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working to conquer OCD
hi, I just started taking a low dosage of zoloft(sertraline) for OCD and generalized anxiety and I am on my second day. For anyone who has taken an SSRI or my specific medicine, how long did it take for you to notice a difference?
I feel so freaking scared. I know Iāll have an intrusive thought/urge and whatever I know Iām going to fight off another compulsion until I eventually give in bc Iām still so new to this. I am petrified and I feel like I cannot for the life of me relax. Iām sleep deprived, in a terrible place hormonally, withdrawing from meds, and being treated like a burden by people around me. I literally feel like I canāt do this. I keep thinking about those posts where people talk about the hypothetical scenarios where you learn your death date. I feel like if someone told me Iād die soon, I would cry of relief. I would never hurt myself but boy do I not want to experience this anymore.
why wonāt my brain let me enjoy my relationship? why canāt i just enjoy my boyfriend and how sweet he is without my brain forcing me to compare him to someone else or other relationships and make me question if im even happy or if im settling and if i love him or just love the idea of a relationship. i find myself always double checking and making sure how i feel. my biggest fear is hurting him. i donāt want my mental illness to ruin something good. i donāt want my mental illness to destroy my relationship. i donāt know what to do!
my bf knows abt my googling and talking with chat bgt but does not know about this app, he is at my house and now im alone bc he is at the bathroom and he told me to not google and things but im confused idk what i feel i want to feel good and happy, i was good amd happy today, but now i have a lot of thoughts, my libido is low and i found it hard to kiss and do sexual things. Im scared i will br like this forever amd that i will never want to have sex (i am a virgin) , i will be 18 soon and i hate that i am like this. Im so scared i will never want to do this. i want to, but i always feel strange and my thoughts attack me making me feel so bad. i hate myself for posting here bc it is a compulsion and i feel like a liar, he loves me so much :(
I canāt stop feeling really down and sad I canāt take it anymore idk who I am anymore Iāve feel like Iām losing myself and morals I canāt self pleasure anymore because I fear that I will act on my intrusive thoughts because recently Iāve been dealing with these new situation where I would get a thought in my mind and in the moment it feels as if like Iām enjoying the thought or Iām still flashing myself because of the thought and then immediately I panic and I stop and I start crying because Iām worried that I did something really bad and Iāve never had a problem with the situation ever like this is the first time I hate having POC D because I am stuck here constantly questioning myself. Why would I do this? If I know it goes against my morals and values just doesnāt make sense to me and people say that I didnāt do anything wrong because of the guilt that Iām feeling in sadness but I think to myself like you would think that but I may just be feeling this way because maybe Iām just realising that what I did was just wrong I donāt know to be honest because Iāve always known that my intrusive thoughts were bad and I always promise myself I would never act on such a thing but I genuinely feel like horrible person and I keep asking myself like why didnāt I stop or why didnāt I try to push it away but like I really donāt know like the feeling panic and anxiety hits after work like immediately start to panic and Iām just like oh my goodness what just happened? This is the first time Iāve ever felt this way. Iāve never purposely thought of anything bad. Itās always in the context of intrusive thoughts so now Iām sitting here like thinking Iāve acted on my intrusive thoughts :/
I don't know what to do, my hands have become so numb and bruised because of constant washing hands, i have started hating each and every furniture around me, beacuse i feel they are not clean although they are being cleaned regularly but i cannot stop these thoughts. I clean my phone, bluetooth, charger with wet wipes each day, i don't touch any object around me, i am not being able to focus on my studies or anything else because of my ocd ihave stopped going out, everyone around me is so fed up of me. I have consulted so many therapists and been taking ayurvedic supplements too but nothing works. It is getting worse and worse, please if anybody can suggest me how to overcome these thoughts!
