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I had very very bad se*ual dream about someone I shouldn't have. Does my dreams show what I actually want? why even it came in my mind

Does anyone else suffer with harm ocd the way I do, sometimes I feel like I don’t even have ocd and like these are my actual thoughts when I started ocd I would feel so bad for thinking what I was thinking and I would cry everyday but now I just feel numb and like I don’t feel nothing I can’t even cry I’m also on antidepressants so idk if that’s affecting it but it’s like the only thing holding me back from doing my actions is like thinking I could go to jail or ruin my life or regret it later in life & it’s like I tell my self or my mind that whatever it is and it like gets mad that like I can’t do it and it makes me feel worst because it makes me feel like I actually wanna do that and ugh it’s like a constant battle everyday because it like gets mad for not being able to do that because I obviously know it’s something bad and will ruin my life.

I come home and my partner is waiting for me asking how my day is watching just general chatting and I’m annoyed, that they’re waiting for me. Probably a trigger from a previous relationship. Why can’t they just get on with something? Why do they need me? Then I start to panic and think oh God now I don’t like them. I’d rather be on my own. Should I tell them how I feel or is that confessing? Start over analyze start to think I can’t be in this relationship. Start to think I’m a bad person start to think I’m never gonna be able to have a relationship if i have thoughts like this. Is this just another OCD moment? If so what ERP can I do?

I know exactly where it comes from. There were times where I was treating horribly as a kid but other kids. I remember when a kid hit me in the second grade and I hit him back, but I don't know why he would do that. I had one kid constantly telling me to shut up for no reason, and I was never really good at socializing. I remember one kid calling me a derogatory term, which I'm surprised he even knew the meaning of at such an age. In middle school, I was widely disliked by a group of girls because I tried to tell one of them that I liked her. They didn't like me for the ENTIRE school year. I tried my best to figure it out but just couldn't. They just didn't like me. I was bullied from time to time in high school. Someone threw books at me and pretended not to notice and someone pushed me when I was walking down the hall but I pretended to not notice. When I was a kid, I don't think I truly knew I was being bullied but by the time high school rolled around, I knew. I still remember the time a girl pointed out the fact that I do have friends in a sarcastic manner. I really didn't have any friends in high school because I fucking hated high school. Nothing good came out of it up until I graduated pretty much. Just when it was actually becoming something I liked, I graduated. I had friends and people that did like me, but I didn't know how to deal with those that didn't. I think don't, inner voice wise. Now, because of those awful events, I have severely low self esteem that truthfully I don't think was ever at a high point in my life to begin with. Aside from this, I have generalized anxiety and obsessive compulsive disorder. I want to hang out with friends at a place that's pretty far from where I am but I'm having trouble going through it because of my anxiety. I tried not to tell them it was my anxiety but they weren't good enough reasons so I just said it was my anxiety. I always get anxiety when around strangers and I don't really make efforts to talk to people I don't really know that well, or at the very least I'm not comfortable around fully. I hate this shit

Sitting here at the tire shop watching people who seem so normal. Just going about there day. Can they tell I have OCD. If they knew what would they say. I feel like everyone can tell how weird I am. I have so much shame and guilt. Anyone else feel this way?

I lost my job after 10 years with the company because they combined our office with another office. My anxiety, depression and panic spiraled out of control. I was so afraid I would never find another job and lose everything I had and have no insurance. I got a new job within 2 weeks and was sure that would solve all my problems, but I continued to get worse. I went to my new job and pushed through one week and ended up in the hospital due to my high anxiety and OCD. I have been so many different drs since trying to get the help I need. I finally found a dr that has me on Prozac and I am working with NOCD. I just can’t seem to get rid of the fear of losing the new job I just got. It’s such a scary and sick feeling.

