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the NOCD Community

Hi, are some of y’all undiagnosed too?

So I decided to start my journey today. I’ve been going to therapy for a while now, but I feel like there’s been no improvement of my OCD. It’s become debilitating and controlling my life. I’ve delt with different forms of OCD but right now I’m really struggling with health OCD and protecting my kids constant horrible thoughts popping in my head and then doing exhausting rituals to protect us from those fears. Every time I watch a video or movie and something bad happens I spend days constantly worrying it’s going to happen to me or someone I love. I’m having a hard time enjoying life and I’m tired of it. I want to be present, I want the thoughts to stop, I want to actually live life again. I’m hoping on here I can find some of you who are going through the same thing because I feel so alone. Here’s to day one and hopefully a bright future I’m tired of crying.

People don’t understand how much ocd takes over your life, here’s some of my old compulsions through the years, I can laugh about these ones now as I’ve managed to stop them. Although I’m yet to beat false memory ocd. - Checking the knife draw before bed 14 times just to be ‘sure’ the knife’s were all there. - Filming under my bed before I went to sleep to make sure no one was there. - Barricading my door at night as I had a fear I would sleep walk and ‘hurt’ someone. - Video myself doing my nightly compulsions (locking doors, turning lights off, checking everything etc) to make sure it’s done. - running up and down the stairs 44 times before bed to make sure no one dies 😅😂(honestly no clue) - tapping an even number of times on each side of my body. - whenever I made someone else a drink I would have to re-do it about 10 times and video it, as id convinced myself I’d poisoned it🙃lol I mean I could go on forever but here’s some!! I’m hoping this makes someone feel less alone as I’ve stopped this now with a lot of work, it is possible!! False memory ocd is next for me , I’m hoping I can beat this as I have the above.

Suddenly got an ocd thought about being paranoid that someone is watching what I do on my phone. Like—they have access to my screen as if I’m screen sharing but they’ve hacked into my phone. So stupid. I’m treating this like a diary entry just to get it out of my system and out of my head.

I don’t know how anyone does it! I’ve tried so hard to face my intrusive thoughts because I’m so tired of my mind telling me to do things over and over or else my mom will die. I know it won’t happen but my mind refuses to let me let it go. I don’t mean to bother anyone who isn’t religious but I just have to also get this off my chest. I’ve never been more ashamed of myself for how I’ve acted today revolving God. I love God more than anything and yet I can never fully put my faith in him because I’m so scared. No matter how many quotes and bible verses I read telling me to let go of my fear, I can’t. I’m terrified to even move at this point. I understand I need to get a job and get outside more. But how can I do that when I too scared to leave my bed because I know what my day will consist of. All I do is sleep because I’m so drained, I’ve completely lost myself. I just keep telling myself others have it worse because it’s true, I just wish these thought would go away because I’m tired of feeling like I’m crazy.

I’ve been feeling really down recently as the guy I like a lot left me and told me a bunch of basically lies to make me feel better then go and sleep with a girl who was engaged 3 days ago broke up with her fiancé/boyfriend 2 days ago to then sleep with him. I went out last night and the boyfriend was on bar. Now there’s rumours he’s not a nice guy, but there’s also rumours she’s a really horrible fucjing person. They live together and everything. They were sleeping together in their bed, they only broke up a few days ago. This made me feel horrendous, as someone who would’ve done anything for the boy, who literally told him how much he means to her, he left me to go and just sleep around when he said to my face that’s not what he was going to do. I know it’s none of my business anymore, but the disrespect hurts, especially when everyone knows you. So I was sat in my feels and one of the men I know walks up to me and can see on my face I’m devastated. I say to him, “I don’t really have any say like we aren’t together” and he goes “yeah but he knows your feelings, he knows he hurt you and that’s not okay” and another one of my friends said “he lead you on for ages, telling you all these lies and playing with you to get what he wants and then fuck kff to her, you’re allowed to be upset” but I’m sat here thinking do I actually have any say in the matter. We were seeing one another before I left for travelling, I’ve come back and he’s completely shifted to this horrible person. He’s got everyone so angry, and so upset. For me it’s the way he lied, straight to my face “I’m not seeing anyone else hand on heart, I don’t want to I need to be single” then goes on a date the day after and then again 4 days later where he sleeps with her, and everyone knows. I had my friend tell me I’m golden like I deserve better than him and that he’s not worth my time which is so true and I’m done now. But knowing someone loves you, knowing someone has strong feelings for you, and to tell you about this girl who’s “just a friend” and then to sleep with her days after you have your final goodbye meeting where he says that he’s focusing on himself and that it wasn’t me he just can’t see anyone at the moment, that he’s realised he needs to just grow, to then go and do that? I have the right to feel a bit upset about it, right? To have everyone in the pub tell you what he’s getting up to, while you’re there thinking about how he once treated you, thinking I’m not worth anything that I’m not even attractive. I know we’re single and honestly that’s fine I can’t tell u who you can and can’t sleep with, but there was zero respect for anyone when he made this decision. It’s a very small town, for months I played the will we won’t we game, while I was away I didn’t know what I was coming back to and it took him and month to meet up and have the closure chat, after a half arsed discussion on text about what’s been going on, where he barely said anything but “I need to focus on myself”. Lies, you just want to fuck around and if you knew that, then you shouldn’t have been exclusive with me in the first place

went to a friends dorm earlier today & I commented on how neat it was and he said “oh I’m kinda ocd about those things” I didn’t know what to say so I just let it go but it made me feel really uncomfortable. how do you guys deal with when people say those things?