Hello I want to share my story with you because I sometimes feel so alone with my problems. I need hope that I can really do it. My father simply fled to his country of origin when I was 4 years old. At first I thought I would never see him again because we didn't know where he was, then we learned through a lawyer that he had run away - then the contact came back after 1 year, we visited him and it broke my heart every time to never see him again for another year. I idealized him so incredibly, even though he was never really there. My mother never demonized him, never put him down. My trauma was born that I was separated from my father several times. Today, I am 30 years old and I can no longer idealize it and I realize everything I have repressed, oppressed and killed during all these years. I started watching pornography very early at the age of teenagers aged 10 to 13, including things I'm not proud of today. then becoming sexually active myself. I had a very painful separation as a teenager with my ex. I've had super beautiful girlfriends, always. I knew I was attractive. From 13 (first time) to 28, I had more than 100 partners and tried many things. I lived in drunkenness. But what I never was was this macho - I was very early on aware of the value of a woman and that I wanted to treat everyone well and stay fair. But I never noticed that I had developed an OCD very early. To my OCD story: At the age of 18, I had the impression for the first time that something was wrong with me. There is no joy, something looks like a metal gavage. Then I took SSRI antidepressants and quickly improved. I take them until today :-( For probably 10 years, I was afraid of HIV. Extreme fear. I had to do 100 tests and I kept questioning them. I didn't know all this time that I could have an OCD. Three years ago, I met my girlfriend. I thought to myself: this time, you do everything better. Stay faithful, stay honest and so on. Then this obsessive admition came to me. I should wash myself of all my sins - suddenly, I told everything. Then came the guilty conscience (about violent sex chats, porn addiction, inappropriate porn when I was myself a teenager) and what others might think of me now. Then I saw a video about a guy who got exposed on the Internet because he had done something inappropriate. Terrible, I find it was horrible for the victims. Then OCD came and said that someone could say the same thing about me. And it duged up all my past. All porn in adolescence, everything. Again, I had to relieve myself in one way or another. I regained everyone's reassurance. Everyone must have told me that it was okay when I was 10-13 years old and watched porn that was not correct. Oh my God, I couldn't anymore. Then another memory kicked in my brain: When I lived for the first time alone, I was researching if it still exists limewire and the shit I tipped in when I was younger. This drove me crazy too, why did I do that?!?!? Now, OCD has taken on a new dimension and now checks on absolutely EVERYTHING if it excites me sexually or not. It suddenly automatically connects sex and children. It's terrible. I have never felt this level of fear before. We really think that I have been kidnapped by evil and that my brain is broken. I had never questioned my sexuality. Sex has always been so pleasant for me (certainly also anesthesia) and now everything is so confusing. I developed such a fear of sex with my girlfriend that inappropriate images would shoot me in the head. I hate OCD so much. Even worse, to distract myself and get rid of my feelings, I only know one strategy that has always helped me: more pornography, sex chats, more women and more transsexuals. So I say to myself: man, I want to be a great and good friend. In fact, I want to have a family with my girlfriend. It really drove me crazy. I didn't know what to do and sometimes I wanted to give up and die for the first time in my life. Because this flow of thoughts was unbearable. My big theory is that I'm obviously incredibly afraid of commitment. Because of my Major trauma of the PTSD. And OCD is just one of the many things that do not want to "make me feel", because it means a great danger. Goddammit, sometimes I say to myself that I have to live again single, and maybe have fear from HIV. I am not sure about my past, but I felt never so bad. Does anyone know of similar things? Can anyone understand my story or experience something similar? I want to be strong, I want to get there. Sometimes it's incredibly hard to believe. I don't understand how my brain has so much self-hatred. I want to finally live, free and in peace with myself. In love
I am in a big group server with my partner. There is another person there who i had a small crush on. I have NEVER interacted with this person in a private or secretive way. We are NOT friends, the most weāve ever interacted was through group discussions online. We do not have any sort of intimate or close friendship at all. My partner knows about these interactions and has access to every single message in that server. A few weeks ago, this person was talking about how nobody would date anyone with a certain trait that he has. I should note that this person is kind of a big meme in the server and no one takes him seriously. A while later we were having a group discussion about something and I mentioned something about my ex and this trait was brought up (my ex had the same trait as this person). This person commented on this and said he was surprised that I would date someone with that trait and that he was surprised I wasnāt hypocritically telling him he could find someone despite this trait while being unwilling to date people of that trait myself. I said that I was surprised that he thought people wouldnāt date anyone with that trait because I āknow plenty of girls who either have done so or explicitly prefer it.ā I then began talking about my CURRENT partner and how he was great and how I am very lucky to have him and that my relationship with my ex was toxic (unrelated to his trait). I should note that my partner is part of this server and he knows about this interaction and was fine with it. I TOLD him right away when the interaction happened. When this interaction happened, I remembered feeling really amused because like I said before, this person is kind of known for very outlandish/ridiculous reactions and opinions. I do remember saying this WITH THE INTENTION to get him to react in some way because I knew it would be amusing and I remember sending it to my friend. I want to clarify that my intention was NEVER to flirt with him, imply attraction to him, or make him think he āhad a chanceā or anything like that. I just knew it would be a funny reaction. I am bothered by the fact that I did this with the intention to elicit a response that amused/excited me. My partner knows of these interactions AND of my attraction to this person but I feel that the fact that he doesnāt know that I was doing them with an intent to get this personās attention makes it cheating. Even though i always made it very clear i was dating my partner and I NEVER EVER EVER attempted a single romantic or sexual interaction with this person at all. I feel like the fact that I said something with the hope that he would react is cheating. I donāt know what to do. Do I confess? He knows the interaction happened, and he also knows of my small crush on this person, but he doesnāt know that I did the interaction in an attempt to get a reaction from this person.
