Welcome to
the NOCD Community

They're just so raw and cut and bleeding but I just keep washing them. The anxiety of thinking/feeling they're "dirty" is just too much to handle.

Hey, so my therapist missed our session yesterday and isn't answering any of my messages, could she be in holidays and forgot to tell me, or do you think I should contact someone in case something happened?

My boyfriend watch porn and it makes me think hes really weird and gross but i cant control it, am i wrong? even tho i also consume it sometimes it feels so weird, looks like hes a porn addict, i dont wanna end my 4 years old relationship bc of PORN what should i do

Today I woke up with an intrusive thought of being scared to have hurt my dog when I was last downstairs. Then I went through everything that I remembered from the night to prove that everything was always alright. But then suddenly I got the intrusive thought „what if I had hurt my little sister when k woke up one time at 4 am?“ and like, before this thought I remembered everything from 4 am really clearly. I woke up bc of noise coming from outside of my room and thought that it might already be 6 am so I looked at the clock to realise it wasn’t. I then realised that it wasn’t 6 am yet and then I don’t know what exactly had happened but at some point my AirPods were next to me and I was looking for their case to charge them but saw it was on the table and I was too lazy to get up so I just let them stay there. I was still hearing the noise which was my little sister crying bc she probably felt ill idk. My mother was there. I know that my little sister had been in my mothers room all the time basically. And then I went back to sleep. I can’t remember anything else after that anymore, probably bc I was sleeping. But I keep being like „but what if my mother had brought my little sister to her room and I hurt her then?“ and like idk if this even makes sense at all bc my mother has like this camera thing whenever she’s not in the same room as my little sister and has it on full volume. This only just now, after hours of ruminating, clicked in my head. Like, she def would’ve heard if I had hurt her right? And from what I remember, she had spent the entire night in my mums room anyway. Like I genuinely don’t remember standing up, nothing. But even when I resist ruminating, the thought won’t leave me. Like it’s this pitch in my stomach. This pitch telling me „what if it’s true though? Why do you not feel bad? What if it’s actually real and you really forgot doing this and now those are your memories and you don’t even feel bad abt it? Would you live with the thought having done this? Are you capable of doing this?“ and it won’t leave me. Like it makes me feel as it this is actually a real memory. But I didn’t remember this even when I got the thought. Like it’s all powered by „what if“s. I keep being told that not ruminating will give a sense of logic back but no matter how many times I’m like „yea no don’t ruminate, later you will have your logic back and you’ll be able to think abt this as irrational“ but it feels as if I’m further away from the truth than I was the first time I replayed my memories. It’s as if ruminating completely messed up my memories. I don’t know anymore, this feeling is making me doubt whether it’s not actually true deep down and I just lost control over myself at night. Like I remembered the night so well the first time I was replaying it. Had No doubts over this. Maybe if this thought won’t leave I’ll ask my mother but I don’t want to distress her but at the same time I just need to know. I generally always wake up with such fears. One time I was scared to have lost control over my brain at night and if I had just watched illegal videos and forgot abt it (turned out wrong of course after checking my screen time so), then 188273 times I was scared to have hurt my dog and now this. Like I think she was with my mother but now I’m not sure anymore. By now I’m yet again back at having to lock my door at night to make sure I don’t have to worry abt hurting others.

So I have been in therapy/medication for half a year now and I can safely say that it has changed my life for the better! 😄 I want to share some of my experience and advice ❤️ I know it might not work for everyone. 1. Think about your life and how you want to live it you are the only one that can decide how. When a intrusive thought comes and you want to do a compulsion you have a decision 👊 do you want to live the rest of your life in misery? Or live a free life with a calmer mind? Personally I realized that compulsions = bullshit life. I know it's hard to give up doing compulsions but you know it's going to spiral down into a dark hole so why not try something different for once? 2. Do some research on LGBTQ not as a compulsion but to have a bigger understanding of it. What helped me was that I realized that sexuality is a bigger spectrum than I thought 😯 I realized I couldn't be 100 percent sure bc it actually was impossible 🤷‍♂️ you could be a little or a lot. I found some peace in that I don't have to put myself in a box it's alot more fluid than you think. 3. This one is a little tricky bc it totally goes against my ocd but I try to be okay with the thoughts almost "force" myself to not make a big deal out of it and continue living the life I want! This one is maybe for people further into treatment. 4. Keep reminding yourself that life is a gift explore it as much as you can there is so much more to life than figuring out your sexuality I know people nowadays make it into a big deal but it really is not maybe you will figure it out? or maybe not? Things happen when it's time for it to happen. But remember you will be okay ❤️ don't waste it on ocd☹️ it's not worth it. You are the master of your own life! I wish for everyone suffering with this theme to keep fighting and finally find peace in the unknown all the love to all of you 💗💗

Is this normal? Does everyone experience this or if you experience it it really means that it's not for you. Or this is the same as relationship ocd? Im not in a good state these days but its okay cause im actually getting stronger now, but im really prone to have negative thoughts and any feelings that makes me question everything. I want to work with music, when im in my normal state i do know i want to work with it, but now i got feelings like maybe its not for me, and even that i dont like it now or something similar, and it scared me, it scared me cause deep down i think i want it and before i knew this is my path but now these feeling and thoughts scared me. "Does it mean its really not for me? Am i just avoiding to accept im not good for that, it's not actually for me?" I have these kind of thoughts.

