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i want to get out of this dream like state, i haven't felt real in weeks, can anyone tell me how you got help?

I had to say goodbye to my beagle early this morning and I’m severely struggling to cope with this as he helped me through some of my worst ocd flare up’s and it feels like I’m grieving him and the support I had for times like these. I’m at a loss. Looking for advice/coping? It feels so dramatic to be this sad and I haven’t stopped crying all day. This pain is unreal😔

Trying to figure out if it’s ocd telling me not to listen to country music or God.

I was playing with my brother and I thought he was so cute because he’s little and at the same time it felt like I wanted to touch him inappropriately It’s weird because sometimes I get disgusted by the thought and then sometimes I feel like I would actually that

I’m constantly having fears of getting psychosis like I’ve been thinking I want to get closer to God but my brain is like what if I end up in religious physcosis or what if I drive myself into physcosis from my intrusive thoughts or what if I’m already in it.

My therapy has really helped. But… I am still finding new ways to make myself feel horrible. It’s like there is a little part of my mind that is afraid to let go. I ask myself why this is and I am still looking for the answer. I fear that this is just my burden in life. I wish my wife had saved herself for me. Now I just worry and compare myself to ghosts. It’s pathetic and frustrating. It is soul crushing because I let it be. I wish I could crush it instead. I’m sorry if this is discouraging, I just needed to vent.

I am feeling a lot of anxiety and fear around what I know and what I don’t know. I also just had some a French vanilla coffee so I think this made it worse. And I should have known better. I realize I am really uncomfortable about what is out of control to the point I am very scared and nervous and I don’t know what it is about. Every time I journal I feel a strong urge to through the journal away and get a new one, in the same way every choice and decision I make it is out of fear and uncomfortableness not because it is my actual decision. So now I feel like more than ever ocd is controlling my life even though I know that what it is and that it is not something to be afraid of but I stilll constantly doubt and judge myself. I officially got diagnosed I was not sure before but what is the first step to taking back control over your life and yourself? I am on the waiting list for therapy but also I wish I could go to therapy sooner but I want someone I know I will work well with and I don’t want to rush thing because I know I will not do well at making such a big step in my own because I will overthink it so I just want to get myself to a point where I can do important things like that for myself. With school coming up I am even more stressed and worried about making the right decisions. Any tips? I would appreciate it. Also can anyone relate to this confusion and this dilemma with making important dedication like getting help and going to the doctor? Any did it make it hard to navigate school?

I have been stuck for 2 months now. I have so much consuming anxiety all day everyday. I can’t take these thoughts and feelings. I took leave at work because I couldn’t even function there. Everyday I wake up in the same nightmare. I tried therapy last month and felt like we got no where. My family is just fed up with me and keeps saying I’m not trying to help myself. It’s feels like this is never going to end. I feel paralyzed, if I’m not doing a compulsion it feels like my thoughts might happen. I wish there was somewhere I could go right now to get the help I need. Ocd is so hard and idk how to stop this endless loop. Now that I’m not working I’m home all day everyday. I’ve reached out to Rogers for residential treatment, waiting for a response. Can anyone relate to feeling this way. It’s 24/7 for me and I’m so terrified my life will be like this forever….

i'm scared of my life right now. yesterday, i really had very dark and blasphemous thoughts about Jesus, and i think i believed and agree with them. as i think about it right now, i think i smiled or felt proud of it yesterday. i wasn't even sure if i laughed, felt proud, agree, or believed it—but i think i did believe and agree with it. yesterday, i felt sick too because of a cold, and i think i'm going through depression for days, so i felt so exhausted. as i'm typing right now the phrase that i'm going through depression and felt sick yesterday, my brain says that maybe i'm just using those as an excuse to not look horrible. today, i feel so horrible because what happened yesterday is very wrong. i shouldn't believe or agree in that. Jesus is very kind and loving, so why would i agree with those blasphemous thoughts? i hate what is happening to me right now. i feel like i'm not sorry enough for the blasphemous thoughts i had about Jesus. i feel so terrible. i feel like i'm starting to get cruel. even with random people, i'm having cruel thoughts and feel like i agree with them. i'm not like this before. i don't know why i feel this way—like i will just fully believe and agree in every cruel thought i have. i feel like i have no energy to really feel bad, even though i know how terrible those thoughts are. i don't want to be a cruel person. i feel so sorry and bad for the thoughts i had about Jesus and those people, and it doesn't help that i keep thinking about whether i really believed and agree with them. i'm also scared because i'm thinking i'm developing psychosis. i've been analyzing my behavior before and earlier, and i'm scared that too much thinking will lead me there. i'm scared because i also have urges to laugh sometimes, and i have random thoughts and phrases that comes on my mouth that are unrelated to what i'm doing. my emotions also don’t match the situation sometimes. i'm also talking to myself out loud—i’m doing it to answer back to my ocd and explain things, but sometimes i'm doing it randomly or out of nowhere but i'm aware of it. i'm so scared of developing psychosis. i'm 17, and i can't see the purpose of living like this. i hate my brain. i hate myself. i feel so cruel. if i die, i'm thinking i’ll go to hell because i believed and agree on the blasphemous thoughts i had about Jesus, even though i cry, hurt myself, and acknowledge how horrible and wrong they are already. i feel like i'm still believing and agreeing on those blasphemous thoughts, like they have a point—and i hate that. it is so horrible. i even scared how my feelings are not aligned, like i really like it. i don't know why i feel this way. i'm so cruel. when i think about healing myself, i feel so undeserving of it—because why would a cruel person like me deserve that? why would someone who might commit blasphemy against Jesus heal? i just want to d!e. i'm so tired. i don't care about myself anymore, but i'm so scared and worried about what i've done to Jesus. can you help me? i badly need help. i don't know what to do anymore. i feel so condemned. i feel like i'm about to develop psychosis because of this. please help me. i feel so cruel.

