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working to conquer OCD
I’m struggling with a flare up and would love to help support someone else too. I know the right things to say and do, but sometimes it is too difficult to keep perspective . ❤️
Hey, I know this is kind of farfetched, but sometimes when it feels like its soo true and im just in denial, even if I just try to “sit with it” if feels like my whole future with my bf is a lie and that when we’re gonna have to face challenges with our kids or if life throws us problems if feels like I would feel hopeless and sad and will leave him in a second but if I imagined it with a women if feels fine? Like I feel strong and that we can beat anything? And this triggers me sooooooo much because it just adds to the denial part. Also I’m re-watching ghost whisperer and its all about tellinng you secrets and being true to yourself before you die and it feels like I’ll just say “yes immgay” and feel at peace. Idk whats going on… everytime I feel a little better its not as strong as what my ocd (or so I think) makes me believe. Like I would be fine not labeling myself and enjoying my life with my bf and then the next day my mind would say “ yeah you feel fine but you would feel a hundred times happier with women” or “he’s just an exception or so you think because you’re trying so hard to make it work and if you tried with any other guy you would hate it and be bored and not attached at all” and it truly feels this way because I could never get attached easily with guys but with women it feels like I would get attached in a second. Ughh just wanted to take that off my mind.
guys! guys! omg ok for once I have a good post. (sort of) SUUUPPPERRRR long post. sorry. perhaps this also includes symptoms of OCD. alright, so basically I have been chatting a bit with a coworker of mine. here’s a breakdown: our relationship is like “bullying” each other. ofc, this isn’t anything serious but just us being silly goofballs cos work gets soooo boring at times when there isn’t much business. he started it first by giving me attitude when we started talking 🙄 (in a playful way lol) anyway, he’s 19 & goes to the same college I go to! so now I’m thinking “omg! I can make a friend!” bc it’s been SO hard for me to make friends. he’s pursuing a career in architecture and that peeked my interest even more. a bit about me: I’m currently lost as to what I want to pursue in my life but for a long time as a kid, I thought of being an architect. I have a couple of uncles on my dad’s side that are architects, although they’re in a different country. soooooo, ofc I became interested bc I can talk abt design and other stuff!!! and ask him a buuuunch of questions. we just don’t have much time to talk at work bc of how busy it gets most of the time (our workplace has high business during lunch hours) and we work morning shifts. I feel like each shift we’re together, I can get slightly closer to having that friendship. now, where does OCD fall into this? I have a fear that I might have a crush on him or something. this isn’t the first time that I felt this way for a coworker. I’m thinking it could be false attraction or just me romanticizing a person that’s not there???? I have been struggling with my usual daydreaming of having a boyfriend. my type is someone who is open-minded, but also has their own beliefs, kind, loyal, musical, older (or same age), etc. basically the bare minimum + music & other fun stuff. the problem? he’s 2 years younger than me & I feel like I’m contradicting myself. I have dated a girl 2 years younger than me (really just 1 year and a couple of months…but bc of our birthdays, it looks like two years) before as my first relationship. but I feel like I have more attraction to older people? there’s a reoccurring thought that says maybe I’m destined to be with someone younger even though I suffer with POCD (not diagnosed, but definitely share symptoms) also, I have been fearing that my friendships with guys are always starting with “potential love interests.” this probably happened with my other friend whom I met online and eventually met up irl. we got drunk and were cuddly that night. nothing past that. when I first met him online, he texted me an update of a conversation we had the night before and our friendship grew when I invited him to play games. in that, my brain started to imagine random love scenarios and I started to “like” him based on his personality, voice, etc. I didn’t even know how he looked like irl. he’s a very nice friend & absolutely cool but I’m worried I have just labeled him down to “friend that I possibly have a crush on” bc I remember geeking to my best friend abt him. these sort of “potential love interests” have started ever since my ex broke up with me. I realize that I have a very strong preference for men. and now I feel like each relationship I try with men, I end up “crushing” or sometimes even “flirting.” I have done some of that to some and I feel remorse about it