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Does anyone also know of any support groups?

This may upset some people reading so here is just a warning that these are disturbing I don’t know what to do to make the bad thoughts stop. My mom recently had a baby, my little brother. I wasn’t exactly happy about this pregnancy, but I have nothing against my brother. He’s adorable and silly. Nothing against him. But I feel like these thoughts bug me because what if deep down I do resent him because I didn’t want my mom to have another kid? What if I did act on these things because I hate him? What if I just lose it and do something? It’s all so illogical, I know. Never would I ever want to do that. But there’s times I’m watching him for a few minutes for my mom and my brain just shows me an awful scene of me brutally hurting him or killing him. Or I’ll be holding him and my brain shows me a scene where I purposefully drop him or I just hurt him so badly. I’ll be walking near him and my brain tells me I’m going to stomp on him. It shows me such bad things. I have intrusive thoughts all the time, but this is different because there’s a semi good reason I “could” do it. That being, I wasn’t happy about the pregnancy. And it scares me. I’ve started crying because I was so scared it was going to happen. I have to back up away from him or sit down so there’s no way I can do anything. I feel horrible. I don’t want to hurt him. And I’m so scared I will. But I won’t. I’m hoping this makes sense to others who struggle with this. Because to anyone else who’s never gone through these things I’ll sound insane. And sound like a psychopath. Thanks for reading. Any help would be appreciated.

This theme is not a usual one for me but it's eating me up today. I'm married and I love my spouse with all of my heart. I couldn't imagine a world without her. We've been together years now and I don't ever wanna think about being separated from her. That's why this has been tough. Yesterday, a female coworker came to me asking for some help looking for something. I walked her over to this staircase as I figured what she was looking for was probably upstairs. Once we got there we were having small talk about work when all of a sudden I had a bad feeling. Feeling like I had just done something wrong. I quickly then made sure there was adequate distance between us...not that we were close to begin with, just made sure of it. As I walked back to my area, I felt a ense of doom. Somehow my brain concocted this story that I must've kissed her, and that's why I felt that feeling. I replayed it over and over again, and I'm not even sure know what exactly happened. Like now I don't even know why exactly I felt that feeling...like, did I have an intrusive thought that triggered it? Was it just a random bad feeling without thinking of any thoughts or images? Also wondered if I felt it because I did do something wrong and just somehow immediately forgotten about it. It's bothered me since last night, I don't think I could live with myself if I did something to ruin our marriage and friendship. We may not always get along, but that's normal and she's still the best friend I've ever had. I have a feeling that I would know if I did something...it wouldn't have just happened and I just completely forgot. It would've been super weird of me to even do and so far outside my nature even if I were single. But you know how ocd is. Somehow OCD can make you feel like you remember almost everything else about an event, but that one bad thing you fear you did- you must've somehow blacked out that one section of memory instantaneously. Anyway, I just wanted to vent. Feel free to chime in if you've had similar experiences or share your stories/vents as well! Have a good day!

I just want to say That when I get this therapy I hope I heal and I hope my brain goes back to normal the way it was and I hope all these false feelings go away and thoughts and urges although I feel nothing and I feel like this is the new me I know deep down it's not I just really hope it doesn't get worse and that I can finally have normal thoughts I just really pray to God I can feel like me again if not then I guess I'm stuck like this thank you guys for helping me me the best you can. I just hope this passes beacuse it genuinely feels like I'm changed and that the feelings are there it's scary. Like my brain doesn't even react anymore with disgust or anxiety neither does my body the thoughts just come up and checking is exhausting and when I don't think about it it still comes this is a scary tome for me I've never had ocd this bad before beacuse I knew who I was before all this idk anymore. I feel like I'm in denial about being a monster and that I actually feel like I do desire these things that's how real it is the lingering feeling is still there it feels like I enjoy this it's terrifying How powerful the brain is cognitive thinking is no joke. It really does change how u feel and affects you badly I don't wish this on anybody. 🪽🪽🪽

