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Hey ! Does anyone think that intrusive thoughts are sinful? Does god punish us for our bad thoughts ?

Hi everyone (major TW) I just started therapy here at NOCD yesterday and I am still kind of…badly spiraling and I’m hoping that maybe some of you can make me feel better. I started having harm intrusive thoughts about my dog 8 years ago, and they went away mostly as she got older…until I got badly triggered by a tv show a few weeks ago and here we are. Since then, I’ve had horrible thoughts/visions of knives cutting into her (always her head and neck and always super graphic), words popping into my head (usually on the ends of sentences) about slashing, cutting and worse, and this constant physical feeling of being afraid that I’m going to harm her. Not that I want to, but I’m afraid it will happen, because I constantly feel it even though I don’t want to. I’m constantly aware of the feeling and thoughts being there 24/7 and am battling them all the time - checking the thoughts to see if they bother me enough, scared when or if I just feel numb, and am basically living on the edge of feeling like I’m going to do something horrible to her I don’t want to do. If I think about the words I get shivers down my spine and feel an intense feeling like adrenaline/fear and just want to get away from her asap. I’ve gotten the thoughts about my parents too, and feel the same way, but it’s a little easier to separate myself from them as my dog doesn’t understand. Has anyone else had this? I know I shouldn’t be looking for reassurance but I really need to know if this is actually OCD, or I should lock myself away and give this poor dog to someone else. She was my entire world until 3 weeks ago and now I’m just terrified 24/7 that I’m going to hurt her because it’s all I can think about. Please help me.

Recently I have been getting very terrible thoughts and groinal responses that feel like arousal. This is worse usually if I am tired or am just waking up. I could barely sleep. When these pocd things happen especially when im half asleep it feels as if my brain is letting the thoughts come and it feels like my body likes it (with the groinal response) I end up hitting myself in the head to make it go away. This is one of my compulsions. I hate ocd. Sometimes I just want to say im a p and a bad person to just get it over with. I feel like I’m hiding behind an ocd mask. I hate this. I want to cry but I can’t.

When I was 12 I made one of the biggest mistake in my entire life. Last night, my brain decided to replay that feeling over and over again to the point of starting to hate myself for it. Now I can't stop thinking that I need to be punished for it, I should never be forgiven and that I am a bad person. My partner should break up with me because I am a bad person and they don't know about it so I don't deserve to be loved at all. I know, however, that I made that mistake a long time ago, that I am a completely different person and that I am a good person now, and that's what matters. But I can't get myself to forgive my past self because if I forgive him, that means I'm a bad person for condoning what I did. Do you have any advice on how to overcome this? Thank you in advance

I posted a couple days ago about a video of that went along the lines of ‘at the end of the month everything I want will come to me an manifestation and the karma coming back’ if I sent the video back to the page which I did then later finding out that the page does black magic spells, I sent this video back during a time when I was sad and low and when I sent it, it said that this page doesn’t receive message requests so I don’t even know if it’s been seen and I blocked the page but it’s made me so anxious that black magic has been done on me and then me and my partner who was having a hard time at the time have now rekindled and I can’t get out my head it’s because of this page😣. It’s causing me so much anxiety and making me feel like I’m going to go insane if I keep thinking like this and feel sick & I can’t get out of this loop I’ve tried saying maybe it is maybe it isn’t but the thought of it scares me so much, I tried to tell myself my message hasn’t been seen and it’s okay and the page had 17k+ followers I wasn’t a follower and what’s the chance i get picked out of all them followers, I tried to tell myself it’s not guna work like that I’d need to pay something for the page to do any spells but nothing seems to be helping. can anyone give me any advice on this please? Has anyone had the same obsession? Normally magic and manifestations, karma etc doesn’t scare me i somewhat believe in it but it was something about the ‘black magic’ that doesn’t sit right with me and scares me. I just wanna go back to living my life again happy with my partner but this is getting in the way 😭