Hello. I am on my first relationship, (and I want it to be my only!) I've been at it for nearly 2 years, and it first starting happening a few months in. When the relationship started, it felt perfect to me. We are both extremely different people, we have different taste, different humor (but we both made each other laugh!) and just a different way of talking about things, (I tend to be more analytical, while she isn't as much). But I considered these differences to be fine, I never felt like it was an issue because our core values are very similar and I consider her a very intelligent girl. We just enjoyed time together, and each other, I thought she was cute as hell, and even if she didn't talk in depth about a lot of stuff, that didn't matter, I enjoyed the quiet times with her just as much as the talkative times. When the OCD kicked in, that's when I started to question everything, I questioned if I even loved her in the first place, if our relationship was just a sham, if I even found her attractive in the first place, her intelligence, her point of view, even dumb petty stuff like "oh she likes THAT movie???". After my first major breakdown, I confessed a lot to her. At this point, I didn't even know what was going on until I started to look into it. And that's where I found ROCD. On one hand, it was satisfying to see something I could point to as "the problem", on the other hand, I think it gave me bad motivation, it reassured me that this was something that I could just try and ignore. After I cooled down from this, I once again had a long period of bliss. I had a good schedule with her. >Go to work >Hang out with her (spend the night at her place sometimes) >go home and hang out with friends I enjoyed my time with her, taking part in her interests, and her taking part in mine. She wasn't always 100% into the things that I was, and that was always a bit disappointing to me, but in the same way you'd be disappointed if your friend didn't like the thing you liked. (now I over analyze these moments and question if I did always care more about this or not) This moment of bliss would end after another huge trigger. A part of the OCD I have yet to mention is my tendency to be worried that "getting along with other people that I find attractive" is the equivalent of either cheating on my partner, or backstabbing them. There was someone at work that I found attractive and I had a moment where it felt like I may have developed a thing for them, I still don't know if it's true because I generally found them to be annoying at times. I made a joke during work, that felt like I was propping myself up to them, I still don't know my motivation behind this joke, because it feels like it could have been something that I would have joked about to anyone, but I'm still not even sure about it. Either way I basically had a panic attack and later confessed to my partner. I don't know if I should have done it, or not, because I'm to this day confused about my emotions during that situation. Regardless. She was hurt, but she forgave me. It felt like I couldn't look her in the eye and feel like a sincere person to her. After this major moment, I felt like I never recovered. I started to avoid talking to this person at work, or really many women at work at all because of the fear that I'd fall for them. When an attractive women shows up I try and end the conversation quickly, this has only created a fear for taking to people, and it's extremely stressful. I got by though. And I would continue to love my partner. Until another major breakdown. This one created a new type of numbness to my partner, that felt completely different, and it's way more convincing. I mentioned in the past that my partner and I are very different, and that we even have different ways of talking about interests. My partner very much enjoys things for what they are, there's not much analysis, and that's fine. Me (and my friends) are very analytical. Last month I was showing her a game I like, and I started to question if she was even tracking what was going on, or even understood it, I was obsessing over the idea that she didn't even care about it (even tho I know she has always taken interest in what I like). This way of thought broke my brain and it made me feel completely incompatible with her. I question my behavior when I was showing her stuff in the past, I remember moments in which I questioned if she was actually paying attention even during moments when the OCD was low. I question if she has the ability to even watch something and understand what's going on. All terrible thoughts, and all thoughts that I never want to have. I'm scared to talk to my friends half the time because the thoughts of them being more "intelligent and analytical" pulsate through my brain. My friends and I are extremely cynical, about things like the film industry and sometimes if I'm going in on something it feels like I'm shitting on her by proxy just because she doesn't care about it as much as I do. I've isolated myself from friends and I think that did worsen my condition, because when it's just only me and my partner hanging out, I feel like it started attacking her more. This is the part where it just doesn't feel like ROCD anymore. I used to not give a single shit about these things, I was able to make blanket statements like "I think TikTok sucks and it's users are annoying" knowing full well my partner uses TikTok every day. There was a separation between me making broad statements and then not necessarily being indictive of my partner SPECIFICALLY. Now it doesn't feel like I have much anxiety anymore, because it just feels like I've accepted that my partner is who she is and I "don't know if I love her" when in the past, I've accepted my partner for who she is, and I loved her anyway. I feel like I'm just not as connected to her as I once was. I used to enjoy everything with her, now my brain overanalyzes everything she does and says. I can't just relax. I feel like I've lost any amount of structure and this turned into a ramble. But I guess that's where I'm at now. I've been attempting getting proper health insurance so I can talk to someone and not break the bank. I think about the times when none of these ridiculous nitpicks didn't matter to me, and I cry about the idea of leaving her. Thank you for reading.
