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working to conquer OCD
Hey!! I have health OCD wondering what everyone else struggles with and how you cope with things? Just seeing if there are similar story’s out there! 😊
Everyday i have unwanted thoughts and images in my head of me harming my loved ones in horrible ways, also urges too. i’m not like that at all, i don’t want to be like that at all and i also have an extreme fear of becoming a bad person and harming the people i love, or snapping out of anger and harming people. These thoughts scare me a lot and im really sad that i have these thoughts at all and its taking a toll on my mental health. whenever i see something like a gun or a knife or something like that i get anxious and scared at the thought that i could hurt someone with those things and i get thought about me in a position where i hurt someone. the last thing i want is to hurt anyone. i just wanna make people happy and i wanna treat others with kindness. i don’t want to do any of that i don’t wanna be a bad person. i hate these thoughts in my head and im so anxious at the thought that im gonna commit them. can someone help me and give me some advice on what to do?
It feels like I actually like and want to be gay, like I’m turning myself into someone I’m not! I’ve never had any romantic or sexual attraction towards girls. I’m not having anxiety and any compulsions anymore! I don’t understand how you don’t want something for so long and then all of a sudden want it.
What do you do when it starts to feel really real and you lose yourself? I constantly get thoughts/images of me being romantically involved w a child and I disgusts me to my core but at the same time I get thoughts and this "feeling" that I like it and it freaks me out. I tend to say "i want to be someone my age or older" when I get those thoughts and I get thoughts that I’m lying and that I don’t see myself w someone my age or older and it’s so weird and gross. I’m so scared that I’m going to become something I don’t want to be. I haven’t been diagnosed fully but my psychiatrist said that she’s sure that it is anxiety disorder and impulse phobia which is very close/linked to ocd. I’m so scared that my fear is gonna become real and this is turning me into one and I’ve always been one or something.
This might be really disturbing but it can help you understand ocd. 2 years ago i didnt had the help for ocd that i have now, i just was in a discord server where people teached you to "accept everything and live your life" which in some way is good, but its just a tiny little part of ocd 4 recovery and every mental illness revovery, just based on that you cant recover, ocd is much more deeper. So back then i just had this advice, to accept every thoughts cause they are just thoughts... again this is not enough for ocd recovery. So i felt worse and that time harm ocd got really bad. Usually i had suicidal ocd but in that time i had harm against others, like killing my family. And this going to be so discusting, both for you and me but it might be a good exposure to me, i remember one night i was writing to someone what i was going through, and i wrote to her that im actually feeling that i want to hirt my mom. And i remember i felt like im going insane and i want to hurt my mom, i had random thoughts that said this will feel good, i will enjoy it. And lot of people doesnt know this but ocd can be this agressive, its not just "what if" thoughts. But because of movies we think that if you have thoughts like this, expecially telling you want to do, it means youre going insane, youre schizophrenic, you have demons and youre probably going to do it. These things were in my mind so i was just really sick of myself. I wrote this to that person and i really told her what i was feeling, that i feel like i want to do it and i would enjoy it. She told me to go to the hospital(cause i worded it really badly). I felt soo bad, i didnt wanted to go to the hospital but i felt shame that i dont want to accept that i have a problem. I still didnt went to the hospital and now im actually happy about it cause 2 thing couldve happened there, 1 they take it seriously and deal with me as a sick person who wants to kill his family, which wouldve ruin my revovery, give me more doubt and self hate and give me trauma, or the 2nd thing, they realize its just ocd but the whole situation makes me feel shame. So i didnt went but i was so tired and sick of myself that inside i accepted that i have to get locked in a mental asylum, cause im dangerous...So my point is that ocd can be this agressive. It can manipulate you to feel anything and if you dont have the right tools, you will fall for it. If you dont have people who understand ocd, please find a therapist, you dont have to suffer with this alone. I hope i could help to some with this horrible story😅 Now its time for me to sit with the discomfort that i shared this and the memoried came back😂
constant thoughts even during alone time of “just accept u are a p, say it, accept it” and it feels so real and I have the urge to say it and try to accept it (ive tried to do it before and it sent me down a spiral of shame and worry) I really hate this. I feel so weird and out of place always and I feel like a fraud who’s in denial that they are a p.
My therapist says i have ocd but i have a hard time believing it ive never heard of my ocd themes before,my themes is not being loved and not being worthy and also that im not my own person i obsess over these but i have trouble think this is something thats considered ocd,is anyone going through the same experience?
