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Me and my boyfriend spend a lot of time together. Especially since we were long distance on and off for a long while, we spend as much time together as we can when he's not working. This is also due to my social OCD, which has made it very very difficult to be able to spend time without him among friends or in public. We've now been together for over 2 1/2 years and I'm so so grateful for all the help he's provided me with mentally and emotionally in these last 3 months we've been living together. It hasn't been easy, but he's been so patient with me. He continues to be patient with me every day, but he's not a machine either. Sometimes I hate myself for the ways that my OCD, ADHD, PTSD trauma and cannabis dependency can jump out in ways that not only hurt him, but our relationship too. Sometimes I'll say things or feel things that feel like they authentically come from me as a person, only to realize it was some OCD thought spiral or obsession or checking compulsion... IT'S SO FRUSTRATING!!! I can come off as crass, unconcerned, narrow minded, pushy and rude. None of these things represent me, I know they don't. I feel like I constantly have to explain that to myself and him to not feel like a shitty ass person. My obsessions can be so persistent that they ignore him trying to communicate to me that I'm not in the right headspace and that I should take a breather. It feels like there's so much standing in the way of me being able to meet both of our needs sometimes, especially because I don't exactly feel like I can trust myself. I need a break from how hard this disorder can be, he needs a break, we're both tired of it. I'm blessed that each other's presence is already such a big gift to one another, and none of this negates the fact that we are still falling in love with each other over and over again. I'm beyond blessed to have someone like him through the good times and the hard times, the hard times can just be so hard on the both of us and I wish it would stop. Any advice would be appreciated <3

Hi fellow OCDers. I've struggled with OCD for the last 7 years and have cycled through therapists who for years did not diagnose me with OCD (eventually I found someone who did). I've been on several different medications and I've tried different therapy techniques (I'm familiar with CBT, ERP, and ACT). I'm lucky enough to have found a therapist who understands OCD and does not provide any reassurance. And I found the right medication that helped me stabilize which I am no longer on. I think one of my key turning points has been becoming more aware of my OCD thoughts through reading and therapy -- as well as doing exposure therapy. Exposure therapy is a weird concept to me. The trouble is that OCD can be deceptive. I found that I'd be too calm and I'd write a script for ERP that wouldn't elicit any anxiety. Or I'd skip ERP because subconsciously I didn't want to heighten my anxiety. But I've found that its impact has begun to be life-changing. By writing down my fears and reading a script or recording and replaying my fears to myself, eventually, the anxiety diminishes. The anxiety starts to subside and I realize the absurdity of my OCD. I'm reading the OCD Workbook, by Bruce Hyman which has been a great resource, but I find that taking the time to think through what exercises to do and setting aside time every day is an obstacle. I'd like to know what people have tried, what they have found helpful, and how they have stayed organized. What I'm curious to know: What has your treatment journey been like? What methods have you tried, and what do you find effective? How do you track your progress if at all? Do you also find doing ERP difficult? Why? Where do you organize your ERP exercises? In a Google Doc like me? An app? Or on paper? How often do you do ERP? How often would you like to do it? How much time do you spend on doing ERP?

Just curious if anyone has any input on OCD and cannabis. I have tried it here and there and I feel like that it helps my OCD in some ways and sometimes not. It depends on the situation and stuff and how much you take and the certain strain of cannabis also the way you take it. I’m just curious on anyone’s experience or thoughts on this.

I’m not sure how to stop picking at my skin. It makes me sad to always see scabs all over my face, it ruins all my pictures. Any tips?

My journey with contamination ocd started when I was 16, I wouldn’t leave the house in fear of getting sick, I wouldn’t go near my mother, I wouldn’t even pet my cat in fear of getting sick. I sabotaged all of my friendships, stopped going to school, I even avoided eating because of my health anxiety. It took over my life, it turned it ups down and ruined everything in my life that I had any control over. But that’s the secret on how to cure your ocd. Let it talk. Let your ocd talk and accept it as apart of you. You are not disgusting for thinking these things, you are not evil. It can not hurt you, it is not true what it says to you or about you, your ocd is not you, it is an annoying coworker that nags you and punishes you. Let it talk. And just accept it instead of demonizing it. When you accept your ocd you will see it for what it really is, it’s not a demon, it’s not evil or cruel. It is hurt and wants to be listened to, and when you start listening to it that’s when your ocd stops attacking you and tells you what it really needs. It needs you to accept yourself for who you are. Let it be. Let yourself be. You are the universe in a body, you are kindness and beauty. OCD is all of that too. All you have to do is accept yourself and stop fighting yourself for being scared. Acceptance disempowers fear. You. Are. Capable. Now I am 18 years old. I got myself back into school, I have a boyfriend who treats me very well, and I got help for my ED. I did the work. I listened to my ocd. I loved her, I listened to her, and I accepted her, and I realized she is just scared. She just wanted to go home. One more time :) Just keep going one more time no matter how many one more times it takes just keep going. One more second One more minute One more day One more month One more year One more lifetime Keep going. One more time ; It only gets better from here :)

