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I am honestly desperate to try anything, I tried prozac and it works but it makes me gain weight which makes my body image issues even worse, so I need help. Has anyone tried it?

My OCD wants to keep switching “themes” on me, but once again it always concerns my mom or family. This time it’s sexual-related. The one I experience the most is the harm-related thoughts towards her, thinking I want to hurt her or thinking she abused me in the past (she did not) so that’s why I have these thoughts. My mind is always trying to see if there are deeper meanings to these thoughts and how I really feel. Yesterday my thoughts started going towards - “what if I’m attracted to my mom?” I was reading a book and it was a romantic scene and an image of my mom popped into my head. I tried to just dismiss it since I know we can’t control what comes into our heads, but I of course ruminated about it more and it has become a full-blown obsession. I have started wondering if I really am attracted to her or not, do I want to be in a relationship with her, am I just denying my feelings, etc. It sounds so disgusting and disturbing to share these things, but it’s difficult to disengage with this kind of thinking. Like it’s too disturbing to just let it go. Which leads to other worries like what if I can never be in a real relationship because I will just keep having these thoughts, what if this is true and how will I live with myself, what if my mom sexually abused me as a kid and that’s why I’m having these thoughts, etc. I know I’m going down the rabbit hole, but I just keep coming up with more and more “reasons.” Trying to go about my day and not pay them any attention, but it has been difficult to focus on anything else. Which then makes me wonder if I’m actually just fantasizing now and not actually obsessing.

Can someone help me with this? I’m trying to deal with something in my life and my OCD is freaking out. I’ve been dealing with anger a lot. I don’t know what it’s from, most likely trauma, but the older I get, the more angry I become. I’ve lashed out at people before and I hate that because I don’t want to make other people suffer because I am. So I’m trying to find ways to channel my anger and deal with it instead of lashing out while also not suppressing my emotions. I’m trying to find a healthy balance to deal with the emotion. Creativity (art, writing, music, etc.) can help with some emotions, but anger isn’t one of them. For some reason when I try these things with anger, I just get more angry. The best way I can describe it is that I feel small. I feel like I’m not being heard and I can’t accurate get out the emotion. One thing I’ve found that does work is physical activity. I’ve been recommended it before and I saw it listed as a way to deal with anger. It makes me feel a lot better. But my OCDs gotten a hold it it, and it’s basically saying if I need a physical release in order to deal with anger, then I must be a physical abuser and I’m at risk for hitting people. Basically, if I have to exercise to deal with anger, then I operate the same and have the same mind as someone who physically abuses people. The thought terrifies me and I genuinely can’t tell if that’s true. I’m so scared of what I’m feeling, I have no idea what to do.

Since we may never know if a memory is false and just our ocd or if it is real, how do we cope knowing it could be real? I just could never live with that😪 How do people just move on and be okay knowing that possibility? I have a false memory that’s based on a real event. Every time my ocd brings up the false memory it adds more evidence and more reasons to make it seem more real. It’s so painful and I don’t know what’s real and what’s my ocd wanting me to believe it’s real.

Ocd is clever. It’s clever at making you feel like if you worked this one thing out everything will be fine and great and as it was… what a lie. Just when you think you’ve solved one thing it’s straight onto the next , just when you think you’ve reached certainty it suddenly doesn’t matter anymore as something more urgent and important has come up… Ill always be a terrible person in my ocd mind. I thought I was over this issue but no…my mind has created another one, a more urgent and serious one. When will this end.

I have this constant need to look up gay couples on tiktok and look up coming out stories or like talks about sexuality being fluid. And I always end up getting triggered by something because it feels like I resonate with one person or more. And then everytime I calm down it feels like im “pushing myself more in the closet”. Why cant I be like all my other friends… and I specifically saw a video of a girl saying “yeah to the people saying I love my man but I cant feel attracted rn or i love him but hes the last/only man I loved : you’re lying and you’re gonna live a miserable life and at one point you’re gonna explode and you wont be able to fake it anymore.” And idk I RELATE TO THIS ughhhhh

OCD often makes me feel distant from God. I often feel unforgiven, unloved, and even hated. In my head I often view God as someone who hates me and who is always constantly disappointed in me. My relationship with him feels like an Obligation now more than a relationship. I’m always on the cusp of becoming an atheist, but I always draw myself back because I don’t want to give up my faith so fast, even if it’s been 4-5 years of living like this. I’m often at war with myself daily. There is never a day that I feel as though if I do one small thing whether it be buy something or eat something that I’m going to end up in eternal damnation. And even though I know it’s only OCD and it’s cognitive distortions, I still feel uneasy.