I am getting confused When i am taking 5ml syrup of flunil I can easily do erp on my ocd Why my doctor decrease my dose to 2.5ml Its getting hard to manage ocd and anxiety Many reactions are coming out from me If i dont take ssri its effecting my nrml life also and its getting hard to do erp Suggest me someone what should i do Again i am getting scared thus i have to take ssri for lifetime 🙄🙄

Do you think this looks like a cavity? I am scared to get a filling because it can’t be undone and my ocd tells me I can’t candle it and will freak out and end up pulling my testy out because I can’t handle knowing there is a foreign object in me. I have a toothache tho and saw this. I’m scared

I am not sure why, but here lately (the last couple of days) I have been feeling irritated with my partner. In fact it’s not just with my partner, it’s with everything. Unfortunately this is bothering me because it’s almost as if I feel numb to my partner. The thought of being with him either causes me to feel anxiety or I feel nothing at all. Just typing this is making me anxious. I haven’t exactly had a direct intrusive thought related to the feelings I am experiencing but I fear that this means I should leave my partner. I fear that the irritation I feel could mean that I don’t really love him or that something is wrong. I wish I could ignore this but I find it hard to. In a way I almost don’t want to talk to him which makes me feel guilty and flat out terrible. I keep asking myself if this is just ROCD playing another trick on me or if I should actually leave him. The thought of doing so makes me very upset, it hurts my heart. I don’t want to hurt him because I truly don’t want to leave my partner in general. I love him very much, there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for him. I want to be happy with my partner and enjoy the beautiful relationship we have. But because of all the anxiety I experience, I find it hard to do that. Something worth mentioning is that I have been without a medication that I normally take. I take Zoloft and unfortunately I haven’t had it for a little over a week. I am unsure but could the lack of medicine make me feel this way? Either way I have no clue, but I am desperate to feel truly happy in this relationship. Any thoughts or tips would be greatly appreciated! -Thank you :)

This is not ocd but I just want some advice So basically I sometimes maybe like twice or three times called my boyfriend by one of my male friends name. My boyfriends name is Ryan and my friends name is Hector and sometimes I’ll be with my boyfriend and say “hec” and he notices and gets sad and I feel horrible :/

Just had a huge spiral. I don’t know how it got started but I started having intrusive images really bad and maybe it’s because I was ruminating worrying that I brought it up so then it got to where every object I looked at an image popped into my head of me harming a child. And then I was literally looking down at my bed laying on my stomach so I wasn’t looking at anything, and I was so scared and nervous I was trying to think of the at wouldn’t trigger an image but accidentally kept thinking about random objects and then more images kept popping up and I feel so guilty and disgusting because I feel like it was definitely my fault. I DONT WANT THIS. And it hurts so much because I get no amusement or enjoyment or arousal from these images. I literally feel nothing for children. This didn’t start happening until a few weeks ago and I don’t have any idea why but it’s SO graphic and violent I feel like my morals have left me. I feel like someone who cares wouldn’t be eating, being around family, hopeful. I don’t want to do but I couldn’t live as a p. I can’t live with the images forever it’s so much to deal with I feel so guilty for living. I used to want to be a mom one day, not to play off of anyone’s emotions I feel like I am, but I’m 21 I had period issues didn’t have my period for a year and was really upset at times because I thought I wouldn’t get to be a mom one day. And now this is happening and it’s just vile and scary and it’s so confusing to me. I don’t understand.

Hi, I’m semi new here. I downloaded this app in 2019 and today is my first day back on it sense. I have always struggled with OCD, in particular POCD - and I want to give you hope, that there is light at the end of the tunnel and that this isn’t forever even though it feels that way. I have been doing great for years, but recently it started flaring up uncontrollably. I believe it’s because I have a new significant other, and I feel like I have to tell them about the thoughts that I have. I feel like I can’t have peace in my mind until they know everything including details. I don’t want to go to In depth here because it’s scary but I had a POCD intrusive thought about their loved one, and I feel like I need to share the thought with them so I can be free of it. Does anyone else struggle with this? Like you have to tell your partner or else you won’t have peace? I hope this makes sense.