Yesterday me and my bf were gaming and he had a glitch in the game and raged at it because he died because of the glitch which was out of his control and I ended up being startled and left the call on impulse. My ocd always expects an answer in my favour and when an answer is not what my Ocd expects it goes WILD. My ocd expected “I’m so sorry I made you startled my love it will never happen again ” after I told him why I left the call, but he gave me a completely different answer to the positive reassuring answer it wanted. He said we both overreacted and it’s not a big deal he was just letting out some anger because he couldn’t fix a glitch that caused him to lose the game we were playing while mine was working normally. He wasn’t mad at anyone, just the game because he died from a reason he couldn’t control. He couldn’t understand why I reacted the way I did so he couldn’t exactly feel sad about it, just confused. I think my ocd has reacted so badly to this situation because I am used to asking more questions after the initial response my ocd didn’t like, so I can get a positive answer to balance it out and be reassured, but it reacted badly because my bf stood his ground and said he needs to stop reassuring me/babying me in some situations because it’s just catering towards my OCD and I need a positive answer constantly and I somewhat agree because I see how my ocd trying to twist it to be positive is reassurance seeking. It can’t cope with an answer it doesn’t want to hear. If there is an answer that my ocd hates, it paints my boyfriend out to be a bad person like in this situation, a “narcissist with no empathy” ,when actually he admits/realises when he is wrong, he was just standing his ground with an answer and not catering to my ocd being like “awwww it’s okay I’m sorry” and he decided to be honest this time that he was extremely confused with how I reacted in that situation so he couldn’t feel anything. He said he would have possibly reacted differently if I hadn’t of left the call which confused him/stressed him a little and I could of have just said “I need a few minutes” and muted to calm down. He also might of reacted differently if he heard how I was on call if I didn’t leave. I have realised maybe it’s me being sort of toxic with the way I think and I need to get out of this thing where I hear an answer I don’t like and then ask questions until it changes to be reassured. Is it better to learn to sit with the uncomfortableness/ uncertainty of having a negative answer and not getting out of it by trying to “cancel it out” with a positive answer? Do I need to fight my OCD back when it’s being like “oh my god he’s so horrible we didn’t get the answer we wanted to hear! Let’s ask questions until it changes to something we want to hear!” Does anyone else have where their ocd goes wild because you expect a certain answer always and you don’t get it and it’s distressing and you feel like you need to find a positive to make it stop?

Recently an important relationship in my life has gone south. All day and all night it's all I think about, and I just keep trying to solve their personality flaws or my personality flaws. I'm also fearing for our next interaction, creating situations where I have to stick up for myself. I feel like I'm just stuck in this loop. What I want to accomplish is for these racing thoughts to just stop. This person can't completely be out of my life. So how do I comfortably coexist and live with the betrayal. The best advice I've heard is I need to learn to self-love and accept my feelings but I guess I don't understand how to do that.