now. I feel like I did this during the time I was dealing with extreme loneliness and was just seeking attention. I’m still struggling as I haven’t had any irl friends since 16 years old. I don’t know why I’m being like this or that my brain is telling me things I don’t want. I don’t want to keep looking at guys and think they are “potential lovers.” that is just a shitty thing to think. I wanna have friends but this has been ruining it for me for guys. it’s like I’m “searching for the one” and discarding my other guy friends. ofc, I have never done that. I have good friends. I just might’ve romanticized some parts of them and “built” my dream lover in my mind. I don’t know how to fix this. going back to my coworker; I’m scared it will be the same as it has been recently with my guy friends (some of them). I do find him pretty though, I won’t deny it. I have definitely been making eye contact with him, which is a very big thing from me bc I hate eye contact. once I do it, it’s because of trust/interest. only time it’s not that is when I want to let people who are having a convo with me know that I’m listening, although it makes me uncomfortable. I don’t like making eye contact with majority of the people. but with him it seems different? I haven’t known him for long but I feel this sort of trust??? idk. he has pretty eyes. and sometimes I look at him and wish I looked like him. like be a guy. I do that often with other men. I wish I could look as good as them. but I’m a woman. that’s another issue for another day. ANYWAYYY, so I was about to cancel my movie theater subscription bc I forget to cancel since I haven’t been using it. I currently have some credits to watch movies. I thought about asking my coworker if he would like to watch a movie! I want to get rid of these movies and hey, free movie! I’m just nervous bc this will be the first time asking someone to hang out outside of work/school. (except for one old friend last year) another thing I’m scared of becoming friends with is that of moral list I have for myself. what if he doesn’t share the same morals as me? I am a forgiving person and willing to accept change, but scared having to deal with arguments and stuff. this is another thing that stops me from having friends. just by having a high standard of morals. I mean, they’re basic morals but even then, in this world, there are people that do not have them. I feel like I am dipping my feet into the pool. I think I am willing to risk it to see if a friendship grows out of this. I hope so. I’m tired of this loneliness. help!!!
Just sharing this a bit as I got to terms with the end of my high school career. I feel like I've spent a big time after starting medication on rumination and just feeling overall terrible. I didn't recieve any treatment until it got unbearable for myself, my family, my friends, and my school work. I was constantly having breakdowns and trying to get someone around me to understand. I can recall instances of these breakdowns where I would just get called crazy and irrational, which does not help at all. I was always terrified of getting close to people. I start having bad intrusive thoughts but I know that I would never want to hurt anyone. I can't stop thinking if people would've just taken me seriously in the beginning I could've done so much better. I had many failing grades as a lot of days my mind gets so occupied by every little thing ever I can't even just focus on working. This made my post-grad plans complicated. I want to apologize to the pain I've caused to my family and anyone involved in my life. I'm scared if they touched me I'll contaminate them with something. I was also constantly in ans out of hospital from stress relatwd illnesses as well as "illnesses" my brain convinced me I had. I feel like an instrument of destruction. When I was really young I was fully convinced I was the anti-christ and the only way to change that is if I ended my life. I went off on a tangent, but overall I'm glad at last I could get some chemical relief. While it still effects me everyday, I try to push myself out of my boundaries while making sure I have people around me to reassure me even if the reassurance is "if you do get a heart attack we'll call an ambulance". The best advice that has worked for me as a hypochondriac ia when i feel like mind spiraling to crazy ends like illnesses and possible deaths, I think abt even if you were getting close to it, theres always a way to srop it through diagnoses and help from professionals. It calms me a little to know that even if my obsessions are "right"(they never are), There is always a solution to it. Hope as time goes on I can come to terms with the way my brain is wired, and function like the ones around me do. I had a therapist told me I was incredible for staying in school despite all that I've told her. I felt a relief at that moment since for the longest time I thought I wasn't doing Thanks for making it to the very end sorry for the incredible long vent!