I just woke up out of nowhere with a terrible belly ache, accompanied with the overwhelming fear that I’m going to lose control and that there’s something more wrong with me aside from OCD. I’ve been doing very well the past week or 2, I haven’t felt anxious as much and typically if I’m not feeling very anxious I’m not having a lot of ocd flare ups. Yesterday however my boyfriend and I got into it over me not wanting to go on the boat for the 4th of July for 6 hours. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy I went now. I stayed sober, we got home late but I felt okay in the morning and had a decent time but at the time I wanted nothing more than to just stay at home and snuggle with my dog. My reasonings for not wanting to go were 1. I didn’t wanna drink and be out late because 2. I had to work tomorrow. The last reason was kind of a fluke, I was hoping for the icing on the cake reason, but I didn’t wanna go with the crew we were going with. I have nothing against the people we went with but they’re quite a bit younger than us and I just didn’t wanna go overall so I was grabbing at straws. Long story short, my boyfriend told his brother the reason I didn’t wanna go was cause of the other people going. This sent me over the edge, I was already irritated about us arguing, and now I was worried about everyone thinking I’m a stuck up person that didn’t like any of them. I felt backed into a corner, like now I had to go, and I ran through so many emotions at once and ended up just bursting into tears. That alone had me worried I was gonna lose control because of how many emotions I had just run through and how overwhelmed I was. It’s not a normal occurrence for me to explode into emotions like that, however I know it wasn’t a normal situation for us to be in. I just started my monthly cycle today too which could explain being a little “over emotional.” Although, I know my boyfriend shouldn’t have said that as it put me in a bad spot and he apologized for that. I have therapy tomorrow thankfully and I’ll be able to talk to my therapist about this. I’d say that my biggest ick with OCD is the fear of losing control of my mental health. It fluctuates and I feel confident in my ability to handle my lows, I feel like I get better at dealing with them every time they come. I get so worried that I’m gonna snap into something scarier, something I can’t handle, but I don’t even know what that would be. I get so anxious about getting on medication because I don’t want SSRI’s, I don’t wanna be backed into a corner to take them. I take ketamine before bed for anxiety and ocd which has helped quite a bit with day to day life I believe. I guess this is the end of my rant, I just hate feeling like I’m gonna lose myself :(

for so long now i have felt alone in my OCD symptoms. it feels like it’s never ending. one of the many parts is my physical urges that hurt. i push down on my fingers, usually the middle and thumb, so much that they hurt and bruise. i’ve recently pushed down on and grinded my teeth so hard they became loose and my gums inflamed. it’s exhausting but the urges never stop. i’ve tried resisting them so much, it just never sticks

how do i deal with extreme guilt over arousal feelings towards something i had as a kid? i feel like i still have those feelings now but i’m realizing now that the topic i had arousal feelings towards was very strange and abnormal. i even used to look up videos of it. it’s not an inappropriate thing to watch but having feelings of arousal to it without realizing that it’s weird is giving me immense guilt. i know people who have done worse things than what i’m so worried about and they’re living their lives happily, so why is it so hard for me to? i feel like these arousal feelings taint my character and make me a bad person. i was googling and reading that feelings of arousal towards something doesn’t necessarily go away and that’s also sending me into a spiral. i kept googling the same topic as mine or taboo/worse topics people have had feelings of arousal over and it just made me feel worse as a lot of people were shamed for it. also i’m sorry i was very vague on the actual topic, but i feel too embarrassed and uncomfortable to say it.

