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Does anyone know how I can treat my false memory ocd? I am worrying about whether I betrayed my Partner or not. At one point, I thought I killer someone. I dont know how to handle it anymore

I was wondering if anyone had good tips for being around people with severe untreated ocd who will not admit they have ocd. This is a problem for me because it’s not only triggering to be around but it makes me feel bad to lash out on them because I know the position they are in. But it affects everyone around them. Does anyone else deal with this? I’ve gone through treatment and I wish this person would too.

Hi all! I have had a variety of OCD themes such as Relationship OCD, Homosexual OCD, Transgender OCD, etc. I have a few experiences that I'm wondering if anyone has been through/can shed light on as well: -I feel as if I have a constant feeling that I need to analyze whether or not I'm 100% happy at any given moment. For example I think: "Am I truly happy? Am I experiencing life the right way? If I look around am I experiencing life with 100% clarity?" -One of my themes is stronger/more persistent than the others. And as such it makes me more fearful that it must be true. My Homosexual OCD was the first to manifest and as such I feel like it has ultimate power over me. I also used to experiment with Gay Porn when I was younger but I never felt it was "serious" nor have relationships with men interested me in real life. But I feel as if I am hyperaware of when I find another male attractive yet the thought of sexual intercourse with them doesn't appeal to me. (I'm in a very lucky and lovely relationship with my Fiancé btw). And I find myself analyzing moments of emotion with her. When I cry over something out of joy with her I feel like a fraud, like I am forcing myself to do so. But I've had genuine moments when I imagine our wedding day together alone in my car, I cry because I'm overcome with joy. -How to properly do ERP exercises. I usually attempt to let my thoughts flow like a stream and try not to attach meaning to them. I also try to force myself to imagine scenarios that are incredibly fearful in an effort to desensitize myself which only makes me feel as if I'm actually starting to like the thoughts and then they become an overwhelming, confusing wave. Thanks so much for reading! I'd love to hear everyone's thoughts and I sincerely love and appreciate your time. I hope we can all be in this together! :)

I'm really scared, I've always had the fear of something happening with schizophrenia. I already have GAD, Depression, OCD, PTSD so thinking about it gets me so scared. A lot of the warning signs confuse me because some are symptoms I get with my depression and anxiety (example: Decline in hygiene, insomnia, anhedonia) I'm not sure what to do at the moment😭

I have been told I have both. Can you describe how it affects you having both? I am genuinely curious. Sometimes I think I know but most of the time I am not understanding how it’s possible. My panic attack as a kid is something I think would be result of OCD type worries. I worried way too much as a kid and adult too. I have been on a hell of a roller coaster ride with meds and don’t want to find out I was on something that was working against me.

Lately I’ve been questioning my sanity. I think I have the theme of fear of pyshosis and schizophrenia, but it’s like intrusive thoughts that I don’t know who I am. Like who is Jenna? (My name) what does it mean to be Jenna? How did I live my life just being Jenna before ? even as I type my name it’s so weird looking. Am I going crazy? Am I losing my head? Can I just go back to living life and not worrying about this crap.

So I’m on insta and I see this young girl literally doing like a group Zumba type excercise and I think omg she’s fine the way she is she’s just a kid and she was so adorable but then it was showing her progress on her weight loss bc she was chubbier but there’s nun wrong with that, but then as she kept on losing weight I was thinking oh wow she looks good but then I had these feelings and I started to pay attention to like how her body was changing and it was showing her doing the exercise so I was like noticing certain movements and then my mind just kept on thinking “oh well she has a nice body” but it’s just ugh like I feel like I thought that and ik I did bc I was aware? And like idk I read on an pocd info thing that the ppl who have pocd have noticed certain movements and body parts of kids so when I read that I was relieved bc I thought i was like a weirdo but then after some time of reading that it feels like I’m thinking it’s okay and it’s just ocd thing where now I’m getting scared bc I’m not feeling anxious or anything and it feel like I’m just used to it so the feelings feel real or like normal like this is me now and ugh I hate it, bc I was noticing her like body bc of the progress but I just had troucvke with the feelings I felt :/ bc I was thinking omg she’s has such an adorable face like she didn’t need to do those workouts to be skinny but then she got skinny and I started noticing her body more :/ and I feel like I’m becoming a p :( and that I’m doomed and that I’m gonna do something one day which i don’t want to happen but what if I suddenly change and I do it?? :( It’s been a while since I Posted on her but yeah 🥲