I have irrational death fear and it trigger blasphemous thoughts I am speechless how can I do such things blasphemous against holy spirits what should I do any remedies?

Hi. My 15 year old daughter is just getting started with her OCD journey. We have only so far done 2 intake sessions with her therapist. It seems like in past week her anxiety has been getting worse. She goes to church camp tomorrow for 5 days. Any advice things to say to help reassure her without fueling the fire? . Or any tips your kids have done to work through the anxiety and panic when away from home? She has very negative thoughts about herself/appearance, contamination. I’m just worried how the week will go. She has been having difficulties even on family outings this week, feeling overwhelmed, panic, wanting to go home. Thanks in advance.

My OCD diagnosis is still very new, but now that I know what it is, it is clearly something I’ve had for as long as I can remember. Contamination/bugs and health have been a consistent theme since childhood, but religious/existential themes emerged during adolescence. Around that same time, there was also a good deal of trauma, and during middle school I started experiencing hallucinations. Tactile (like bugs crawling on me or biting me, an eyelash being stuck in my eye, but nothing was really there); visual (like moving shadows or things that would dart past in my periphery, and then I would just have intrusive thoughts of scary things around corners or under things); and auditory (an angry male voice that grumbles or yells indistinctly, or a high pitched noise like a microphone/speaker feedback but muffled and less sharp). Because of the religious denomination I grew up in, I initially assumed these were demons and tried to address it that way, but when I was 14 or 15, it occurred to me that those voices/sounds sounded like the way I felt, and the visual/tactile experiences happened during times of stress too — and so all of those experiences could just be seen as an expression of a fragmented part of myself. That acceptance didn’t make them go away — I still experience them now and I’m in my 30s — but it made those experiences less scary and more manageable. I also see now how these all pop up specifically when OCD obsessions are super triggered and when I’m super sleep deprived. Anyway! Since this diagnosis, and talking about the hallucinations at all, are new to me, I am wondering who else has had similar experiences. I don’t really know how much of the hallucination experience is OCD versus trauma, but it seems like this might all make sense under the “quasi-hallucination” label.

I shouldn’t have said what I said. It was really bad. There was this guy saying he was pro extinction and he said we should accept extinction to stop suffering. I commented. “Alright, buddy. You go first.” I remembered it and was like, “That’s wasn’t very good what I said.” I went back and deleted it. I still feel bad though. I mean, I basically told a person to kill themself. I mean, a lot of other people were saying the same thing but I don’t give me the right to say that. I often do this. Words come out of my mouth that I shouldn’t say and I regret them later. I’m gonna commit to not saying this again and ensure that I don’t say something as inappropriate as that and try to respectful from here on out.

