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the NOCD Community

Not like “be gentle with yourself” but how do you actually get over disgusting teenage mistakes as an adult? It haunts me.

is it possible for ocd to make you think you like or want the thoughts? i cant stop crying i have completely lost myself. my brain is trying to convince me i’ve always been in trans denial and it was a matter of time before i found out because i used to hang out with boys and i have boyish humour and i used to pretend to be a boy with my sister as a joke when we were like 6 and 8 what if all of that means something I just saw this video of a little boy playing Fortnite and i don’t know why but i got a little jealous of boyhood for a moment like if i, a girl play fortnite (which i do) most of the time we’re seen as pick mes or just less than boys. plus the female fortnite circles online get a lot of hate and in my opinion i don’t like it very much either and i’m worried that makes me trans. It’s weird because i’ve never felt any discomfort with my gender until october last year. pfft not even discomfort. the thing is last year i had this fixation in squid game and the biggest character ship was In-ho and Gi-hun. i shipped them too. they got the most attention so my mind went boy x boy = funny and trendy. girl x girl = boring. so i started picturing myself (as a woman) being the dominant one in a relationship so i could be cool like a boy. and one day i saw this video in october 2025 saying “i’m a girl but i wanna be in a mlm relationship.” i resonated with that. i checked the comments and the top one was “this is how i found out i was trans”. i got scared so i went onto chatgpt and it gave me all these labels like demigirl although i didn’t feel like a boy i was also quite alternative so everyone in that community was sort of apart of the lgbtqia community too so i just thought ok that’s me. i didn’t feel masculine. i felt alt. fast forward to november i had a dream i was wearing a suit and tie and that was because i was stressed about the trans thing. that’s what really set it off. now it’s march and it’s worse than ever. today i tested if i liked having a deep voice and i felt dizzy, wanted to cry and anxious. and now i just feel like i am one and it makes me so sad. i was diagnosed recently and i can’t stop questioning the diagnosis. i’m not asking for any reassurance i just need to vent. and hear opinions. i’m struggling with tocd and up until recently the thoughts have started to come with false emotions. i get butterflies a lot when i’m anxious and sometimes i get scared that the butterflies are actually me being drawn to the thought. so i just want to summaries my whole experience with this disorder. so, when i was only 4 years old i had a very strong urge to touch all of the corners in the room. nothing would feel right if i didn’t. when i was 10 i had to do everything 6 times, had to say “night, night” as my last words, and had to get to the door before the garage closed or i thought i’d die. when i was 11, i started experiencing what i think was existential ocd. nothing felt real. i constantly asked my mum for reassurance that i’m real. i remember avoiding going out because i felt so dissociated. i was so scared of developing derealisation and depersonalisation and frequently checked in mirrors to see if i recognised myself, and i would also type out the word ‘derealisation’ on a keyboard on my ipad to see if the word came up. if it didn’t come up, i felt okay. but i literally couldn’t watch movies like the matrix because i was terrified. now fast forward to when i was 12, i feared i was becoming a psychopath. i genuinely worried that i would grow up to be a murderer. i would have frequent intrusive images that would cause distress. i also had pocd around this age. for pocd in particular, i saved many tiktok videos to reassure myself that i wasnt becoming a pedofile. omg i also always thought i had posted something onto social media and always had to check that i did. now i’m almost 14. yeah, i’m young. but my current theme tocd is really not questioning. i’m going to summarise my experience with it a little bit here. i use envy men a lot. like i always thought they got more attention, more power and people swooned over them more than women. i was introduced to a popular fandom at the start of 2025 which i literally loved. the main ship were two straight men. i shipped them. i admired the dynamic. their ship got the most attention in the show. i of course blamed that on gender. i got very jealous of the attention and wanted to be in a relationship like that. like i would try and act like one of the characters (i didn’t try to look like him i just wanted to be like him because he seemed cool) and imagined myself being with a boy (me as a girl though) and basically ‘wearing the pants’ in the relationship because the more dominant man in a mlm or even the most dominant person in a straight ship always seem like the coolest. i still imagined myself as a woman like i didn’t want to be in a gay relationship, i wanted to be in a straight relationship. but in October last year i saw a video that resonated with me. it said “i want to be in a mlm relationship as a woman” and the