Welcome to
the NOCD Community

Anyone else get groinal responses when they see a child in public and get fears something might happen? That happened to me earlier at work today. I felt super uncomfortable and my mind is telling me I like children. I don’t even know how I got ocd. I’m a bodybuilder and I don’t understand etc this is happening

Hi! Looking for some help. I’m struggling with my wedding anniversary coming up in about 2 months. We’ll be married for 10 years. I discovered 6 months ago that my wife had an emotional affair through texts with a mutual friend of very sexual nature. It started on the date of our 5 year anniversary while she was out of town. We sort of have been working through things, but I feel I’m far from over the betrayal. She wants us to go on a date to a place to make our own new wedding rings. To try to reframe the day. Honestly, I don’t want to do this at all. I have intrusive thoughts of it almost every day and hour. I took down all of our wedding photos and removed the date from our Facebook. Compulsions, I guess, but I didn’t want any reminders or triggers over it surrounding me. I haven’t worn my ring in 2 months. I know we’ll have to talk about the day and our plans soon, but I’m overwhelmed by feeling like I’m supposed to reframe this day and just get over it. Right now, I don’t even want to be married. I feel so much anxiety about getting the conversation over with, but fear how she’ll take it, if I’m honest. I don’t know for sure that I have ocd as I’m pretty new here, but I am experiencing severe relationship anxiety. I’m curious if the draw to get the conversation over with is the compulsion I’m looking for to relieve the obsession. The intrusive thoughts seem to get worse, especially in feeling the pressure of the upcoming anniversary

This is the first time I’m posting here but I really need to. Basically, I have known this boy for about 4/5 years now. We usually just talked on snap as we were too shy to meet irl. We were just friends. He did have feelings for me for a long time it I didn’t until recently. I did him really bad as 2 years back, when I got into a relationship. I blocked him out of no where. I know it’s really bad and a messed up thing to do but I was dumb. I hurt him a lot. A year or so later I realised my mistake and reached out to him again with an apology (me and my ex broke up by this time). I helped him get a job with me. So we started working together as well. During this time once again I didn’t have feelings for him. But sometimes he would flirt and stuff. I’m kind of a bitch. A few years ago, and even a few months ago I’ve said a few bad things about him behind his back to other people. Like bad things. Just to give you guys an understanding I’m 18 atm. Old enough to know what’s right and wrong but I still messed up quite a bit Recently, we have started working a lot more and meeting in real life unlike before. And I have caught feelings in the past few weeks. We both confessed. Aren’t official yet as I’m worried about my parents finding out (I’m not allowed to date). I feel really guilty tho. Whenever I talk to him, I remember the past and the things I’ve said about him and just want to confess. I’ve confessed a lot of things already and he’s told me that the past doesn’t matter. But I still feel the need to confess. I know for a fact that my feelings have changed a lot towards him. I feel like I took him for granted in the past and his attention for granted but I really really like him now. I’m started to love him. But these feelings of guilt keep coming in my way. Please help me.

Do the urges to perform compulsions ever go away? Even with ERP? I feel like I’ve been doing good resisting compulsions but the urges lingering in the back of my mind are making the healing journey very difficult. Anyone experiencing this now?

Hello. Did any medications help with sensorimotor OCD? I started Zoloft a week ago. Thanks!

Does anyone ever get scared that they are going to be stuck like this forever. Or that eventually you wont be able to fight against the thoughts and it just sends you into a spiral. Also sometimes it feels like an urge to act on these thoughts and its really scary and i dont know how to deal with this and im just really scared and i just wanna get better. Any tips?

1. We’re both Christians and have different faith journeys. He doesn’t view the Bible same way I do. 2. He believes that oral sex is okay before marriage. I’m starting to get uncomfortable with doing that. 3. Reading the Bible, listening to worship music, going to church events, fasting now all trigger me which is why I do it less often. But now I feel like my relationship with God isn’t as close as it was before the relationship because of it. Now, I’m highly aware of the fact that I’ve been diagnosed with OCD specifically Scrupulosity for almost a year now. ROCD has become a new theme. But the reason why it’s hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that it could be OCD is because of how I feel about my relationship with God. That’s obvious. It feels different, way different and I feel terrible. I love my boyfriend deeply. I truly see that man as my person, my best friend. We are very similar and rarely have disagreements, talkless of arguments. I honestly can’t see a future without him in it but I’m scared I’m wrecking my relationship with God by idolizing him. I just don’t know why it has to be so difficult and heartbreaking. If anyone can relate, I’d love to hear.

