Welcome to
the NOCD Community

Everyone told me to turn to religion. But here’s my problem, now that I’ve accidentally read the bible like a book, and associated with numerology I feel I have a deeper meaning than most because I think everyone else read it wrong and now my delusion is I’m an OCD angel who can save everyone but no one wants free good help. They’re all relying on medication they may not need or getting the right one because I know it’s happening to me so everyone must be silenced by the big metaphamical industry is the fucking devil and bullied addicts but I understand why people would turn to drugs and can stop. Literally everything can be solved with love I learned the freaking equation and all you need is true love but no one’s ever seen it or appreciated like life and love should be but me, and truly wanted it back to the point they would do anything to have it back. I want it from everyone. No one’s ever leaving me again. I won’t let them not even my least favorite, because I can still understand their pain.

I never realized how bad my ROCD was until I started NOCD. For as long as I can remember I’ve been obsessed with how I’m perceived and what people think of me. I ruminate on any mistakes I’ve made and I assume the worst from everyone else. I compare myself to other people in every way imaginable and I envy people who have a sense of self, even if they’re vastly different from me, because I don’t think I’ve ever had a sense of self. I think my whole life I’ve lived for other people’s approval. I feel really crazy and weird for thinking this, I feel like if people truly knew just how much stock I put into their opinions of me they’d be weirded out. I wish I could let go of the need to be liked so badly. I don’t like myself and it makes managing this difficult

I have an obsession over thinking my partner looks ugly bc it scares me so much. And I just thought of the fact that I think my partner is ugly when his hair is a certain way. I’m so guilty idk what to do or how to handle this Obviously I’m currently spiraling over this topic which is why all these thoughts are coming up I assume. Is my ROCD making things relevant that I wouldn’t otherwise pay any attention to or feel guilty about at all? Insight would be appreciated. I’m at a loss. Do I just sit with the feeling of guilt and fear? The sad part is I have other topics that make me feel so scared too Is this all some odd protection mechanism going on in my brain? Maybe I should thank my brain and move on.

does anyone have any advice for moving on from a friendship that ended? it’s so frustrating because i know i can’t fix anything but i can’t help but be reminded of our friendship everywhere i go and it really brings me down. i just want to be able to find personal joy in things again without associating them with him. i think i am finding extra difficult because i’m neurodivergent and the situation just doesn’t make sense to me? just ending a friendship without fighting for it makes me confused and frustrated because i can’t understand the “why” if that makes sense??

I feel like my current spiral is fixated on my relationship with Jesus. I obsess with thoughts of questioning if I’m saved, if I’m doing enough to prove that I’m saved, how other Christians seemed to be “better Christians” than me, how I don’t feel as strong in my faith as I did 2 years ago, that I’m daily disappointing God. It’s exhausting me but I feel myself suppressing it. It feels like overall my ocd has quieted down and I’m able to live my life, but this is an area I find myself avoiding and it just creates inner shame. I want to continue to learn how to sit with the discomfort and not engage with all my thoughts. It’s just so hard when they feel urgent and they pertain to something as important as my faith in God. If anyone has encouragement or wisdom on this topic of ocd, I would love to hear it

I've been with my boyfriend for 1 year and a half and I genuinely love him. I love him consciously, even despite his faults. I've been dealing with false attraction for almost a year now. It has been bothering me day and night; my only comfort was thinking that it is false although as time went by, I started doubting that too. Now, I think that I've started dealing with cases of real attraction to other guys and that just completely terrifies me because I cannot tell for sure. I don't want to feel this way. I feel like my love for my boyfriend is not real when this happens and it just hurts me so much. I've put so much effort in my relationship and I feel like everything's ruined. People say that they can tell the difference between false and real attraction but I can't, whatever it is, it doesn't make me feel happy yet my mind is in such a state that I cannot distinguish my feelings, everything feels the same. I also have a lot of difficulty accepting that attraction to people outside of one's relationship is normal. I just can't accept it. I don't know what to do, I just feel helpless.

I’m 18, turning 19 in April on the 23rd. I’m so scared not to be a teenager anymore, 18 was already hard enough. Graduated May last year, I still live at home, but I am looking into college classes around here as well as public transportation specifically for people with disabilities like my OCD and autism. During high school I was honestly too depressed to even think about anything but the past and present. I couldn’t fathom the future. But now I am here. I cried during graduation, not happy tears. Becoming an adult feels like a safety blanket being taken away, I know 19 is still a teenager but what’s after that? I’m gonna be 20. Then 21, 22, 23, it goes on and soon I’ll be 40. Not a child. I still feel like a child, I act like one. I’m hardly independent despite how much I want to be. During the summer I am hopefully going to be attending a 1 week program at my current dream college, I want nothing more to live in a dorm and experience the university lifestyle but the steps there now that I’m out of school are difficult. I feel like I’m wasting my life. I don’t want to be 20 and living in a dorm because I feel like I’ll be too old and not get to experience the teenage college lifestyle. Does any of this make sense, I don’t know. I’m just dumping this all out.