I’m having a really rough morning. I woke up around 2 am and since then (it’s 10 now) it’s been one obsession after another. I’ve been doing compulsions but now I’m trying to sit in the discomfort. I wanted to talk about one of the themes though. I feel I can do this because it doesn’t make me anxious to think about not doing it, so I don’t think it’s a compulsion for me. I’m thinking about being on social media and wondering if I ever talked to somebody, followed somebody, allowed somebody to follow me, etc., that was underage, or even 18, 19, 20. I have incredibly bad POCD. I’m 23 now and have no interest having any sort of romantic, sexual, or platonic relationship with anyone under 21, but I worry about little things I end up doing not being okay, and I worry about crossing a line. But being on social media, I’m bound to come across people who are basically children. If it’s apparent to me someone’s young, I try to avoid it, but there’s no way I can possibly always know that. I also didn’t keep track when I was younger so seeing a video from a 15/16 year old when I was 20 didn’t phase me, but I feel like it should’ve. There’s only so much I can do to avoid this. I can put an age limit in my bio, private my accounts, try to clear out anybody I suspect is underage or just everybody I don’t know and who doesn’t have an age in their bio, but it seems easier to just avoid social media all together. This seems logical, I don’t want to communicate with minors or anyone under 21 that I don’t know. But I wonder what people that are famous on tiktok or YouTube do. I don’t think they think they’re pedophiles, but I seriously feel like one and I feel like no matter what, I’m gonna do something wrong with kids in my life. It’s wrong to look at them, think of them, talk about them. I feel disgusting and I’m really suffering. And I think some of this is an overreaction and just OCD but then I’ll see something online that reinforces some of what my brain is telling me and I wanna throw up. I understand a lot of what people say is crossing a line and I would never want to do that, but something feels off and I can’t find balance and I’m terrified.

Contamination OCD sent me spiralling once before and now i have gotten into a new relationship it has come back. Bodily fluids came in contact with mine and I'm so scared of HIV even though i don't think he has it. I think this is all OCD, because last time, my fear of catching the disease was irrational, doctors and my therapist told me it was too. The uncertainty is horrible right now. I thought I could handle sex and everything but OCD won't let up. Any thoughts? I like this guy but OCD is scaring me so much and taking all the fun away

My relationship ocd is partner focused and tries to pick apart my bf to show me he’s “bad”. A lot of times I’ll just randomly worry about something old he did or something happens in the moment and ocd latches to it and i bring it up and question him with my heart racing and that classic anxious feeling and need to be “certain”. But sometimes there is times it latches to something he’s done where I feel sick to my stomach with anxiety and can’t tell how I feel about him and wake up multiple times in the night with what feels like a wave of “doom” going over me? And an upset stomach because I’m so anxious. My ocd tries to tell me that these themes are very bad and true because I reacted so badly…. It’s so convincing. Does anyone get the same level of anxiety as me with ROCD?

Im currently having problems with dealing with my emotions and body symptoms such as stomach problems, nausea, not having appetite, im just stressing myself over it. I never learned how to accept emotions and right now it feels hard to do and i dont feel like its actually helping me to go through this. I accept everything, even that i worry and i feed the emotions sometimes cause its automatic and i have to learn alot but im just there,.it feels like im letting myself go on to the rabbit hole and im not doing anything about it. And if i try i feel worse cause the thoughts gets louder and then im more afraid and the symptoms of stress are higher then if i accept it i sit with that and it gets worse and worse bc of automatic thoughts and judgement(and i cant judge them either cause thats judgement too) or if i want to stop doing it i start to repress the experience... Im okay with feeling sadness, im okay with grief, but the stress the nausea the dizzyness,stomach issues, feeding the fear and panic makes it worse, and i dont know how acceptance works... I understand that i accept the feelings that comes up but the automatic judgementd come too bc of past experience, but i still have to accept that too and theres the problem cause i dont see the progress there its either i accept it and it keeps feeding or i accept it but i dont want to feed it or think about it which then makes it a fight and it makes it worse... For me how it seems like its that acceptance would seem like accept i how i feel, everything i feel, that i might get hospitalize cause i cant handle it, that i might turn really bad, that i might put me in bed cause i will be so sick and mentally off, and just be okay with it, but thats doesnt help for me, its accepting catastrophizing thoughts just makes me depressed... I know i wont figure it out all at once, it will be time, but i struggle with acceptance and what to do then which doesnt helps me move. I understand i accept whatever i feel but then what? The automatic judgements comes which makes the experience worse, and whoever was in this situation knows that the judgements has more judgments in them so its a never ending pain. Theres the problem, what to do then? You cant fight the judgements cause it just make it worse. People say acceptance its not giving up, but i do feel like its that what they telling me cause letting all these things be and just be there its sounds giving up for me, I give my fate to the experience i have, its no more what i can do, its where these things will lead me. I dont know how to face this cause i either drown in the pain or i try to fight with it. And many times i feel guilt cause im not actually deal with grief, im not feeling sad over the thing i lost, im being worked up by the experience i have and the fear i have... I know i need time and i wont figure out everything but i need help in this to move forward. Whoever read it all thank you for your time. The remaining months in this year will be about grief...