Hi all , please comment if you’re experiencing what I’m about to share . I am going through a very tough time with existential fears & very frightening thoughts to a point where the thought of myself sends me into a spiral. I ask myself “am I even existing right now as I’m typing this” “ how do I know that I’m not already dead or in a purgatory “how do I confirm that I even exist” what if I’ve already died and this is what death feels like “ nothing & no one around me feels real , I look at my kids & my husband & question their existence. I’ve also been suffering from severe depersonalisation/derealisation & I don’t know which one is triggering the other ! I also suffer from harm ocd where I’m forever worrying that I might lose control & harm my family whom I love to bits & I’m always battling the nightmare inside me that makes me believe that I’ve already hurt them but I just don’t know it … I’m on lexapro & have been for two years but I find that all it does is numb my emotions, I can’t cry & at times worry that if sharpens to someone I love , I may not be able to cry or show emotions . I am convinced that I’ve developed schizophrenia 🥲🥲 which has always been my worst fear! Or that I’ve gone psychotic without realising . I cannot see myself out of this hole & my brain had forgotten what being a normal person once felt like 🥲🥲. I was seeing a psychologist and he did ERP with me but sadly that did Not help so I stopped seeing him altogether & lost faith in therapy altogether ! Sorry this is a very long post but I just want to know that someone out there is experiencing the same symptoms and has gotten over it through ERP or other medication ? Because I feel like I’m the only one suffering from this debilitating illness and there’s no way out!

Went through absolute hell last week sticking with ERP and not seeking assurance on a massive obsession of mine. Since those three days, my thoughts have been really clear of that issue. And now here it is again. I hate the cycle. It makes it hard not to anticipate that things will randomly get worse on a good day.

Diagnosed with Pure O, Bi Polar, anxiety and Major depression. I've tried so much medication that I don't know what's left. I thought Capylta was helping and felt good, but after 3 months I crashed. Anyone have any suggestions?? Don't think my Psychiatrist even knows

I have probably the worst intrusive thought ever and I obsess over it big time. I’m scared that im the worst person ever with secret hidden violent desires and urges. Im so scared that ill become this murderer or perform an action i dont want to do. Today its been extra hard as I feel like I have an urge to do something. I feel like i am empathetic person ever like I even save bees from the pool when they are drowning. But this harm ocd makes me question everything and its a living hell and I feel so alone and scared and I dont want anybody to be scared of me and ive never felt more lonely in my life. I just want this to end.

My mom has hurt her leg and is struggling to use it as of now. With me dealing with overwhelming contamination thoughts this scares me as I may have to help her to use the restroom or shower until she’s able to maneuver. I feel like a bad person for being overwhelmed by this because I don’t want to be selfish but I feel so scared that i’ll have to deal with this fear I have if she ends up needing help from someone else in the house other than my dad. I am super afraid of my own bathroom germs so this is just extremely overwhelming and scary to me. Has anyone ever dealt with anything similar?

When I was 6 or 7, me and my family would watch House a lot. It’s a tv show about a doctor who diagnoses weird stuff and rare diseases. So in one episode this school women’s diving team had a girl get sick and at the hospital they had to swap her private parts. So after that episode a girl from my neighborhood and me went to the bathroom and play Doctor, and I swapped her privates and mine and reinacted the show. Like I remember being like ok we are professionals divers and this and that. Any fast forward to when I was 10, I learned what rape was and I had my very first HUGE panic attack about what if I raped her. I have been afraid ever since, so the event took place 20 years ago but I’ve been living in hell for 17. I have been afraid that her dad would send a hit man out to kill me, that she killed herself, that I’m not worth anything, that I shouldn’t get married or have children. This is the worst thing I ever did in my life regardless of being told by people that this was normal and children do this daily. Am I rational in my fears or is this actually OCD.