Anyone have an intense fear of going to jail? I haven’t actually done anything wrong but my OCD is just telling me I have. The impending doom and anticipatory grief of losing everything is crazy, each day feels like a relief that the police haven’t come to my door. My brain also goes: “Hear those sirens? That’s for you!” *phone rings* “They’re calling you into the station to answer questions!” *someone knocks on the door* “OH THIS IS IT THE TIME HAS COME!” Like it’s so frustrating.

So, it’s all brand new I’ve only been on 2 dates but we’ve been talking for over 2 months. He’s been really quite recently and I know he’s had a lot going on (family, friends, work) so I’m trying to cut him some slack considering the fact he deals with burnouts, but I’m starting to think he’s really not interested in me. Out second dates was a sleepover, he booked a night away and invited me to go with him. He’s always been really good and explaining what’s happening, if he disappears he apologised and explained what was going on and how it wasn’t personal but recently, in the last week since we had the sleepover, he’s been a bit distant. When he does message it’s great I get the vibe he’s into me but then it’ll take him a day or hour to reply and it’s making my nervous system freak out and I can’t seem to work him out. I’ve asked for date 3 this week, and we’re discussing it but he’s left me on delivered again. Is this just an ADHD thing I’m gonna have to get used to? If date 3 happens do I have very right to voice my anxiety about him drifting? Am I overthinking the entire thing just because we don’t talk 24/7 and that’s a really modern disgusting way of thinking about it? Social media tell me all of this! That it’s right and it’s wrong, that he likes me that he doesn’t, that it’s his ADHD that it’s not. I’m trying to just listen to what he’s told me, but it’s rough. People keep looking at me like I’m making excuses for him but it’s just what he’s told me! I’m beyond stressed I just thought we clicked and I guess I was wrong

Does anyone ever get new ones something that feels like it’s healthy but really is harming you instead of? I went from having trouble cleaning due to depression and no sleep and bad ocd to compulsively cleaning to help with my ocd it’s so hard not asking constantly for reassurance and really thought i was getting better and that am but now to combat intrusive thoughts I clean my hands are chapped and hurt so bad and I’m upset I can’t keep house because I have 2 toddlers and I feel like a bad mom because I get upset when they tear the house up and I wanna be more active spending time with them but I get burnt out so quickly I don’t know what to do I feel like even at my best I still fail 😭

Hi all - does anyone have suggestions for managing compulsive googling? For me it’s related to my health OCD/panic and I end up spending hourssss every day basically convincing myself I’m dying by nonstop googling and reading about symptoms that are typically “just” panic symptoms. Any advice is welcomed. I try to distract and do other things but then it just feels like my symptoms intensify and become unmanageable. Thanks in advance!

Lately I’ve really been struggling with my thoughts in my relationship. The guy I’m with is seriously an amazing guy, he’s patient with me and he’s even taking the time to understand my OCD and how it works. Sometimes I feel like I’m really sensitive to his jokes, even though I know logically that he loves me and he’s not trying to hurt me. I feel like I will look for a lot of reassurance and little things in my mood can change quickly by a movement of a brow. I’m just wondering if other people will go through a phases like this because I noticed that sometimes it’ll fade away and things will be great and then all it takes is one small thing to get me to spiral. The hardest part is that I know of this about myself, my mother and my sister both struggle with OCD so we’ve definitely taken the route to understand it. But it still makes it hard because sometimes I don’t know if it’s me or my OCD, which makes me feel like I have identity crisis. Just wondering if other struggled with this as well, I’ve heard that it can be a common thing and OCD. Also, I will say that sometimes I can be sensitive to feedback, even though I know that people are meaning the best. I feel like I’m very easily influenced by other people’s opinions which also makes my OCD a struggle as well.

Has this happened to yall? I had a severely emotionally distressing day yesterday. Was fully convinced I was going to break up with my boyfriend but mourning it and freaking out all day long because of how I can't do it. i just can't. I love him too much and am in denial of how bad my life feels because of it. Crying uncontrollably too. Today I woke up with extreme stomach pain, went to the bathroom and started blacking out, ears ringing, body shaking, goosebumps etc. I thought i was dying. This has happened to me one time before. But i forgot about it and now im more concerned.

