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My mom just told me she doesn’t really believe that I have ocd because I don’t have enough “repetitive actions” and I just have bad anxiety. I feel so beaten down that someone so close to me doesn’t believe my struggles :(

Can anyone tell me usually why or when ocd first occurs? Is it trauma from childhood? Or do people randomly wake up one day and have developed it?…. I can’t remember the first time I started/developed it, but I must’ve been like in 5th grade… I come from a Hispanic household where unfortunately a lot of these households don’t “believe” in therapy or a counselor or mental illness’. I knew something was wrong with myself but I never knew how to express it. I just thought I was actually a crazy person & wasnt “normal” as others. Until this year I started seeing a therapist & he really made me feel like I was not alone. Due to insurance purposes I had to stop seeing him. I don’t think I’ve gotten better I’ve just gotten heard…but the only positive thing about it is that I can hide it very well now, a lot of ppl wouldn’t know vs in the past I had people catch me doing “weird” things. (Very repetitive stuff, fixing things, the list goes on & on). I had to learn to manage & “hide” what I was doing because my kiddos were catching on & would ask me what or why I was doing it, for example “repetitive stuff” lol . I really want it to go away, although I have managed my ticks & triggers, it’s still always in my mind, it stops me from having fun family time, stops me from doing my work at work or doing things or even speaking in a “normal” speed way. For example telling a story or when talking, I have the need to say every single detail, I get side tracked a lot & have to explain those details then it just goes & goes I take forever to say what ima say , it takes me a long time to get to the point like this whole post here it started with a question & now idk what my point was no more 😂 ps. I love making jokes about it to myself to keep myself positive, my close family knows and they’re supportive, it’s all love. I just wish it can actually go away I am concerned it will always be with me…

Does anyone else get really bad thoughts that attack the holy Spirit. I hope I am not the only one. These thoughts scare me because they come in all different ways they disappeared for about 4 days, and one day they came back and they are worse now than they have ever been. They keep attacking him, ever chance they get. I can't pray, go for a walk, or watch tv, or even talk to people without negativity towards him. Like my thoughts keep blaming him for everything, I can't get rid of these thoughts. What makes me sad the most is when I'm tired I can't fight them and my biggest concern is that it's coming from me. I'm worried about what the thoughts say about me. Do I mean to have these thoughts. I can't seem to be happy. I feel lost and scared that I have done something wrong to make God mad at me. My parents won't let me get therapy, I'm all alone. I'm nervous and anxious about my thoughts. And I pray but I can't find peace. I hope everyone who is going through this never has to go through this the way I am.

I put so much pressure on myself to be positive and happy. I hold myself to higher standards then I do others because I wanna be perfect, then break down at my every mistake. I'm horrible at setting boundaries but in a way I've dug myself a grave. At this point it feels like people assume I'm happy all the time and don't bother to ask if I'm okay. Or if I seem quiet they leave me be. At first I liked this now I do not. Any time I try to set a boundary with ANYONE, I'll be like hey when ya talk about that it makes me anxious or could you no do this it hurts my feelings or just plain please stop, people say okay and their sorry but it never seems to stick. The most I've done is say it again but it's frustrating. Feels like people just walk all over me and or barely listen Slash hear a word I say. I'm tired of some things I have made very clear not to do when I'm really anxious. They try to help and they will do certain things that make it worse, and I express this then they do it again. I find people belittle what I got through saying the thoughts I experience are clearly OCD, and easy to differentiate from typical worries or average thoughts. But they don't realize how stuck I feel bo matter how much I tell them. My brain doesn't have an off switch, I can't turn it off just like that and feel at easy. And even if the thought seems stupid and illogical, to them or even me it still hurts and bothers me deeply. There have been times where I do compulsions and people get mad and say it's excuses and I gotta stop and I try to explain and or try not to do it and end up feeling guilty. I want people to listen and actually care. I don't like the feeling I get when I'm worried. A weird tingle in my chest that grows and stretches throughout my body depending on how bad of a worry. Those "silly, stupid, ridiculous, crazy, nonsense" worries I get, wheather or not I know those claims are true, cut deep and it feels like I can't escape. My chest feeling gets stronger, I get alot of energy in my arms and legs and or they feel shakey, it feels like I can't breathe, I wanna burst out crying but depending on where I am that may not be an option, I'm tired of staying quiet due to the fear of upsetting someone without intention, and I hate hyperventilating or tossing and turning when trying to sleep and these thoughts hit me like a ton of bricks over and over. OCD is not my fault I know that. But part of me wonders why me of all people have to have it, although I don't wish it on anyone. If it meant nobody else would ever have to experience my OCD or OCD in general I would take all the power of everyone's OCD and take it myself. I like to think OCD gave me empathy, the one perk it came with in my eyes. One day I hope to be a therapist who can help people. And the little kids with OCD who wanna understand and get help, like I once was. I wanna be taken seriously, I don't wanna be a doormat, I don't wanna be a puppet on my OCD's strings, I want people to understand more then they do or atleast listen to me more then they do. I wanna be calm for more then minutes, and without intense stress when I realize how long I've been relaxed and how odd that is. I feel bad for my younger self. Ik she wanted to grow up and be okay. But I'm not. I have made progress. When I was little I constantly thought I was dying. And then I said in middle school that I'd be dead by highschool. But I'm about to start grade 12

