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Can yall see my comment from before sometimes this app blocks me.

Does anyone else have the issue that your thoughts make it almost impossible to emotionally connect during sex? This happens often for me and it compounds my rumination tenfold for the next couple days because I’m so scared that I don’t actually love my boyfriend. Does anyone have any advice other than to just allow the thoughts to be there and focus on the present moment? Because that’s what I always try to do and sometimes I still don’t feel much emotionally and it’s one of the main things that makes me question my relationship because I’m not sure if it’s my anxiety making it impossible for me to have the proper hormone response or if it just means I don’t love my boyfriend.

As soon as I wake up, all the thoughts come rushing in. I try so hard to go back to sleep but I can't. I end up just laying there being swallowed up by my thoughts. It hurts. I feel like can't get out of bed until it slows down. Does anyone have any tips/advice how I can make this easier?

Feeling really discouraged today and wanted to update after my last post. I honestly thought I was starting to get better. I was having more moments where I felt the way I wanted to feel. The thoughts weren’t as intense, I felt happier, and I wasn’t feeling anxious around my boyfriend whether I was thinking of him or spending time with him. But right after I made that post, it’s like everything flipped. I woke up the next day and the last few days have been some of the worst. All the negative feelings came rushing back. When I think about my boyfriend now, it’s just fear, doubt, and that horrible “off” feeling again. I haven’t had any moments of clarity or relief just constant anxiety, nonstop thoughts, and doubts about everything. It’s gotten to the point where I’m scared this isn’t OCD anymore, and that maybe this is just who I am now. I feel like I’ve lost the old me and I’m terrified I won’t get back to that version of myself. Just needed to share this because it’s been so heavy, and I’m hoping someone might relate or have been through a similar setback.

I feel like I have been slacking from my faith cuz sometimes it’s too much and stresses me out but that’s exactly what Satan wants is to not pray is much and being lazy. So I don’t really feel close to God but kind of feel less stressed but then stressed at the same time cuz I know I’m not putting in a lot of effort to spend time with the Lord.

Attraction first followed by immediate rush of anxiety and worry..

Adults only, no minors So I'm feeling more calm. I'm not as stressed as I was in the morning. Mentally I'm at the point where what I was watching that I felt crossed a moral line is something I shouldn't be watching in pornography, but it's also not necessarily bad to have these fantasies and attractive interests in celebrities. It's very wrong to have stuff like that he publicly shared because now it's on the Internet for everyone to see but I don't think it's bad if it's kept to one's self and not shown online at all. That is what fantasies are at the end of the day anyway. I still don't feel great that I escalated to that kind of stuff because it really does make me uncomfortable in that context but I am feeling better than I did earlier. I'm getting thoughts saying that I'm absolutely disgusting and I'm trying to shift blame but I'm in just gonna try and let it pass

I have been with my boyfriend for over three years. I have struggled with OCD for likely the entirety of this relationship. It has been extremely hard. I have had many ups and downs with my anxiety and ocd and doubt. I’ve had a complete breakdown in front of my boyfriend on probably 6+ different occasions where I doubt everything and can’t hold in the anxiety. He has been supportive and patient and kind and loving throughout each one. Each time I promise I am going to figure it out, but each time I haven’t been able to. I have started therapy a couple times and each time it didn’t work out for a variety of reasons. I struggle with a large variety of intrusive thoughts largely focused on my side of the relationship (do I love him enough? My sexuality. Our compatibility. And constantly comparing him to others). I am 24 years old and this has been my first relationship, which has added to my anxiety and insecurity about not knowing enough. My whole life I have been hugely indecisive and a constant people pleaser. I feel I lack a true understanding of who I am and idk what I truly value because of this. I have always been one to go along with those around me and to be agreeable, kind of like a chameleon. This has left me lost and confused. I have always cared deeply of what others think of me and I have always strived to be viewed as perfect. Anyways, last week, I had a break down and it ended with me asking for a break. We decided we would give it one week of no contact, and then we would talk and decide the plan. Whether that be a longer break (6 weeks maybe? Or something else??) or we breakup, or we get back together. Anyways, I am still uncertain on what’s going to happen. But I am considering the break option. I feel I need to take some serious time learning about myself, learning about my core values, learning what it is I value for in a relationship, and reflecting. I need to work on my anxiety patterns and learn how to hear my own voice. I am looking for advice, I know a break is generally not recommended with rocd, but I feel I have already dug myself a hole as we are essentially one week into one. If I take a break, what can I do for it to be as productive, healthy, and healing as possible? How long should it be? Any advice? Is a break a bad idea? I don’t want to run from my anxiety. I want to grow and heal.