Sometimes when I’m in the OCD spiral I find it difficult to remember my tools so I keep this in my notes on my phone to realign myself. This is not reassurance these are just pure OCD facts. Sometimes it just give my brain the little shift it needs to put all I have learned into practice, hoping someone else might be able to find it useful too. 1 - You are not your thoughts - they are egodystonic and go against the things you value 2 - OCD will cling onto what you love the most 3 - OCD will trick you into fear and will cherry pick things in your life that could warrant a trigger 4 - you don’t need to react to these thoughts - simply say - this is an OCD thought/feeling and will go away as long as I don’t engage in the content 5 - call it bob! Cheers bob for that disgusting thought and laugh 6 - continue what you do with your life. Don’t avoid places or people, you win every time not OCD 7 - treat each day with point score every time you resist a compulsion it’s 1 point to you! 2 points for an exposure - 20 points for reward at the end of the week. 8 - rumination - catch yourself like holding yourself gentle to recognise that you are ruminating again, put a full stop on it when you notice you’re doing it and bring yourself back to the present. Tell OCD you can see what it’s doing… 9 - don’t compare yourself with other people - why do I have to be like this, why can I just be normal like that mum, dad or person. In life If you don’t get one thing, you get something else. 10 - everyone gets intrusive thoughts your just a bit more sensitive to them and you need to learn to let them pass by without any interaction After this a bit of self compassion is essential, I always imagine me but as a 6/7 year old scared of these thoughts, and it helps me really transmit that compassion power for that younger scared self xxx

the minute I wake up it’s like a sense of impending doom. I immediately get thoughts like “ur a p, im a p, it’s inevitable, ur hiding behind an ocd mask” and it feels so real. I also get groinal responses and everything feels so real, like I AM ONE. and sometimes im too tired to even stop the thoughts so it just keeps going and my body and brain feels like it agrees and im just a p. idk what to do:(

rocd is ruining me and my life and my relationship. i feel so disconnected from my boyfriend bc of it and it’s so frustrating but i also feel so numb that i can’t even feel frustrated or upset or anxious or anything bad when the bad thoughts come bc it’s been so excessive over the past couple of months. i don’t feel anything like i use to and i just wish i could love him peacefully and purely the way i use to with no worry or doubt. i feel like he deserves better bc my mind is constantly telling me i want someone else secretly or makes over analyze anything and everything with him or about him and creates so much doubt in my mind. it feels so real to the point that i feel like i’m betraying him and even though i’m not actually DOING anything to him or behind his back or anything it feels like i would be lying and deceiving him to continue being a good girlfriend and just being good to him if that makes sense. like when i’m actually with him or talking to him it’s mostly good im not thinking badly too much but as soon as he’s gone it all comes and it feels like i’m hiding a different, bad, personality from him when he’s not around. he’s such a good person and i’ve done everything to be so good to him bc i want to and he deserves it all. but inside i feel like don’t know myself at all anymore. i want to get past it but i feel like even if i do i’ll feel like i’m hiding a past betrayal from him. i don’t want to lose him. can anyone help with any of this or share ways they’ve gotten past this.