How is that I was so worried about my boyfriend wanting to break up with me and no I’m so worried that it’s actually me that wants to break up? I want to cry

How long did you do therapy/ERP before you started to notice a difference in your OCD?

Years ago when i struggle through p*rn addiction I watched p*rn in a private shower stall several times at the gym after seeing many people wearing explicit clothing. (no audio, no sound, alone in a private stall). I never intended to make it inappropriately public and I never did. No one saw or knows. In the army i was exposed to public nudity all the time and hated it so of course its against my values and i never did it. Im just worried since i did in a private stall is that illegal? Am i going to be a offender or arrested. Even though its completely not who I am. Im worried sick and ruminated on every detail from years ago.

Sometimes my ocd causes me to be overwhelmed that I’m physically tired, and don’t want to move to not trigger my symptoms…

i can’t move on. the guilt and shame over my actions but also struggling to remember and 100% know what happened because I was very drunk is crippling. i hate this feeling. i quit drinking because nothing is worth losing her. i feel I done something awful like semi cheat or cheat and i feel the urge to confess. i even told to my partner about the situation and she forgave me and let me with so much grace and yet i still feel like there is more to confess even tho if she’s moved on why haven’t i when im the one who was a horrible person. like i ruminate and kick analyze and essentially find/create another detail that i dont even know if its relevant or real. my partner is the love of my life and i never want to hurt her and we plan on getting married so why does my brain try and convince me i want other people when all i want is her and our life together. then if i get too drunk it’s like my subconscious comes out and tries to sabotage my life and go against all of my values and trys to get me to act on intrusive thoughts? i can’t even put it into works im so confused and feel so lonely and shameful and at rock bottom. everyone is always telling me how good of a person i am and how incredibly lucky they are to know me and i feel like a fraud and a horrible person because of my mistakes. how do i move on and recover. and then everything becomes and obsession and my comparisons worded and it’s a downward spiral. anyone else shave similar experiences or helpful tips and ways to move forward without guilt. i just want peace and love.

Hi, I have never posted on a forum before because I’m scared someone will come back and say ‘it’s not OCD’. Anyway, I have always had obsessional thoughts. Always obsessed about my health and if I was going to die. I have always had intrusive thoughts and when I was around 16 I had my first awful one HOCD. This made me feel so sick and I couldn’t leave my bed. Would look at women and get groinal responses and would avoid anything LGBTQ. I then suffered with POCD, which I nearly asked to be sectioned over. Now, I am with my current partner (2months) and we are moving in together in 2 weeks. I have known him since I was 14 and have always had a thing for him. Anyway, last year there was this person at work who I forced and convinced myself to ‘like’ don’t even know if I even did to be honest. But his background is awful and everyone around me said it was a bad decision and I knew this too. We used to talk all the time but yeah, anyway… I said I didn’t want a relationship and distanced myself from him and never really thought about him. I’m now in my relationship with my current partner and I adore him. He is fully aware of what is going on in my head. I have also just started therapy. My head is comparing him to this guy at work. Makes me think they look alike, but this all stemmed from when my current partner was talking about his family past and I instantly thought oh no, I hope my family doesn’t think this is bad (they love him). So now, my head is saying ‘what if you love this other guy’ what if the reason you can’t get this out your head is because the universe is giving you a sign’ ‘what if everyone told you not to go there, then what’ the thoughts are endless and honestly, I can’t stop crying, it is making me physically sick, have panic attacks. I confess to my partner all the time and he is honestly so supportive! I feel like I’m mentally cheating or what if I’m denial. When we first got together I was fine. No thoughts and then bang I’m consumed. My head is filled with them. I feel congested with him. I feel disgusting. I look for reassurance. I constantly look on Quora and Reddit. I can’t cope. I love my current partner! And we tried getting together years ago but it wasn’t our time and since, I thought about him every now and again and now my brain is saying ‘oh see, what if it’s the same situation with this guy a work’ I just want coping mechanisms and relief. This honestly feels like torture.!!! oh and my head says ‘what if you go to therapy and discover your true desires and it turns out that it isn’t ocd’