i just learned what a groinal response is, and i think i have it. i do not know how to go on any longer if that is what’s happening. pocd is bad enough, to add that to the list feels impossible. i feel so disgusted and humiliated. i feel like this is all the evidence i need that i am a p. please help me. i don’t know how to survive this

I feel like i should have figured this out by now... but everyday it seems something new. My partner will do something triggering and i will question everything. I feel bad bc he realizes and sees that i am nervous. Should i tell him? I kind of already have, ive told him about my ocd, but idk if he knows what i actually go through. He always says im his perfect girl, he will not let me go, etc. Im afraid he is lying and doesnt actually feel that way, and i am also afraid that bc he is so sexually into me that it means thats all he wants... its so hard to trust him.. i also get triggered bc sometimes our conversations are minimal and idk what to say to him. Im tired all the time.. but sometimes we have great conversations and it feels natural and normal. Idk what to do. I know yesterday i sat with the uncertainty that he was lying and it helped. But everyday it just gets re triggered. Its so hard

When my OCD first latched itself onto my sexual orientation 7 years ago, it scarred me bad. My gf at the time, was coming out of a same sex relationship and overcoming previous abuse when she entered a relationship with me. Looking back, my OCD was really starting to show then and during one moment while we were having sex OCD struck. The next day I was admitted to a hospital due to suicidal thoughts that were accompanying the obsessive orientation thoughts. While I was allowed to leave a day later, the absolute numbness I felt the moment those thoughts kicked in and the weeks after are something I’ll never forget. During this time I was diagnosed with GAD. Looking back and now knowing of mental compulsions, I can see why I was diagnosed that way because my compulsions were almost all in my head. I remember discovering SO OCD during this time and instantly it clicking what I was going through, but I ignored the OCD aspect. The treatment I was receiving for GAD wasn’t working so I stopped, and with the help of Lexapro and avoidance, I “got better” Slowly the thoughts regarding my sexual orientation faded and OCD targeted other fears, all the while I suffered in silence never acknowledging that I had OCD. During those 7 years, while some situations I handled better than others whenever I saw someone who was openly gay or who I assumed was gay, it felt like I would get punched in the gut, the memory of the event from years before causing my head to throb. But I would just force myself to think of something else and make memories go away. I now see how bad this was, and how me never getting the help I needed only let this theme of my OCD grow bigger all while I fed him unknowingly with this fear and gave into compulsions with others. At the start of my current flare up thinking back to all these thoughts and memories that occurred over the 7 years was hard. My OCD used this as proof that I’ve known all this time and was just afraid to accept it. Now that I’m in a much better headspace thanks to getting the help I needed, I see how this was all OCD this whole time. While I do wish I had gotten help for this condition when I first discovered I showed signs of it, whatever actions I have chosen in that time have led me to being here today with my amazing wife, who has been my rock through this, and an incredible daughter, with my son on the way and for that I am grateful. So if you did read it this far, thank you! And I wish you nothing but success it your journeys of conquering OCD. And while I know this will be a battle I will still be fighting even when I conquer it this time, and am thankful to now have the tools ready to deal with it and highly encourage anyone to get the help they think they need.

..why do I feel so alone? So disgusting and alone with my thoughts. I feel like a monster and I can’t explain to anyone the extent of my anxieties. They are there, and they can listen to me and reassure me but they don’t understand how much they affect me. This is so hard.