Does anybody else with religion OCD ever feel like no matter how many times you tell yourself that God is watching over you your body just won’t let you feel safe? And does anyone with religion OCD ever feel like because it has to do with religion, it is so much bigger? I’m currently sitting in my bedroom in paralysis because I don’t know what to do with myself in my mind. Can anyone with religion OCD weigh in?
I recently got diagnosed with Austism and this very loaded paragraph was on the report: "Other differential or other possible alternative diagnoses for your consideration are complex personality structures resultant from effortful attempts to cope with unmet emotional and attachment needs. These included: - rigidity associated with ***obsessive-compulsive disorder*** or personality and overcompensations associated with narcissistic personality' (emphasis mine)" It was surprising to me as I don't have any of the stereotypical OCD behaviours like excessive cleaning. There was nothing else mentioned in the report and I only had one hour to go through it in person with the assessor, and OCD didn't come up. Wondering if there is anyone else here with ASD and what if anything is the the relationship between ASD and OCD? Part of me thinks there is something worth exploring here (because nothing else is really helping me) and another part of me thinks this is just some vague conjecture the assessor put in (and it's not clear what the point of putting it in there was, like sure I *might* have OCD and NPD like I *might* be *pick random DSM diagnosis from the manual*) Is there something to explore here? The only thing I have that seems to be similar or related to OCD is I often have a voice in my saying negative thoughts ("you are the most pathetic person in the world" type thoughts, and those can often spiral out of control and lead to a meltdown/rage. Sometimes it feels like the entire universe is mocking me, and sometimes when an inconvenient coincidence happens it's like the universe is playing a joke on me, just to provoke meltdown so it/they can laugh at me having a meltdown for their own personal entertainment) Sorry for the huge post, I have great difficulty with brevity (I'd be super surprised if anyone has actually read up to here!!!)
Hi friends. I like to think that most days I am in the drivers seat of my ocd, I’ve came a long way with ERP and medication. However, today has been a rough day. My ocd and anxiety both seem to be kicking back in lately. I’ve been dealing with a waxing and waning symptom flare for about a year now. I have never switched my medication. I’ve only went up in dosage, I am now on the maximum dose of my SSRI. (200mg Zoloft) and I’ll say that for the past year it has not packed the punch as it used to. It worked really well for the first 4 years. I did have to titrate up in dosage over that time. I am still functioning, in school, sleeping and working so that says a lot. However, it’s still hard and getting in the way of living life at my fullest potential. (So much time spent thinking about things that don’t even pertain to my life) I have been better than this. OCD and anxiety used to be maybe a once a month occurrence for me. Now it is half the month. Does anyone have any experience with their medication pooping out on them and not working as well? Or having to change from one medication to another? All your advice would be helpful. Thank you!
Hi. I’m 4 sessions into ERP after doing years and years of traditional talk therapy. I’m having trouble coming up with exposures for therapy because I feel like all my triggers and compulsions revolve around my thoughts. I don’t do physical compulsions per se. If you experience more of pure ocd, how do you work through things during therapy? I literally feel locked in my brain and get just a few minutes of relief in between my spirals. I’m currently on meds as well and wondering if I need an adjustment. Thanks ❤️
I feel like my mind is a storm. So many thoughts. I can't focus lately, becoming very forgetful (I also read about how there is such a thing as early onset dementia or alzheimer's and that is worrying me) I also worry what if I have ADD or ADHD along with OCD. I have so many things to do for my university studies and I'm so stressed. My room is a mess and I have many health worries and intrusive thoughts. I feel like I'm going to have an anxiety/panic attack. I'm scared of losing my mind or that I will lose control. It is 4am and I can't sleep because I feel too on edge and I'm so scared.