When I get a new theme the previous theme completely disappears/seems unimportant until there is a trigger for it. Is circling themes a very obvious sign its ocd? If it’s something actually serious in the relationship wouldn’t I get a worse feeling than just “omg this is bad I need to ruminate and search and seek reassurance” There is always one theme in control and my main focus until a new/ returning theme takes its place and the other theme is shoved away in the back of my mind like nothing until it circles around again. Even if the theme I’m currently having seems like an actual problem/super serious a different trigger/theme can occur and the “serious” theme that i was panicking over thinking “is my bf a bad person” can be wiped away and replaced with another theme. Is the constant thinking something is super serious but then it can easily be replaced with another worry a big sign it’s ocd?

idk how to even make this make sense but i’m gonna try so i think i’ve convinced myself that im like afraid of more feminine men??? especially straight ones. like i was watching a tik tok of this guy who i would consider pretty feminine and he was talking abt his girlfriend and all of a sudden i just felt really weird??? and today i saw a more feminine guy holding hands with a girl walking around town and got that same feeling again. idk what’s even wrong. i don’t think it’s bad for guys to be feminine at all. if anything im glad people are able to express themselves the way they want. i’ve mentioned in my others posts that im scared of being a lesbian bc that means i won’t like my bf and i think im forcing myself to think im like hyper straight and super feminine and maybe im pushing that onto how i view other people?? like i think that if i look or act even a little bit lesbian then i am. but how does one even look or act lesbian?? anyone can be a lesbian!!! now i’m worried that if my bf does something more feminine i won’t like him. i feel so stressed sexuality literally does not matter why am i freaking out!!!! as long i like love him and he loves me nothing is wrong and it’s not wrong for other people to love who they love either!!! sorry if this absolutely made no sense i tried to explain it the way im feeling it. i’m scared that im like being homophobic or something but im not!! i genuinely think love is such a beautiful thing and that you should get to be with whoever you’re attracted to even if it’s a feminine man (which there’s nothing wrong with at all) i just don’t know why these feelings don’t align with my views. im sorry

Some celebs with OCD include Camila Cabello, Howie Mandel

Please, does anyone fall into this bucket? What works for you? How are you moving forward? It’s been over 10 years since my diagnosis and I’ve seen over a dozen providers. I’ve tried ERP, ACT, TMS, several Rxs, even started I-CBT. I’ve attended an intensive outpatient program and local support group. I even saw an OCD specialist who turned me away because no one else has been able to help me and he doesn’t see what more he could try. I’m feeling very discouraged. I try to follow general self help books too, but I get so frustrated because they don’t consider people with disabilities. I’ve also tried stoicism and turning to religion. It feels hopeless. What kind of life am I supposed to lead? Of course no one can solve my specific set of circumstances but if someone out there is in a similar position I’d like to hear about your journey. I’ve abandoned my career, my degrees, my dreams. I don’t know what comes next. P.s. I don’t meant to discourage anyone who is new or starting out on their OCD journey. I know it sucks, but please continue to seek healing. ❤️‍🩹 you are worth it.

what helps you guys cope with thinking you’re sick and you’re going to die any second? i can’t help but look something up on my phone when i feel something slightly unusual. once i see some condition or whatever, i stick with it until i experience something new, and the cycle goes on. i’ve always felt that if there was something wrong with me i wouldn’t want to know and would rather die. i’m not suicidal but i don’t want to live in a world where im sick or feel doom because there’s nothing to do about it. i’ve gone to the doctor plenty of times and i recently got a lot of blood tests. they said nothing was wrong with me other than the fact i have depression and anxiety. so every time i feel worried about something, i just refer back to that and tell myself im healthy, which i am. at the moment, i keep getting worried im going to have a stroke. although i am a teenager, it’s still possible. just now i felt left sided pain in my jaw that went to the rest of my face so i started to get anxious which made everything seem more intense. then i reminded myself that i have impacted wisdom teeth that are growing in which could cause that type of pain. last night my leg cramped up and it felt painful to move. it felt exactly like when your leg falls asleep and you get that paralyzed feeling (if that makes sense). then i figured that happened because i just had a week of band camp and my leg muscles were pretty sore, especially that leg. my family doesn’t have any history of health issues which doesn’t mean that im invincible but it also reduces the risk. all of this really picked up after band camp from last year (2023) im guessing its my body having enough of it being overworked.