**“Let me tell you about myself and my experience with OCD and painful avoidance, and I want you all to share yours as well in return. So… about three years ago, my OCD became very mild, and after about a week it completely disappeared. I forgot about it and went back to my life. Then, three years later, it returned. I still remember the day it started—I had a thought, rejected it, and then the OCD hit me hard. After months, I discovered treatment, but at first I followed Jeffrey’s approach, and my condition got much worse. I was extremely terrified. I tried to get help, but I couldn’t find a good doctor at the time. I had exams and the pain was unbelievable. I would study a little, then panic, then cry, then study again. I told my mother, and she said it was just in my head and I could overcome it. She took me to a doctor, but it didn’t help back then. As the exams got closer, everything became harder. I was avoiding everything socially, I left my friend group, and I became completely alone. I used to sit by myself most of the time—studying, crying, stressing. I only felt better when I stopped studying, but then I couldn’t focus anymore because the OCD kept getting stronger. I wanted to quit school, but my mother forced me to continue. Then I found Dr. Emad Alzoubi, and I learned about exposure and response prevention. I started applying it, and things began to get better. I remember I couldn’t even leave the house before, I was terrified. But now… I’m going through a relapse again, and this time it’s really difficult. I developed social anxiety. I started fearing every little action because I’ve been criticized so much in my life. People always wanted to control me. I was never myself. I never had the chance to express who I really was. I became a fake version of myself. Even now at work, I get criticized by another girl who works with me. I started fearing simple things. I’m stressed, and the idea of working extra hours with her makes me anxious. I’m not playing the victim, and maybe no one even meant to hurt me, but today I feel lonely. I’m tired of being someone I’m not. I’m tired of feeling like a fake version of myself.”

I know this is my OCD and probably wont be a big deal when it’s all over. My best friend and I, for brevity’s sake and to not risk reassurance with details that aren’t as important, had an interaction that resulted in a bit of an emotional and communication separation. It seems limited and temporary but I don’t know how to handle a separation or change in a relationship like this. They are my first best friend after 26 years of not having one and they mean the world to me. I love them dearly and I never knew I could experience such joy from a purely platonic relationship. They said they need some space and we normally hang out twice a week or at least once, I saw them on Tuesday and the incident happened over text the next day, and when I thought we were good I tried to initiate hanging out and they gave a maybe and said if not they’d see me thanksgiving, which is very much no like them, we usually are inseparable I’ve even considered moving closer to see them more often. I always have struggled with relationship OCD, never having many friends and I obsessed as a kid that I was always one step from being sent to an asylum, and this person is the first time I’ve ever felt confident and good about myself in some of the ways I didn’t think it was possible to not feel negative about. I’m sure I have some unhealthy emotional attachment, but I can’t stop thinking about the situation and worrying about if my friendship will change. No amount of response prevention has helped. I’ve tried to reach out and help a bit but it’s only been met with limited acceptance and I feel like I made them upset (understandably so, I was out of line) this morning by offering some unsolicited advice about how it seemed their OCD might be playing into the situation. We are very similar in our OCD and I just wanted to help even if I was wrong to do so, but I feel like there is no way I’m ever going to be able to have back what I had. They have indicated they want things to go back to normal it seems but without clear boundaries of what space they need and panicking as this is my most in depth relationship I’ve ever had (I’ve never had a romantic relationship) I feel like a part of my is missing. I don’t know what I’m asking for to be honest and I’m sorry this is so long but I just need some help and didn’t want to bother my therapist out of session. I feel like I’m on the verge of an emotional breakdown and the person I’d normally talk about this or even drive to go get a hug from and feel grounded and normal is the person in the situation so idk what to do.

