARS! I’ve seen many therapists and they just dismiss me because I get so hooked on stuff I can’t seem to function. My biggest episode yet was about 4yrs ago, I was utterly convinced I had leukemia. I had become manic, I couldn’t function. I stopped eating and thus began to lose weight. It lasted about 3mo. I was supposed to be medicated but my insurance wouldn’t cover my medication so I just stopped taking it. Anyways, fast forward, my husband ended up paying for my medication out of pocket and making me drink smoothies which in turn I was able to eat and got myself out of the manic state. Now I still worry about every ache or pain, I panic about everything health wise. I have never been able to overcome it. I am hoping that maybe, just maybe someone on here could relate and together we could get some comfort. It feels very lonely. I’m a 41yr old mom of 3. All 3 of my kids have anxiety. My oldest son has health anxiety just like me, I was young when I had him so sadly he got the brunt of my problems. My middle son has social anxiety (I do too but can control it some) he is the only one medicated because he’s in school and he can’t control it; he does see a therapist and she seems to be helping him, my youngest has anxiety in small spaces. He can’t feel trapped he also sees a therapist and they have worked wonders with him. Thank you for taking the time to read this ❤️