Hi everyone. I’m very new to this group. I’ve suffered my whole life with ocd on and off but never as bad as I have over the last few weeks. It has been years since I felt symptoms. I’m 42 and curious to ask some women if perimenopause could be making it all of a sudden worse? It’s just a curiosity. Thanks in advance Marie
About 8 years ago my ocd got really bad and it made me closed off from 3 really important guy friends in my life. Over the years they would stop by my cabin continue to ask me to come to parties and don’t be a stranger. Due to my ocd thinking I would cheat on my boyfriend if I hung out with them I sometimes would never reach out or not respond. Now that I am out of the ocd bubble and I see how I ruined those friendships I want so bad to go back and not do those things. I see how the three of them are still together as best friends and I used to be the 4th. they all still see me and are super nice and we chit chat and will say the “OGs” and for “old time sake” they have asked me to hang out once and go fishing but I was in the city at work and another time they texted me why I wasn’t at bingo. Those eat me up alive and I ask god why they just never aligned. Everytime I am at the lake I wish I could hang out with them again like we did as kids l. It ate me a live that they didn’t know I had ocd and it wasn’t me. I was able to tell one of them and explain which I’m guessing he told the others. They all have girlfriends now and are a group and it kills me that I should have been in that with them but because of my ocd it was all destroyed. I wish so badly to have that back and think about what my life should have looked like. The guilt and regret kills me and makes me physically sick. I’ve said things like let me know if u do this I’ll come etc but idk if it’s too far gone I just don’t know how to deal with them feelings?
Hello everyone, I hope you are doing okay (or not okay - it's okay not to be okay). I wanted to share with you some realizations I've had that help me a lot, especially when I go through periods of increased symptoms/"brain stickiness": Sometimes, when my brain is sticky, I become hyperaware of every thought and decision I make, trying to decide if I'm giving into OCD or following my values. And then I get stuck ruminating about this and ruminating about the fact that I'm ruminating and ruminating on how to not ruminate, which of course makes me ruminate even more. (Do you see the pattern here??) It's at these times when I'm very tempted to turn it all on myself and criticize myself for having increased brain stickiness. I must be doing something wrong, right??! Why else would my brain be sticky right now when I've gotten so much better than I used to be?? My brain shouldn't be sticky anymore - I should feel totally calm all the time. And I'm not at the right point in my cycle (hormonally) to be experiencing this increased stickiness. So therefore it's my fault. Well, that's all BS, and I know it. OCD is a manipulative monster that loves to beat me down when I'm already down on the floor. I've learned through the last few years of ERP that all of OCD boils down to uncertainty - any chance of uncertainty means everything is wrong, time to panic, sound the alarms. So if there is any uncertainty in what I'm doing - what decisions I'm making, how i respond to my thoughts - then oh no, I'm immediately a failure. But the more I learn to embrace uncertainty (through ERP) while still experiencing periods of increased stickiness (for whatever reasons), I realize that this is all just part of the OCD cycle. Sometimes, my brain will be stickier, and that sucks. But it does NOT mean I have to figure out why it's sticky, or find ways to criticize and blame myself for the stickiness. It also means that I don't have to run to find the Goo Gone and make all the stickiness go away. (Can you imagine if there was Goo Gone for brains?? Haha) Instead, I remind myself of these major points I've learned through ERP: -We can't control our thoughts, only our responses to them. - With OCD, everything works backwards. The harder you try to either do or not something (from a place of fear/OCD), the more it backfires and goes in the opposite direction. A great example for me is trying to stop ruminating: the harder I try to stop ruminating, the more I ruminate. Or the more I try to do something that scares me because otherwise I feel like I'm avoiding it, the more I get paralyzed with fear and actually end up not doing it. So what's the best thing to do instead? Not try. (Yes, I know this sounds crazy, but trust me.) The less you try when your brain is sticky/jacked up with OCD, the more you embrace the uncertainties of life, and the more you go with the flow and enjoy the ride of life instead of fighting it. You will actually end up doing the things that scare you - not from a place of fear, but from a place of confidence and ownership over your OCD and anxiety. Now, your OCD symptoms will slowly decrease as you learn to tolerate discomfort, anxiety, and uncertainty. Not everything is knowable. Nothing is certain. -Try to have compassion for yourself (but not as a compulsion) and remember all of the amazing progress you've made and are continually making every single day!!!! -You can't think your way out of OCD, especially intrusive thoughts. Rumination doesn't solve a "problem"; it just leaves you with more "problems" that you feel like you have to solve. -OCD and your brain (amygdala) do NOT define you!!! -This too shall pass. -The only way out is through. YOU GOT THIS!!!!!!! I hope this helps anyone who is struggling. Just remember, I am an OCD Conqueror but I still go through periods of increased brain stickiness. And I still have to practice ERP and remember these points - but that doesn't make me weak or a failure!!! Take that, OCD!!!!