today i woke up feeling nauseous, last night i went to sleep feeling the same way. i’ve had times where i’ve ruminated to the point of just getting physically ill and throwing up. or having an instant panic attack over a trigger or something and the same thing happening. other times it just feels like a constant state of nausea in general, or the feeling of my stomach dropping and feeling sick all day. then i just get general anxiety over throwing up because i absolutely hate it & being nauseous in general, but it feels like i just have to get it all out. i’ve also taken antidepressants that have made me nauseous as well. does anything help with this or is it just another symptom? like is this something solved by erp or medication because it’s really hard to go through day to day life like this. i’ve tried taking pepto, tea and ginger ale but i just want a day to day solution for this i guess. i’m even losing weight because i haven’t been able to eat as much.

I feel like I have a good 10 “scenarios” I go over majority of the time and a few of them are Pocd related. It’s always based off memory which turns into a what if I did this. For example me being in a car alone with a friends kid then what if I done this, what if I done that etc. It’s funny because at the time I remember ringing my friends as I wanted “proof” nothing happened as I was on the phone. Yet in true ocd fashion I look at the moments before I rang my friends - something could have happened then. I don’t talk to that friend anymore so couldn’t even try and get some sort of reassurance there.. This isn’t my main theme but it’s up there. How does anyone handle this? Surely “maybe it did, maybe it didn’t” helps. That’s awful…

My bf and I have been dating for a little over a year. The past 5 months have been rocky. I’m anxiously attached and he leans more avoidant but *he isn’t a full blown avoidant* and didn’t really start showing symptoms till months later when the fighting became a lot. We talk everyday, see each other almost every day and he works night shifts as a nurse 8pm-8am then sleeps all day when he’s off then goes back into work. Recently, we had a small tension moment mid-week. Not a fight. I asked to hang out, he got a little short, said he was tired, and later told me “I’m fine, just want some time to myself.” I respected that and backed off. But then… nothing. He hasn’t spoken to me in 8 days. No “I need a few days,” No “I’ll reach out soon,” No check-ins, No follow-up after I sent a gentle “hey, how are you doing? just checking in.” This is the first time in our entire relationship that he’s gone silent. Even during horrible fights, he never went more than a few hours without responding. For context: • The past few months he has felt emotionally drained, overwhelmed, and questioned whether the relationship could get better. • But we had four really good days right before the shutdown — closeness, affection, no tension. • He has not broken up with me, hasn’t asked for his stuff back, hasn’t unfollowed me, hasn’t said “we need to talk,” nothing. • He is just… gone. Silent. Still at his apartment. Still going to work. Just ignoring me. I’m trying to figure out what this is: Is this: 1. An avoidant shutdown / deactivation (where the avoidant withdraws completely but eventually comes back once regulated), OR 2. An avoidant discard / slow breakup (where they emotionally detach, say nothing, and essentially let the relationship fade), OR 3. Just a burnt-out man shutting down and being immature and avoidant of conflict—not actually ending things but also not communicating at all, OR 4. Something else entirely? I’m looking for honest, non-sugarcoated insight from people who are avoidant, anxiously attached, therapists, or anyone who has lived either side of this. What does this behavior look like to you? Avoidant shutdown? Discard? Burnout? Immaturity? Has anyone experienced something similar? Do I keep respecting his space and not blow up since blowing up has gotten us here when he is genuinely an amazing person who didn’t deserve me bringing trauma into this relationship OR is he discarding me? He said months ago if it was over he’d never text me and wouldn’t care. (He is drama sometimes) but then also two weeks ago said if it was over he’d never ghost me and he would tell me. I’m not asking if I should continue being with him. I just want to know is this space he’s had to demand bc I never gave it and he’s burnt out or am I being discarded? Or is my ocd latching onto anything