Hey everyone so one thing I was wondering is what people do with items they think are contaminated. I know I will never use the item again but I don’t wanna throw it away. I’m unsure of what to do?? :(

Hello are there many other older OCD people on here? Like 50’s or 60’s?? I was diagnosed in the 1989 when not much was known at all about OCD, the docs said you just have to take pills there was no therapy. Anyone else? I did get some knowledge with books and that’s all I ever had to lead me when there was no internet. I just can’t believe all the support out there today! That’s great! Can anyone else relate and how did you cope back then and what helped you? Thanks

anyone else feel like ERP isn't for them?

I know intrusive thoughts are a part of OCD, but I keep having thoughts that I know I don’t believe in pop into my head. For example, I just lost my cat two days ago. I am beyond heartbroken. But I keep having thoughts in my head like “I’m glad she’s gone” or “it’s a good thing she died”. I don’t believe that at all (but I think my brain is making me think I do). It’s really upsetting me…

Hi! I’m posting this question again but more simplified. I’d love to read stories from anyone who has experienced relief (or knows someone who has) from OCD symptoms using medication-free techniques, such as ERP or ACT therapy, meditation, mindfulness, breathing techniques or holistic coping tools. Thanks!

Hi this is my first time posting but I’ve been struggling lately with myself because of my ocd. Has anyone ever realized they hold a lot of resentment towards others because their life isn’t controlled by ocd? For me, I’ve recently realized I have resentment towards my siblings because they live completely normal lives (i.e. dating, friendships, work) but I struggle just to be alive some days because my ocd holds me back. I feel so incredibly guilty about it all because I find myself being jealous over their happiness when I don’t think I’ve ever even been happy. I’m not sure what to do about this and it’s affecting my relationship with my family because I’ve started distancing myself from them due to the overwhelming negative feelings.

My anxiety is spiking a lot right now I have no idea what’s going on my thoughts keep saying your gay I thought I wasn’t but I just saw a post saying even if I get boners to girls I could still be gay I am anxious right now someone please help

everytime i have an intrusive thought im always saying “stop” or “shut up”. It only gives me temporary relief. Does anyone else struggle with this? If so, what do you do to reduce it?

I really need help I keep making promises on accident to God. I don't know if this makes any sense. I used to think that if j gave into materialistic things like chocolate and music and films something bad would happen and I ended up finding it really hard I even starved myself. Now I can get myself to do things by thinking things like 'I promise on my dad's life to eat this chocolate for example' or I promise on my dads life to not do the compulsion of touching this picture of God twice' and I actually feel able to live my life. But... I keep accidentally making promises to God on my dad's life like if I promised to watch all of movie, I would have to try not to blink at any part so I would be able to watch ALL of it and not break the promise. I'll be getting ready to leave my room and my head will say 'promise on your dad's life not to leave for another hour' and I was stuck. I thought it was all okay but recently it feels like my broken promises are having an effect on my dad I don't know why I just feel like it is and I begged God for them to not have any affect but I don't know, I really hope they don't I couldn't live with myself.

