I'm having such a hard time dealing with a false memory, it kills me to know that I'm not going to get the details of this memory. My aunt tries to calm me down by telling me that I didn't do anything bad to my little cousin, but I can't stay okay for long. The fact that this memory occurred on a day when we were just starting to wake up makes it worse, because immediately the thought comes that my aunt might not have been fully awake at the time to confirm anything, plus it's practically impossible to ask my little cousin to remember anything either. But all of this is frustrating because I have a memory of waking up and just lying there thinking about random things, apart from the fact that my cousin never changed with me, he never acted as if I represented some kind of danger. And one thing that also confronts all these bad thoughts is that at that time I already knew I had OCD, I always remember what they say about people with OCD never doing what the intrusive thoughts say they are capable of, and at that time I was scared to death just thinking about something bad, like, I didn't even want to think about it, how would I have the courage to do it? And on top of all that, I remember the memory I have of just lying there thinking about random things, why doesn't my mind trust that? Why does it keep coming up with horrible details that make no sense? Like, before I discovered OCD I never behaved like that, I never wanted to hurt anyone, why doesn't my mind just focus on that? I know they're traps, but this idea that I'm a bad person is desperate, it makes me think that I'm not worthy of living, that I don't deserve good things and that I'm deceiving everyone and myself. I don't know how to get out of this cycle, sometimes I'm okay but it always comes back, it's like something saying "No matter how much you run away, you've done something bad and you're not as good a person as you try to tell everyone" or something like "The only way to get rid of this is to have all the details and you'll never have them". It's just scary, I have no words, it's scary and suffocating. How can I live with it?