My OCD Story! Wow..where do I start? Honestly things are a bit blurry when I dive back to when my whole life crashed and burned. I guess I should start with saying I am currently 27 and have been living with OCD for roughly three year. I have many forms of OCD. That being POCD, Harm OCD, ROCD, Self Harm OCD, and whatever else the OCD wants to throw at me😅. Now, taking it back before the OCD I was in a 6yr relationship and was engaged. Unfortunately for a year, I basically lived another life on Twitch and joined a community where I became really good friends with these two girls. Well for a year I hid it from my ex- fiancé but I became overwhelmed with so much guilt and shame I came clean to her. That was my breaking point. Looking back, I had OCD moments with previous jobs and in sports where I would be reciting this procedure for my old job before I would allow myself to do anything but this was before I knew of OCD. Anyways, once I came clean to my ex fiance, I became SO obsessive over making sure I came clean about EVERYTHING. Making sure I found every last message, making sure nothing would come up in the future and "bite" me. I remember my ex was even willing to move forward but I couldn't. The pain was inescapable. I couldn't stop the racing thoughts which led to suicidal thoughts. I never had any intentions but back then I didn't know how to handle it. Well, safe to say that landed me in my first of two inpatient stays. At first, they shoved me out the door with medication but a day later, I still couldn't stop the shame and guilt. So that's when I was admitted. I think I was 24 at the time and that was the scariest time of my life. I didn't know what was going on with me. I was having all these thoughts and fears that I didn't know how to make stop. They tried me on all these medications and none really worked. The hospital I stayed at was poor as far as mental health care. There was only one nurse who actually talked to me and tried to understand. I wish I remembered her name because she was the best part. It made me sad to see such poor care for mental health institutions. But fast forwarding some time, I was doing okay but still having anxiety attacks and POCD fears, so my parents took me to another mental health hospital and again...I didn't feel like they knew what was going on with me. To me, it didn't seem like the hospitals actually cared to get to the bottom of what the patients were dealing with. Unless it was like clear signs of suicidal thoughts, drug addiction, or more. *Side note* I hope one day mental health institutions can get counselors and psychiatrist in there who have experience with OCD because myself and countless others go misdiagnosed. Well after a couple weeks I got out of the hospital and began seeing this therapist that my mom's therapist recommend and she specialized in OCD and had experience with ERP. Her name is Jennifer Gerlach with True Story Counseling and I credit her as one of the few who saved my life. Jennifer worked with me and understood me. She didn't just write me off and send me to the hospital. I still have the notecards we made in session that I use as my tools that we came up with to help the OCD. I worked with her for a year I think and in between that, my mom introduced me to this program called celebrate recovery that she attended on Friday nights. It's a faith based recovery program catered towards drug and alcohol abuse but it's for anyone with any hurts, hang ups, or habits. I had nothing to lose, so I went. That was the greatest decision I could've made because that is where I accepted Jesus Christ into my life as my savior and what has really helped me in my recovery. Of course my faith started out rocky and still isn't perfect but God truly has saved me and changed my whole perspective with OCD and living life. So after some time seeing Jennifer, she sent me this link for NOCD where they had the "SOS" button and I began searching through the app and found the counseling part. Well, I was 25 at the time and was on my parents insurance, so I was blessed to be able to see Paulina (my NOCD therapist) fully covered. I can't express enough how amazing Paulina is. To this day, Paulina is still putting forth effort to help me continue the tools we've made and pushing me to face the darkness OCD can