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working to conquer OCD
I noticed a spot on my lip that looks to be a mole and I never noticed it before. Anytime I notice a change in my body or skin I just get scared I have something really deadly and I don't survive it
Before I even knew I had ocd around last year I used to smoke a lot of weed like dabs joints carts everyday like a lot of weed and I used to be completely fine until I did shrooms I took 5 pieces of a shroom bar and had a really bad trip where I thought I died and after that I started to get a lot more of ocd symptoms more than ever before I never even knew I had it before this (but I still had all of the symptoms just not as intense but ever since that trip id experienced really bad ocd the past year) it started when I smoked after my trip and thought I was having a heart attack because my chest and left arm hurt and I googled everything nonstop and had to check my pulse every couple of minutes and having a panic attack because of it and then after that I was like I’m going crazy it has to be psychosis and I just started googling and just convincing myself I had all types of different sicknesses this feeling stayed when I was sober but was intensified whenever I smoked especially the existential ocd when I was high I felt like my thoughts were spiraling just about everything my existence and time especially time time freaked me out so much just the concept of it and how nothing lasts forever and even when I was sober time just scared me it made me sad that was out of my control and nothing lasts forever and everything I do will be a memory and just so many thoughts about it that I just can’t even explain into words I recently heard people using micro doses of shrooms to help their ocd I was wondering if anyone had an experience like mine?
Votes just happened in the uk, and my boyfriend used vote and lent it to a very bad party, unfortunately that is against human rights, racist and all stuff like that. His intentions weren’t bad at all, he didn’t vote because he SUPPORTS the party, he voted because he was lending a vote/tactically voting and KNEW that the party he chose wouldn’t win and didn’t want them to. At no point as he “supported” the party, he just wanted to take votes away from the main 2 (conservative and labour) and vote for the next one down to show those 2 parties that seats weren’t safe and they need to improve if they won. My friend of 4 years has possibly decided to stop talking to me because of my partners decision. I tried to explain that they misunderstood my bf and he doesn’t support the party he voted, but they weren’t willing to listen and accused my partner of all sorts. It hurts so much. My boyfriend KNOWS the party he voted is bad and very much dislikes them, and after talking to him he realised he made a bad choice and there was a better, less problematic option that he wishes he had voted. He explained why he voted to some other people, who were open minded and willing to listen to his explanation. It just really hurts how my friend was closed minded and wasn’t willing to listen to how they misunderstood my boyfriend. My ocd is going crazy about if he’s a bad person, wether I made the right decision, when actually his values are similar to mine and my friends, but because as soon as my friend heard the name of the party my bf voted, they were rude and not willing to listen to anything. My friend mistakenly believed my partner voted for the party because those are his values when they aren’t and think he supports the party. He just wanted to take away a vote from the main 2 parties at the top. Am I right for stopping talking to the friend? I’m an open minded person who is willing to understand why people make certain decisions. My boyfriend has stated he regrets voting the party he did and he has realised how bad they really are. He dislikes people who vote the party and WANT them to win, he thinks they are bad people. In so upset about this and I’m feeling like a terrible person, my friend made me feel like I’m a bad person when it wasn’t even my view/vote and I can’t stop feeling guilty. Is my partner bad???
i don’t think i have ocd, i have no idea what my compulsions are or if i even do any. the stuff that used to help me doesn’t work anymore, the more i searched the more it was convincing me that i was. each time i’d talk to my mum about it all when she’d reassure me i’d just automatically feel like everything i was saying was a lie and that i left parts out so she didn’t think differently of me. this is all so much, someone told me that noticing what your compulsions are helps a lot but i don’t know what mine are or if i even have them. if i don’t have it that will mean all these thoughts are probably really who i am and all the stuff ive been convinced ive done in the past is true. when i first started taking medication it was really bad, i felt like i needed to die. i’d research about p’s or their behaviours or go on quora and stuff to see the answer to my questions, at first it reassured me that i was nothing like those people but the stuff people would say abt their experiences would go through my head over and over again. my mind was constantly repeating comments i had read. i stopped reading because it didn’t help me but now the damage has been done and i know all of this stuff about people that i don’t want to know. it would help me knowing p’s didn’t get a groinal response from a name or a simple word which reassured me but now i don’t get that anymore and im searching for that because it was the thing i relied on the most. it’s made me feel disgusting for even looking for that feeling. when i first used reddit and this app every time o saw something i related to i would screenshot it and read over it to remind myself that other people are going through the exact same things as me but now i just feel like because ive read so much about it, i’ve convinced myself i do have ocd to cover up that im a bad person. i don’t feel worthy enough to receive help or even be happy because im probably just convincing myself i do have it.
