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What has helped? I feel like I've struggled with thus my whole life.

It's gonna be my birthday tomorrow. My friends will have a sleepover round my house and I'm excited. At the same time, I feel that it's also triggering my fears. For these past few years, I had a fear of not enjoying the moment (ESPECIALLY in hangouts, vacations, big events etc), so I would constantly do emotional checking, perfect my thoughts or ruminate about it. I'm getting better at managing it, but I've also been having intrusive thoughts of me not valuing my friends enough. What if I spend too much time fixating on the person I'm attached to? And then my birthday will be ruined etc But the thing that's been bothering me the most is that can't control my strong attachment one of my friends (lets call them Mango). Why am I attached, you ask? We've planned to live together in the future. Because of my low self-esteem issues, I was attached because they also have a massive crush on me. Lets bear in mind that I'm also crave romance. For ages, I've had intrusive thoughts that secretly I'm a selfish, manipulative person. Many people say I'm so loving and nice, but I used to have so much doubts. So for example, I was scared that I manipulated them to like me because im self-aware of my attachment issues. I'd be scared to talk to Mango because I feared that I'd lead them on, then my mind pictures them killing themselves because what if I traumatise them 20 years from now because i've had "secret selfish motives". I'd analyse my thoughts constantly. Would I use them? Am I a good person? Am i having the right motives? Do I actually want to live with them or am I lying to myself? Do I genuinely love them (as a friend) or do I secretly dislike them? Have I been lying this whole time? Are they the one? If I'm feeling this anxious, then surely this isn't right. I'm making the wrong decisions arent i? What do I do? What's true and what's not? I keep ruminating. I also feel compulsed to make sure I text and interact with them right, with correct feelings and thoughts or else our relationship will "hit rock bottom". If they don't reply fast enough, or in the right way, it triggers me too. Whenever they say something sweet and genuine, my initial feelings was comfort and being flustered (in a good way). But then I recall those words, trying to analyse if I still feel the same like how I did initially. As time nears my birthday, the intrusive thoughts of them are making me increasingly anxious. I know I have to accept uncertainty. I just hate this feeling. I never feel certain enough. I'm scared to text them. I'm scared of what each feeling ir thought I have could possibly mean. Maybe they dont mean anything. I just hate how my brain keeps picturing me and Mango's friendship ending horribly in the end because of me. Sure, it's all probably made up in my head. Maybe my fears have no link to reality, but I just wish this would stop. I wish I could get help too. I dont know if I actually have OCD, but the things I've experienced really resonated with what others have experienced. What I've typed here are just some of the examples. Say, if i do have ROCD, this would make sense. Being bi with possible SOOCD isnt helping either. Constantly trying to analyse whether my identity is true is exhausting too. All of this is exhausting. I'm so stressed.

I feel like everyday I am getting worse I’m finding very hard to feel relaxed I constantly think I do something bad to ruin my relationship that I find it hard to be by myself bc if I start thinking something I think it’s real I can’t even relax at my job bc I constantly think guys go downstairs with me when I go down there bc my mind throws images at me and I think they are real and I start freaking out And I feel bad calling my boyfriend and telling him him that my mind is telling me I did something with someone when that’s the last thing I want to do but my mind has like intrusive images and thoughts and then 2 seconds laters I think they are real and it’s annoying me I can’t relax at all & I know I’m not supposed to “confess” but I feel horrible if I don’t say anything and I think that’s why I’m stuck in a loop bc I can’t keep things like that to myself

I find it really hard to make decisions-especially big life decisions. People ask "what does your intuition say", but I feel like I can't access my intuition- I feel doubtful/question all thoughts+decisions. Are there any resouces anyone could recommend?

Hello everyone, I had the chance to meet regularly with a therapist more than a year ago. I made great progress thanks to exposure exercices that I still practice to this day. I realize though that I dont know how long I should keep going. Is it a daily « lifelong » practice ? Thank you.

And welcome to today's segment of "what the fuck did I just read?". Okay jokes aside my brain is a prison and comedy is how I cope. I remember when I was maybe 12 I watched this episode of family guy where Peter Griffin rides a bull and it ends up violating him and heres the more fucked up part. I'm scared I acted in some questionable things if you know what I mean to that episode. Hence the zoophile title. I know that makes me sound like a total piece of shit and I feel like I am. I would like to preference by saying that I have pets and I'm definitely not attracted to them. I feel like this may be a false memory type of thing because I remember having the same memory of maybe I did that but it didn't bother me as much. Which makes me feel like I didn't do that? Because if I had a younger memory and came to the conclusion that I probably didn't do that wouldn't that go in favor of not doing it? I don't fucking know. I'm also moving and I've noticed a common theme of when I'm going through life changes my OCD flares up. I'm not even entirely sure why I'm writing this. I'm hoping once I'll type it out I'll realize how ridiculous this sounds and I'll feel better but so far...nothing. I'm seriously considering taking up alcoholism as a profession because what the fuck else am I supposed to do. This app genuinely helps though. It makes me feel less alone knowing lots of other people are going though this shit and if you're still mentally stable I applaud you. I dunno. I guess I'm just writing this to hopefully help someone else feel less alone too. Anyways I suck, OCD sucks and I think I'm a total piece of shit!. I did just now go back and watch that clip and I remember it differently which makes me feel like I'f I did do something to myself if you know what I mean it may have been to something else entirely. But again I'm really just posting this to hopefully help someone else out. And some feedback would be helpful too on wether or not you think I'm a zoophile as well. Tip you're friendly neighborhood OCD ridden spiderman I'll be here for the long run.

