Welcome to
the NOCD Community

Any tips for dealing with brain fog/derealization at work? I was feeling not too anxious this morning but I’ve got to work and finding it really hard to concentrate and get my words out

I feel so clouded. I wish I could just stop thinking. I don’t even feel present around my daughter. I am acting the part, but my mind is so lost in my obsessions. Lately I am obsessing that my head pain is something more than it probably is. It’s all I think about. Constant fear of dying 24/7. Is this it? Is this the moment I keel over? What if my daughter isn’t safe? How do I keep her in a safe environment so if I do die, she’s okay until my husband gets home? 3 weeks of this, triggered by the stomach flu. Since THEN I’ve had the following obsessions: tobacco poisoning, stroke, csf leak, tumor, ms, colon cancer, and aneurysm. It’s hard to find joy. I’m just waiting until it’s over. But 3 weeks and I’m still in the trenches. How do I get out?

I’m all alone

OCD is excruciatingly painful. I don’t think any other forms of torment on earth can rival it, except maybe schizophrenia-type disorders or physical torture. I have come a long way from where I started. I don’t believe I have OCD, as it is clinically defined, anymore (though some experts might disagree). I no longer have any intrusive thoughts. I have the silence and freedom in my mind that I always wanted—but never could attain before. But I remember the days when the thoughts ran like wildfire through my brain, each thought scarier than the last—the never-ending, repeating sentences that were like frightening music 🎶 that never shuts off. Only people who have experienced these thoughts can understand the mental pain and anguish. Even on the other side of the disorder, where I am now, the OCD still haunts me every day. It’s mostly in the background, but I can always feel its shadow. The roots of perfectionism and fear still run very deep. Every day, as I work on further recovery, I find that I am peeling back more and more layers that I didn’t even know were there. I understand everyone who says they despise their OCD. I find it hard to convey to other people the amount of pain this disorder causes. But every day now I have an opportunity for joy if I choose it. And I love that. Some days are mostly normal. I can almost forget about the OCD for hours at a time. I always sleep in peace, even my naps. And even though every day has significant OCD-related struggles, I also know that every day I am getting better.

Hi, I just wanted to see if anyone else had trouble with this? It manifests in making me breathe and blink "consciously", which is very distressing and leads to really bad air hunger. Has anyone managed to get out of it?

I see a lot of people posting the same posts here (myself included at one time) to get reassurance. but there is a sad truth here: no one can help you but yourself. the only thing that will help you is therapy and acceptance of uncertainty. you are literally fighting your brain and you will NEVER win. There will never be enough reassurance for you and yet you can't accept the worst case scenario. there are even people who post the same thing in order to draw people's attention to their posts. but it won't happen. you are your own worst enemy, you are your own best friend, you get to choose whether to be enemies with yourself or friends.

Over the past week I’ve recently started having doubts about my relationship with my boyfriend. I have logistical concerns that we were working on but something kept telling me it might be falling out of love. Because I truly do care for him. But feel that if I’m unsure whether or not we’re meant to be together. If anyone has dealt with ROCD and has any advice please let me know. In the past I’ve had OCD episodes with different types so I know what it’s like to some extent. Over the past week I’ve been very distressed over this all and that led me to ending things with him last night but he’s the one who told me it could be OCD, if it is I want to work on it with him but if it’s not then, it’s not unfortunately. Back story We’ve been talking for the past 7 months and dating for 3. When I met him it was a few months after I had a relationship end very abruptly and traumatically but I don’t see him as a rebound Thank you in advance

This is about pornography addiction. Back when I was still greatly suffering through it, I remember watching videos I shouldn't have when I was a lot younger. It genuinely did have an effect on my well being and it made me act out in ways no kid should. No kid should be exposed to these things for that matter. I keep focusing on this one time where I made a taboo search about all something and it had the word "lil" in it. After I did this I just started crying badly because of how much of a problem this was for me but now I'm getting thoughts that are saying I did this because I wanted to see kids and that's really scary because I don't want to do that. I really don't want to believe that and I would not want to do that to myself. I didn't see anything inappropriate when that happened from what I remember but I just want stop thinking about these two sides of the event. I think I was around 18 at the time. Something like this also happened when I saw this really disgusting playlist on YouTube that had children in it and creeps saving videos. I couldn't believe it to be true so morbid curiosity came in and when I went through them they were very real and it was very disgusting. I remember freaking out about this so much and I couldn't calm down for that night. It was terrible. I hated that so much. What really scares me about that is before I found this I was watching videos that were fine but just when everything was coming to an end that playlist came up in the midst of it and it made me feel absolutely disgusting. I just hate how much porn messed up my life and I wish I could take it all back. I still get haunting memories of it every single day one way or the other and I'm never at peace with it fully. It always messes with my mind and I can't let it go because of uncertainty. I also hate that through my addiction, I've seen very questionable content without even trying to look for it, which I can't stand. I hate that shit so much. I make specific searches that I find reasonable but even still bad things show up regardless. I just feel disgusting about this completely and it's one of several things that has always kept my self esteem very low. I don't know what to do.