How do u guys deal with repetition urges
Hey y’all, feel free to have conversations about this. But literally y OCD has been switching all around from false memory OCD to Relationship OCD back to false memory about a different topic. And then it’s like, none of the things I stressed about even happened whether it be false memory or relationship OCD. Just so crazy to me.
For the last three months I have been battling with obsessive thoughts about my water heater. For context, the water heater is at the end of the hallway right next to my daughter’s bedroom. I always have these repeating intrusive thoughts of my daughter being stuck in her room and the fire getting to her. The intrusive thoughts kick in at night before bed because I worry that if the water heater were to catch on fire, I wouldn’t hear the fire alarm and/or get to her fast enough. It’s a terrifying thought that makes it hard to sleep at night. Our water heater has been making popping sounds because of sediment, which has made me more nervous and uneasy. When we drained it last week we couldn’t get too much out but the popping has gotten a little better. I’m so tired of feeling this way every night. Any advice?
TW: SA mention hi so my current relationship is the longest and by far the healthiest i have ever been in. to the point where i’m extremely confident that i am going to marry him. we are best friends. however one of my more recent triggers is imagining my bf as my ex from about 4 years ago. this ex was my first bf and was absolutely horrible to me. he was manipulative and assaulted me multiple times throughout our like 7 ish month relationship. so i’ll be doing something with my bf then automatically imagine “what if i did this with ex instead and we were still together”. there is absolutely no world where i would ever leave my current bf for that man but these thoughts are extremely frustrating because they’re trying to convince me i miss my ex when i know i dont. i have very bad trauma from him and even just seeing him makes me extremely scared. i know that i don’t miss him and i do not love him anymore but i feel like these thoughts are taking away from all my good memories with my current bf. if anyone has any tips plz help me out thanks
Well I’m not sure if it’s OCD Related but this is a tough break up. I finally had a great relationship with someone but I ruined it with my overthinking and insecurities. No I can’t stop obsessing about him. He broke up with me because he was just tired of it. Now I’m afraid I won’t find another as good as he was. I feel terrible
My OCD has come back in full force this week and I’m not sure what to do. The last time I had a rough go, I was worried about being perceived as a cheater because I danced with someone at a bar. It ate at me and I didn’t feel like I deserved my partner. I couldn’t stop thinking about it all hours of the day and wanted to be punished. I worked through this and no longer have these thoughts. Fast forward to now. I am having obsessive thoughts about my husband’s best friend. I’m currently on my honeymoon, so the pressure to be focused solely on my husband is really high, making me feel like a horrible person. The thoughts say things like “you’d be happier with (name)” or “(name) would do this instead.” I love my husband immensely, and we have a relationship built on trust, respect and a long history. I don’t know why I am obsessing over this guy like I want him to want me when I have everything. Is it limerence? I just learned this term, so not sure if it’s even what I’m experiencing, but it seems close. I keep crying constantly. I can’t eat because I feel so physically sick. I have heart palpitations and I’m shaky. Has anyone dealt with this kind of ROCD? Any advice would be so appreciated.
I’m having major health ocd right now. I’m on vacation and since the day we left I’ve been having heart palpitations. It’s getting to the point that I’m afraid my heart is gonna stop beating or something. Or that I’m like gonna go into cardiac arrest. I’ve had heart palpitations before but I feel like these are happening more often. I have had major anxiety leading up to this vacation anyways… but now the palpitations have made me absolutely miserable and I just want to go home and go to the ER (I go to the ER often). Anybody else get heart palpitations frequently? And I’m also like hyper aware of my heart beat in general Feels like it’s beating so hard.
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OCD doesn't have to
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