I’ve seen a lot of posts from other people going through tough times with SO OCD, who appear to be having similar thought patterns and I was hoping sharing what’s kept me on a good run these past few days may help at least someone. The thoughts that used to have me seeking answers on google, and looking through my past for some signs to string together as to why I’m actually gay, no longer cause those responses. Instead I’m questioning why am I not distressed more, does that mean I like these thoughts? While I’m not as distressed, I still think about my OCD diagnosis and SO OCD a lot! I’m still uncomfortable looking at guys and get the automatic trigger thought “oh they’re hot” or “you’re gay” before I even have a change to really look at the dude. I still get scenarios in my heads when I see a woman other than my wife of how they wouldn’t accept me being in a relationship with them because of my gay thoughts and that I am actually gay, or once those thoughts pass, why are you even looking at any other woman but your wife. I even get scenarios in my head of being with a gay dude and them mocking me for not accepting that I’m gay/don’t know what my sexuality is and pressuring me into doing something with them. I still have my OCD questioning if I really enjoy having sex with my wife every time we do, and my brain try to force images in my head with the repeating though “you know you get off easier thinking about a man” So even though I’m far from being as distressed as I once was, I still am, and I’m sure many of you who don’t think you are as distressed either, and accepting of the thoughts, still are distressed in your own way. I’ve been trying to view this as my OCD just switching up from the previous distressing question of what if I’m gay, to Why am I not freaking out that I might be gay. Still OCD just a different tactic from him to get me to engage in compulsions little my little. And it has worked here and there. I have googled, I have ruminated, I have scoured these threads looking for someone to have the exact same experience as me. While I want to stop doing those eventually, I’ve still made lots of improvements and am proud of my progress, even though my OCD only wants me to focus on my failures Other thoughts I’ve even had during the time that I’ve made improvements have included: I’m just using SO OCD as an excuse or it’s not right or fair of me to choose to reject being gay when others don’t get to (I’ve even learned the fairness thing is another sign of OCD) It’s hard, but I have to accept that I could be. Even having read some stories for ERPs of people not realizing they were gay until after they were married (at least from how they talked about it), did not help those fears, but the one thing those people were able to do was to come to was an answer and move on, but guess who’s brain will never allow that? So while it isn’t fair that I’ll never have clarity, and that it really, really isn’t fair that I’ll have to deal with these kinds of thoughts for the rest of my life, I know that my OCD only wants to take joy in me being miserable and playing his games. And while it’s going to take a while for the distress to disappear with things, and acknowledging that these thoughts will never go away, no matter how much I want them too. I do know from first hand experience in overcoming SO OCD previously, is that they do get quieter and rarer the less time we give them. If you read this, thank you for reading this novel, and I wish you strength and courage in your own battles! OCD really sucks, but think working towards accepting that I have this terrible mental health illness has aided me greatly these past few days and let me become more aware of his tricks and thought processes that he wants me to get stuck on

Hello my OCD friends, haven’t been on here for awhile. Very unsettling experience this morning when I went back to sleep because I was exhausted. It was like half of me was asleep, and the other half was awake and aware of all the weird things taking place: Vivid, yet shallow dreams, they were nightmarish with a truly crazy undertone that really makes you feel like your brain has gone insane. Then came the tingles, all over body, which turned into total numbness. It’s like I was trapped in sleep. Every time I tried to get out, this creepy darkness kept pulling me back in like a vacuum, and the more it pulled me in, the more I heard this “paper ripping” noise in both my ears.. louder and louder. Clearly an auditory hallucination. When I finally busted out of there, everything instantly went away. But I was left rattled, I cannot believe my mind could behave in such a horrid way. I’m honestly afraid to go to bed tonight. It was like a nightmare on steroids. With physical sensations included. And fear like I’ve never felt before. Thought it might be a seizure or even death. Anyone? Scared 🥺 Thanks guys

I’ve been going through what I suspect is depersonalisation for the past 6 months (triggered by a bad ocd episode) It’s been a really bad period and after this much time I feel like my depersonalisation (if that’s what I have) has gotten so complex that I’ve started to really forget who I am, how I used to act, what I believe in, I feel like I’ve completely lost my own identity. Thinking about past memories hurts, thinking about people I love hurts, I am not sure what to do anymore. I have been told to try and get on with my life by many people online and the depersonalisation will go away by itself, unfortunately that is not the case as whenever I try to get on with my life it gets worse and I feel even more disconnected. I feel like the only time I feel like I’m getting somewhere is when I sit and try to think back of the ocd episode that triggered all this, almost like I have unprocessed emotions from that episode that needs solving in order for my depersonalisation (if that’s indeed what I have) to go Please, if you’ve been through something similar let me know, have you ever felt like on ocd episode is holding you back from your life and is making you feel disconnected from yourself until you go back and process it? As if it was some sort of traumatic memory that needs processing? Don’t hesitate to leave a comment and thank you in advance :)

Hello, My son is 22 and started having intrusive thoughts about hurting himself and us his parents. We have tried outpatient therapy, he has seen a physiatrist and has been in therapy all this year. He started with these thoughts after watching a very violent show/video game and kept picturing himself causing harm to his father, then moved to me, then his sister. The guilt he feels for feeling these things and having these thoughts becomes overwhelming at times to the point he thinks of irrational solutions. Such as cutting his hands off so he dont ever put himself or us in any kind of danger. He did really well for a couple months but now his meds don't seem to work. He's not motivated to do anything. He's never driven, he stays home all the time. Is afraid to socialize. Has gained a lot of weight. As a mother I dont sleep, worried about him. I feel like we walk on eggshells around him. Have had to move anything sharp out of the house. Please tell me he cab get better and that there is light at the end of this dark tunnel. We as a family are desperate. I love my son and there is absolutely nothing I wouldn't do for him. But I feel like he's not motivated to help himself and life is passing him by to the point he feels he has no purpose in this life. Please help.