I've been self harm free and on meds (Venlafaxine and Lamotrigine) for a few months now, I get the thoughts day to day of "you need to hurt yourself or God/ the universe is going to punish you" "if you dont punsih yourself youre going to get punished. Today my dog accidently ripped my nose ring out after I had a bad weekend were I felt like a shit friend and I feel like my nose got hurt because I'm such a shitty friend and the only way to stop all this misery is to hurt myself, so I'm punishing myself before the universe does. I don't know how to stop these thoughts because they keep getting worse and worse.

After a year of depression and OCD episodes I finally got a job as a barista and have been developing so, so much confidence. It’s been incredibly fulfilling for me, and I feel myself being ready to take on more fears, such as driving. My dad, for the first time since I really got the job, asked how work was. I told him how great it’s been, and he said, “well, when you get a REAL job it’ll be way more fulfilling.” Shut down the conversation instantly. Such a big accomplishment for me, but not for him bc the bar was too low. My dad makes me hate myself. Nothing I ever do makes him happy or proud. My appearance isn’t good enough, my bf isn’t, my education (WHICH HE CHOSE BTW) isn’t, my hair isn’t, my personality isn’t, my politics isn’t, NOTHING is good enough for him! If there is anyone in the world who makes me hate myself it’s my father. If it weren’t for my father, I think I’d love myself a lot more.

It has been 9 months since I went to the emergency room with a panic attack fearing I was “ hallucinating” and “ going crazy.” I was diagnosed with 1) panic disorder 2) GED 3) mixed obsessions. For the last 9 months I have had repetitive looping thoughts of sounds and just anything I can repeat in my head playing over and over. It is almost like I can’t help but to think it. It is mostly bits of music , movie quotes , or anything that is easy to get stuck in your head. My inability to just be still and let my mind wander makes me hyper focused on my thoughts which causes that fear of “ going crazy” 60mg of Prozac later and therapy, I would say I’m about 25% better. All symptoms are still there but less intense and I can distract myself if I really focus on a task. There are days where I feel like it’ll never go away and days I feel it is manageable. My fear is really that this is the best it is gonna get? I’m about to be 36 , have a beautiful family that depends on me and I just want to present fully . This is my update . I will keep fighting. For all those out there suffering from this ANNOYING disorder , don’t give up.

it feels like theres a monster in my head that just keeps poking and poking and poking. I dont know how to stop this, i thought i was getting better. I dont even believe the thoughts anymore, im not giving them the power, so why are they still there? How is it possible to be so enraged at your own BRAIN. I feel my body slowly drowning and i dont know how to escape. Even when i get a brisk of happiness, my thoughts always remind me of my triggers, or my past intrusive thoughts. Its a never ending cycle that i cant seem to find the answers to. Ive lost all hope in getting better. How do i get help when i can’t even explain whats going on inside my head? Its like i know theres thoughts, but i cant hear then clearly. Is this even ocd anymore? It feels like a physical weight on my head.

I always catch myself having constant negative scary thoughts or making up stressful situations in my head before they even happen and it puts me through a lot of stress and anxiety and makes me feel horrible and I’m afraid if I keep thinking like that god will allow something terrible to happen to me just for having what if thoughts or thinking of random crazy things and stressing myself out even more than I already am to the point where I lose sleep, a lot for example I really want to enter the modeling industry as soon as I can and I’m sixteen and I keep making myself stress and wonder of the fact that what if a horrible grown sick man tries to take advantage and manipulate me or what if I befriend someone again and once again they weren’t real friends and try and kill me or drug me it honestly terrifies me and that’s not even the begging another issue where I’ve stressed and thought so hard on the topic that it terrifies me just as much as that when last year I went to my older cousins funeral and before I went I wasn’t as traumatized and mentally shook and scared as I was at hers than others because those people were already very old but she’s 22 and she got in a car accident and was extremely messed up and obviously didn’t look the same as she normally did and because I’m getting ready to start driving this year and that is what caused her death and just the way she looked sand everything really really traumatized and scared everything in me and to make matters worse my mom was like that’s why you should pay attention on the road when you get your license not that she was trying to be rude and scare me more when she said that but it did because after that I couldnt stop remember what I saw that day because I don’t want that to happen to me and after that I developed necrophobia. anyways I could go on more and more but the point of this is that I overthink and hold on to traumatic memories and situations and get super scared and think out of nowhere 24/7 that I’m going to die to and when it would happen and just worry and I hope that the power of thinking or of talking isn’t so strong that something like that actually happen, Another thing I go through is anger because all my life until I got homeschooled I’ve been in drama with jealous cruel girls with all sorts of issues going on with in themselves that they have to project onto me and other girls who just mind there buissness I’ve once got so mad I wanted to kill one girl but luckily never did because I knew it was wrong and unnecessary and that I didn’t want to live with that and go to jail for losing it over immature high school girl drama but I often worry that gods upset with me just for thinking like that or getting mad in other issues with other people and cursing or just other stuff and it stresses me out so much and sometimes I wish there were some way to erase my traumatic negative memories and make me innocent and not understanding in certain things I understand now and maybe I would be ok mentally