I’ve been with my boyfriend for two years and now we’re talking about getting married. Except now my ocd is telling me that our differences in religion makes us not compatible. This hasn’t bothered me the entire time we’ve been dating and I’m so upset that it’s causing me to have doubts when I just want to be excited about getting engaged. I know religion can be a big deal in relationships but I feel like my ocd is convincing me this is a deal breaker. Does anyone have any advice?
Hi everyone, my anxiety level is at an all time high today so I am questioning everything. I was invited to a bonfire tonight with friends from school but I’m feeling so anxious, I’m talking myself out of going. It’s mostly because of one my friends will be there…we hung out last night and he always ends up treating me like shit. I need the companionship so I hang out with the same few guys and they don’t appreciate me as a friend. They know my issues and tease me about them, exclude me from stuff, and when we do hang out, I end up feeling worse by the time they leave. The bonfire is with a different group and I really should go to start hanging out with other people but since the one guy will be there, I feel stuck. I start obsessing about all the things he could say and do in front of others and it makes me want to stay in bed. Thanks for letting me vent.
I’m going through what is hopefully just a really bad hypochondria episode where I’ve convinced myself I have schizophrenia. It’s been about 8 months and I’ve been through a range of crazy symptoms but the most prevalent symptom is getting crazy delusional thoughts like “what if my wife is a demon and trying to get to me” “what if nobody is real and these are all monsters/demons out to get me” etc etc. the thoughts are absolutely terrifying and they make me look at people differently, and i have to question myself whether I truly believe the thoughts or not, they feel so real, when they come on I almost catch myself genuinely feeling paranoid that they are 100% real and having a panic attack, but then the tiny bit of me that’s still rational brings me back to reality. And from then on I have to question myself all day “do I really believe this?” “Well you technically can’t disprove those things” “if it’s not real, then why does it FEEL real?” “This really is schizophrenia” “ what if it’s not schizophrenia but ACTUALLY real?” “who do I go to for help?” “What if I can’t trust anyone” and the scariest of them all…”why would a see a doctor if this is all real” etc, it’s literally hell. I can never give a satisfying “No, I don’t believe this” to these thoughts. I can go days and weeks and be able to confidently shrug them off and tell how ridiculous they are only for them to come back with a vengeance the next day. I could really use some reassurance even though I know it’s bad. I have never been like this before until I started obsessing over schizophrenia. I’ve been like this for 8 months now.
Can anyone share their tips/advice? I say “kill myself” a thousand times a day both in my head and out loud. Sometimes it gives me anxiety and sometimes it doesn’t. I also say “Im not going to kill myself” or “I’m gonna kill myself” I’m really good at reframing my thoughts but that’s probably not the best thing to do. Please help!
Can anyone tell me about their experience ending therapy? I think I want to soon. But I still have bad days sometimes. It’s rare but it happens. But at this point it feels like therapy is a crutch or safety behavior. I rarely have any exposures to do. I still get themes coming in (or trying) - I still check my thoughts. I’m just aware to detach and move on. I still do compulsions or rumination sometimes. But I don’t think I’ll get to perfection and even if it did I don’t know if more therapy is the answer. Feels like I need to let it all go. And exist without thinking too much about OCD anymore. Just curious!
Does anyone feel they say/think there blasphemous intrusive thoughts on purpose? Sometimes I feel like I say them but i reject that! I don’t want to think these thoughts! u would never say them out loud! Apart of me thinks since I thought stop a lot and thought replace a lot thats when it’s coming. I start thinking "don’t think it, don’t think it". I’ll start rejecting the other thoughts but mid way they start going to God & Jesus! Or I’ll feel cursing thoughts coming and I’ll say f OCD or f these lies then it’ll go over to God & Jesus! Then you just end of thinking it. Idk if my OCD is wanting me to think “oh since you thought it you said”. Like Thought Action type thing. Does anyone else go through this? It hurts. i love God & Jesus so much and to think "what if i thought this or said it in my mind on purpose!" any advice?
I was on tiktok there was this video about a girl saying "I Always have obsessive crushes but Then when they like me back I realize I don't like Them, I just created an idea of Them in my mind" and I related and everyone in the comments were saying "this Is Just comphet", "I used to have crushes like this and I'm a lesbian", "She Will come out soon". I'm going Crazy.
