Hello my OCD/ROCD community. Today is my 1 year anniversary with my boyfriend which in a lot of ways makes it my 1 year anniversary of dealing with ROCD. I wanted to take some time to process this journey and share some of the takeways that have come along the way. Righting this right now two hours away from our date I am feeling: excited, anxious, hopeful, fearful, and a whole mix of things. Kind of life most things in life huh? But anyways, let me get into it.
1. Digging into my ROCD and dealing with it head on opened up a new world of healing. Realizing the things I was so quick to judge my partner on we're the same things I am so quick to judge myself on. The thing that ultimately led to giving my partner more grace was giving myself more grace.
2. In most things in life we have mixed feelings. We rarely feel 100% happy about something without any other emotions (like fear, anxiety, hesitancy etc.) but when we experience that nuanced emotion in our relationship we assign meaning to it. That meaning is what creates anxiety.
3. I don't care what that girls instagram post says, her boyfriend is not perfect. We like to talk about relationships in absolutes which, are really never true. "He is always smiling!" "He is always kind." "I never doubted even once" Every single human person has flaws and that will always create moments of tension, or misunderstanding, or disappointment. That is simply life, and truly if your partner actually was perfect, there would be no opportunities for growth, so I would not wish that on yourself.
4. You can survive anxious moments, you do it all the time. At work, with friends, with family, you have had many an anxious moment. Someone much wiser than me once said, "what we feel to be true is often just a reflection of what we fear to be true." Read that again.
5. Your relationship does not have to be perfect to be good. Your partner does not have to be perfect to be good. You do not have to be perfect to be good.
6. You are perfectly capable of making decisions that align with your values in the midst of anxiety. Your feelings are not the most representation of what you truly want OVERALL. You can want something and be committed to it and not feel strongly about it in a moment, or even have negative feelings at times. This is just life. Let yourself be human.
7. Whatever happens in your relationship you will survive, and clinging onto compulsions does not minimize future pain, it only ensures present suffering. I know it's hard, but resist compulsions. It is really the only way.
8. Have so much grace and compassion for yourself.
9. More certainty does not actually equate to more correctness. You can be 100% certain about something that is totally incorrect. Certainty is not the security we have been tricked into believing it is.
10. Finally, breath work actually helps. If your like me you may have thought it was super hippie-dippy but it actually is huge. Locate where in your body you are feeling the anxiety and focus first on calming the physical sensation before anything else, I promise it will help.
There truly is so much more I could say but I am going to stop it there, if no one else tells you today just know I am proud of you. You have overcome much more than this, and you are never alone!