bring. I wanna cry thinking about how God lead me to her and has blessed her with the tools to help me live a life with OCD. I saw her the first time for 6 months until I turned 26 and fell off my parents insurance, so I couldn't see her anymore. That was a rough time for me because I was so angry at the world for the way insurance companies work because I tried EVERYTHING to get back to NOCD. I was jumping through all these hoops trying to find an insurance that I could afford and was accepted by NOCD. I tried everything and nothing panned out. I was defeated because I felt I was finally making progress and just like that, I was "robbed". During that time I kept working with Jennifer, my old therapist, and still held onto hope I would one day be back with NOCD. That hope eventually started to run out and I was soon beginning tow crept I would never get back to NOCD. Well..God was working in the darkness because he made a way. One random day at work, I saw on Instagram that Howie Mandel partnered with NOCD and I left a comment under NOCD's post about my experience, how it helped me, and how I'd hope to be back there. I truly believe God put it on this man's heart because the CEO of NOCD reached out to me and blessed me with therapy sessions back with Paulina. Those sessions have came to an end but again, God blessed me as my insurance is finally covered. There's a small co-pay but I am thankful I can continue working with Paulina as needed. Which with life having "a mind of its own", the ups and downs can come and go at any time. But that's where NOCD and our tools come in hand. That's where our support system comes in hand! I even earned the "OCD Conqueror" badge on NOCD back in October. Receiving that brought tears to my eyes. I never thought I would get something like that. But it goes to show that WE still can continue to live our lives to the fullest. I don't want to make it seem like it's the easiest thing in the world to do because I still have my hard times with OCD. Exposures are always finding me. Everywhere I go lol. I work in a mall, so I'm constantly being faced with exposures. Even now, this past month has been grueling as Harm OCD has shattered my confidence and I've been having doubts. I let what I know as truth get clouded by "what ifs" and thoughts. Recovery isn't about how many days we can go without experiencing intrusive thoughts, or how many times we don't experience anxiety in the midst of triggers. I myself have gotten lost in that way of thinking and it just makes it harder on ourselves when we do stumble. The greatest way we can beat OCD, is take our life back! Continuing to practice Exposure Response Prevention therapy (ERP) with our counselor and slowly we will continue to take back what is rightfully ours. Again, some days are so hard. Some days I feel defeated. Mentally and physically drained. But I remember my tools and God always grants me rest to wake up the next day and conquer. My old therapist gave me an example of two people with OCD and who's living with it the best. One person, stays inside...doesn't have any triggers but avoids outside and living for that reason. Or, the other person who deals with triggers constantly but continues living their life going to work, laughing with friends, enjoying their favorite hobbies. Now which person is living with OCD better? I made a promise to myself that I would do anything in my power to continue living my life the way I want and NOT how the OCD wants. My hope is that OCD continues to get the awareness it truly deserves so all of us can get the care we deserve. I want anyone who reads this to know, I am in this fight with you. Don't try and place a timestamp on when you should be "fixed". Live life one day at a time, enjoying one moment at a time. I've been in therapy for OCD for around three years and while I'm still being tripped up, I am living my life. I love to go to the gym, play the game, laugh with friends, and seeing my dog, Bevo. Hang on to the little things that make you happy. I promise that leaning on those "little things" can help in those dark times. I pray the awareness for OCD continues to spread and those out there like you and myself can get the proper help we truly need. Hang in there, okay? There is hope for all of us. Things do get better! Much Love. 💚