i rlly need some people to relate to and feel normal bcs i cant tell if this is my ocd or if ive just lost feelings for my bf. which i do not want at all. at first i realized i cant tell if texting him updates of my day and telling him about my life was becoming a compulsion bcs i felt myself losing the urge to do it which already made me feel guilty and bad. so i started texting less and then i basically gave into my ocd i think bcs now i text him less and we havent hung out in a while and i don't feel the feeling that i miss him even tho i want to and i don't feel anything lovey dovey over text like how i used to. i genuinely feel numb like nothing and completely disconnected and disassociated. and i hate this feeling idk if it means ive completely lost feelings bcs just last week i was doing great with him and we have been together for a while now. idk how this happens but it feels awful and im struggling to tell if its my ocd or not or if its even normal to feel this numb bcs even i cycle through disconnection a lot but i don't think it's ever gotten this bad. is it because i gave into my ocd or is it not my ocd at all? can someone give advice/relate
While I was only recently diagnosed with OCD, stress, anxiety and depression (about a month now), I had started ERP here but found that I needed something more intensive and asked to be discharged. One of the main reason why is that I’m not in a headspace where I can properly devote focus to it as my intrusive thoughts never stop being so distracting that trying to get rid of them takes up the vast majority of my focus. The other is that going through the process of attempting to rank my OCD triggers I experience on a daily basis (which is everything I experience on a daily basis) has opened wounds from both old and recent parts of my life that I did not know I had. My ERP therapist at the time before I was discharged had given me some outside referrals prior and even though they are in person, it’s still only two meetings per week for an hour at a time which simply is not enough. I couldn’t get a meeting with a psychiatrist regarding medications or more intensive therapy until the 15th, but my primary physician has given me antidepressants for the in between. I wanted to ask if anyone had ever been referred any organization and/or facility that does do daily OCD therapy for extensive periods of time? I’m tired of living in a constant state of stress every minute of ever day (it hasn’t stopped ever for many years) and I need to focus all my attention on dealing with this because of how much it’s consumed every facet of my life at this point. I know ERP is part of that process but I need different kinds of therapy before I can really get to work on that.
It's really hard for me to accept myself sometimes. Especially with thoughts and feelings I don't want to have. I think there's a part of us that feels we need to keep shaming and guilting ourselves because of our brains are all out of sorts. That the shame and guilt and self punishment will protect us from doing, enjoying and being what we don't want to be. But shame and guilt, though it may feel justified, is what keeps us stuck. It condemns and that's about it. It doesn't solve anything, focus on healing, or do anything useful. All it is is a barrier between us and our fears where we end up being hurt so we feel it's okay. When really it serves no purpose, and gives us no chance to improve. The definition of punishment means associating a behavior with a negative stimulus so the behavior will not be repeated next time. But if there is no next time we can't define that as punishment. It's torture: pain and punishment with no end we are afflicting on ourselves. And we somehow think said torture is the only way to keep ourselves safe and the world safe from us. Sometimes we think we need someone outside of us to tell us we don't deserve that. That we need someone to say, "you're free to go, I forgive you, you're more than what you're going through." But really the only person who needs to give you that permission is yourself. Far easier said than done, and maybe you're not at that point and that's okay. If you need someone to tell you that you can relax, you can see yourself through a lens of compassion, you can forgive yourself, let me be the one to tell you: You are allowed to be compassionate towards yourself You are allowed to forgive yourself You are allowed to enjoy things You are allowed to be happy You are allowed to be free You are allowed to let yourself feel loved You are allowed to stop punishing yourself You are allowed to rest This shift in attitude towards yourself isn't going to happen overnight. And I don't know what you've done, thought, felt, went through, but shame and guilt ends a story in the middle of the book before you can see if it gets better. It's black tar that holds the pages of your life shut and is like death inside your heart. Breathing and existing but not living. A book that isn't burned, just unreadable. I know it's a lot to ask of you, but please, open that book back up. It's not over yet. If you have to do it slow that's okay. But don't let the shame get you stuck. Feel bad, feel guilt, then move on. Just one page at a time. You can do hard things ❤️
I've been in the middle of a bad OCD flare up recently. It makes me super tired with the compulsions and anxiety and everything. I have times where I literally feel like i can't get out of bed. This morning I went back to sleep, because I just needed the thoughts to stop for awhile, I was just tired. I also have an eating disorder, and sadly appetite and energy to eat is one of the first things to go when I'm down. I guess this is more of a depression question, than an OCD question. But does anyone else expoernce this? And if so, how do you handle it? I'm feeling a bit frightened if I'm being honest.