I feel like I know everything that my mind is doing yet cannot escape the same predictable trick OCD plays on me. I have an obsession, I know that performing compulsions only feeds the cycle and acts as a temporary relief. Though I know to not suppress these thoughts because that labels them as bad and scary. I’m told not to pose judgement towards my intrusive thoughts, and simply let them pass almost as a spectator views clouds passing by. I attempt to do this, and then feel a sense of discomfort. I tell myself an rpm (response prevention method) “this is uncomfortable but I can cope”. But I sit with this discomfort all day, thoughts neither entering nor exiting my mind, just a background feeling of guilt and an urgency to perform my compulsion which is research and rumination. I know not to pose judgement towards myself here and to give myself grace, and acknowledge that I’m doing the best I can. But I don’t feel that way. I am an overachiever. I have extremely good grades, I am in very good shape, but feel held back from experiencing joy both in doing my passions and harvesting the rewards of my labor. What does one who is completely self aware of how their OCD functions do. Why can my brain not distinguish real danger for irrational fear? Logic does not cure OCD. I waste too much time thinking about my obsessions. “Am I depressed” “am I suicidal”, it’s the same thoughts that trigger anxiety and urgency to gain insight. OCD is connected to what we care about most. I want to live my life, I want to make friends, go out, and ENJOY doing that. Why can’t I understand that nothing is wrong. What in my head is like “woah woah woah, we need to look at this thought for 3 hours to make sure this won’t happen, because you can’t validate it until you find the specific piece of information you need to feel better. I feel like my logic and emotions are very detached. I can understand the concept of holding no judgement or guilt towards self, but it’s different in trying to feel this. Feeling better and understanding how to feel better are completely different. One who feels good has no need to understand how their mind works on a predictable level, as they feel in control and in unison in identity with the thoughts and concepts which flow through their minds, as they cause no immediate distress. But I have to map out how my mind works predict how it will act in different scenarios (after I wake up, in social settings), in order to maximize the enjoyment I feel from immediate feelings. I’ve had to learn to live with combined emotions. To laugh while feeling a sense of dread in the background. I can feel happy and anxious. But I want to feel as I think on a rational level. Escape the irrational. So I know I must just accept the cards I’ve been dealt. I am in therapy, and feel like a broken record writing this. I am simply venting. I want to use the credentials I gain in my hard work to better the current mental health crisis. To give everyone a fair and proper treatment to their very specific issues at hand. There is too much individual experience akin to how one experiences mental illness. Therefore treatment should be specified more for each individual. In regard to how I’ll get by, I must manage to accept my position, gradually become more and more aware of my mental cycles to where I can predict and ultimately control how I respond to certain thought cycles.

Hi everyone, I’m 21 and I was diagnosed with OCD at 16. I had a great therapist who was trained to treat OCD and we made a lot of progress, but I moved out of state for college and had to find someone new. I’ve been seeing someone else who is trained to treat OCD too for about a year now and they’ve been super helpful, but I feel like I’m caught in a cycle. I did some ERP and it has helped, but I think I need to focus on it more than I ever have. I’ve only ever gone to therapy once a week at most, and I considered that a lot. But I have been struggling a LOT the past few months, and have only really been addressing new stressors that have triggered my OCD, rather than doing actual exposure work. I’ve also been in the process of finding an effective medication, and the past few months have felt like a vicious cycle of weaning off of a med and trying a new one, the weaning period making my OCD horrible, my OCD cooling down, a few weeks of being as anxious as usual (upsetting things usually being a 6 or 7 and obsessing in small chunks for up to an hour a day), then chatting with my psychiatrist about a new med, rinse and repeat. I feel like I’ve kind of boomeranged in progress, and I wonder if I’d benefit from more intensive (2+ sessions a week) treatment with ERP to address the obsessions that have been making me miserable. For anyone who’s recovered from severe OCD or has gotten a good grip on it, what resources did you use? Did you do intensive therapy (lots of erp multiple times a week) or was once a week enough for you? Did you see an expert from NOCD or something else? How did medication come into play? I feel like I’ve plateaued, and I want to put the hard work in to get to a place where I have power over my ocd and can live a more care free life!

Knowing that I have to pay money for a service that is causing me more problems than actually helping me is infuriating.