Helloo :) I never really see much about my specific theme which is scared of my bf cheating on me, or me manifesting him cheating on me. I get a couple others such as “he’s going to leave me, “ he finds me unattractive”, or “ what if he shares my private photos” etc. I usually get more “statement” thoughts rather than “what ifs” which makes me even more worried, I could of course be psychic/ my “gut feeling” is correct but whatever 🤣 was just wondering if anyone else had this type of rocd instead of the more common “ I must leave him” type :)

ever since last year when i was in my senior year of high school, i started to wipe down things when i’d return back from school. sometimes it would be my iPad (school issued), because i had touched it with greasy hands or when i had placed it somewhere “unsanitary”. i’d only do it once a week, or whenever i felt it was truly dirty in my mind. then i started cleaning my phone, when i saw dust or something get it on after returning to school. honestly, i don’t remember much after that so let’s fast forward. fast forward to around the beginnings of may, we had exams coming up and my best friend was coming over to stay the night and so we could study for exams. i remember that day i cleaned my room from top to bottom, and even when they had arrived i still continued to. i cleaned my phone off, and even their stuff a little. i even had to shower right after waking up, with them still at my house. i also remember prior a couple months to this i had started cleaning things around in my room because i hadn’t properly had my own room up until this year in january. a little later in may came my graduation, i was perfectly fine with people (this line is mostly referring to my parents) touching me, as i let my mother put a necklace on me that day. but, after i was graduated i was kind of stuck at home. so i cleaned stuff more regularly. i got a desk for my room, i built it, and i had to triple clean it in order for it to be clean to me. every month gradually got worse, and i found myself cleaning almost all the time. clorox wipes had become my best friend. and i found myself thinking that my own parents were contaminated. right now, i wish i could go back to may. may was way better, or i’d even go back to june, july, august, and maybe even september. right now i’ve been stuck at home for almost two months without leaving and leaving my thoughts to twirl around in my head. i have online college, and you would think that to distract me from my compulsions. but right now the situation got worse. last week i could go downstairs and sit on the couch (after cleaning it) and eat (then brush my teeth and clean my mouth) and be on my laptop and phone with no worries at all. now i find myself in my bed most hours of the day staying up until sunrise and not leaving to even go to the bathroom, or eat, until it is past 6pm. everything is dirty to me now, my room, my desk, my bed, my sheets, my parents, myself. even after showering, and scrubbing a million times, i’m never clean enough. i’m so scared, and sick of this feeling. and i have a very special event coming up this weekend that i don’t want to miss for anything in the world, i just don’t want to not feel clean for it. i just want my life back, my parents, my friends, my partner. me. i’m too young to have this horrible monster taking control of me, but i just can’t seem to ever find a way out.

I'm trying to find motivation, inspiration, a reason to start and get better. But everything I think of just gets shot down instantly in my head. Also, I've had so many bad experiences with professionals inside the healthcare system, not just for mental health but also physical health, that it has made me very critical of it, and as a consequence, I feel like OCD therapy is just rubbish. I feel my belief in healthcare has been stripped away, and therefore I don't feel anything can help me anymore. I'm bound to be walking with this forever. Throw in a lot of existential, meta, and nihilistic OCD views, and you have got my current situation. I have been thinking of maybe joining a church and becoming religious, maybe that will give me meaning? I hate that I don't find the meaning anymore from my 2 kids and wife, what is wrong with me? Been battling this disorder for 10 years now, but I feel it has come to the point where it has given me the ultimate insight, one that has shown me that I can never get out of it again because getting out of my current state is just something we as a society seem to think is normal. Who knows what is really normal? What if being anxious and passive and nihilistic is actually what we should be like? Another problem I'm facing is that I feel I've reached a point where I've tried everything and exhausted all knowledge, making it impossible to return to my unknowing self. I also have the idea or feeling that I've reached a state where I can no longer get enough motivation to make something of myself. I don't even know why I'm posting this message or doing anything at all. I think somewhere I hope that it can still go away or that things will get better. Even as I'm writing this right now, those doubtful thoughts are immediately surfacing again. Then I immediately feel feelings but also thoughts, and also just a kind of presence that says it doesn't matter and that everything is meaningless anyway, and that I know the truth of the universe and where the universe is just that nothing matters and that everything is flat, tasteless, and has no added value. All these thoughts keep going through my head.

As an OCD are we able to enjoy and when. I never did.