I feel everything from guilt to fear to anger. OCD is driving me crazy, making me think I want to do this things. Itās like a part of me is scared because I know I donāt want to but then it makes me think I do and that I want this stuff to happen. Itās like I feel hopeless in a way. I know itās stupid because Iāve dealt with it before so thatās suppressing some of the fear and anxiety Iāve dealt with but because Iām not feeling those emotions full ball my brain is like āoop well obviously you want thisā. Going through a full on spiral. Itās like thereās this huge fucking thing on my chest. I canāt even focus on the most basic of conversations because these thoughts are in my head 24/7. Itās like I know itās OCD but it just keeps me questioning. I know itās part of the recovery process to feel less and less shameful etc but my brain keeps turning that part on me. Iām just trying to live and get through this. Sometimes just wish I could turn it all off.
It feels like I used to get so many intrusive thoughts in the beginning but now itās less itās only thoughts like what if Iām a p what if Iām a p what if Iām lying to myself what if Iām in dentist truly in all this and it was all fake like Iām an imposter, now itās just feelings and noticing :/ and I hate he feelings that come with it Iām really scared I am one I feel so alone :( Iām taking therapy but my therapist is not specialized in ocd and I donāt think she understands and I donāt want to bring it up bc I brought up a fear that what if I turn into my stepdad and she said āare you attracted to children?ā And I said no but it was just an irrational thought that came after I started realizing the trauma that happened to me as a kid, and idk Iām scared to Start with a therapists here bc what if all this just makes it worse and it turns out I am what I fear all along.? :(
I keep seeing people say that thoughs are just thought amd if they were real i wouldnāt feel this bad about them (not liking my partner not feeling anything, rocd feeling real, etc.) or that you will know when its real bc it would feel clear and in afraind im preteding and yhat someday i will find out my rocd is actually real or that im in denial rn . i have the most beautiful relationship and boyfriend that loves me and tries to help me and i feel very bad and so scared
Hey everyone, Iāve had this app and responded to some people before but never posted I donāt think. My name is Matt and Iāve been diagnosed since October but have been struggling since I was 11. Now struggling is not choice words for ocd especially since Iāve gone long periods without having intrusive thoughts or unrelenting compulsions. But Iāve had bouts of it since then, I had a worry once that I was showing symptoms of ALS, and this came after the bout where I thought I mustāve contracted rabies. But my OCD themes had remained similar recently. Iāve gotten so much better but the start of January I fell into a trap and got stuck for a couple days, Iām now back to normal, but my fear is going back again. It almost feels like relapsing, there is this woman I love so much that I havenāt had the opportunity to tell but I feel that my ocd will get in the way of any positive relationship weād have which would be devastating. I want to tell her but Iām worried what happens when I get like this again? Iād hate to have her worry about me. And I hate to be alone but Iām also not wanting to cause any harm to her for not being able to be in a relationship. Iām feeling alright now but I donāt know what the future holds. I got to ask John Green advice he has for OCD, he said āfirstly im not a medical professional Iād recommend seeing oneā āand secondly remember ocd tries to take things away from you and take your joy away, make sure to remind yourself that things are good, and doctor pepper is good.ā Idk if that would help anyone here I just thought about adding it TL:DR feeling good, worried Ill stop, In love with a girl, afraid of upsetting her, Doctor pepper is good Thanks guys
I have depression, anxiety disorder, panic disorder, and ocd. I struggle with an irrational, severe fear of vomiting and feeling nauseas. This has been present since I was little, but over the years my anxiety has gotten worse- and with that my ocd gets worse, as they go hand in hand for me. If I even hear that someone who is around me/ has been around me has thrown up recently or if they say they donāt feel good Instantly go into a state of panic. Sometimes it causes an anxiety or even panic attack. Some ways that emetophobia shows up for me: I will not eat something until I have checked the expiration date, I wash / sanitize my hands until they are red and sore, I think about vomiting all day every day, I am hyper aware of my body sensations, I clean a lot especially if I think something is ācontaminatedā or a sick person touched it, I wonāt eat food if it doesnāt look/smell exactly right, if I wake up at night I assume Iām going to vomit for some reason which causes anxiety, I donāt like car rides cus I feel carsick, I am scared of trying new food and medications, and many more. I have ocd that presents in other ways as well, but emetophobia is the worst for me, and it feels like itās genuinely ruining my quality of life. I want to know if anyone has tips for me. Iām already doing CBT.