I have ADHD and I’m struggling with impulsivity related to intrusive thoughts. Sometimes, I get these strong urges to act on a thought, and I start taking action. But then, right as I’m about to make contact or do it, I freeze in confusion and terror, realizing what I’m about to do. It’s like I’m caught between the urge and the awareness that I don’t want to follow through. Has anyone experienced something similar, where the impulsivity leads you to take action before you realize what’s happening? How do you manage that confusion and prevent following through with the urge?

I seem to have a reverse form of ROCD where I am constantly terrified of my partner finding another woman more attractive than me and terrified of it being my partners ideal physical type. I have made several changes to my body (not asked for by him) to become his “physical ideal”. This was all made worse with his pornography addiction where I saw photos on his phone of gigantic breasts and Latin women (which I am neither). I am supposed to marry this man and I wonder how can I marry someone and know for the rest of my life that I’m not actually their “ideal woman” because I am not Latin and I have straight hips and small deflated breasts instead of the hourglass shaped implant women that he had tons of photos of on his phone? How can I stay witn someone knowing this forever? He stopped watching porn but I feel like illl never forget that I’m not what gets him “off”. Also I can’t watch movies with him or go in public with him if there are hot women around because I can’t bear the thought of him seeing a woman and finding her more attractive than me. What is the point of marriage if your partner finds other women hotter than you? Why would anyone get married knowing that their partner is going to find other women more attractive?

Does anyone have magical thinking ocd specifically wishing?

My mind keeps telling me “something is wrong with you. the weird feeling you are feeling or the weird tingling you are feeling or there is a weird mark on your body. Those are actually a severe symptom and by ignoring it you could die!” Or especially the constant, “go to the emergency room because this impending doom you are feeling, yeah that’s because your gonna die shortly” It doesn’t help whenever people say “well if something was wrong your body would tell you” because my mind keeps telling me that what I’m feeling is proof something is wrong and I need to get it checked out. That I actually am severely sick and that I need to get it checked out as soon as possible, that if I get one more test than I’ll be okay because it will prove nothing is wrong. How do I tell my mind that it’s just anxiety whenever my mind keeps telling me “well if you keep saying that you could be ignoring something more serious.” Or “the doctors are just brushing you off..something is wrong with you” It’s hard to live with my thoughts whenever they are constantly coming up with ways to challenge me and challenge logic. New reasons on why I need to get this checked out because “I’m just being ignored” or “no one is listening to me so I’ll just end up dying” My symptoms range from weak and shaking legs and body to dizzy and unbalanced and dissociated. Recently I’ve been getting this tingling feeling inside my head and on the back of my neck. And my temples have pressure on them. My body keeps coming up with new symptoms I need to worry about, whenever most of them are probably caused by severe and constant anxiety. So severe I can’t even leave the house because I constantly worry about whether this is severe and something will happen if I leave the house. I need immediate ways to start fixing this because it’s especially horrible whenever my period comes around and my anxiety/depression is already higher than usual. I’ve even started considering taking medication (Zoloft, 25mg) which is another trigger for me, I worry about the symptoms I might get from taking it. That’s how you know it’s gotten pretty bad whenever I’ve come to taking something that I’ve been actively avoiding. What are your thoughts? Do I take the medication? What are ways I can deal with my symptoms that seem so severe in the moment but pass by once I’m not anxious? What are ways my thoughts can ease and I stop taking every symptom as something serious, because at the end of the day my anxiety is most likely the reason I have these horrible symptoms. I’ve always been extremely healthy and everytime I go to the doctors they express how healthy I am with all the tests I’ve had.

Im sure some of you can relate to this.. Mornings are especially difficult for me because I have a hard time preparing my food in a timely manner. I have to wash the coffee pot before each brew, make sure my utensils are clean, my food completely cooked. Sometimes something goes wrong in my routine and I have to start over. It gets frustrating when this morning routine makes me late for class. It feels terrible when OCD reaches for other parts of my life besides food. When it stays in its "realm" I feel better about it. ---I'm thinking about being honest with some of my professors about what's really going on. Any tips? Any advice for people like me who have a hard time with mornings?