does anyone else feel like their life is ran by OCD right now? Can’t have “me time” , can’t simply change my kid , can’t play with my kid without feeling like something is gonna happen. i’m crying right now about it and sometimes I just wanna give my daughter up for adoption just so I know it’s not gonna happen. but that’s gonna hurt me too so I won’t be entirely free , WHAT DO I DO??? help ….

Hey guys, I have taken just 1 pill of lexapro yesterday and I cannot sleep a lick. Is this Normal? Obviously not being able to sleep is causing me some anxiety of course. Still struggling to determine whether I am dealing with harm ocd or suicidal thoughts. Hopefully the meds and therapy can help.

Its a very anxious night for me as a parent. I went to tuck my child in and i worried with groinal responses i still hugged my child goodnight than worried did i brush up or lean toward them inappropriately and then she was sad i was leaving. I wanted another hug so i hugged her again and ocd tried saying i had bad intent. Its so exhausting fighting ocd as a parent in distress

My first memory of doing compulsive actions to ease anxiety was when my mom had her final stroke. I remember there was urine everywhere because she had it as she was going to the restroom and I was the only one home. I was 11 at the time and she was so scared and i didn’t know what to do, I was just trying to clean up the mess and help her while keeping it together. Long story short, while the paramedics where stabilizing her in the ambulance I went to the bathroom to wash my hands and no matter how much I washed I couldn’t get the “dirty” feeling off. It slowly progressed as I grew up and got worse and worse. Everything I touch a lot of time feels like either my brother or mother touched it. My brother was alway extremely violent and after my mom passed I started to have nightmares that he would sexually assault me, because my bio father is a pedo and I keep grouping my brother and him together, like they are working to ruin my life. And thoughts like that and everything with my mom is drowning me. I don’t know how to let the past go. I’m writing this because at the moment I feel so contaminated and I’m so stuck. Sorry for tmi, I just want to understand if my past is triggering my ocd and how would I solve that?? Even though that’s a big question , any advice or anything would be so appreciated.

Im actually confused is this an intrusive thoughts? when im doing something it feels like my brain is monitoring how i think how i feel or what i say. it would say things like these and i would fall into problem solving, trying to fix or clear any doubts my brain has or clearing out my intention. “ Did you feel anything when you looked at that kid?” “Why did you have that thought? you probably liked it” “Why did you accidentally say that? even though you said you didnt mean to say it, you still said it” (not verbally, still mental) “When you said the person is cute does that mean you see a kid in them? youre probably a pedo because of that” “what do you feel about their younger version?” “what did you think or feel during the interaction?” Sometimes these thoughts would come up to question me and would result into mentally checking what i thought or what i feel when something happend. Or like sometimes a feeling would come or a thought would come, this would make me question myself as to why i had that thought or feeling. Again this would result in me mentally checking or trying to fix or prove that i didnt even mean anything bad or trying to convince myself that its just ocd. I know i should but i feel like i really should clear it up, but at the same time i feel like im doing a compulsion. these are thoughts that questions my intention or why im having a thought at a certain moment which sometimes would come with feelings and make it look like its real which is why i fall in mental compulsions

I’m a Catholic Christian and I love my religion so much. I have found that every now and again, my OCD becomes triggered and I find myself distancing from God & my faith, and avoiding (or trying to) avoid God because religion starts to give me anxiety or trigger my OCD. Lately, like the past week and a half, I think I’ve been doing well. I’m still anxious (and talking about it makes me anxious too, so I guess this is kind of an exposure), but I’ve been trying to keep practicing my faith nonetheless. I’m proud of myself, I’ve been able to keep my OCD at bay and continue to live my life and practice my faith. I even have anxiety right now, but instead of dwelling on “what if?”, I’m trying to continue telling my OCD “so what?” I would just like to know, what do you guys do to deal with moments of anxiety or fear or irrational thinking?