I always catch myself having constant negative scary thoughts or making up stressful situations in my head before they even happen and it puts me through a lot of stress and anxiety and makes me feel horrible and I’m afraid if I keep thinking like that god will allow something terrible to happen to me just for having what if thoughts or thinking of random crazy things and stressing myself out even more than I already am to the point where I lose sleep, a lot for example I really want to enter the modeling industry as soon as I can and I’m sixteen and I keep making myself stress and wonder of the fact that what if a horrible grown sick man tries to take advantage and manipulate me or what if I befriend someone again and once again they weren’t real friends and try and kill me or drug me it honestly terrifies me and that’s not even the begging another issue where I’ve stressed and thought so hard on the topic that it terrifies me just as much as that when last year I went to my older cousins funeral and before I went I wasn’t as traumatized and mentally shook and scared as I was at hers than others because those people were already very old but she’s 22 and she got in a car accident and was extremely messed up and obviously didn’t look the same as she normally did and because I’m getting ready to start driving this year and that is what caused her death and just the way she looked sand everything really really traumatized and scared everything in me and to make matters worse my mom was like that’s why you should pay attention on the road when you get your license not that she was trying to be rude and scare me more when she said that but it did because after that I couldnt stop remember what I saw that day because I don’t want that to happen to me and after that I developed necrophobia. anyways I could go on more and more but the point of this is that I overthink and hold on to traumatic memories and situations and get super scared and think out of nowhere 24/7 that I’m going to die to and when it would happen and just worry and I hope that the power of thinking or of talking isn’t so strong that something like that actually happen, Another thing I go through is anger because all my life until I got homeschooled I’ve been in drama with jealous cruel girls with all sorts of issues going on with in themselves that they have to project onto me and other girls who just mind there buissness I’ve once got so mad I wanted to kill one girl but luckily never did because I knew it was wrong and unnecessary and that I didn’t want to live with that and go to jail for losing it over immature high school girl drama but I often worry that gods upset with me just for thinking like that or getting mad in other issues with other people and cursing or just other stuff and it stresses me out so much and sometimes I wish there were some way to erase my traumatic negative memories and make me innocent and not understanding in certain things I understand now and maybe I would be ok mentally

Does anyone else feel the need to know their diagnosis and want to find exact explanations for why you feel the way you do or have certain thoughts. I’ve just had one NOCD therapy session so it’s just the beginning portion with assessments and have more this week but I keep having thoughts like “Is this OCD or GAD or something else?” and “What if this actually isn’t OCD?” which leads me to Google the diagnoses and also ask others for reassurance (“Do you think I have OCD?”). Any advice on how to cope with this?