I 25 Female have been dating my boyfriend 26 male for a little over a year and a half (around a year and nine months to be exact) I would call him my first serious boyfriend because I never saw a future with my other boyfriend in high school and didn't seriously date anyone in college. When we met sparks flew and I was insanely in love with him. ROCD started to hit me when the honeymoon phase started to wear off around 10 months into the relationship (Is that too soon for it to end lol?) I was suffering with SO-OCD for literally 3 years before but luckily it began to wear off and I'm having more confidence with my longstanding history and attraction to men without needing to know for sure if I'm also attracted to woman (yay!) It first started when I would be away from my boyfriend and felt kinda numb to him which concerned me. I've always be introverted as he has too and never felt the need to be around someone 24/7...I love my alone time. Then it moved on into me being concerned my boyfriend is motivated enough. He has a job he hates an in January wasn't cleaning up after himself enough and neglecting the gym. I can say though we had a talk where I heard him out and he has gotten a lot better. I would scour the internet listing to relationship anxiety and ROCD podcast that would first give me comfort but then I kept seeing "this does not apply to unhealthy relationships or abusive relationships" I began to worry if my relationship was truly healthy or not when I was so assured before that it was healthy. I'll list some ways below it is very healthy and compare it to some "unhealthy" aspects or flaws in my partner and myself. (Because trust me I do not think i'm perfect but I'm trying!) Healthy Aspects: Consistent communication: absolutely not ghosting or going MIA after disagreements and we frequently check up on each other during the day Loving: Compliments, touch, date nights are all included Disagreements/fights are healthy: No yelling (BTW I'm sure we will have a yelling fight one day as I think couples do and it's normal sometimes -just not for every fight) No name calling, no belittling, no throwing things, slamming doors. We talk in a normal tone and try to get to the bottom of our issues. Their may be disappointed tones but we are able to both admit when we are in the wrong and apologize Effort/Thoughtful: Buys me a coffee when he knows I've had a hard day, will order me lunch, takes interest in the things I like Caring: Really cares about my mental health and how I'm doing We share each others phone passwords and have each other's location: I've not once worried about him cheating or being sketchy behind my back so I've never gone through his phone or felt the need to Has never made any rude comments about my body or put down my appearance -whenever I feel insecure he will tell me I look beautiful Reassuring: Tells me I'm not annoying or crazy whenever I'm going through one of my spirals Will be there for me: If I needed him he would drop whats he's doing to make sure I'm ok..it's so funny If i even stub my toe he will say things like "can I take you to the hospital" which I find extremely cute lol Extremely patient with me: I left NYC for two weeks last year for my mental health as I was having a nervous breakdown (thank you HOCD) and he was so patient with me and even though I wasn't with him made sure I was okay and was rooting for me. Lets me do whatever I want - I can go out with friends without him being jealous, I can go on girls trips, see family etc... Extremely generous with gifts for not just me but also my family and friends and his friends Has long-term friendships (I heard this is a good sign) and is a well liked person. My parents and friends all like him Unhealthy Aspects: This is unhealthy on my side but when I'm drunk I will pick fights with him over the phone which has made him not that thrilled when I say I'm going out drinking with the girls. He will say stuff like "just don't bother me or try to pick a fight with me at 2:00 AM when I'm sleeping. I have also told him that Alcoholism runs in my family so he has addressed his concern with me there. He can sometime make insensitive jokes and they will annoy me but then he apologies after. He's just a bit too jokey sometimes even though one of the reasons I fell for him was his humor He has expressed discomfort with me wearing revealing outfits - This one bothers me the most as their has been times he wanted me to wear biker shorts under my dresses. I told him how I felt and he agreed I can wear whatever I want but worries about my safety since I do live in NYC. He's never gotten mad at me for wearing something. (is this controlling of him?) He gets moody and quiet whenever hes overstimulated (on a hot summer day or in a busy street or store -he hates crowded areas) this annoys me as it reminds me of my dad. I brought it up to him and he agreed it wasn't fair and since then has tried to be more pleasant whenever were somewhere that would typically stress him out (is this not fair though that I'm not letting him express these emotions) I have ADHD and he is very focused so sometimes he finds my clumsiness cute but he has gotten annoyed with me when I'm not watching where I'm going to dropping something Are these issues that can be worked on? I feel like this is a pretty healthy relationship with some flaws but what do you guys think. I feel my partners willingness to hear me out and resolve conflict is truly one of his best qualities but I begin to worry I'm brining up to many minor issues or issues we already resolved because of my ROCD. Do I even have ROCD? I spend all day worrying about my relationship to the point of exhaustion, replaying memories, yo-yoing between my partners "bad" qualities and their "good" qualities. I'm truly exhausted and believe this is a healthy relationship. But can't healthy relationships be on a spectrum where there is a balance between healthy and unhealthy. Why can my brain only focus on the "unhealthy" but ignore all the healthy things. I really want to stay with my partner I think this relationship is good for me but I can't take this mental suffering.