This may make somebody uncomfortable. I’m just gonna be completely honest since I’ve been keeping it to myself for SO long and it’s starting to eat me alive. I’m so scared of having a fart fetish. This theme is so disgusting to me which is why it’s so hard to talk about. It terrifies me. I personally don’t like the smell of them. And as a compulsion, whenever someone farts around me, I have to check myself to see if I enjoy the fart. I would smell it just to see if my intrusive thoughts are true. Whenever I get a groinal response it freaks me out so much. What makes this even more complicated is the fact that I’ve watched scat porn back when I had a porn addiction. My porn addiction was escalating, which is why I watched that sort of porn. I know that I would never engage in anything that has to do with urine or feces in real life because it disgusts me. Why is that I know for a fact that I’m NOT attracted to urine or feces, but dont know if im attracted to farting or not. I feel so sick writing this. I also have some childhood experiences relating to farting which stresses me out even more, and fetishes always start out in childhood. And today I stressed myself out even more by reading Reddit stories of people who have this fetish and their stories made me feel gross. I definitely don’t mean to kink shame but I don’t want to be that kind of person. I don’t want to have any of these kinks. I no longer watch porn, thanks to God. But I also wonder that if I had not been exposed to scat porn or porn in general, would I be fantasizing about people farting on me..?? Like I know I don’t like farting because I always get angry whenever people fart around me. But for some reason I don’t hate the smell of my own farts. I just don’t know what to do. And im scared that if I were to ever do anything fart related in a sexual context (which I don’t plan on doing) that I would enjoy it. It’s honestly my biggest fear and my brain keeps telling me that the only reason that I don’t plan on doing it is because im scared to enjoy it. I really wish I could get therapy in the moment but I can’t. This theme has been DESTROYING my life. And I keep having false or real?? Memories of me getting turned on by a family members fart which absolutely disgusts me because that’s literally incest. I have been losing my mind for the last two months. Any replies or anyone that I can talk to about this privately would be greatly appreciated. I just can’t keep suffering in silence anymore. I’m so mentally tired. I’m exhausted.

Hi friends, Everytime my period comes around my ocd tends to get worse. Just curious if anyone else deals with this and if you have any tools/tips on how to deal?

i’m starting ERP on tuesday. These thoughts are truly scaring me into thinking i’m going to do something and i don’t want too. it makes me feel like im going crazy and i have no control. i can’t stop panicking im scared im not going to get better even tho every time i have my spiral i do, i just feel this way in the moment. is there any tips from people who have SOCD that can help me. I feel like i have had to isolate myself from any object that i feel my thoughts would tell me something to do with it. I’m also started having more depression from this too. What medications have helped with OCD for yall??

hello! so I just recently started having really bad intrusive thoughts, specifically harming myself and others, and it started after i broke up with my ex boyfriend. never once has it occurred to me that i may have OCD but now experiencing what i do now and looking back at my past, it kind of makes sense. I have never been diagnosed with OCD but i do struggle with anxiety. I’ve been questioning myself and asking myself if i am a bad person, when I know I am not, I mean i can’t even hurt a fly! i don’t understand where this is coming from or what to do to help myself because i just feel like isolating from everyone so i don’t have the intrusive thoughts or thinking about hurting someone. i feel alone and not like myself. i also have bad fomo so these thoughts aren’t helping😭

So I’ve posted on here a few times about my theme . Currently battling suicidal OCD (or what I believe to be ocd) I haven’t officially been diagnosed at all but towards the end of April I was terrified of dying in my sleep from drinking because a family member abused alcohol and did so I quit alcohol , then after I was terrified of dying from a heart attack I was vaping and drinking so I quit both and caffeine . Well prior to that I got all my blood work done would cry to my husband that I don’t wanna die and ended up getting EKG and everything came out fine . Then before I could stop thinking about that a thought popped in my head or picture of me with scissors to my neck and it freaked me the fuck out . Then I started thinking about it a lot more and I guess it just stuck I cry I panicked and told my husband I’m so scared I’m going to lose control and he had to reassure me that it wasn’t going to happen , well I’m still scared cause I’m scared to be home alone I don’t wanna be left alone . I’ve read so much about ideation and this but when I’m depressed it’s like my mind goes straight to oh you could do it this way or that way and it freaks me out and makes me think I should check myself in somewhere cause I’m scared . I don’t know wanna die let me clarify that but these thoughts yes haunt me , but I’ve never in my life have ever been S . Idk if it’s from my withdrawal from everything in may or this is something I need help with . I feel like idk what’s me anymore . Please help me .

TW — contamination ocd thoughts Hello guys, unfortunately I am beginning to notice my contamination OCD has worsened. I’m not sure if anyone has thoughts on how to move forward while I find therapy (like how I can prevent it from worsening on my own while I wait for treatment), but basically it started out as me washing my hands and counting to 20 but always restarting if it didn’t feel right. My brain seems to not trust if I’ve done something and would rather restart. Eventually these compulsions kept growing. I especially am now realizing how dirty the bathroom is / how dirty my clothes get from being outside in public. I keep a mental note of all the ways anything on me could’ve been contaminated and spend a long time washing my hands or changing clothes. I used to not think about this, but now it’s making me super uncomfortable. I don’t know how to not give into the compulsions because I feel like things will be dirty — should I just sit in the discomfort of allowing things to be contaminated? Thank you for any help!