To the best of my memory: I am ocd. I check locks, I check the stove. I think of “what ifs”. Etc. I have some hoarding tendencies. I wash my hands until they get dried out sometimes. Etc. January 2022 I moved back to my mother’s house after graduating from university with an accounting degree, to save $ & pay student loans. November 21, 2022 I take my 16/17 year old cat to the vet because he lost weight & has Horner’s syndrome (1 constricted pupil and raised eyelid). The cat is diagnosed with hyperthyroidism, and a heart rate of 240 at the time of the exam. November 29, 2022 Around 12:30pm my mom texts me & says cat could use his medication(he started methimazole). I go downstairs to see the cat. The cat, Peebles, seems like he could not stand or walk. He seemed like he was going through something. We administered the methimazole to him in a syringe. Shortly after this, he started to have what appeared to be erratic movements, that I wouldn’t know how else to describe them, other than looking similar to seizures or erratic flailing. After this, he laid on the ground for a while. He appeared to still be breathing at this point, because his abdomen was moving to suggest breath. Every once in a while a rear leg would kick as if he was trying to scratch himself, but he was laying down and didn’t seem to have bodily control or movement or function besides this. I think maybe for some period of time his eyes were closed and he was just laying on the ground breathing with eyes closed. Eventually I think his eyes opened. I think also at some point he tilted his head way back and arched his back, it was very strange. Idk how to describe this other than seizure like movements. Eventually I called the vet around 2:30pm, the vet suggested I not assume it he worst and bring the cat in. I return to the cat after stepping outside from my phone call. I pick him up and cradle him in my arms with his belly facing up. I take him to a sunny area of the porch, and in the sunny area his pupils constricted reacting to the light. At some point after I picked him up and while I was holding him, he began doing mouth gasps, which may have been agonal respirations. I took him to the sunlight on the porch because nature and sunlight make me feel better when I don’t feel well. So I brought him to nature and sunlight because I like nature and sun light and my cats were indoor outdoor cats who likes to be outside. While he was doing these mouth gasps, I handed Peebles to my mother so that I could leave to take a quick shower before going to the vet. If I could do it over, I would have skipped the shower and reacted differently in so many different ways, such as skipping the shower and going to the vet immediately. Part of me suspected that death was imminent for my friend Peebles. Maybe that is part of why I delayed, because when my dog died, she has mouth gasps. So idk. Regardless this is what happened. I return from the shower and my mom is no longer holding Peebles. Peebles is laying on the couch wrapped in a towel. My mom says Peebles died. For whatever reason this was not a well lit living room at the time. My parents are not the most functional people, my mom was sexually abused and been on diazepam for at least a decade, and I don’t perceive her as being the most high functioning person. And I guess I’m not either. Because neither of us thought to replace the light bulb in the living room. So the light in the living room was from light coming through the blinds from outside, maybe light from the lightbulb in the kitchen next to the living room, maybe light from the television, so it wasn’t completely dark or completely well lit. I visually inspected Peebles to see if he was breathing. I did not notice his abdomen moving, so I assumed he was not breathing because I didn’t see him breathing and I didn’t see him moving. So I called the vet and told them we were not coming in because Peebles had passed. I informed people Peebles had passed on my phone. I informed my work (I work from home), and explained what happened and made sure it was okay for me to be excused from work. After my phone call with the vet, I inspected Peebles’ body again at least once or twice, looking visually possibly staring a few second to see if unnoticed abdominal motion to suggest breath. I did not see any motion or movements or any sign of respiration. I wish I had thought to feel for a pulse. I think I did, but thought “well he does not appear to be breathing and he smells bad, so perhaps checking for a pulse is not necessary”. The smell made me gag. He seemed to smell bad fast. I remember thinking that if we waited to bury him, the house might smell bad. I eventually ate for the first time all day around 4:30pm I had cheese, crackers and salami or pepperoni or something like that. I asked my mom to wait to wait to dig the hole and to wait to bury Peebles. My mom never listens to anything I say and often does the opposite. Even if it is serious or if there is a reason, she never listens, and I don’t know if this is malicious or dementia or what it is, I can’t tell if she is a liar or just a confused person with bad memory. Sometimes it is difficult to tell. I find her digging the hole after I asked her not to, after I asked her to wait. But since she is already digging the hole, I begin to dig the hole further to assist her, because I want to do the right thing, I want to feel like I am doing the correct thing and assisting with this difficult moment. I dug the hole deeper. At some point after this, anyways between 30-90 minutes after this, at the cusp of sunset, it seems like there is pressure and expectation to bury Peebles. I think to myself “should I take a video of his condition, so that I don’t question whether or it he is dead?”