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the NOCD Community

Does anyone feel like when they go to the toilet, when you have to pull your clothes up with dirty hands you are transferring toilet germs onto your clothes?

Can anyone talk about what Zoloft does for the brain in the treatment of OCD?

It’s all becoming too much. Im scared that maybe I am just insane and crazy and I don’t deserve to be loved or to live because of my past actions that are disgustingly repulsive. What if im just using OCD as an excuse? I cant stop thinking about it and its making me depressed because im scared that I am just a terrible human being.

I have no idea if this is just OCD and I’m actually just straight or i was in denial my whole life. Now it feels so scary, i feel like im realizing my true self, that ive always been gay, that im just using SO-OCD as a cover up. IT FEELS SO REAL. I even feel like others with SO-OCD dont experience this feeling and i must experience something different. Its literally a feeling like an urge to admit myself that I’m gay and it even feels like i know im gay and i was using OCD as a cover up for 6 years. I cant even describe that feeling. When i try to imagine myself with a girl in my mind it makes me feel like i like that thought like i want it😔 It feels all very very real. I think you guys with SOOCD have different feelings and you actually have OCD. I dont want these thoughts. I dont want to be gay, i dont want to feel this. But maybe i was my whole life in denial. 😭😭

I feel so burnt out. I’m not enjoying life anymore. I’m either extremely bored, sad, pr anxious at work, I come home and don’t even want to cook, watch Netflix but don’t even want to watch anything, and just want to crawl in bed, cry, and go to bed. I don’t want to do anything and work, chores, cooking, etc. are extremely hard for me to do. I compare myself to my roomate who works from home, is accomplished in her job, cooks a lot, enjoys tv, and way more extroverted and mature than I am. Sometimes it gets annoying and it’s the last thing I need. She sometimes “mothers” me and makes sure I know what I’m doing in the kitchen. I feel like I can’t talk to an erp therapist about things like this because I think it’s more than just erp therapy that I need. I’m struggling to take care of myself and don’t enjoy things anymore. I’m scared but feel numb about the future. I’m just exhausted, annoyed, and bored all the time. I also feel like I don’t like myself and judge myself constantly. I wish I could be more confident, have a more fun personality, felt motivated to do things, actually enjoy them, and have friends and family who would 100% understand me. I also wish I was more so a leader but I’m not. How can I live a more exciting life? I’m so bored and depressed everyday. I hate it.

i’m visiting NYC for a couple of nights for my girlfriends birthday. i’m really excited but i’m so scared my intrusive thoughts will ruin the whole trip for me. i have trans OCD and i’ve been learning to live with it but when i get into my panic modes, it’s very bad. what will i do if i have a flare up in the middle of the trip? i’m so scared. i wish i could just experience it and be happy. this is ruining me.

I won’t share exactly what my intrusive thoughts/themes are (or at least all of them) but I genuinely feel like I might be traumatised by how horrible some of them were. How do I get over this potential trauma?

For the girlies, does anyone’s OCD get SO excruciatingly bad during their luteal/menstrual phase, and I mean to the point you consider you might have PMDD? My periods have been getting so bad for me this past year that I DREAD it coming up, because I am hit with a major depression that lasts for two weeks at most, and it can get really, REALLY bad. Does anyone know how to somehow combat it? Like is there anything I can do to help increase the serotonin lol.

When you had your first false memory experience did you think it was real because you didn’t know ocd could do that or did you feel like something didn’t feel right about it and suspect it was ocd?

Last year my dad tested positive for Covid but I went to the movies with my brother a day or two after! I wasn’t gonna go but my brother wouldn’t stop asking so I caved in and went. I wore a mask and thought I wouldn’t get anyone sick. Even worse, I went to the supermarket afterwards! Only because it was a quick trip and I passed people quickly. I can’t remember if I wore a mask but I’m sure I did because I wore one at the movies. But don’t I belong in jail for being so careless? Or at the very least, shouldn’t I feel guilty everyday for the rest of my life? I’m a monster. I can’t live with myself.

Please share your stories! I have really bad real event, false memory and POCD. I’m struggling a lot right now feeling undeserving, feeling like everything I’ve ever done in my life was meticulously calculated. Funny thing about OCD is even if I see someone do something way worse than me, it won’t phase me unless I’d done it. For example, something minor I did that really could mean nothing, my OCD convinces me it proves my ocd right. In light of the disordered times, I’d like to ask for someone to share their ocd recovery story, maybe some tips and how they did it. It’s feeling pretty impossible for me right now. Thank you!

What to do when you are alone? I just read that the toughts get worse when you are alone. What do you guys usually do when you are left home alone?

It seems to me, that, OCD really flares up in times of idle, lonliness, boredom, etc. Perhaps its a result of lacking hobbies during down-time - too much time to just think. I'm a university student and it always seems to be the worst during the break periods like summer and winter break. I'm in a weird spot where the OCD feels normal and doesn't really bother me, but does at the same time. I don't find myself consumed by fear so much anymore, but more annoyed and frustrated at the presence of OCD thoughts. I experience religious OCD mostly, and yesterday I was less fearful and more just genuinely angry that I was having thoughts about hell and the afterlife. So it still feels like it can consume me at times, but I suppose ERP is also working in stopping the fear response. Perhaps, the anger I'm experiencing nowadays comes from being too hard on myself and impatient. I'm not sure. I'd love to know the community's thoughts on this.