Hi all, 20 year old daughter has OCD and has had increasingly worse intrusive thoughts as the years go by. She went through a very low point a few months ago but has come out the other end. She had weekly therapy at that point and increased her meds, sertraline. She is attending therapy monthly now. When she went through the bad patch she was prescribed valium which gave her such relief. She had a break from the intrusive thoughts at last even for a short time. She wants her doctor to prescribe it again. She is so upset that they won't prescribe it again. I can see why they won't as the last thing she needs is an addiction on top of OCD. I am not sure how to help her. She is finding daily life hard, even though she is doing so well. She is amazingly strong. But she just wants some relief from the thoughts. Any advice?

I can’t focus on anything that is important to me, especially work. I am typically such a high achiever and have such big aspirations for my small business but now I can’t focus on anything since my days are just filled with worry. It makes me sick to my stomach. When I get these intrusive thoughts they literally take the life out of me. I just want to fall down and weep when they enter my mind. Or when there is something I know I want to do but for some reason it feels like I don’t want to do it, i immediately spiral. My anger has also been worse because I am so anxious and on edge, even the smallest thing really makes me frustrated. This has been hard because without OCD I am a very even tempered person. Anyone else have a similar thing?

18 + only (Mentions of p*rn) I use porn compulsively, I don't feel attraction it's just a crutch to prove I'm not my thoughts and I have people I consider safe and fit my guidelines like not doing the disgusting step thing or having the word teen in the title, stuff like that but I hate all the degrading language used in even the things I consider safe, it's objectifying and weird and I hate that this is my main compulsion, it makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong when I'm specifically looking for more safe things and I hate it so much. Then today/last night, I had a really dumb dream that I was forced to break my morals and do the compulsion to something I find immoral and I actually believed it had happened for a bit even though it made no sense.

So I’m extremely germaphobic. Thing is though, I don’t get that uncomfortable around (potentially) contaminated surfaces. I don’t wash my hands or disinfectant more than the average human being. However, whenever the people around me are sick, I become hyperaware of the pathogens I’m breathing in. I tend to take shallower breaths/hold my breath (so that I inhale a lower concentration of pathogens). I also try to breathe through my diaphragm and cover my mouth with my hand if I need to breathe normally. Why don’t I just wear a mask or avoid people that are sick, you ask? Well, wearing a mask would not be societally appropriate, and as for avoiding people that are sick, I’m more scared of losing my friends than getting sick. It’s getting more and more problematic. Like I was taking a test, and the person sitting in front of me was sick. I did not breathe normally for the entire test and was about to pass out afterwards. Like your girl was hyperventilating. I got my grade back tonight, and it was well below what I usually score 💀 My friends have also started to call me out on my germaphobia. Some of them have noticed my odd breathing patterns, but I usually hit them with the “you take my breath away” and they back off. They’re more upset that I don’t check on them when they’re absent. I usually send the notes that they missed but don’t ask where they were. I promise it’s not because I don’t care; it’s just that if they were sick, I don’t want to know. So I’m wondering if what I have is contamination OCD.

I want to get the PEP vaccine for rabies because I believe the exposure I had was reallll but I know I shouldn’t :///

My ROCD theme (one of them) surrounds this person I hungout with a few times and kissed right b4 my partner and I started dating. It’s been almost 2 years. My fear is that I like like this other person. Anyways, someone I’m close to was texting this other person and such and I think I felt some type of way about them potentially hanging out? what does that say about me. I would assume for others that means they probably still like or have feelings for that other person so I’m freaking out. I’m so in love with my partner!

Today after school I was walking home with my boyfriend and he told me he had taken mushrooms earlier. After hearing that I got really anxious about contamination. I didn’t want to drink from his water or kiss him because I was scared something could get into my system. At one point he accidentally touched my lips with his hand and later we also kissed. After that my brain started going into “what if” thoughts like what if there were mushrooms on his hands or saliva and now it’s in my system. I started checking my surroundings to see if things were moving or if I felt different. It almost looked like things were slightly moving, which made my anxiety worse. I’m not diagnosed with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, but I’ve been struggling with a lot of contamination and “what if” thoughts like this. When something like this happens my brain keeps trying to make me check my body or my vision for signs that something is wrong. Has anyone else experienced OCD fears around contamination or substances like this? How do you stop the urge to keep checking if something got into your system?