I’m kind of a fairly spiritual person these days. (Did not grow up that way, but it has developed over the last decade) I like to draw tarot cards to get some advice for important questions in my life, and occasionally get a bit of wisdom from astrology (which I try to only read as an opportunity for reflection, not an influence in my day) hopefully the degree to which I “believe” in these things as actual magic will not dominate any comments. Thank you in advance. Intellectually, I recognize that OCD has a way of latching onto any insights from these tools but in practice, I find it hard to counteract, almost exclusively when it comes to relationships. Tonight I asked my tarot cards and even checked my Astro profile (ah checking…), a question about how to handle the “negative, stuck energy, frustrated feeling” I get with my partner sometimes. It happened tonight. It hits hard and it takes me a while to breathe and release it afterwards. Usually I want to be alone. It’s like a sharp, misunderstanding feeling, deeply frustrating, and it feels like it just gets STUCK in my chest. I asked my deck, and the cards were, *of course* all about the need to break up or be forced to break up, that I’m in a bad relationship that is going to leave me ultimately unfulfilled in life and I’m only here because I’m afraid of being alone. I looked up a couple interpretations, tried to see how I actually felt about the card meanings in my own body, but just generally descended into mid-level panic that it meant I had to be brave and break up with my bf of 2.5 years or else I’d be missing out on greater things in life. Thing is, my boyfriend is pretty fricking great. He’s communicative, affectionate, funny, into a lot of the same things I am, curious and kind, open to growing and deepening our relationship, and understanding of my OCD symptoms/needs. He’s not the most ambitious/adventurous person I’ve ever been with, and he can get angry fast sometimes which is new to me, but never actually at me, just around me, (which is what I think creates the tension) and he is working on it SO much and has gotten so much better at managing it. We’ve grown extremely close, and we’re on the cusp of building an actual real-life honest partnership together. Something I’ve never even believed I could try for. Over the last few years I’ve done a good amount of OCD work, and I can usually stay pretty grounded for readings and introspection on most other topics in my life, but here on the precipice of what could be a much longer term commitment, I’m faltering a bit. If you’ve read this far thank you. If you have any advice to share, thank you again. Writing this out has helped me to think through things, but, I still have to figure out what to do with this deep and unyielding fear of making the “wrong choice.” As we all do with this brain chemistry, all the time. How do you deal with spirituality/metaphysical/“trust your intuition” etc. and big life question uncertainty? How do you deal with making what could be lifelong commitments?

does anyone else experience this… "lost" or "empty" feeling after decreasing of anxiety and fear? the last 3 months i’ve been struggling with pocd + harm ocd + existential ocd and i felt terrible but those feelings and thoughts fuelled my productivity (because of the fear of this hell to never end) and so i practiced meditation, studied a lot (to distract myself i guess), and always have been busy with something. and now, around a week ago, the thoughts got quieter and anxiety feels much less severe. and i know that i have to feel relieved but instead i feel… empty. these thoughts were all i had been thinking about these 3 months and now i feel very weird because i don’t know what to do now. it feels like l have built my entire personality around ocd and now, as it faded away, i feel almost nothing. i feel so very unproductive (and therefore guilty) and without any purpose in life. i’ve spent these 3 months fighting but now it seems pointless and exaggerated (like as i made it all up). so yeah. it may sound very confusing as english is not my first language but i hope you understood my point

I found this really beautiful coat at the store just now and I’m in line waiting to purchase. This lady behind me starts having conversation with me and asked about my coat. She then proceeds to touch my coat and I pull it away to kinda let her know… Don’t touch, and she continues to touch my coat. It pissed me off so bad because I want it perfect and now I think what if her hands were super dirty or had stuff on it My OCD is raging and I’m gonna go home and check if there are any spots. It made me so mad.