I felt so understood when I learned that a characteristic of OCD is to question or doubt your own judgment. This is something I experienced quite frequently, and especially around my physical disability which causes pain. I wanted to ask if anybody else living with OCD and a disability or chronic illness sometimes questions their pain and has thought patterns along the lines of "this hurts... but does it really hurt?" Or " I don't feel good.... but do I just not feel good because I'm thinking about how I don't feel good?" Let me know in the comments if this is something you experience. Sending love and support to anyone living with OCD or other comorbid conditions. P.S- I have found OCD recovery YouTube Channel very validating

My room was my safe space. Free of bad germs. But today lots of things happened and I am currently in bed just sitting with the contamination in my room now. It’s late and my room is separated from the main house. So, in order to clean and wash my hands, I have to go outside and through the back door of my house. Which will be a whole hour long cleaning and washing episode. (I accidentally left the keys to the house inside the home anyways) I had to pick something up from my room floor which is dirty to me and I sobbed cus I felt so defeated. I put on hand sanitizer so much to feel better but I still feel so useless about it. My bed is also contaminated from earlier and I sprayed lysol on it but I know a limit on to stop cus I don’t want my sheets smelling like it too much! I feel so defeated and I’m just sitting with these contamination. Especially the bed one, which hurts my very soul cus my bed is my top safe place. I feel so gross and disgusting. I’m tired and lost I’m debating on just cleaning my bed sheets tomorrow but Imma be so real rn. I don’t feel like it because doing laundry ESPECIALLY my bed sheets is such a hassle for me my god. I already did laundry today and it’s what started these series of contamination in my room to begin with. My goodness. I’ve been telling myself “It’s okay, I’m still cleaner than anyone else even with these contaminated things on me right now.” Comparing my cleanliness with others actually helps me relax a bit. Right now Im thinking of people who pick their stuff off the ground and don’t wash their hands or put on hand sanitizer to feel better about my situation.

I don’t even know if I have ocd but recently, I started to get these intrusive thoughts whenever I talk to someone. Like I think of saying something very mean or harmful (which I obviously don’t want to say). This has made me lose a lot of my confidence and makes it difficult for me to talk to people. Nowadays I try so hard to think of the right thing to say that it’s made me take too long to respond to someone. It makes me seem boring and not fun. It sucks because my entire life I never had this problem. I used to be so funny and happy. I used to talk a lot and was very extroverted. I loved to talk. Now I don’t know who I am or who I want to be anymore. I don’t know how to talk to people anymore. This all started when I started college. I just want my old self back.

What's your experience with food & ocd? Curious how much you all feel your diet helps or affects you. It's actually helped me to reduce sugar and caffeine, only drinking decaf, but mainly being meat free again. No judgement on your lifestyle please share 🎃

At what age did your OCD begin to develop? I've had mine pretty much ever since I can remember.

I’ve been struggling a lot the last few days. My anxiety has been high, my OCD is trying to come back in, and I’ve been feeling sad. I’ve been crying a lot more than usual about missing my boyfriend and my parents when I’m not with them. The weather has been HORRIBLE the last couple weeks. It’s been really cold and icy, so I’ve been cooped up in the house and feeling really isolated. I’ve been working hard to process my emotions but it’s still hard. Anyone else going through something similar due to this winter weather?

I don't know what to do. I'm stuck wishing I didn't do all of the things I did related to my addiction and I just feel awful about myself

Has anyone experienced weight gain while on lexapro? I was on it for many years with no weight changes, but recently gained weight without changing my diet or exercise and I’m wondering if lexapro could be contributing. Thanks!

I pretty much have my ocd under control with random anxiety here and there. My husband and I want to get pregnant and I’m nervous my ocd will worsen. Did anyone’s not? Can I still be a good mom?

I have my first appointment next Monday and I’m basically just trying to bide my time til then. I’ve struggled with OCD for my whole life, but I’m 42 and am in a deep valley at the moment. I’m headstand to share my struggles on places like this because I’m afraid I’ll pass my fears on to others. (Which has happened to me before). Any comments about how quickly ERP will start to show results?

My ocd feels like my brain is convinced I am something that I don’t want to be, or never wanted to be. Even to the point it’s convincing that I like it, or want it, and I’m in denial for not accepting it. Since my first big theme (10 years ago) it feels like I’ve never been myself since. It feels like I’m unable to feel pleasure, excitement, drive for life. Either I’ve lost the ability or my brain says you have to figure this out before you can. It feels like a constant anxiety feeling in my stomach or back of my mind. It goes from mildly noticeable to full blown panic, but never fully leaves. It feels inevitable that it comes in the morning. Anyone else?

Hi, im currently using this as a survey for a school project! I would really appreciate it if you could comment your answer.. anyways heres the question: Is OCD as recognized and respected as anxiety and depression? Why?

Having a panic attack and can’t calm down. Please help.

I'm the middle child of 3 siblings. My older sibling is getting married this year, and my younger sibling is working to get into nursing school. And then there's me. The one with the Problems. I feel like my parents deserve a better middle daughter than me. I feel like such a disappointment that they have to put up with me and my constant crying. I hate feeling like I kill the good mood/transfer my bad feelings to them. No matter how many times they comfort me, no matter how much they support me and accept me, I still feel like an annoyance and a burden on them. I feel like a f^cking baby because of my mental health problems. I'm normally unstoppable, and have my own unique strengths and abilities, but THIS is what stops me. Anyone else feel like you're just a dumb, dependent child because of your OCD?