I had a compulsion to look up “child nudity” on google to see people’s opinions on whether nudity in children is sexualized or not. This came from a whole other obsession that I’m not going to get into right now. I had another compulsion to click on images and I told myself I didn’t want to I had a compulsion to look up “child nudity” on google to see people’s opinions on whether nudity in children is sexualized or not. This came from a whole other obsession that I’m not going to get into right now. I had another compulsion to click on images and I told myself I didn’t want to do that but still did it anyway. I saw one boy naked from the front. I immediately closed the tab but then got another compulsion to look again to confirm what I saw. I searched again and looked on images this time seeing a toddler girl nude from the back. I closed the tab and got a compulsion to look at the first image again to confirm the approximate age of the boy in the first picture and this time saw a girl toddler nude from the front. Doing all of this I yelled at myself to stop and when I saw the last picture of the girl I started crying. I’m still in tears and I’m so scared. I have another urge to look at the source of that photo with the boy again to confirm he wasn’t getting sexually exploited in that image. It was from 1920 and he had a straight face so I’m worried I actually saw something really bad. These images weren’t sexualized I think but are they still considered CP? Did I just see illegal material? Either way I just looked at photos of nude children 3 separate times and now I hate myself more than I ever had before. I feel like I shouldn’t be alive right now. I’m a disgusting human being l don’t deserve to live what is wrong with me. I don’t care if this is ocd I gave into a really inappropriate compulsion and didn’t stop myself. I’m not afraid I’m going to harm children I know for a fact I would never do that but this is a step too far. How do I continue living with myself. I messaged my therapist for the first time and she said we can have a session tomorrow but I’m an absolute mess right now. I’m crying so hard I gave myself a headache and it’s getting hard to breathe correctly.

Hey guys, recently I’ve been struggling with always checking in with my emotions. And it gets very tiring right now I’m dealing with some suicidal OCD and I constantly check for negative emotions or depression. I’ve noticed it’s very hard for me to stop checking my emotions cause it’s something I’m used to doing because I have mental illness. Any advice on how to stop checking. Thanks 🙏

sorry i'm posting a lot but it's been a bad day, can't stop thinking about a situationship, i know i want my current partner, but some days i doubt it and think i want this other guy, but i don't see this other guy romantically really, i more so just miss the vibe we had, it's soooo excruciating

I’m getting very concerned that the general forum is unregulated and people who have self-diagnosed with OCD, but do not have OCD, are posting there. What is your opinion about this? I read a post from someone who thinks they have POCD, but it sounds awfully like p*dophilic disorder to me. As someone who has been diagnosed with POCD, this is very triggering to me. Any thoughts/advice?

I started using chatgpt for mental health advices and at first it was really helpful, I learned alot but then it made me drown in my emotions. I asked alot about acceptance, what is it how I do it and always it made me sit and stay with my emotions which made me hyper aware of them which made them stronger. But if i told him that he said I should focus on something else. But then I was avoiding it... not sure if its me or its really not helpful. Also I made that bad decision that I started asking about my suicidal ocd and be told me i might want to escape from the pain, not with death but my mind jumps to suicide cause it wants an escape, and this really scared me to a point that I was lying on the floor crying... Since im doing what it tells me i keep feeling bad. This whole week was a disaster, I know the "its normal to feel worse when you start to accept" well this is not like that, if it is then I wont recover cause this is brutal... the physical symptoms were worse then when i was fighting... so overall maybe it helped me but Im thinking of stopping talking with it cause it made my mental health worse. I rely on myself.

