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the NOCD Community

Hi! Does anyone think my ocd could’ve spiked through perfectionism in sports? I play sports at a high level and I’m insanely hard on myself. Is this a thing?

Hello everyone, I'm new here 💗 I have been really struggling these past few weeks with a memory of harming someone. This is all I'm thinking about and its making me feel physically sick with worry. I think I have instant false memories? Where I have an intrusive thought and immediately think it's happened. If I dont check my surroundings and immediately engage with compulsions (checking no one was harmed) then I know I'll be haunted with a false memory a few hours or even minutes later. Is anyone else familiar with this? It's destroying me.

Been struggling with my OCD, ruminating and compulsive behavior. I was watching a video from a podcast called “Cumtown”. One of the hosts, Nick Mullen, was talking about his childhood, being what one would call “troubled kid”. Purposely taking magnets, putting them on the computer screen to damage them and then blaming the mentally disabled kid in the classroom. Awful, right? Well then he talked about a time that he saw two kids playing “titanic” which involved them going to a tent and being unseen by other kids. One kid happened to peek into the tent and turned with a look of horror. Then immediately went to a teacher and told him, then the teacher walked progressively quick to the tent and separated the boy from the girl. Nick, jumping to conclusions and laughing, assumed that “the boy must have been molesting the girl if he had to be separated like from the teacher.” Then afterwards one the hosts asked Nick Mullen, if “he’d ever molested?” To which he responded “… I mean don’t think so, just a kid older than me sucked my dick once…” then laughing uncomfortable. This video really triggered my OCD so hard with images of every situation that Nick Mullen talked about. Of course, how would have I known that Nick would have been so dark about certain situations, however the fact that my brain could picture the things going on with his story really took my OCD to 8/10 in stress. It’s very difficult to cope at the moment and I am doing my exercises to diminish the stress, disgust and anxiety of this situation. I am just having a bad week with OCD and I am not coping well with it, plus I am 10 months sober, so I am dealing with sobriety as well. I am just overwhelmed with anxiety and stress. I don’t know what to do.

Anyone feel there clothes are contaminated due to things from the past? Like “I hung out with this person in this shirt….that person is someone I don’t want in my life….i need to get rid of the clothing because it’s contaminated with the individual”….????

I had a job opportunity come up and the owners of the place are a lesbian couple and that is making me freak and feel concerned about moving forward with this job. my ocd is telling me all sorts of things like that i want to work there BECAUSE of that or that i find the more masculine one attractive. i’m truly spiraling. i don’t know what to do my ocd just keeps telling me it’s true and it worries me that i don’t have ocd and i then worry because i love my boyfriend and it’s just so much.

I fucked up in the past, the individual I did wrong has forgiven me and wants to move on from this “mistake(s)” but I simply cannot. I hate myself and can’t fathom why I would even do or say such things and now all I do is feel shame and guilt. I can’t be in the now and I can’t seem to move on. Please anymore help…..

I’ve been going on dates with this guy. He is so so sweet, respectful beyond belief and what I want in a guy to date. My anxiety/ OCD keeps getting to me because I see him active on Facebook and Instagram and he hasn’t responded to my message for over an hour yet it active on socials. I don’t want to sound obsessive or crazy but I get worried he isn’t as interested. I try to tell myself he could just need to a break from talking to people, he may be bored and forgot I messaged him, etc. but my OCD keeps telling me he isn’t interested, is annoyed with me, etc. I’ve been cheated on before and had more than one time where this exact thing happened and the guy was not interested and kept ignoring my messages and it’s freaking me out. When he does message me back regularly he always sounds very interested in me still and says he wants to go on more dates still but my OCD won’t shut up. Any advice?? I hate that my OCD does this and I refuse to keep messaging over and over first. I don’t wanna look or seem desperate…. Help.

found messages of me and my ex bsf (she’s 2 years below me in grade, two and a half years younger) from 4 years ago of us saying sexual flirtatious things to each other and also sexual jokes. at the time we were two years apart. when i found this i thought i should just take myself out. i feel as though i am a p, i am my biggest fear now. i feel as though i cannot live with myself. im trying to tell myself i was young and we were both young but im scared i groomed her or something. also i just got so disgusted and in fear that this may get out (i told my friend about this and he said im not weird and to stop worrying about it) but im scared i will be called a p and have the label stamped on me. i do not want to be one. i don’t want to even be here anymore.

So for some time my relationship with my partner has been what would be qualified as a “Dead Bedroom” or a “Sexless Marriage”. I am working through a lot of shame and scrupulously from growing up in purity culture and my marriage has been harmed on multiple occasions by my compulsively viewing pornography and attempting to hide it from my spouse. Whenever I feel attraction or sexual desire for my spouse, it feels the same way as other intrusive thoughts (triggers anxiety, triggering BFRBs, thoughts of self harm). The main issue is that, I know that because of damaged trust in the relationship and my spouse’s own mental and physical health issues that these desires and thoughts are not reciprocated. I don’t want to put pressure on the relationship by communicating these wants and feelings, but I feel like trying to squash these thoughts at any cost seems counterproductive to OCD treatment. Anyone else have any thoughts or advice?