I tried to make breakfast and I thought I knew what I was doing but I had trouble turning on and off the stove but I turned it off but now I'm worried about a gas leak and I'll be responsible for a lot of damage and I just can't shake the anxiety. I'm constantly checking for smells coming from the stove and I don't hear any clicking but I'm still scared they this thing could explode any minute. It makes me never want to cook ever again

18+! When I was child I was VERY hyper-sexual I’m not sure when it started. All I remember I was being very sexual with other kids at the time, I think I thought it was normal and nobody was stopping me either at the time so I had no idea I was in the wrong. I think I had to be 13 or 14 where it hit me out of nowhere that I was wrong. The floodgate of anxiety was horrible I had so much guilt it was eating me up. I had to stay home, I quit going to family gatherings, quit hanging out with new friends I’ve made, I cried a lot. Til this day I think about it everyday and the amount of guilt on my chest. If I could go back and change it all I would. I wish I could have a better understanding of me and why I was doing it. It’s the guilt and anxiety I deal with every single day. I never meant to hurt anyone.

Can your brain accidentally create images to test yourself? I’m thinking what happens with me is sometimes I get anxious I’m going to have images or feel the need to ruminate and prove that I am still disgusted with them, so I think my brain starts imagining things on purpose. Like last night was having images in the shower and felt really bad and tried to move past it but sat down looking at the tv and my brain started creating sexual images of the characters on tv. So I was ignoring it not reacting but then somehow I thought of a character way out of nowhere related to the show I was watching and had an image of her naked and she is a minor. And I feel like I created the image because it was me that thought of her in the first place. And I didn’t like or want the image, but I feel like I didn’t react as harshly as I should have, and idk if it was me testing myself. But I don’t need to test myself, I don’t think of her that way or any teenage character. But I still feel bad and I feel like I’m using ocd as an excuse. But I know I don’t want these images and know I can get past them because I literally cannot be attracted to anyone under 20. I don’t want to be, my brain cannot convince me I am, I’m just not. But I don’t know why I feel like I’m feeling too normal, went and hugged my mom & dad and talked with them before bed like normal, but I swear it’s because I know I’m not these images. I know it’s ridiculous and I can beat it. But I feel like the disgust and shame and guilt isn’t there like it should be and a normal person would pics wouldn’t be acting this way. But it’s gotten better before, I’ve had this same thing happen and I’ve gotten past it because I know my morals, but I just feel like I’m not acting right.

I had to use a pseudonym and such to join this app in the first place. If I interact with OCD content outside of here it has to be anonymous or very very minimal without any details of what I go through. I consistently deal with shame and even when talking about my OCD with friends/family I become embarrassed and ashamed, fearful of what they might think. I am like this in more cases too. I am a very private person: I use anonymous modes on almost anything, I never post my face unless the account is completely private, I never share my name online, etc. One time I scrubbed a 5+ year old account of any photos of myself or mentions of my name because I was so afraid. It’s been getting easier but that toxic shame is still triggered sometimes especially if I think someone may find out who I am. It is hard to get over especially since I’ve been treated horribly in the past.

I know that I need to accept the thoughts . Like maybe maybe not. But I can’t I just can’t accept that I might be a bad person I don’t want to be a bad person. I can’t live with my life knowing I’m a bad person and I feel like a bad person I just can’t accept the what ifs. I can’t accept everything. Living right now it not nice because I feel like a bad person 24/7 and I want to be a good person. I don’t want to be a bad person but what if I’m ? My therapist tells me to try to move on with this but omg it’s hard. How to live life knowing I’m might be a bad person? I feel horrible

17+ only please :( Pls don’t read if you’re under 17. Thank you. —— I keep having THOSE thoughts about my bf who is 15, and it feels really wrong but at the same time I’m like “it’s not wrong it’s fine cuz we’re only a year apart” but isn’t it wrong?? I feel so confused that it’s wrong or not, we don’t talk gross or anything I just have those thoughts …like on purpose? I feel like they could be intrusive, idk, it’s hard to tell, please let me know so I can do better