Hey guys have you ever said something you regret so much that it traumatizes you for the fact of even saying that, wondering what was going on in your mind?

I’ve really been struggling the past couple days or even weeks. It’s hard to control my ocd because it’s causing sick strong anxiety. I’ve struggled with anxiety for what feels like only a few years but it has definitely been longer than that. It got really bad during Covid because I had to much time alone with my thoughts. Since then I’ve learned to control my anxiety and talk myself down. But for some reason I’m having a flare up. Im probably going to sound so crazy. My sister does my nails for me bc they’re acrylic and idk how to do them. When she does them they aren’t perfect but they’re free. Don’t get me wrong they look good but the paint isn’t PERFECT. So I feel ugly and I get anxious because it’s not perfect. I’ve also developed an eating disorder. Thinking about food starts to make me anxious. I’ve been working out for years but since I got surgery on my eyes in the beginning of July I haven’t been as active. It’s nice waking up in the morning knowing I don’t have to go workout and get all sweaty and shower. I can just wake up and brush my hair. I straighten it so I can just leave it go for 1 or 2 days. But my fiancé was telling me he doesn’t want me to get fat. Now I’m skinny but I got a little stomach. It’s not FLAT like all the models you see on instagram. I wish it was but I’ve been working out for so long and my stomach doesn’t change much. It starts to look toned after a while. My arms looked really good at one point but I’m not sure what happened. So I get anxious bc I want people to think I’m not fat. Idk why other people’s opinions matter to me. I think I’m afraid that if I stop caring then I really will get fat. I would love to talk with a specialist but I know I’ll just break down in tears when I start talking. I tell my fiancé every so often when I get anxious and he isn’t tells me it’s okay. Actually the response I got from him today was “hm” so I feel like I need to reach out for more help or just some advice. I’m CONSTANTLY cleaning my room because I’m afraid the dirt will ruin my furniture or my stuff. I literally lint roll my sheets in the morning to make sure there’s no dirt….. I know it sounds ridiculous. I make my bed a certain way so it looks really nice and fresh and I’m constantly spending money on new bedding because I like my things to feel new. I get anxious when my shoes get dirty or scuffed up. I get anxious when there’s dirt on my bedroom floor. I’m not sure what to do to concur the fear of dirt. Do I seek help from a therapist on here or will I be laughed at?

Hello all I'm a little bit of a wreck right now. Idk if any of y'all go through this but I would love to know I'm not the only one. My mind keeps trying to attribute all the bad things because of the holy Spirit. I would never say those things but I'm scared and confused. I'm scared I am pushing God away. Sometimes I get really scared because sometimes I don't care and it scares me. I'm nervous these thoughts are coming from me. And because of these thoughts I can't even thank the holy Spirit or feel safe. And because of these thoughts they make me doubt who I am as a person and it scares me. What if I'm asking for forgiveness and I don't mean it. What if I am doomed. Any responses would be nice I can't even cry properly anymore.