Not really an ocd thing but I really need any kind of advice. So Im autistic, and I have several problems with communication especially with allistic people. Today I tried to go to toilet but my sister wanted to bath, and she just wouldnt stop insulting me for like 20 minutes. Instead of letting me just quickly do what I need she stood in bathroom cursing me and calling my mom to take me away. Finally mom took her away and after I walked off the toilet I just couldnt take it anymore and hitted her head. I know it was bad but I just couldnt take her arrogant behaviour any longer. It was the second time I did it this year and I dont feel guilty neither do I feel ashamed, I dont really know why. And no Im not excusing it, Im just explaining why did that happen But the main part was when mom and dad started to yell at me, at first it wasnt that bad but then my dad just started to straight up calling me a crazy bitch, asshole, stupid fuck and idiot, and a lot more but I cant find any translation to these words. Mom told me that I ruined this family and I ruined their marriage. They told me that I think I can do anything I want because Im "sick" (reffering to the fact Im autistic) and when I said Im not ill my other sister said that I use autism as an excuse. Whenever I try to tell that some of my behaviour are autistic traits and I cant help them or I cant do something because Im literally disabled, instead of accomendations I get yelled at and said that I think I can do anything. I have no idea how to communicate with them anymore, they think of me as a bad child without rules and that does everything they wants, while Im literally a disabled person who cannot control their emotions because of constant stress and with several other problems. Im not saying that what I did was okay, but what did they expect? They really think that just because Im 14 and she's 9 I should take her humililation like nothing and think of me as crazy when I show my anger. But when my dad is angry, he can insult and curse us however he wants, sometimes even threat us, and at the end of the day, mom still will come to me telling how much my father loves me and that he is just depressed. I promise Im not talking to him again, last time his words hurted me so much when he said Im the biggest shit that has ever happened to them, I was like 8. They dont understand that IM DISABLED AND I WILL NEVER EXPERIENCE A NORMAL LIFE AND I CANT FUNCTION NORMALLY BECAUSE IM DISABLED. They think that its just some kind of illness to cure, they have no idea that everyday is traumatic because of the lack of communication. Its like keep getting accused of things while being mute, and not being able to explain anything. They think that they accomend me with letting me sleep at day and function at night or by not forcing me to do chores or letting me curse. Like these arent accomendations? Just lack of rules and boundaries? I need a peaceful house in which I could be accomendated, but how am I supposed to find peace when my father is insulting me everyday all the time? Especially when he is drunk. Or when mom and dad are arguing and making me feel extremally unsafe because dad always threats to quit his job or kill himself I dont know what to do, and all of this stress doesnt help my anxiety and ocd, I have been crying for like 50 minutes and I still cannot truly calm down

I had intense scrupulosity this weekend. I am triggered by any sermons or scriptures relating to judgment, punishment or hell. I went to church today and the Pastor preached a strong meat sermon regarding God's judgement and sovereignty and remaining in the protection of God. This set my OCD off and made me mental review for past and current sins. I feel like I can never meet the cut and guilty. I fear that I love the devil and that I am hardened to sin. I fear going to hell and dying in my sleep. These thoughts have gotten increasingly harsh lately and I don't kbow how to counteract them. I really need some suggestions.

I don’t know what to think. too much to take in. don’t know what to think of myself. humans are scary. the way they are capable of doing such evil things….. I want to run away. I am starting to feel the need to move. I can’t right now. it will be scary when I do because I’ll be more alone. but I will start new again. I don’t know. so many thoughts. sleeping is much better. reality cuts deep.

I have constantly been feeling like if I hit one arm, I have to hit the other and if I set something down and it just didn’t look right or feel right I had to do it again or I had to move it to a different spot in my room I’ve had never been a clean freak, which is mainly what I get told is OCD And I don’t know if I should even have this app. I don’t know if I actually have it. I’m constantly worried that I did something in my past that harmed others and that’s why people don’t like me or I’m constantly worried People are constantly watching me and I don’t know if that’s OCD or if I have it so please tell me I will delete this app and never think of it again if I don’t I just really wanna know

Lately, I have been able to manage my OCD thoughts kind of. They’re still there but I kind of push them away? I know that pushing them away doesn’t help but it’s been my only way to survive. I get scared often about things like clothes or my voice or how I present myself. I get scared that I want to dress differently or act differently and it scares me. I know for a fact I don’t want boobs or anything like that, but my mind constantly is like “What if?” and it kills me. It has ruined everything for me. Sometimes I can’t even look in the mirror because I get scared that I won’t like what I see. I’ve also been afraid because I find myself relating to many female characters, or I want to act like them. Like Pearl from Steven Universe. I want to be graceful and elegant like her, but I don’t want to be a girl you know? My mind constantly pushes these thoughts of what if and images. Because I am not like most guys. Which I know is okay. It just freaks me out. It makes me question every aspect of my being. I know who I am, but I know that the only way to move forward is to accept that maybe I don’t.. It’s just a lot.

sometimes when i’m doing something like going to the bathroom, taking a shower, changing clothes, i get a thought that is like “what if im not actually in my bathroom and im in school right now in front of anyone but i just can’t see them” i hope that makes sense. i just keep having these thoughts and recently ive been afraid while taking showers and going to the bathroom. writing this out it sounds so stupid but i just don’t know how to stop thinking these things. and when i do think these things i just tell myself multiple times that i am real and i am actually in my bathroom, not in public. but does anyone know a way to make this stop? also i dont know if there is a word for this, and if anyone can relate that also might have these thoughts please let me know im not alone!