Still feeling depressed. acted on inappropriate compulsion to relieve anxiety and couple times with this theme in a way once again was not good and caused me a lot of distress. I feel as though I caused others to be uncomfortable and stop responding to me due to this. I feel so depressed and like I can never forgive myself (I didnāt directly harm my pets, but the compulsion still was not ok) And people keep telling me im not a bad person but I just donāt believe and I feel like crap š£š°I hate myself. Iāve been through sexual traumas and have sexual themes ocd and am very sad. Also dealt with being hyper sexual my whole life: I am soon to be 21 and scared of judgement so im scared to talk to therapist.
I posted this last night(the next paragraph) and iām still feeling horrible. Sitting with it until it passes rather than ruminating and trying to disprove it feels like a constant feeling of doom and gloom. Iām so depressed. Has anyone else been through this? I feel horriblešŖ I developed ocd as postpartum so my ocd has always latched onto my children. It started as harm and stayed harm for years but then when I was finally able to overcome that theme it switched to pocd and it disturbed me so much that my ocd has stuck with that theme. I was finally able to overcome my ocd and it was mostly gone for many years until a recent stressful life event 2 years ago. Iāve had it under control since it came back until a bad flare up last month and I got through that and have been okay for a couple of weeks but itās starting back up and iām scared it will get bad again. It switches back and forth between my son and my daughter. I know my only true thoughts and feelings towards them are genuine motherly thoughts and love. They are my world but my ocd twists everything into something horrible or inappropriate. It can feel so real sometimes even though I know itās not at all real. Itās so painful and upsetting. I donāt understand my brain. If I know the truth why do I get so stuck on these intrusive thoughts and feelings? I just want to go back to looking at, thinking and feeling about my kids the way I actually do and not the way the ocd says I do. Iām really struggling. I know other moms/dads experience this but very few post and it makes me feel so alone. Iām here if anyone needs support and I can only hope to get support also.
i actually think iām gonna throw up i searched this just before to see if anyone on here has said similar and theyāre all about being lesbians and thatās making me spiral as thatās one of my themes and i know im not one. what i searched was about never having orgasmed iām 19 now and have been on antipsychotics since 15 but even before then iād never felt horny or aroused even when trying anything to myself down there i got with my boyfriend at 16 and have been with him ever since and despite him trying i can never orgasm i still donāt feel a thing when i try on my own and sex feels good i guess but like pressure like pain that feels good and i know itās meant to feel like more when he tries to like rub my c it just hurts it doesnāt feel nice and i feel so embarrassed and ashamed and i hate it so so so much that im like this is there a medical reason for this? i want to blame the antipsychotics so bad but i know before them at 15 and below i never felt anything either and this is making my sexual orientation ocd spiral and saying that subconsciously im a lesbian even though i know im not and my ocd is just trying to latch onto anything this is making me feel so suicidal atm idk what to do
I literally was sipping sparkling water and I immediately get this thought āIs this what p**** taste like?ā Ugh. OCD is a creative jerkwad.