. I dismiss this and think no, I’ll just thoroughly inspect him before he is buried to confirm his death again, I don’t want to be weird by taking a video. So, it is the cusp of sunset, not sunny at this point, getting dark. I lay Peebles’ body on the porch to inspect him and confirm his death. I think I had just read online that the pupils are usually dilated after death. So I glance at the abdomen, I still don’t notice breathing from the abdomen. So I don’t stare or spend too much time on the abdomen because I felt like that box was already checked. So I am thinking about the eyes and pulse and other things like that. In my mind, I want to take my time and conclude at my own pace that Peebles is dead before burying him. He was completely limp and had not moved for 2.5-3 hours. When I carried him wrapped in a towel, I did not inadvertently notice any breath or pulse through the towel. It wasn’t something I was consciously purposefully feeling for. But after the fact, I wrapped my other cats in a towel to test if a pulse or breath would be obvious and it seems like something that a person is unlikely to miss visually or feeling through the towel. So at this point Peebles seemed dead. I didn’t notice breath. His teeth were showing. His eyes were open. He was limp and hadn’t moved for at least 2.5 hours. I lifted his head and looked in his eyes. His pupils appeared to be pretty constricted. Which gave me a weird feeling, because I thought the pupils should be dilated. However, as I am making this observation and trying to process this observation my mom said “would you hurry up! You’re freaking me out!” in a rushed hostile judgemental tone. This broke my moment of inspection. She followed with “do you want to put him in the hole or do you want me to do it?”. I said “I don’t want to put him in the hole”. This is because I was not ready to bury the cat and had not sufficiently concluded he was dead. But I felt so rushed and pressured in the moment and didn’t have time to process or think or go at my own pace. When I said I don’t want to put him in the whole I meant in general. My mom picked the cat up and put him in the hole. I hated this moment. It is the worst most anxious moment of my life and I relive this nightmare every day. I think I said something like “okay Peebles this is last call, let us know if you’re there”. I think when my mom put him in the hole I wanted to retrieve him, but I could see the neighbors watching tv with their blinds open in my periphery and I guess I felt self conscious about how it would look. I felt pressured an guided in the moment. I felt like the expectation was for me to bury Peebles at this point. So I began to put dirt on Peebles. I put it on loosely. It was the worst feeling in the entire world. I relive it every day. I was horrified wondering if I had buried Peebles prematurely. And I still wonder every day. I’ve probably spent 1,000 hours thinking about it. Hours contacting vets and animal neurologists and ChatGPT for answers or reassurance. My mom patted the dirt down and I was horrified. I felt so trapped and stuck in this horrible moment. I felt like a cat killer. I feel like a murderer. My self esteem and my ego are gone. I feel like my mom and I deserve incarceration. I want to feel normal again but I feel like I don’t deserve to feel normal. I feel like a traitor. I worry about my friend being scared and in need and what if we betrayed him during a medical emergency. What if I caused him to suffer. I feel very bad. Sometimes it is my first thought when I wake up. I feel it in my heart and mind and skin. It is like a never ending Tell Tale Heart by Edgar Allen Poe experience. When we went in the house immediately after the burial it was dark outside and I had a temper tantrum about what happened and called people for reassurance. I wish I had immediately dug up Peebles’ body to confirm his death immediately after the burial. I guess some reasons I didn’t: 1. Afraid or how it might look to the neighbors. 2. It was dark outside. 3. If he wasn’t dead before, I assumed the burial probably killed him. 4. Maybe I was just being weird and ocd and overreacting. In retrospect I wish I had dug him up, because if I thought there was any possibility he might have been buried prematurely then the right thing to do would have been to have immediately retrieving the body instead of calling everyone to vent about what happened. There are so many aspects of this day I wish I could do differently. The constricted pupils haunt me because usually pupils are dilated after death, not constricted. That said, Peebles had Horner’s syndrome, and I wonder if an underlying condition that caused his Horner’s syndrome could have caused his constricted pupils post Mortem. Some things that make the constricted pupils unusual: 1. Pupils are usually dilated after death for cats. 2. It was the cusp of sunset and our porch was facing East. The sun set in the west. It would have been unusual for pupils to be that constricted as reaction to light at this time and in this setting. I’ve taken my other cats to the same spot around the same time, and their pupils did not get this constricted as Peebles were. 3. Peebles, when he was alive had Horner’s syndrome. Usually one pupil was more round and dilated while the other pupil usually remained constricted. Prior to burial, to the best of my memory his pupils were uniformly constricted, and he didn’t appear have Horner’s syndrome. This seems to suggest his constricted pupils may not have been a reaction to light or a sign of neurological activity, but it seems I’ll never get the opportunity to check for sure. No vet I’ve talked to seems to think Peebles was alive when he was buried. Idk if they are just saying that to make me feel better. ChatGPT seems to suggest it is highly likely Peebles had passed prior to burial, but cannot be definitive without a professional examination by a veterinary professional. So idk what to do. I feel like I need a group of vets and animal neurologists and ocd specialists to convene to try to determine what happened. And even after that it feels like I would still feel guilty and ask what if and feel bad and wonder if I caused my scared friend to suffer and die when he needed my help. Idk what to do. According to google maps there are ocd specialists about 3 hours away from me, in Tampa. I’ve heard of a certain type of mushroom helping to treat ocd in some studies, but this mushroom is illegal in most states including my state. So idk what to do but it has become a lot of weight and not very enjoyable.