I am a 59 yr old and for years I have been struggling to get the correct diagnosis and treatment. So I have always known my mother was OCD. Everything had a place and she would flip out if things were not always a certain way. However I don't think I fully understand the complexity of this disorder. I now am beginning to realize I have these thoughts running inside my mind on repeat and the ones that are negative are the ones my brain continues to feed me. I hope that made sense but I need help understanding every aspect my life that is effected by this disorder. This site has been extremely helpful. Thank you everyone

I need to know if anyone has experienced this because I feel like this is so different and WAY to real. I have a coworker that I got along with quite well and she became my false crush I was always obsessing over if I liked her it was so bad, when I was doing worse, there was times where we would have a conversation and that conversation no matter what it was I would repeat this over and over in my head, or when something funny or interesting happens my brain would immediately go, omg I have to go tell this coworker what happened, and it was so energetic too, I’m so scared this means that I actually like her and it’s not a false crush please anyone has experienced this before?

Where is your God? “My tears have been my food day and night, while people say to me all day long, ‘Where is your God?’” (Psalm 42:3) There is something about this verse that explains grief and mental health so well. Battling with bipolar, anxiety, depression, or another mental illness can make the days feel so long. It’s as if each passing moment is full of more and more exhaustion. And then, the tears fall endlessly again and again. Or perhaps, you feel so numb to it all that the tears don’t even fall at all. So instead, you are just walking around looking fine on the outside while caving in on the inside. Again, as we step into today’s devotional, we ask that you take a moment to breathe in and know that we are not suggesting that scripture will immediately fix what you are going through. Sometimes therapy & medication are necessary. God created those things and they are good gifts! But, we want to focus on how scripture and the presence of the Lord can be your companion along this journey - never leaving your side once. As we dive into Psalm 42 - the truth is we don’t know exactly who wrote this Psalm or what they may have been going through. However, we can see that they were suffering in a very personal way. Their sorrow ran deep and they could not control it. What’s interesting about Psalm 42:3 is the phrase “Where is your God?” - and the implication. It’s not super often that we face hardship today and there are enemies surrounding us asking about “our God”. However, the Enemy does plant a seed of doubt in our minds. And then suddenly, we are asking ourselves those questions. You’re in the middle of a panic attack with the lies whispering, “God doesn’t care. He won’t save you.” You’re deeply walking in grief and you feel this little voice saying, “God could have fixed it, but He didn’t care enough.” Your OCD is flaring up and every thought in your mind is, “I am going crazy and God won’t make it stop”. “Where is your God?”, we hear the Enemy say. But - in the middle of this mental battle, the author of Psalm 42 shifts their focus to another thought. They say, “My soul is downcast within me; therefore I will remember you from the land of the Jordan, the heights of Hermon—from Mount Mizar.” (‭‭Psalm‬ ‭42‬:‭6‬) Remembrance. Your soul is downcast. You feel heavy. Life just feels unfair. Your tears keep falling. Anxiety keeps flaring. Nothing feels right. The author is honest. They admit that their soul is still downcast. They aren’t invalidating the hurt or pain that they have gone through & feel - but they are shifting their focus. Have you heard of the word “Ebenezer” before? It’s considered a “stone of help” and comes from 1 Samuel. Samuel sets up in commemoration of God's help to the Israelites in their victory over the Philistines at Mizpah. It’s a picture of God’s faithfulness for the Israelites to look back on whenever they lose hope. What is your Ebenezer? What is one event that God has shown up in so faithfully that you knew He was real? What has God rescued you from before? We want to challenge you at this moment to write that down. Even if it’s just on a notes app in your phone. Write it down and read it back to yourself. No - your Ebenezer cannot solve the current sorrow and pain that you feel. But - it can remind you that there is a God who cares about you. It can remind you that there is a God who is working despite the invisibility of it. And it can remind you that if God was faithful before, He will be faithful again. “My soul is downcast within me, therefore I will remember…” You can be honest with Him about how you feel & still remember His goodness. Take heart, Child. He loves you, despite how it feels. He loves you. *Essential Worship