Hi, does anybody here relate to waking up every day wondering what "to do in life". I am a woman who have worked for 20 years in the same field with hidden and untreated OCD which I thought I was "handling". I didn't know what it was and was convinced that my life would be destroyed if I said the truth about the daily thoughts I was bombarded with and my paralyzed avoidance. So I just kept going until it all collapsed by it self and I was diagnosed with OCD 18 months ago. Now as I am slowly understanding more and more I suddenly realized that every day I doubt my work and if it's the right thing to do. I still have some deals where I am supposed to deliver, and despite this it feels like my professional life is like a joke, I am a joke, so I ruminate at about what to do thought-out the day and then again the day after not doing what I am suppose to do to my work. I never thought about this as part of my OCD but it suddenly occurs to me that it very well may be. Very greatful for response. Wish you a wonderful day with good recovery.

hey everyone. i’m not sure if this app will help me or not, but i feel the need to try anything because i can’t keep living like this. i struggle with obsessing over everything in my life. it feels like everyday my brain picks a new thing in my life to obsess over. for the past couple days ive been obsessing over my interpersonal relationships. for example; “do i like the people im with” “do i like my friends as more than just friends” “do i actually love these people or am i lying to everyone”. it’s been really messing with me and making me question my support system. i can’t stop stressing. i’m even afraid to talk about it with my therapist because i have those thoughts about her too. i’m new to my OCD diagnosis (got diagnosed last month) i was hospitalized for a week because i couldn’t function. i also obsess over my sexuality and nothing i pick for me ever feels quite right. i recently started a relationship with someone who’s trans, so maybe that’s why? does anyone else go through this? my brain tries to convince me that i do this to myself and that im making it all up. but who would want to feel this way? uggghhh

Love how social media allows nudity…I opened up instagram and instantly saw a naked women and that triggered some thoughts making me uncomfortable and second guess my sexuality. 😕I tried my best to tell myself “maybe or maybe not either way I don’t care” and sitting with the discomfort but it’s extremely hard. Especially when I’m currently talking to someone I really like and want to get to know him. Just makes life harder sadly.

Hi everyone if you haven’t read my latest posting I’m ysabelle & I am 16 years old and this is my on going battle with OCD, depression, anxiety and DPDR. To start off if you want to hear my story of how I first got it I have another post up! I wanted to ask if anyone has every experienced existential intrusive thoughts but has suicidal OCD too. I’ve been trying to find some type of comfort because the first theme I had with intrusive thoughts were suicidal/ harm. I’ve learned how to deal with them where they don’t bother me like they used to, long story short I was having existential intrusive thoughts without knowing it. I thought I was developing dementia because I would stare at my mom and an intrusive thought popped up into my head “ what if you don’t know her “ she was my comfort until that day. I was terrified thinking I didn’t know her or recognize her like I used to. Well I wanted to ask if anyone has dealt with suicidal OCD but existential thoughts like “what’s the point of living if we die anyways?” & how did you cope? I was overthinking because I was trying to figure out if I was suicidal because I would get these thoughts and it made me feel uncomfortable and just more defeated and depressed. I now know it’s the existential intrusive thoughts so I do feel a little better. I was thinking these thoughts were coming from me because of my depression but I’m trying everyday !🫶🏻☀️

It seems like there’s so many different forms of OCD that i’m truly left wondering what i’m seeking help for, and if this is even going to work for me. How do you know when you’ve had “false memory OCD”, “relationship OCD”, or even “suicidal OCD” i feel like i’m just so mentally twisted that i’ll just take whatever kind of help there is , even if this isn’t really what’s wrong with me? How would I even get my own boyfriend to understand what i’m going through if I’m diagnosed with OCD?

feeling a little off at the moment. i have a very panic/anxiety attack esc mindset. my mind starts to feel very dystopian and i just don’t very feel good overall when this happens as i’m sure most do. i know i’m supposed to sit with it, but i really hate it. i feel like i’ve brought this on a little bit as well because earlier i was questioning why i’ve been feeling so okay this week. i’ve been taking magnesium glycinate every night so that could be what’s helping me a little, but it just feels so weird not to be constantly alert and worried about something. i feel like that’s the only way i function and it feels comfortable. is that normal? i wish i had a group chat of people to talk to instead of constantly coming here when i need to talk. not that that’s bad but sometimes i need immediate responses and support and i don’t often get that here. however i always appreciate those who respond and let me know i’m heard and not alone, so thank you 🫶🏻

i have a friend whos 17 and i'm 20 and im so afraid im going to develop a crush on them and it will be immoral because they're still legally a minor and i'm afraid that when i talk to them im slowly grooming them just because im being nice to them and i'm their friend. im scared i have a crush on them this whole time i cant tell, deep down i know i dont but the fear is so strong. im afraid they can tell im being weird or that i feel afraid of this and they're put off by me. i think i just need reassurance im not weird or grooming them. we just talk about the beatles and that's it, thats our main thing in common, obviously nothing sexual or romantic or weird. but still, i could be. i hate this