I started writing this last night, but regrettably deleted it. I fell back in that mindset that maybe what I'm healing with-(see what I did there) isn't that big of a deal, and what's the point. I'm not sure if anyone will stay until the end of my note, but in some ways I find relief in that. I'm 22 years old and this MIGHT be the first time I've felt like I'm truly stepping out. I want to talk about 3 things, and they may at first appear questionable, random and confusing but if you stay it will all come together. 1) Regret 2) Envy and bitterness 3) A change. Starting with 1 regret. My regrets go far and wide, but when they do make an appearance in my life they rush in like flood. Every decision I've made whether good or bad seems to cloud my judgement and I can't think straight. I'm on carousel living my life in a constant what-if state. I've started writing back in 2017, and I was writing everything; stories, songs, poems, you name it. My regret is that maybe if I would've taken it more seriously, pushed myself a little harder, started small that maybe it could've sky rocketed me and my family. My mom always told me that that greatest singers like Beyonce, Aretha Franklin, etc. (I can't remember) started singing in the church, and she encouraged me that was where I needed to start. But I didn't listen, and dropped it entirely. I was young, and impatient. I still write to this day, but I absolutely dream of making music videos, and acting on a TV show or movie. There is a time and place for everything, so maybe it wasn't my time to find out that this is what I really enjoy. I still have a hard time grabbing the reigns of regret, but I know it doesn't control me I control what it does to me. 2) Envy and bitterness- boy oh boy where do I even begin? There is something interesting in my life that happens quite often, and maybe to others but it happens to me. Let's say for example I was the first person to discover an orange. Rarely anybody else or a few people know what an orange is, but I KNOW what an orange is. Let's say about a few months past and now EVERYBODY has an orange, and it lost its oranginess. I'm going somewhere with this I promise. When I start to do something, or discover something it doesn't take long for me to start seeing it everywhere- this correlates to 3. When I lost my virginity for the rest time almost 2 years ago, the idea of starting a family or being pregnant never peeked my interest before. But then like a tidal wave or a butterfly affect one after another over and over again I saw people getting pregnant, starting families with their boyfriend and girlfriends (which by the way I don't judge people who do, but me personally I need to be married). It started slowly, but soon everyone everywhere was getting pregnant, and having babies. I've never seen anything like that before I had sex, and it felt as if the world was rubbing it in my face and mocking me. Overtime I became bitter and envious on the inside. I quickly scrolled, looked away or zoned out anytime anyone talked about being pregnant or giving birth. My heart was turning ice cold every day by this, and when my own shame and regret about having sex outside of marriage kicked in it was game over. I began to project my own mistakes into their lives, and if they were struggling whether through financially, or their relationship I wouldn't feel bad because I was like they knew what they were doing, they knew the outcome and did it anyways. I couldn't be genuinely happy for them or anyone because I couldn't let go of the feeling that it was supposed to be me. And everything else was just a mix of the regret that I felt about having sex, and me feeling like it wasn't popular or common until I started. I want to teach my future children good morals, love, respect and I know that when I have kids that my life is in a way over because now my attention and full-time is raising this kid to be a good person that was why I felt like I couldn't be happy and it should've been me. But I know better now, I think better, and I'm getting better. I pray to God to lift it from my heart, and I feel awful about some of things that I thought- I never ever wished death on anybody but they weren't friendly thoughts either. I judged, and became awfully bitter but I want to move on and let that go. Sorry I rambled at the end there, lastly 3, goodness gracious buckle up please. I'm sure most of you know who BTS is the Kpop group, and remember how I said in 2 how when I find or discover something it feels like it becomes popular so quickly yea.. BIGG yea. I found BTS in 2016 when they came out with their WINGS album. I became engulfed and it was a whole other world for me. I watched everything Kpop not just them, but compilation clips, live shows, edits, MM Countdown everything! I knew they had a name for the youngest and oldest person in their group, I knew inside jokes, personal stories I felt like I knew it all. I don't like hardcore rap music, or what everyone else might listen to I felt that I had found my group, my band, my second close private family. That even though we might've never met I swear we knew everything about each other. They knew everything about me, and I knew everything about them. And then when they started collaborating with American artist I couldn't stand it at all, and it was even worse when they collaborated with Nicki Minaj. The same people who I didn't want to listen were the main ones they were collaborating with. I'm not trying to sound uptight but BTS, BlackPink, Twice they all sung and were about two separate things. No offense but Nicki Minaj, Meghan, Latto and Glorilla all in some only produce music about sex. The message are two different things and I just think more and higher for them, to not lower themselves to that. It felt alot easier to meet BTS, only issue was the distant but now it's nearly impossible. I would do anything to meet them, and just tell them that I know them. And all of that what I said goes to all of them not just BTS, Twice and BlackPink included. Their lyrics, their message has changed in some way to me personally and the only good thing that I FEEL is the women they do collaborate with don't do a whole lot of cussing. That's it. If you made it this far how do you feel lol? I am working on myself daily, praying for those who I have become bitter towards because I don't need and can't afford to miss my blessing over roots the enemy placed in my heart. And I'm always gonna love BTS, I miss them. I miss seeing their faces, hearing their voice I just can't bring myself to look them up now. Thank you for staying if you did. God Bless you, and keep you. I love you all. *hearts*

My girlfriend and I have been together for 3 years. She’s currently out of town visiting family and friends. Everything was fine until she told me she went on Tinder. About a week after she left, I told her I’d been feeling anxious and having intrusive thoughts about her cheating (something i have been feeling for a while). Two days later, she admitted she’d gone on Tinder “out of curiosity” because her friends were talking about how bad the dating scene is where she’s visiting. I might have been able to accept that if she’d just browsed out of curiosity — but she actually messaged an old match. That really bothers me. If she was only curious about what Tinder is like in that area, why reach out to someone? I trie to push her to tell me the truth but she either says « no i promise you i didn’t do anything wrong » or she starts pointing out stuff i did. I’m i crazy or is this behaviour of someone lying? I’m trying to figure out how to feel about this and would really appreciate any advice or if anyone’s been in a similar situation. Does this seem like an innocent mistake or a red flag?