I am in extreme depression now. I am not getting a job. I graduated almost 9 years ago and still jobless. I really want to earn money and live an independent life. I am 30 years old and still not married. These things are causing me anxiety. It doesn't mean i haven't tried. I really tried my best to get a job and get married but all in vain. I also prayed alot. I am not impatient. I bore patience for a long time but now its getting harder for me. I feel so miserable. Please pray for me. I feel like giving up. 😭😭😭😭

As a cis woman I'm ashamed that this is the subtype that causes me the most distress, and that I have to deal with it at all. At the same time, though, I'm relieved that TOCD is a known thing, because it's the explanation for what I feel. About 4 years ago is when I first started experiencing this subtype (though I did not know this until last year). It caused me so much distress that I would spend days laying on the couch doing nothing but crying. This time of extreme distress is also the reason why I went on anxiety medicine for the very first time. I would question my memories and feelings from over a decade ago, every single thought in my head would relate back to this intrusive worry, i was hyper aware of every physical sensation with my body, super conscious of how i perceived myself, super conscious of all my thoughts, forced myself to gather evidence and figure it out/ruminate on it, gaslighted myself in so many ways, questioning if i was just in denial, completely terrified of being anything but me, avoided certain clothes and people, felt others could see what I was thinking, and felt that the real me was truly gone. I was also not present at all. There WAS no world other than my mind. I wish someone had told me at the time that there was a name for this. It would've saved me a lot of time and a lot of fear. A lot of these things I still do without even thinking, though. It did go away on its own for a very long time. Within the past year it's come back, though, only this time I actually know what it is. I don't know how the hell I survived it before when I didn't know what it was. It's because of this subtype that i first learned what intrusive thoughts are. Lately it's been bothering me so much and it's been making me feel ugly and extremely self conscious/judgmental and flat out wrong in everything i do. Everything triggers it— even things that don't relate at all. My mind finds a way!! I don't ever see anyone on here talking about this subtype, but the fact it's listed gives me just a little hope that I'm not the only one.

i recently got home from university and ive been nervous about seeing my siblings but now im overthinking what if i like my little sister and im paying attention to how anxious i am around her and everything and i dont know if this is attraction or ocd, i look in my siblings room to check how i feel and its just so much anxiety and idk, also my medication is like making my anxiety block out, so its like im saying this but im not as panicky which is scary, ive been writing in my notes about this though so that probably means its intrusive idk

An animal in my county tested positive for rabies in my county last night. I’ve been feeling so weird and all that since getting bit by a cat on the 6th I’m actually gonna end it all if I have it. I can’t do this anymore oh my god

Anyone else just not have any friends I feel so alone and like I have nothing to do Feels like I’m just seeing everyone else do stuff and having fun with friends

For four years, i thought my false memory was just a false memory and I thought that I can continue with life knowing that it's okay not to know and rely on uncertainty. But what if you caught yourself ruminating and you realize that your worst fear is true? Everything starts to become clear. Has this happened to anybody? I don't think i should be alive anymore.

How do I get rid of the massive amounts of anxiety I can’t eat, or relax. My harm OCD is torturing me along with the urges I fell with the harm OCD I will be going up on my prozac I hope it works I just want my life back starting to feel alone and depressed because of this.

i saw a family member post their kid, he is super adorable and funny ive met him before. but ever since seeing that my pocd is telling me i want to hurt him and or do something to him. im really close with his mom i look up to her a lot im scared that u will find out and i will be shunned forever. I don’t want to do anything to him. but these thoughts feel so real and it feels like my body is just gonna get up and commit a crime. she is very spiritual and I go to her for advice a lot, im scared she’s gonna get bad vibes or negative intentions from me I just want to be a good person I don’t want to hurt anyone especially him :( another thing is I had a thought that he looked like my ex and he does and even looks how he looked when HE was a baby but im scared that that means im a p. I hate this :( I get groinal responses and rapid intrusive thoughts it’s so draining :(

does anyone else have this terrifying fear of being schizophrenic or a psychopath 😭 i know i am mentally stable yet i feel like im living a lie in a way. i don’t know how else to describe it and im scared im schizophrenic and making reality up?? if that makes sense.

Lowkey I think I’m an awful person/have felt something and gone down a weird path of thinking/way of processing information that I can never recover from morally, but I’m not panicking about it. I’ve just accepted it ig? I can’t die because that’ll hurt those I love, so I’ll just like devote my life to others in penance maybe? Just try and help others as much as I can and live for others. I know it’s like depressing to say but I’ll live for others cuz I don’t really believe I deserve to live for myself.

So I’m going to try and make this short. Is anyone experiencing there brain thoughts or even themselves thoughts like this “I have been through this 3 times before in my life, I know exactly how to fix it. However, I think my brain knows I’m trying to trick it with ERP or ACT therapy.” Idk, like I know exactly how to fix this episode of OCD as I have had three previous relapses in my life. However, I’m scared and terrified that my brain is just smarter than me. Like idk if this makes any sense. I’m terrified that I will never get out of this. Then when I think like this, like I start to remember everything that has happened since my first ever episode, like have always experienced these symptoms and I just ignored them? Have I always just been like this? Was I happy when I wasn’t or was experiencing this? It so hard to explain. Like I’m not scared, but I am, I’m more frustrated and annoyed, but also sad. Idk I feel like I’m losing it. I talk to myself out loud to gain some confidence, but then I question like don’t crazy people talk to themselves, but I can’t be crazy because I’m aware that I’m talking to myself. Idk I feel alone, like I’m going to be like this forever. Like I will never outsmart my brain. It’s just weird. Also not to mention like literally everything triggers me. Everything. I suffer with DP/DR, so every conversation or action I do my brain just questions everything! Literally everything. Idk what to do. Can anyone relate to this?

Recently been obsessed with the concept of free will. Are we really in control or was everything predetermined? if everything was predetermined then why am I me, why couldn’t I had been someone else who didn’t have all the problems I have.