i tried to share this yesterday but ended up panicking that it would make things worse and deleting it. so i’m a childcare worker and work with kids around 4-12. i was out on the playground the other day and saw one of the students in a different class and had a thought that she had a big butt. i was immediately disgusted and i don’t know why i had that thought but ever since then the intrusive thoughts have been escalating. every time i think about it i feel the urge to confess and had thoughts that i should quit my job because my brain tells me i’m hiding something. i know i’m a safe adult for these kids logically, but because of this thought i had my brain keeps reminding me i need to stay anxious and guilty, because i’m not blameless. i wish i could forget about it so i can move forward, so i can’t. it happened again about the same day, but i felt compelled to look. i don’t know if i’m just externalizing my body image issues, but it seems strange that i would be comparing my adult body to a child’s. i can’t find resolution and i can’t stop spiraling about it. idk what to do

hi, i have not been diagnosed with ocd but my partner was so i got this app to see if i could find ways to help them and saw that i experienced a lot of those things. this will probably not go with ocd though, just thought i’d post to see if anyone has experienced anything like this. for around 3 months now i have had panic attacks almost everyday. i don’t like leaving the house. it makes me feel like the world is caving in on me. jf i do leave the house it has to be under certain conditions. i have to make sure i eat before. if i don’t eat every hour and a half my brain convinces me i’m going to pass out/die. i have never passed out. well once from dehydration but that was years ago. a lot of this started in october when i got in a car accident, i was driving at night and a deer came out of nowhere and it scared me so bad. before that happened i was having thoughts that told me something bad was going to happen and that i was going to crash. so after that i did not drive. i went a month without driving and when i got in the car i was convinced i was going to pass out or die. even if i was just riding. i slowly stopped going places because i would get overwhelmed, i stopped going places bc i felt dizzy all the time and i was terrified that something medical would happen to me while i was out of the house or away from my safe people (parents and partner) i have horrible health anxiety. i would look up every symptom. one day i decided to go with my dad to the store and i felt like i was in a dream and then we got back to the car and i had a horrible panic attack and went to the ER, i have not stepped back into a walmart since. that was i think 3 months ago. i’m convinced that if i go that something will happen. before this happened i was a very literal person. i rationalized everything. i knew that just because i had a thought didnt mean it was reality. i worked everything out in my head. but now i can’t even think for myself. i’m no longer a person. i have to do my routine just how it is or something bad happens. for 3 months i woke up at 5am, made breakfast, at 6:30 i would eat again, at 8:30 i would eat again, 9:30 make something to eat and eat it from 10 to 12 or 1pm. i made it stretch. then i would eat again at 3 and at 5 and then i didn’t have to eat again until the next day. i was convinced that if i didn’t follow that.. something horrible would happen. that if i was a minute off i would just instantly pass out. for about a month swallowing became an issue as well which made it so hard to eat. i lost around 10lbs in a couple weeks bc i could only eat once a day. i could swallow drinks, sometimes even that was hard though, breathing is still an issue sometimes where i’m like focused on it too much. i’m convinced i’ll stop breathing or that i’m not breathing enough. i am getting therapy and i will start it next week. i just wanted to know if anyone else has experienced anything like this.