help

I’ve been through a really tough year, especially with OCD, and I want to be open about it in case it helps someone else feel less alone. If anything I share resonates, feel free to comment. My OCD first showed up as sexual-orientation OCD while I was studying abroad in Spain. My program had mostly girls, and my home university is also a very LGBTQ-friendly campus. Being in spaces where sexuality was talked about so openly made me feel pressured to “figure out” my orientation with certainty, which fueled the OCD spiral. At the same time, I was dealing with health OCD around concussions, so everything piled up. In August 2024, after a confusing conversation with a friend, I met a man I have a very deep emotional connection with — a connection that honestly has never gone away. I believed, and part of me still believes, that it was a “twin flame” connection. But the intensity of it triggered multiple OCD themes: sexual-orientation OCD, relationship OCD, existential and religious OCD, and magical thinking. I went down a lot of rabbit holes trying to make sense of it. Around the same time, I started noticing more dysfunction in my family, especially with my mom, and things eventually blew up. The fight we had escalated, and while I don’t want to go into detail, it did get to a point where I felt like my personal space and property were being invaded. I didn’t feel emotionally safe, so I wanted to leave. I ended up staying with my grandparents in Nashville, where I fell into isolation and depression. I put a lot of emotional weight on the man I have the connection with, which led him to set boundaries, and I spiraled even more. My grandparents eventually said I needed to return home, but my mom would only let me come back if I got off Prozac and signed papers giving her control over my medication, which I’m not comfortable with. So now I’m staying at a friend’s apartment on an air mattress while I try to get into a PHP program for OCD and figure out insurance and independence. There were also moments when intrusive thoughts felt like psychic “visions,” which scared me and led me to say things I now regret. My family doesn’t understand OCD and thinks I’m faking or self-diagnosing, which has been incredibly painful. I’m not in the best place mentally, emotionally, or financially, but I’m sharing this because I want this space to feel safe for others too. I also wish I had gotten help sooner. My biggest compulsion right now is using ChatGPT for reassurance before making decisions — which is even why I’m using it to shorten this post. But I’m trying to break that cycle and focus on real recovery. Thanks for reading if you made it here💓💓

Yes this has suicidal thoughts, I am finding help, these are just my thoughts and I thought it would be a good idea to write them down. I see a doctor regularly. Please do not feel the need to send me any hotline numbers, this is just a little piece of me out of a huge puzzle. A year ago on November 23rd my passed away from gallbladder cancer. I was sitting in the hospital room, waiting for the test results to come back from my mom's scan. After I saw her ultrasound, and after the many I've had for my gallbladder I already knew there was something in there. And I just had a feeling something was wrong. Just sitting across from my mom, waiting in that tiny little gross hospital room for an arrogant doctor to come in and tell my mom there was a mass in her gallbladder. Cancerous, and incurable. We didn't find out it was incurable until later. She only had 3 months. I just knew right away that this was actually happening. And I couldn't escape it or do anything about it. I remember knowing what the doctor was about to say, my eyes on the floor, tears already burning in the back of my eyes, then I heard it, I broke, my mom kept telling me to look at her, the doctor mumbled something about giving us a minute before leaving to get us a better room. I was having a full-blown panic attack and crying and hyperventilating, while my mom took her I.V apart to get up and hug me to try to calm me down, after she was the one who got the news that she had cancer. I didn't want to calm down. I was mad at everything. All I could do was cry and scream into my mom while we hugged eachother and listened to the sound of her I.V beeper going off. They took us into a better room and that's when it began with our hospital stay. If i think about her my mind immediately stops because the feeling is so indescribable of knowing shes not here. It tears me apart. Completely. It hurts to much, so somehow I block them off, I wish I could do that with OCD and intrusive thoughts. I can just think about one thing, waiting for that doctor to come in, knowing that it was going to be something bad. Of course I was hoping, and praying, anything I could for the best, but I just had a feeling, and it was right. All I wanted to do was go through everything with her, every pain, every surgery, I wanted her not to be alone. I wanted to be with her. I wanted to go with her. I still do.

Adults only I just hate where my life is right now. I know that is not always going to be this way but I just hate feeling like this. I hate going back to my trauma which is porn use. It's still ruining me to this day no thanks to anxiety. Whenever I close my eyes, I see the extreme, messed up videos that I've watched even though I know I would feel guilty about. I also know that it's escalation and I'm bored of anything more tame. I just want to cry so it would at least make me feel a little better. I just want medication. But I'm just scared to talk about it. I know I have to though. I know I'm not even going to get sleep tonight. I just know it.