I have been doubting my salavtion for 18 years or 15 years does not matter I am 40. I was told I had ocd region last year and tore me apart. It does make sense I have also ptsd and bipolar. How do I know if I have repented and am saved? I feel numb to God. Never any love or change in my heart. I don’t belive good works save me. I know the Bible in my head but how do you know Jesus? I am tired and need a heart change but how does that happens with ocd? Forget about church they can’t handle me and have tried to help but given up. Been told I have been oppressed by demons pray harder trust God more ect. I feel depressed and take my anger out on my kids age 14 10 and 9 and husband. I feel alone and taking medicine does not help. I take my meds for bipolar and anxity. How can I be sure God has saved me or I want God? I am mad at God and been told it’s was sin. I think it is but why did I have to be abused as a kid and have mental health issues and now ocd junk. I don’t have the fruit of the spirit. My mind is in torment sometime and numb myself out with tv sleep drinks food pills ect. Where is Jesus ? Why can’t I have assurence? Just being real and the church is scared of me or I overwhelm people. Jesus offeres peace and rest and I don’t have that. I want my sins forgiven and be loved by God and have him as a my father. Dortine does matter saying the sinners prayer does not save me and I am lost and confused. I don’t want to go to hell. Please anyone have anything to say. I don’t have support

I see a lot of people on here asking “do you ever feel like you’re a bad person?” I used to. Spiraled over it for years. I learned a lot. I healed a lot. Forgave myself for a lot. And now I *know* I am good at heart. I made mistakes and did my best to repair the bonds I broke because of those mistakes… I try not to beat myself up about it anymore... You know.. Because I know in my heart, every day I wake up and try to be kind and understanding of other people’s experiences and do the best I can. The more ugliness I see in the world, especially with the election just happening, the more I realize how much more empathetic and sympathetic I am than the average person... I’m always told “I’m reading into things too far”, or “I’m blowing things out of proportion, it’s not that deep”, “you have to let this go, you need to move forward”, “you need to do this you need to do that”.. “Stop dwelling and just get up and do what you need to do.” Don’t you think I’ve tried? That’s all I’ve tried to do every single day and all it does, suppressing my empathy and how much i care, is make me more numb. It makes me feel like I need an escape. To me, some people seem to lack depth and are cold. I just lost my ability to trust my best friend of … my whole life. Almost 28 years. Because she flipped on a dime against me and cut contact with me about something that had nothing to do with her?? Or me?? How is that fair? How can someone who “loves” me just do that? I can’t stop reeling about it because I know what she’s been through and why she’s so cold and blows up sometimes. But it doesn’t excuse her coldness or the blow up. I always see people as these complex beings but maybe it really isn’t that deep to them. Maybe most people just do NOT give a SHIT about other people or their needs or their feelings. Im noticing people dont feel sadness or despair or worry or guilt or shame NEARLY as much as me — except other people with ocd and other neurodivergence dx, whether formally dx or self dx. But in my daily life, my normal social circle, my friends tell me things from their childhoods that would’ve absolutely traumatized me further as a child.. and are seemingly nothing to them or others around them. I don’t get it. How do people not feel this deeply? There is so much suffering in the world. I don’t get it. I had a terrible childhood, I really did. It messed me up. But… others have had it worse and I have empathy for those people. I always have. I wish the world would stop calling me crazy and weak and lazy and just let me live in a little house with a creek nearby with my family. Let me make art and share with the neighbors. I want chickens. I wanna grow grapes. I don’t want to participate in society. I can barely handle 25 hours a week right now and I’m living with my dad at 28. I need to be working 40 hours a week just to make ends meet at the job I have. I feel like I don’t have it in me right now. My life has been one tragedy and or pack up and move per year since I was like 10. I feel like this world was built for someone else. Any other person except me. I feel like I have never fit and I never will and I won’t ever be able to handle a job long term because my mental health is so volatile. And I don’t really want to take meds to fit in either. what do you do when one of your main fears is that you can’t take care of yourself financially and your main compulsion is to call out of work any time there’s a big disruption in routine or there’s conflict? I wish I could just be myself and that he okay since I’m not bothering anyone else, and I’m not at risk for harming myself or anyone else. I wish I could get disability and just not tell anyone and work on my art business full time. I wish I could be someone else. I don’t even know where to begin to rebuild my life.