One long-term theme for me is obsessively taking photos of my face and staring at, trying to fix, editing, will away, features that I don’t like. At its worse it will go on for hours like any other self respecting obsession. Does anyone else have this? I also hyperfocus on features and see them through a likely distorted lens, so my nose looks bigger than it is, my face more asymmetrical, etc.

NSFW One of my compulsions is m-sturbation and I struggle with it here and there. Literally most of the time this compulsion is done is to get rid of groinal responses or the intrusive thoughts. but the compulsion itself is bad, and sometimes I think of really bad taboo thoughts and it gets me to finish but afterwards i feel very disgusted and shameful. i think these thoughts because i noticed they get me to finish way faster and im trying to look for a solution. i hate this so much because i know its wrong and i know it gives me temporary relief but thats the only “immediate” solution i guess. i feel like this makes me different. like something is ACTUALLY wrong with me. the taboo ranges from family, animals, trauma. how do i get out of this cycle. i feel disgusting and i feel as though this compulsion means im more likely to act this stuff out.

im having a lot of trouble even realizing what's distressing me rn. i just started feeling a lot of anxiety and i worry that when my anxiety flares up i often cause arguments and put too mcuh dependency on my partner and that creates problems which has led us to be toxic before. and also my ocd has gotten rlly bad bcs i constantly question if ive lost feelings or not and i always feel so disconnected. this week its about the fact that idk if i want to text him updates abt my life or even text him i love u goodnight or anything which i want to have the desire to do but idk if i do. and then i do it anyway but i worry now that thats just a compulsion and nowit has me overthinking the desire between every single one of my texts and i noticed it made me text him less this week. and we have heen hanging out a little bit less and i was okay with it but now i'm worried why am i okay with that? why don't i feel like i miss him? why don't i want to say i love you and goodnight?? its all a mess i am begging for advice please!!!

Not good. My mom and I used to have like a mental link but now she can’t really figure out what’s on my mind after my blow up. I had a choice, to regulate and do my best to figure things out it may have been difficult but it was technically the easier way since nothing bad would happen to anybody. But I chose to just let it all loose and tell my entire family everything on my mind. All thoughts anything really. Not true thoughts thou not really me I think I just let anything that disturbed me come into the light which was most likely not even true not me just a thought or stuff I already knew the answer to and so my thoughts were also untrue. I put myself in a space where I could just be comforted to let loose and I did. I didn’t take it or life seriously and now I am living the consequences with really tattered relationship with my sister and odd dynamics of mom and dad. Why did I do that? Because I kept on feeding the beast of my negative thoughts I didn’t pull through I didn’t take it seriously even though I was scared. I think my mom can’t read my mind because all I am really thinking about is how I could have done things differently in the past and how even after I kept on making mistakes and now my sister is pulling even more away not just boundaries but pulling away. I don’t feel real but that’s not fair to others in theory I get it but I just feel dead on the inside like my beautiful soul died and won’t come back. I don’t know what I want from this post. What I really want is someone to tell me I can go to the past and change all this. This is literally the worst most horrific thing I have ever experienced or done. Pls someone idk anybody help. Idk if I want reassurance or not because I’ve heard so many people say it I just want something that speaks to me hopefully something that sparks something in me to keep on living and doing my best to mend all of this. Pick up the pieces I broke and not feel so broken 😞which I am not but something like shattered

recently, i have noticed a significant spike in my perfectionism OCD. what are the best ways you know to cope with knowing everything is imperfect? i know this is a fact, but my OCD will not leave me alone until i feel like i’ve “perfected” everything as much as possible (which obv leads to more compulsions) :(

I am 14.i used to only find older people attractive but now i cant.i only find kids goodlooking.is this part of pocd?