I think my life would be a lot easier. This is me confessing in my full selfishness. I don’t care that they’re kind, fun people. I don’t care that they like me or find me beautiful. They don’t need to have my bf as a friend. This is my honest, dark, evil truth. ☹️

Every few months (3-4) I have a flare up of my sexual orientation OCD, but during the periods in between those flare ups I still get the thoughts every day I just don’t have horrible anxiety and I’m able to brush them off better. Is this still OCD? When it first happened it was 24/7 for around three or four months, then got a bit better, but still was there in the background. This has been the case for the last ten years— it has never fully gone away, it’s just been in the back of my head. I’ve never forgotten that I’m afraid of being a lesbian, but there are periods where I’m so anxious I consider suicide. I’m too afraid to do therapy because I think I will come out of it as a lesbian. Please, someone engage.

Hello everyone, I am fairly new to learning about OCD and an acquaintance of mine commented yesterday that they had been tested for OCD and scored quite high. However, later someone (doctor or professional, not sure) told her it was not OCD because she was able to work and travel and she is now under the impression that true OCD is debilitating and “utterly consuming”. She was then diagnosed with autism. I am wondering how valid this statement about OCD is. It doesn’t feel right to me but..not completely sure. Thank you.

Hi all, Question/comment on my journey. I've been dealing with so ocd for a few years and have ridden it's waves but recently identified a new trigger where reading stories of people realizing they're gay after years of a happy relationship sparks a ton of fear in me. I did some ERP by intentionally reading these stories and trying to write down that it's ok and my partner is supportive and if I'm happy now I can be ok with that despite uncertainty. My question is while I'm reading these stories I got to the point of dizziness, nausea and was shaking. Should I keep reading stories and let the anxiety build in moments like this or am I ok at that peak discomfort to write down my what ifs and do deep breathing? I just want to make sure I'm doing ERP correct. Thanks!

[TW: Sexual trauma, fetishes and kinks, POCD, guilt and mentions of suicidal thoughts] I've been hit hard with a variation of my OCD theme (POCD woo 🙄). And I've been researching and seeking reassurance like there's no tomorrow. I was doing so good, but then OCD grabbed the reigns and bam! What I'm dealing with is a combination of my OCD, my childhood trauma, and my sexuality and fetishes. And these are fetishes I can't deny I have, but I don't want them! My OCD is royally messing with me as it's not so much, "I'm afraid I'll be attracted to thos thing" but more of "you're attracted to this thing so what do you'd like this messed illegal thing! Or what if you have looked at a messed up illegal thing and are going to jail! And no one will love you! And your life is over!" Etc. It hurts so bad, I wish my trauma didn't give me the fetishes and kinks I like. But I understand it's a normal way the brain helps you deal with stuff. It's been so hard and so scary. I hate that I am a sexual being at all. For crying out loud I've never even had a first kiss let alone literally anything more than that! I feel dirty, guilty and ashamed. I am seeing a trauma and sex therapist to help me process this stuff. But of course OCD being the attention hog is like "Lemme squeeze in here and just totally ruin your day!" Because god knows it never gets enough attention 🙄 I feel like if I have desires or things I like that are too messed up what's the point of me being alive of most everyone would call me a perverted monster. I don't want anyone to get hurt in real life. I don't want to hurt anyone. If my sexuality is demented and there's nothing I can do about it, how long could I live with myself carrying this awful secret? I need help, not reassurance, but how the hell do I practice radical acceptance with this???

I developed rocd after having a long distance relationship. I've had other themes before but didn't know I had ocd... Just called it anxiety. At first I obsessed over if the relationship was right or if he really loved me or I loved him. We finally moved in together and it switched to is he going to cheat on me and is he looking at other women. The problem is, bedsides having anxiety about it all day, that he does stare at other women ALOT. It makes it so much harder. He says he doesn't stare at women but I see him doing it. I used to enjoy going out and doing things with him but now I just watch him to see if he's looking at other women. I really just want to stop it and enjoy the relationship again. He knows I have ocd and is cool about it. I'm doing erp therapy for it. When I was married before if my ex looked at a pretty woman I would just give him a look and think it was annoying and move on with my day. Now I will obsess about it all day if my current partner does it. Any suggestions?

Well, ocd seems to have been fine but feel like I have another disorder now (already had and just acknowledged). I literally almost had a panic attack and decided to skip work today because of what I feel is body dysmorphia. I don't know what treatments are out there for this and I know I've seen people on here mention it before. What non-reassuring treatments are there? I'm dealing with this ASAP Feel like absolute crap.

im 16 in the UK and i’m not sure how to get a diagnosis. Im struggling a lot but i don’t know what to do.

1) Please. Does anyone have advice on how to best Real Event OCD? I made some grand mistakes in the past, and the feeling of shame and guilt are starting to debiltate me. I constantly get an image, or a word, or a memory of something I do not want to think of in regard to the mistake. All I want to do is enjoy my present time and leave the past in the past but my brain won’t let me… 2) Is this a compulsion? And how do I overcome the following: My brain tells me I need to go over every single detail of something that occurred in the past, with my partner or else I cannot move past this “something from the past”. My thoughts circle around “If you don’t go over everything then you don’t deserve to be in the present”….. Help :( 3) My brain categorizes certain clothing items as contamination with a memory and I feel gross wearing the clothes. What do I do?