I’ve been struggling with intrusive thoughts about pedophilia, I was highly addicted to porn for 2 years or more, I even masturbated a couple times to someone younger but when I did that my ocd didn’t trigger or nothing till months after thinking what if I am a pedophile, after that is when I decided to quit porn indefinitely I realized I was going too far,I always thought I was a decent person, I have never hurt anyone, I always had this idea that I could become someone people can look up to or just become someone everyone respected, I’ve always loved sports, my family and video games, but lately I haven’t been able to enjoy any of that it’s like my ocd is making me think I’ve always been like this and all my actual beliefs weren’t real that I’ve always been this horrible person, at first I would get panic attacks and disgust but now I feel kinda numb and I don’t want to feel like that cause it’s making me think that maybe I am one and my mind is getting used to it, I even feel uncomfortable talking about kids or just being around them and I have never been like that . I am a heavy nicotine and weed smoker (I’ve tried to stop since it seems to make them worse). Now it feels like I am a completely different person, I also have a girlfriend who before this i would love with everything in me, and would be afraid to lose her every time we would argue, I would even think about a child with her in the future, but now I don’t even feel love or any attraction or any of the previous feelings I would feel towards my future and I just feel it makes it even worse cause if I’m not attracted to her and all my previous beliefs feel like lies then what can I believe in? Any advice or tips? I’ll be starting therapy this week so I pray there’s light at the end of the tunnel.

I held the container that contains the coffee grinds over the garbage an even though I know it didn't hit the garbage I keep thinking it could have hit the garbage. Any thoughts or help from those who share contamination OCD?

I feel as though no matter what, I am going to feel like I am a p or a z00phile for the rest of my life. My ocd is terrible. When I do better in life, such as now, these things are always in the back of my head. As if im tainted, and no longer have the ability to be a good person. When I was a kid, I was very hyper sexual, I don’t know why, I don’t remember much. but I watched and did some pretty strange things. I am 18 now, obviously do not do those strange things, but I struggle with m-sturbstion ALOT.(it being a compulsion for my ocd, which is terrible) i have been in situations where this compulsion happened and it was inappropriate (either where I was, who I was with, or what was next to me, NEVER A KID, but sometimes my cat was next to me or very close) I try everyday to just move past all of this, but I feel as though I can’t, sometimes I do, then the rumination starts again. I really do not want to hear anything about turning to God. I believe in God but I am not very religious. I just would like to know a logical way how to feel like I can be a better person and not be tainted? Or am I even a good person at all or have a chance? Im not trying to reassurance seek, im just genuinely confused

I’ll have a huge wave of thoughts rushing to me all at the same time, leaving me panicked and drained, and I can’t even tell if I like these thoughts or not which scares me even more. Then i’ll come to the conclusion that maybe I don’t have OCD and everything is real, but I don’t want it to be real. I don’t want to be a monster like that. I don’t want to cheat on my partner, be a zphile, a pdphile, a psychopath, all those crazy immoral things. I just want to be a girl living a normal happy life but I feel like i’m being punished by this OCD monster because of past events I regret. Man i’m just so tired, I don’t even know whats real or not anymore, I just want to be set free from this guilt and torment. I feel like a fault in the system, a cog that doesn’t function properly and deserves to be removed from the gift of life incase I hurt any more people around me. Im sorry if this has gotten really depressing, I just needed to rant. I saw a post online differentiating GAD and OCD, and it said that people with OCD preform constant compulsions whereas people with GAD do not, but because i’m actively trying not to engage in compulsions (like searching things up) it made me feel like I don’t actually have OCD which was a big trigger for me and I went into a spiral of feeling like an imposter. Sorry if this is a bit much to read.

i'm going to lose my life one day to this illness i never asked for. it could've been beautiful.

Can someone please tell me, what I can expect from recovery? So I have to love with this shit feeling forever or is it really going to get better? What does recovery look like?

Hi ladies! Do any of you notice a spike in your OCD during the time of your period? Mine always seems so get pretty bad a couple of days before, and during the week of my cycle. Curious to see what others may experience during this time.

Hey everyone, I hope you are all doing well . I am not sadly. Idk what to do at this point in my life and it’s really scary. My family seems to not get it really but idk how to explain what I’m going through . So basically I had an uncle and I have many cousins with schizophrenia. All of them don’t take meds and have went off the grid with my family or have passed . I am so unbelievably scared of getting it that I can’t live my life without being scared everyday. I have had so many thoughts and dreams and a lot of come true(no joke) and I’m like oh shit that means I’m delusional and I’m having delusional thoughts and now it’s taking over my dreams and it just doesn’t make sense to me. I am very scattered brain 24:7 I feel I can’t talk or speak right, I keep going through not feeling real or right and I’ll be talking to my family and my brain will be like “ what if this is a hallucination and you’re talking to yourself”. I’m EXHAUSTED to the max and most I’ve ever been. Idk what’s going on with me. I’ve also always been a superstitious person because weird shit was always happening or strangely a “coincidence” that even my family would be like wtf is going on with that. And I never understood it as a child, but I’m so so so sooo scared bc of that and what I deal with now that I’m developing it. And I need help.