This is my first post and I’m not sure how I’m exactly supposed to do this lol. But my puppy I recently got has fleas and she sleeps inside since she’s small and it’s hot so I’ve been cleaning my room and around the house and the pup but I can’t do much since she’s too young to take any preventatives. But I keep finding a flea on me and I’ve been anxious to sleep in my room thinking they might be in there or scared to make my room dirty so I’ve been sleeping in a separate room from my house and I recently left for 3 days leaving the care of the pup with my friend. I’m going back home today and I’m worried about the fleas even though I’ve been doing as much as I can. I’ve been relaxed while away but now that I’m returning home I cannot help but think about how I felt when I was home and it sucks because I love my home and being home and I don’t want to view it as negative but that’s how I’ve been feeling :(. And I just want some more hope about this flea situation or advice from people that have been thought this.

All i ever do is lose. Just lose at fucking everything in life even though I beg to god that I can win at least one fucking thing. To be good at one fucking thing. To be excellent at one fucking thing. And I cant even do that. I cant even win at my video games. The smallest win I cant even get. Im in fucking hell. A hell where Im alone and theres no one to comfort me because they think im feeling sorry for myself. I hate my existence and my life so fucking bad. What am I sorry about my life for if all I want to is make the suffering stop? I constantly play, try to improve, but theres nothing I can do that makes me stand out. Nothing I can do that makes me worthy of anything. I hate this world, i hate god for hating me, and I hate myself. Hate myself for not being good enough for any goddamn thing. Im sick. Im fucking sick. Im sick of this. Im sick of me. Im sick of not being good enough at any fucking thing despite my efforts. Nothing I do matters. Nothing about me is special. Im so goddamn tired of it all... im damned to hell... or maybe im there... i dont fucking know.

Is there a point to living anymore

Hi. I have been having extreme anxiety about passing out and fainting. I constantly am checking my blood pressure and heart rate and last week I passed out and went to the hospital. But it turns out it was just stress all my tests were clean. This happens especially when driving feeling faint and anxious. It’s causing me to have high blood pressure. If you go through the same thing what do you do to help yourself? Or coach yourself through it? It’s been a struggle lately.

Hi everyone. I am currently on Luvox after being on Prozac (20-40mg) for the last 5 years. Prozac was no longer working for me so my doctor/therapist and I decided to switch SSRIs. With help from my primary care doctor, I tapered off of Prozac while tapering on to Luvox over the course of a few weeks. I am now off of Prozac and on 150mg of Luvox. I had a couple good weeks where there were more good days than bad, but recently I have felt more depressed, anxious, and in my head on 150mg of Luvox. The anxiety/Harm/Suicidal/Relationship/Pure OCD has been ramping up and it makes me feel a bit hopeless that I won’t get better. The mornings are hard when you feel like it’s just another day suffering through the ups and downs. If anyone can share their ideal Luvox dosage/medicine combo where they finally felt consistent relief from intrusive thoughts and rumination, I would be so appreciative. I know switching medicine and doing ERP is a long process, and I’ve only been in the thick of it for 5 weeks (6/29-8/2), but as I’m sure you can all understand, it’s hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel with this disorder. Any positivity, encouragement, advice, coping mechanisms/tools and success stories are appreciated!

If we do it may have triggers to do with sa against me and survivors guilt.. I just really need to talk to someone right now, I'm really not doing well. I can't stop crying

Something I’m really struggling with is the thoughts of having a child. My husband and I got married last year and always planned to have kids. I am currently experiencing an OCD “flare” and I’m wondering how ethical it is for me to have a child knowing I may pass this condition on. Any insight is appreciated!

I have partner focused rocd and I have been with my bf for over a year now and we have engaged in sexual stuff obviously, my ocd has randomly latched onto consent?? Like there has been times where my bf asked to do something sexual and I’ve just made “unsure noises” and he has said “please” a couple of times and I did the sexual thing. I was fine throughout the sexual acts and wasn’t really uncomfortable but my ocd is trying to convince me I was uncomfortable. My boyfriend and I have autism and sometimes struggle understanding things and need straight forward/clear answers. My boyfriend said a few times he’s said “please” or asked me to do something else after I didn’t say yes is because he wasn’t sure what I was giving off wether I was not wanting to do it or if I was just thinking. The times he’s said please he took it as me thinking. I do see why he would be unsure as sometimes I don’t give a straight forward yes or no sometimes because I am awkward. I asked him if I need to be clearer with saying no because I am a bit of a people pleaser and he said yes and it’s completely okay if I say no and he will be fine if I ever say no and I can make it clear and I don’t sound “mean”. A lot of the time I have low motivation because of ADHD and I might be unsure/can’t be arsed to do it but then he does something and I enjoy it and want to do more because it gave me motivation. My ocd still tries to convince me it’s bad??? Also my boyfriend sometimes does playful silly stuff like smack my behind when I’m infront of him and I do it back and it’s funny but sometimes my ocd is like “omg he didn’t ask that’s really bad!” My boyfriend has said if he does something I don’t want him to do in that moment I can just say no. My ocd constantly tries to make him a bad person. Can Anyone relate/help?