Not every emotion we have is important or say something, i struggle with this alot. Why should i accept an emotion that doesnt help me? If someone hurts me, and i get a feeling that the world is evil, and i feel depressed, its nothing good in that to accept feeling depressed that the world is evil cause this thought is even a lie, its a distortion. Its okay to acknowledge that someone hurted you, but why should i accept feeling depressed cause now i think life is bad. I dont understand this. Then if you try to change that and say no, not everyone is evil, this isnt true, now youre fighting with the thoughts so thats a compulsion. Then all you can do is actually accept the feeling being there, which frustrates me cause its based on a distortion. Not every emotion is useful. For exemple i saw a post on tiktok that roman males had the right in their time to sell, or execute their childrens and because i dont have a good relationship with my dad, i had a thought that he would sell us or kill us, and that made me feel so angry at my dad and depressed, but then i realized this is a huge distortion, my dad its not like that even that we dont get along, but instead of relief i felt like i pushed away the emotions, not numbness, but that feeling that i just pushed away all. But what shouldve i done? Feel the distorted feeling that i made up? Do you know that we have alot of thoughts and a day and letting all their emotion be there would be really tiring. This really bothers me, if i dont have to let myself be controlled by emotions then why i feel like im pushing away and i get worse when im just not letting them control my day, not letting them get fully in the surface to control how i view things
Hey everyone. People don’t post about this much so I thought I’d throw it out there. I have what I call staring ocd. Or visual tourettic ocd. I got concerned at one point about accidentally noticing someone’s breasts and then men’s private areas. And then purposely would try to make sure that didn’t happen. Of course that made it happen all the time. It’s bled into all kinds of things like so ocd , pocd, and being fixated on eye contact and even rocd, because why am I doing this? sigh. It’s tough. But I’m improving so much. Just throwing this out there in case anyone else experiences it :). And to hear your stories. Thanks!
I’m getting ready to officially start ERP next week. Doesn’t this mean I must accept whatever the OCD is telling me? In my case it means I’m an awful person who does not deserve my family/friends or happiness of any kind. Last night I was thinking about this at my son’s sport event. It occurred to me that if all the people there “knew” what the OCD implies, they would hate me and shame me. Maybe it was easier to just be mildly happy by placating the OCD with reassurance and the mantra—it’s not me, it’s OCD. Anyway, guilt ridden and anxious, I excused myself from the bleachers at my son’s game last night, acting like I had to use the restroom. I walked past the restroom, got into my car and went home and right to bed at 7:30 pm. (History: Pure-O/ False Memory OCD)
Today is my birthday. A round number. I am alone with my 3 cats. One of them also has birthday today. I am waiting for my husband to come home from quite far away. I have been feeling anxious, worried, sad weeks before this birthday. I have been regretting thing from the past, all the years wasted on OCD and because of OCD. It is horrifying when you realize that half of your life is definitely over and you can barely remember years without OCD. I have been feeling so low that I was thinking of calling my psychiatrist and ask for help. I was scared I might do sth I don't really want to, but was devastated. I managed to get through pre birthday days. Now, I feel so terribly lonely. I have lost my family and relatives as a child because of OCD. Had to run away to save my life. I moved across the country almost two years ago. I have met some people. I got burnt every single times. I was a true friend to 3 women. One of them turned out to be either bipolar or a psycho. The second one with the biggest ego in the world. She would boss around and take advantage even of God him/herself. The third one I lost as a friend yesterday. I have known her for 8 months. I have been by her side through hell and back. She treated me as if I were worth less than all other people in her life. Yesterday I told her how bad she makes me feel, and she got angry and broke up our "friendship". I had often gotten into an argument with my husband over her. He saw through her immediately. He couldn't stand by and look how she manipulated with me. I don't know how to stand up for myself. When I do somehow, I get attacked and thrown away. So today I have been feeling so lonely I can't even describe how lonely. Instead of celebrating, I am alone, nobody except two old acquaintances from far away remembered it's my birthday. I feel worthless. I am driving myself nuts going through all that has ever happened to me over and over again. I still have a few hours till my husband arrives. I was hoping someone here could talk to me,say or post sth funny,... I would appreciate it. It would help me feel less lonely. I hope you are all well and are enjoying such a beautiful sunny day as it is here. I don't know what I would do without the NOCD community. You people here are life saviors. Love to you all guys. All the vest.
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