I am uncertain where to start, as I’ve only self-diagnosed myself with having OCD tendencies. I can look back into my childhood, adolescence, young adulthood and now, and I see pockets of when OCD was alive and well. I have been learning about somatic healing the last few years because I’ve been wanting to connect with my body to understand. I want to feel more grounded. During this process of wellness, I’ve learned that I have OCD and ADHD qualities that I’ve lived with my entire life. Could that be true? Was I good at hiding it all, or making it appear as part of my personality? Was I masking? I think that’s a term that’s used these days. Here’s a story that involves what may be OCD. My sister and I, aged 14 and 16 at the time, just took our first flight together to visit our aunt and uncle in Seattle. While there, intrusive thoughts kept popping into my head that something was going to happen to my dad. Where were these thoughts randomly come from? Was I thinking them, did they magically appear, was it my intuition? It was an unsettling feeling and I had frequent thoughts that my dad was going to die. At that time, my life felt so beautiful. It felt so full of love and happiness. I loved my family. I had my very first boyfriend. It was summertime and as I was taking a walk down the ocean shore, I wondered if life is supposed to feel that happy. I just genuinely felt full of light and love and all the good stuff. And thoughts kept coming about what I could possibly learn in this lifetime if I haven’t experienced pain. Why was I having such an existential crisis at age 14, on a summer vacation with my sister? It was just two days later when we tried calling our dad and he wasn’t answering. I had a gut feeling that something happened. It wasn’t until my dad’s sister answered my home phone that I knew. My sister and I held hands and collapsed to the floor in pure shock. My dad died of a heart attack. It was such a blur of a time, as my developing brain couldn’t process it at all. Anyway, fast forward to me being 36 years old, I still fear that my thoughts could have caused his death. It plays in my head when I get to thinking about that summer vacation. So now, as a mother of three beautiful children, I get intrusive thoughts and worries about anything happening to them. My heart starts to race, my eyes fill up with tears and I just can’t imagine it. Is it OCD? Is the fear causing these OCD thoughts? I have nightmares sometimes of these terrible things happening to my loved ones. I guess what I’m asking is, could this be OCD. What type of OCD? I also have this repetitive string of things I say in my head when I get intrusive worries. It’s along the lines of “God please protect my loved ones. Keep them safe. Surround them with love, protection, health.” And the ADHD symptoms are a whole other part of my life. I have felt this thing inside of me forever thinking something is wrong with me, not knowing what. But seeing peers living their lives so freely and doing things that feel harder for me have left me feeling crippled. And nobody would know this about me. If you saw me from the outside you’d think I have it all together- a husband, three kids, etc. But truly I have felt so alone and unable to fully live at my core. And I just need to know why or what or how. I just want answers so I can truly heal.

Has anyone else ever had harm ocd to the point of where you having thoughts about killing someone to get something? It freaked me out.

So I had a session today just to express how I’ve been feeling the past few days and my therapist told me I’m relapsing. I had a major panic attack after seeing one of my biggest triggers today but I was still some how able to manage what needed to get done. I’m so defeated and depressed at the moment. The harm thoughts are so horrible right now, I feel like I am back at square one. I’m back to not eating and just wanting to stay in bed. Anybody with harm ocd that has relapsed have any tips or guidance? I feel like I’m drowning again. 😭😭

people here say that their ocd isn’t completely gone but it’s not ruling them and it’s in the back of their mind still but not ruling them. but i don’t want it on the back of my mind. i want clarity about what i believe and who i am again. i don’t want a shred of doubt. i want to be freed. i feel like this is impossible.. like the ocd doubts are apart of me now.. i don’t understand why this happened to me.

I’m literally shaking panicking that I’m paychosis, sometimes I feel so weird very weird feeling and ugh I know it’s ocd but I’m scared of not remembering who my husband is or like acting crazy or having to go to a mental hospital like I don’t want that and like psychosis and ocd have very similar symptoms. I was diagnosed with OCD but I’m scared I have that and I don’t want to I’m like ugh sometimes I feel so out of myself I wake up feeling weird I feel very weird symptoms in my body I wanna be fucking normal I thought I was okay but ugh I feel so horrible right now and it also doesn’t help that I’m on my period but I just saw the word psychosis and decided to search it up and now I’m scared I have it.