Iām in an absolutely crippling episode dealing with real event/ false memory. I literally cannot get out of it and it is beyond hell. Can someone please help me with advice? If you have been through this how did you get through?! Iām out of work, the only relief is when Iām sleeping no exaggeration. My husband is being super supportive and Is also taking time off to be with me. Was there a specific medication or any tricks that helped? Iām beyond desperate. Thank you
So, my brain has latched onto this cuz itās just past the holidays and Valentineās Day is coming up Whenever my bf gets me a gift I worry Iām not excited enough. I love the gifts he gets me but it doesnāt fill me with excitement or overwhelming joy. I smile and hug him and say thank you. Iāve always been like that. Before I met him too. I do get excited if someone I have a crush on gets ne a gift (ie him) I got pumped about it before we started dating but once we started dating it was less excitement and just appreciation cuz he knows me well I think? Same goes for flowers. Iāve never gotten flowers from anyone. But when he got me flowers I got anxious at first cuz it was a surprise that he got mw them. He literally just turned around and boom. Bouquet of tulips. I stared at them for ages honestly. They were beautiful and I felt beautiful when he gave me them even tho I was in joggers and a sweater lol. He got me carnations over the summer and this was when my ROCD was bad so my brain was like āwhen you see him break up with himā then I saw the flowers and thought no I canāt do that. I donāt wanna do that. Iām worried Iām not getting enough butterflies in my stomach when it comes to gifts. He got me an incredibly personal gift for my birthday, a book that I love and snacks (tight budget. Weāre uni students lol) but it made me so happy. I smiled genuinely. I was awkward but Iām always awkward when opening gifts in front of people. Idk. When he gave me gifts before we started dating maybe it gave me that adrenaline rush cuz it was like oh shit maybe he likes me back omg omg (clearly that was true) And my brain uses the lack of excitement about gifts (I do get excited just not very jumpy. Heās never gotten me smthn I hated.) as reasoning that a) I donāt love him and b) Iām gay and would appreciate a gift from a gf more. But even when my female friends give me gifts (Ik not the same but shh, evidence) Iām the same way. Even when family gets me gifts. Idk if itās the fact I never got that many gifts growing up or Iām just socially awkward opening things in front of people but itās panicking me a tad. This is making me worry that I wonāt be excited about what he gets me for Valentineās Day and our anniversary (the day before) and im gonna fake my reaction (which I donāt wanna do, I love him and his gifts) and that when he proposes in the future I wonāt be excited about it. I have told him this. When I get anxious I analyze and it makes it hard for me to be excited cuz im analyzing if im excited enough. My brain is like you feel ugh around him. No I donāt?? I feel OOOOO around him. I donāt get butterflies in my stomach tho which is another place of panic. I feel them more in my groin. And I can tell they feel good. When Iām in a good headspace itās when I say I love you or when Iām writing poetry about him. Theyāre different than arousal tho I think. I know we can get groin responses because of excitement. But my brain suddenly thought: what if this groinal response has been anxiety this whole time and youāve never liked him and youāve been mistaking anxiety for attraction. Speaking of arousal. Idk what sex in a long term relationship feels like. Im worried im zoning out or dissociating. Or im not attracted to him cuz I donāt feel butterflies in my stomach. Most times I have my eyes closed but im just bad at eye contact. Sex/intimacy has always been enjoyable but with this it feels like I feel nothing. Im worried I donāt like his body and itās just comphet. Im worried I only like the pleasure I feel and not the person im doing it with. Idk. Im frekaed out. Iām worried Iām faking. Iām sweating at the thought of it. Sex has always been fun and consensual and hot. Idk. Iām worried that Iām losing attraction to him. I still get horny but sometimes my brain thinks stop cuz I wonāt enjoy it. If we start going and heās tying me up sometimes Iām checking to make sure I havenāt gotten dry or smthn but I know itās just a matter of foreplay and outside stressors. One of which being school and also my Brain. If Iām too dry and it hurts too much I panic and break down thinking it means Iām gay. Iām also worried I donāt feel enough romantic feelings for him lately. We donāt do anything romantic besides cuddle/have sex when heās around. School and stidying. He missed 2 exams so heās been grinding to do the make ups so we havenāt gone out. We also play games together. Iām worried that I only feel platonic attraction to him and thag makes me a lesbian. But I canāt feel BUTTERLFIES all the time thatās unrealistic. Ik itās subjective. Idk how to tell if I do love him romantically anymore. Iām so confused and a bit scared cuz the butterflies arenāt in my stomach thwyre in my groin occasionally but itās not arousal. Itās just love. I do feel it in my chest sometimes and then my brain takes it and makes it anxiety making me think Iām not attracted to him. Idk. I feel insane lately Iām happy with him but am I happy/in love enough or at all??
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OCD doesn't have to
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