I started with the worst OCD you could possibly imagine last August. I woke up one day and randomly started analyzing every last part of my being. It was as if I was awoken to parts of me that I was unaware of. I couldn’t eat, sleep, lost 20 lbs., cried multiple times a day, had intrusive thoughts, and was hanging on by a thread. I confessed the most cringy things to my therapist who I ended up seeing twice a week for 2 hours at a time. The embarrassment, the shame, the way I dissected things that most people would keep to themselves was earth shattering to me. I told her I thought I was a bad person, weird, & saw life in an abnormal way. I also told her how I feel off. For example, I can hear a song and it can totally make me romanticize someone to the extreme where ai can lay out their whole like in my mind, imagining them even listening to the song. Of course, I told her way more in depth, but every single thing I told her she said was normal. Even the things that made me feel like a bad person, full of myself, crazy, or just plain weird. One of the things that really, really rocked my world was something I have done as far back as I can possibly remember and that was becoming so infatuated with people I liked. I will do things like watch their favorite movies just to see exactly what they see on the t.v. screen, or to have the same sort of feelings they have towards a movie. Same thing with a song. I will listen to their favorite song just to hear the same lyrics or the beat they hear. Doing these things makes me feel closer to them. Almost in the same way that people will stand in the same place that their favorite celebrity stood or touch the same light pole that their favorite celebrity touched. I’ll even do this with books. Just to read the exact same words they read or eat the same food they like. I’ll even take the long way home just to drive the same highway the do. There’s times where I’m laying on the couch watching some random tv show and I’ll pull up Google maps just to look around their area to see what their neighborhood looks like. Doing these things makes me feel more connected to them. It kind of brings me in to their world. I have always done these types of things in which my therapist says is harmless, but if I think about the people I have in my life who I’ve done this with, it scares me because I’m afraid they’ll think I’m absolutely nuts, obsessed, and maybe even scare them off. I’m afraid they’d be scared by me. Eventually this all wears off after a while, but I am so curious to know if there’s anyone else out there who does the same thing or thinks in the same way. I have never had a problem with making or keeping friends. I’m 41 and have the same friends I’ve had since elementary school and middle school. I’ve never thought of myself as weird and have never had issues with others thinking I’m weird. It’s just like my own secret little world, but does everyone do this sort of thing or is it just me? Of course with OCD I have worried a tremendous amount of times if I had some kind of mental illness and have been told by two different therapist that I do not. I’m just insanely anxious they say. Please no mean comments. OCD is hard enough. 😊

Hello everyone I'm a bit new here. Before I get started, this post is going to talk a lot about harm OCD along with sharp objects, if this triggers any of you guys, I suggest to read with caution. I am 19 about to turn 20 on July 31st, I currently suffer from Epilepsy, ADHD, PTSD, MDD, and GAD (as far as I know). I suffer intrusive thoughts daily. When I was 16 I used to live in a house with emotionally and mentally ABUSIVE family members. Along with one of one of my family members passing away that same year. I remembered staying up until 3 in the morning on the 6th of June and I had my first intrusive thought of losing control and cutting my Brother's throat with a knife while he was sleeping. (He is 4 year younger than me btw). I remembered getting so scared, I asked my mom to hide the knives from the kitchen and I couldn't sleep for almost 1/2 weeks (insomnia). I remembered my grandmother fighting my mom with it and I heard my uncle and grandma talking to my mom if I continued to hide knives then I should be put in a psychiatric ward for being scared. Then, the rituals began where I blocked the kitchen doorway with a fan and I always believed if someone heard me kick it and such they would immediately wake up to it and stop me from losing control. I also remember every time I went in the kitchen, I shut one or both my eyes to not look at the knives. (They were in a cutting block in the open. There was no doors in my room, and I used to sleep in a bunk bed.) I remember being told how I was going to take care of my baby sister later on because I fear knives and still do to this day along with scissors because of the blades. I don't remember anything in my childhood where I had traumatic experiences with knives. I remember growing up to scary movies though since I was 2. I'm still very scared of touching knives or looking at them, and it's worsened to scissors or anything that's as long or longer than a knife. I still get panic attacks even though I moved out with my mom, step dad, little brother, and almost 4 month old sister and in a better environment. One time when scrolling, I accidentally saw something on YouTube about survival and it showed the exact same thing I feared of, and now it won't leave me head.. I'm very distressed about it and am trying to forget about it but I feel like nothing is working and it's draining. I have not been Diagnosed with OCD yet, but plan to talk to my psychiatrist about it.. for a very long time I thought I was a monster or a very violent pr horrible person eith these intrusive thoughts.. I will share more in the future, but it's something I wanted to get off my chest for a long time and ask if it i a a possibility if I do have OCD. Because I do mumble to myself "I'm not hurting myself, I'm not hurting her/him/them" over and over when with sharp objects or near them/in sight.. It's very exhausting both mentally and physically.