the thoughts are only getting stronger😭 im scared im gonna give in… i need help😭

hey so this is my first time really using this app so i'm not really sure how to start but this is about to be a long story and i just feel the need to get it out because it feels like my anxiety is eating me alive right now. So basically i've always known i've had o cd and i've been diagnosed with pure ocd so i already knew that. I've always always had acid reflux and hypothyroidism that's just something to keep in mind. i've also been smoking on and half for 2 and a half years and my mom has been fixated on it. recently i want to a concert and before this i occasionally smoke, at recreational things or if im with my friends. I have a bad habit of not drinking water so before this concert i completely forgot to. While I was there this lady was smoking beside me and i started to feel very lightheaded and i thought my lungs were gonna collapse. I thought it had to be lung cancer, and my heart felt like it was stopping(it wasn't but my brain made me believe it was).I then had a panic attack and it felt like my throat was closing up and my acid reflux was flaring up and i missed most of the concert. I got so in my head to the point where i couldn't go to sleep that night because i was so scared i wasn't gonna wake up. Luckily the day after the concert i had a doctors appointment and they told me my lungs sounded perfect. So you know that made me feel better for a little while and i started smoking again on and off. My friend who has been smoking longer than me one day told me that he was coughing up blood and his back was hurting from smoking and my brain stuck to that. Everyday even if i didn't smoke i felt like my back was hurting and it was hard to breathe. I truly thought i had popcorn lung. I went back to the doctor again to see what the problem was and she told me again they sounded fine and it was anxiety. They took an x ray and she said my lungs were healthy and nothing was there. to this day i haven't been smoking as much but when i do i have the constant fear of either my heart slowing down or me having lung problems and it causes me to stop going and doing things i love to do like going to concerts, or being outside in the heat for long. I've tried the saying "maybe maybe not" to my problems and exposure therapy but it feels like it's just getting worse to the point where i don't know what's real on my body and what's fake. i feel like every little movement or pain on my body is something serious. i'd really like some advice right now. thank you

i’ve recently been getting a lot of religious videos on youtube and i watched some and i feel so scared. i can’t mess up or else im going to hell. i can’t say “omg” or else i feel so much guilt and i start freaking out. i also get intrusive thoughts that question christianity and that are very explicit/sexual images. i also feel so guilty because i don’t have true faith. i try to be religious to save my own skin, not out of being grateful for jesus dying for me. i feel nothing. i just don’t feel thankful and i don’t know why. i know i should but i just can’t. and i don’t wanna go to hell because i can’t feel thankful for anything and i just keep on sinning. i keep having to repeat “gosh dang” under my breath to get the right feeling and so i don’t use the lord’s name in vain. please help me. i want to be religious and grateful but i just can’t be truly faithful :(

Hi all. I have OCD, and I’ve been having it for about 2 years. I am Christian, and I heavily love the Lord. I also have a loving boyfriend, who is not religious. It’s a huge struggle because in the Bible, it says to not make close relationships with nonbelievers (2 Corinthians 6:14 NIV). I love my boyfriend and totally accept him for who he is, and he accepts me for who I am and my beliefs. However, it’s just been an on and off thing of “should I break up with him?” “Does God not want me with him?” “Am I selfish for wanting to be in a relationship with him?” “Does God accept us?” Those things. I always tend to over analyze and overthink about this sensitive topic of mine, and it overwhelms me so much because I truly don’t know what to do. I know the Lord doesn’t want his children with nonbelievers, so I feel selfish. However, my boyfriend heavily respects me and my beliefs, and whenever I tell him about my day whether it’s reading the Bible, praying, etc, he totally supports me and is actually happy for me! He doesn’t judge me, he doesn’t judge my love for God, and he wants to be a better person. Our relationship has helped change me for the better and helped me realize I really need to focus on the Lord. When we first dated, I was a lost girl and didn’t fully know God. The fear I had about dating a nonbeliever as a believer really got to me at that time which made me look into it more. I definitely think it helped me to understand the Lord and form a relationship with him. Furthermore, he uses the Lord’s name in vain which absolutely hurts me. I haven’t told him that it does, but I’m waiting for a right time because he too has mental issues going on. It’s hard because we have different values so I definitely feel like talking about it will affect us and make me seem controlling. But, this is what we signed up for, knowing how hard it will be. All in all, I’m a daughter of God dating a non believer, but we help each other get back up. Even right now I’m asking myself if I’m selfish. I don’t need reassurance or help, but I’d love to hear from people.