Hello everyone, it has been a while since I used this app, because I've taken the time to really improve my OCD by myself and things have been working significantly better than before. A little context of the reason I started my recovery: I've had OCD for 13 years since I was 8 ( I'm 21 now) was raised in a dysfunctional household in which my parents got bad advice from my childhood therapists which led to me being put on medication which made my symptoms worse, led to me being instutionalized 3 times when I was 12, and almost led to an incourigibility hearing ( which backfired on my parents because the court called CPS) long story short in early January of this year I got into a brief fight with my brother which led to him getting angry and calling the police, and even though he didn't want to charge me, the cops took me in jail anyway and the courts charged me under the state with disorderly person and gave me a year probation. My time in jail really made me want to change my ways. Before my arrest, I was so scared to do anything because of my OCD and spent most of my time in my room and I occasionally worked at my towns park system. I was so lucky to be assigned by a therapist by the court who didn't want to force me on medication or give terrible advice to me. She did what no other therapist did before then, actually listened to me and had compassion. She gave me the boost to want to improve my life. Now I'm able to drive on highways without fearing death, not worry about keeping the same routine everyday, and do and try new things I have never done before, like online dating. I went on a dating app where you could find women from all over the world. Most of the matches I got were scams or not compatible, but eventually I found a wonderful girl from the country of Cambodia. I got her Instagram and eventually we fell for eachother. We now call eachother pretty much everyday for up to four hours and text all the time on how much we love each other. Now I am making plans to meet her in July and go to her friends wedding in her country. I have never been so happy but my parents do not support me and try to make me think that this is all a scam and that she's trying to take my money even though she has never asked for money and I have had multiple voice and video calls with her. Luckily her friend who is getting married boyfriend is also American so he is gonna help me and give me tips for what to do in the country later in the week. I'm so fortunate that probation gave me permission to go and visit there in the summer. So that has been my the last 2 months of my OCD recovery, I still have a lot to work on but I felt like I have conquered so much with myself even though my family doesn't even care. If you have read all of my rambling, sincerely, thank you, I could talk all day about my OCD recovery. If anyone at NOCD corporate wants me to be a spokesperson for their company or invite me to upcoming NOCD events, I would be forever grateful. I feel like as a recovering sufferer of OCD that I have a unique perspective on my OCD compared to others I have seen on this app and I would love to share with others on a Public stage Again, I thank everyone who took their time to read my rambling and good luck on your own OCD journey

I’m struggling a lot today with a theme that hasn’t been at the forefront of my mind for about a month. I’ve always had a strong morbid curiosity. In the past, if I heard about a terrible crime, I just HAD to research it (and even look at photos). It’s awful because I feel like I have contributed to the exploitation of the poor victims in their final/worst moments. I try my best to not do this anymore, and if I feel the need to satisfy some morbid curiosity, I try to watch more educational materials like documentaries instead of random people posting about such things online. But I am haunted by what I’ve seen, specifically crimes regarding children. My POCD was partially triggered by people online talking about how a specific actress posed nude for Playboy when she was like 10 years old. I looked this up out of disbelief and morbid curiosity, and unfortunately saw the photos. I think I even kept looking for them after seeing censored versions (which bothers me extensively, like who would do that?). I was absolutely horrified and sickened by what I saw and the image still haunts me to this day. It’s unbelievable that those photos are still circulating online, and have even ended up in museum exhibits and art books on Amazon. Absolutely disgusting. I feel like it doesn’t matter that I googled this (and other related cases) out of disbelief or morbid curiosity. It doesn’t matter that I was disgusted and in no way attracted to what I saw. I feel like I contributed to the victimization of these poor people and that alone makes me a p*** regardless of attraction. I’m too scared to talk about this with my current therapist as we just started our sessions together. I wish I could go back in time and beat myself senseless. I feel like a monster. My main reason for posting is that I’m not sure if this is even POCD related because it’s attached to actual events that happened. Idk, I’m sorry, I just needed to vent. Please let me know if this post is out of line and I’ll remove it. Thank you to anyone who reads this, and I’m so so sorry.

How do I know if I’m gay or it’s actually ocd?