The fear: I’m not good enough The obsession: my pastors righteousness The compulsion: trying to prove his unrighteousness The story: my wife and I got kicked off the worship team because we were arguing a lot, it’s a lot better now but it’s still not where I’d like it… the pastor who kicked us off is guilty of adultery and in my state that’s even a felony. I’m feeling not good enough because I’m not righteous enough to serve but I haven’t committed adultery… there’s a major conflict here. To make matters worse, my wife picked sides with the pastor, even after I begged him to at least let her serve on the worship team as I self deprecated to prove that she is blameless and that I should be the only one to suffer this punishment. This all happened in January, now it’s July and I’m having a hard time still… Help! I just want these thoughts to go away and leave me alone… I can’t prove his unrighteousness, everyone knows about it and they like him more than me because I’m some sort of OCD freak to them, or maybe that’s just the OCD talking… help!
Since i had food poisoning, i developed fear, every little feeling of sickness in my stomach, i feel really anxious about my health. Now it became automatic, i just start to feel depressed, im so afraid of having something, become sick, even afraid of being alone and being sick. But one thing makes me really obsessing. I dont want to get checked. I know what you might think, this is avoidance, i should get checked as an exposure. When i told this to my therapist she quickly jumped to "im afraid, im avoiding so i should go, im avoiding cause they might find something" i mean yeah, who is not but thats not the main reason... am i the only one who dont want to get checked for every little reason? I dont want to go to the doctor everytime. If i would have to go everytime i feel something that isnt feel right i would be there every month... I dont like when people say you should go get checked, always make sure its not another problem. With this mentality i would go to the doctor evers 3 weeks... I know they cant say to not get checked, as they cant say to not take meds for mental health issues, this is a personal choice, but still it makes me obsess that i should get checked but i dont want, but if i ask someone else they say too that i should go cause its good and this just makes me feel worse. I have negative experiences with check ups. After covid i developed a very bad cough, it was a tic, it really made me suffer and i was afraid that i have problems with my lungs. I went to a doctor and they said i have a chronic lung illness, i cant do anything about it, it will get worse. I was depressed for the whole week. I couldnt process it. Then someone i know told me to go to the lung clinic and get checked there cause something isnt right about that first diagnosis, i went there and guess what. They found nothing. My lungs were healthy. This was a traumatic experience and i was really angry of the doctors. Second reason, my aunt works at the hospital, and when we had food poisoning she told us to not go to the hospital, only go if our eyes starts to get yellow, so only go if it gets worse cause we will get more illness if we go there.. so even someone who works there doesnt trusts the place... so because of these i developed this mindset that i only go if its a real problem. I dont think im avoiding doctors cause 2 months ago i had a back injury bc of work, and i knew this is something serious, its not ocd, and it wasnt a question that i need to go get checked, actually i wanted to go to know what is it. But there are symptoms that are really really scary for me but i think its bc of stress, and yeah im afraid that they might find something and i cant deal with it, but the main reason is that i dont want to go doctor to doctor to get checked and everyone says different things or noone says anything, and im just there suffering and being afraid. Oh and i forgot to tell you, in the lung clinic they didnt told me why do i have the nagging cough, they jjst prescribed me something. After years i still sufferend with it time to time, and this year i was so done with it, i wanted to find answers, and thank God i found it. A woman on youtube made a video about this,and she said that she went to doctor to doctor and non of them told her whats the problem, but eventually he learned from somewhere that the coughs are there cause of the coughing cycle, the way you stop it is to force yourself to not cough. I tried it, its very hard but it worked. So these things just streghten my view that only go to the doctor if you know its a serious problem. But now im still obsessed about my health and i feel fear that i dont go to get checked and it will be a bad decision
It’s been days but my brain still chooses not to function and it drives me crazy it’s been AGES AND erp is still not working is this thing even remotely a challenge for ocd?
These past weeks I’ve made phenomenal steps toward fighting back my OCD , I’ve either stopped having thoughts or minimized them and I’ve been able to focus on other things. However, last night I randomly started obsessing over one of my triggers and then I had this terrible disgusting dream about another one of my triggers. I used to tell myself “well as long as I don’t have dreams about it then it’s fine” well I just had a dream and now I feel sick to my stomach to the point of nausea. I made all this progress with my OCD and now it’s back again, I just want to cry, well I already am, but this is too much. This is like a sick joke
I have been feeling off lately ever since I got a new temporary jib through the agency. I was cleaning and had a housekeeping job, I took the job because I was desperate. Anyways, An ugly lady I don't like bumped into me with my arms / - shoulders and my mind can't get rid of this intrusive thoughts I'm so annoyed with myself. The only thing that will help me is get a massage. I've been depressed since I my thoughts are reminding me of this and I unfortunately do not have a lot of money to get a massage right now. Since I can't solve my problem at the moment I have felt/fallen into a deep depression and I have no more energy because of it and my thoughts. As well as financial anxiety. Uggg! FUCK! I hate having ocd. It's driving me nuts! Also, that since my thoughts are also thinking that the germs are getting everywhere. My mind is going nuts and my ocd has been acting up a lot. I'm also tired of life. I also have been having a bit of a negative mindset thanks to my fogged up mind and depression thanks to all of this. I really hate people with moles. Sorry it just grosses me out and fucks up my mindset when somebody I don't like bumps into me. Help! I need advice!
Where I live this girl was just shot and killed at a mall yesterday she was innocent but there was a fight between some other people and someone pulled out a gun and she got hit I didn’t know her at all but she’s around my age and I had seen tiktoks about it and I went to her page and just seeing her instagram and tiktok posts just days before her death really got to me her and her family had no idea what was gonna happen to her just a few days later and it’s just so scary to me because it just makes me feel so out of control or everything and something bad like that can happen to me or someone else no warning last Sunday my uncle died of a heart attack it was pretty random and he’s 51 no one saw it coming and just all of this together makes me really scared for my own life and it just scares me that my time could be coming and id have no idea it’s really scary to me because my biggest fear is death I don’t know how to make these feelings stop but i just feel really anxious if anyone has felt this way I would really really love to hear some advice or just anything I hate feeling this way
Hey ! Does anyone think that intrusive thoughts are sinful? Does god punish us for our bad thoughts ?
Hi everyone (major TW) I just started therapy here at NOCD yesterday and I am still kind of…badly spiraling and I’m hoping that maybe some of you can make me feel better. I started having harm intrusive thoughts about my dog 8 years ago, and they went away mostly as she got older…until I got badly triggered by a tv show a few weeks ago and here we are. Since then, I’ve had horrible thoughts/visions of knives cutting into her (always her head and neck and always super graphic), words popping into my head (usually on the ends of sentences) about slashing, cutting and worse, and this constant physical feeling of being afraid that I’m going to harm her. Not that I want to, but I’m afraid it will happen, because I constantly feel it even though I don’t want to. I’m constantly aware of the feeling and thoughts being there 24/7 and am battling them all the time - checking the thoughts to see if they bother me enough, scared when or if I just feel numb, and am basically living on the edge of feeling like I’m going to do something horrible to her I don’t want to do. If I think about the words I get shivers down my spine and feel an intense feeling like adrenaline/fear and just want to get away from her asap. I’ve gotten the thoughts about my parents too, and feel the same way, but it’s a little easier to separate myself from them as my dog doesn’t understand. Has anyone else had this? I know I shouldn’t be looking for reassurance but I really need to know if this is actually OCD, or I should lock myself away and give this poor dog to someone else. She was my entire world until 3 weeks ago and now I’m just terrified 24/7 that I’m going to hurt her because it’s all I can think about. Please help me.
Recently I have been getting very terrible thoughts and groinal responses that feel like arousal. This is worse usually if I am tired or am just waking up. I could barely sleep. When these pocd things happen especially when im half asleep it feels as if my brain is letting the thoughts come and it feels like my body likes it (with the groinal response) I end up hitting myself in the head to make it go away. This is one of my compulsions. I hate ocd. Sometimes I just want to say im a p and a bad person to just get it over with. I feel like I’m hiding behind an ocd mask. I hate this. I want to cry but I can’t.
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