top comment was “this is how i found out i was trans btw” and that dont scare me. but then i got curious. i didn’t feel like a boy and i still don’t now. so i went onto chat gpt… yeah i know. not the best. but i told it about what i was going through and it said all these different labels which i didnt understand. demigirl however, resonated with me. at least i thought it did. i few weeks later it kinda just wore off. but i started to get involved with political matters and yada yada i was an alt girl. i was very accepting of the lgbtqia community. i wanted a future in human rights or politics. i think i kind of tried to push labels onto myself as the alt community is very diverse. so i just left that aesthetic because again, it wore off. but in november i had a dream of me wearing a suit and tie. it freaked me tf out. like i was asking chatgpt why i had that dream. this is where my tocd started. (i have a history with ocd). i basically got really scared and started compulsively checking my memories, my feelings and i had so many uncomfortable intrusive thoughts of me as a boy. god it’s scary. this ocd subtype ruined my holiday, my christmas and more. all of the things i wrote here are extremely hazy as ocd kind of gives me false memories. so, yeah. i don’t feel like a guy. never have. i literally had pinterest boards of feminine clothing i wanted to wear when i was a mum/older. all i ever wanted was to be a beautiful, feminine woman. i forgot to mention that the other night i did my makeup and felt so happy. i was happy with what i looked like and for a moment, i felt absolute certainty in my gender. but then the doubt came back in. i’m so worried because it feels like i like the thoughts sometimes, especially when the anxiety fades for a second, an intrusive thought comes up like “but it would be cool and unique to be a boy” and then i panic because why did i have a split second of false desire? i remember looking at old pictures of myself and i felt so happy. like, yes, this is me and i don’t want to change her. i could nevr forgive myself for it. but i just cannot stop crying. i’ve started emdr therapy and it made me feel like i want the thoughts even more. i’m super affected by misogyny and everything. and why am i bringing up past memories that meant nothing at the time like when i dressed up as mr wolf with a suit and tie and everyone liked my outfit and when i played with boy barbies and when i played with boys as a kid and i have boy humour. but when i pictured myself as a boy (compulsively) i almost felt a spark of desire or excitement that i have NEVER WANTED. i think it’s because of the way i’ve always admired popular boys at school despite them bullying me so badly. i just wonder how it would feel to be one for a day. but if i was asked to press a button to change my gender since birth like be a cis boy i’d say no! i like my life as a girl and i always have. i don’t want my relationship dynamics to change, i like having girl best friends as a girl because i think girlhood is so valuable. i’m a girl. i’ve always been one. i’ve loved traditionally feminine things for as long as i can remember. i’ve never felt any discomfort with puberty until last month. now this all started in october 2025. to keep this short, in january 2025 i got into this fandom and loved the male x male ship. i longed to have a dynamic like that. i noticed the nore dominant one got more attention so i started picturing myself as a woman but the more cool or dominant one in a relationship with a man. but in october, i saw this video that i resonated with. it said, “i want to be in a male x male relationship” the top comment said, “that’s how i found out i was trans btw” and other things like “first step denial second step daniel”. i guess i got anxious. i googled labels after labels and settled with demigirl although before this i didn’t even think about my gender. since i thought yeah i guess i want to be a cool dominant woman that this is me. i also liked the \\\\\\\*sound\\\\\\\* of she/they. so in november i had this dream that i was wearing a suit and tie. mind you, through all of this i was identifying as bisexual and had an interest in billie eilish. billie isn’t a typical feminine presenting woman and i wanted to be her. i thought she was so cool. so i adapted to that label of being bi because i thought it was cool as well. may have something to do with my adhd. i realised later that i just think some girls are pretty but nearly %100 attracted to men. this is reverent because billie eilish would wear suits but i misinterpreted this dream as something to do with my gender. i started researching. ever since then i’ve been in distress and sadness because i feel like i’ve fully lost myself to this obsession. but it also feels like i like the thoughts somehow. but why does it feel like i like the thoughts now. it feels so real. i used to search up tocd symptoms vs gender dysphoria and i completely matched up with tocd. that was in december. now it feels like i like the thoughts. my ocd feels so incredibly real and that i like the thoughts. i really dont want them to be true. does anyone else get false emotions in ocd that feel incredibly real? like i’m not panicking right now or crying like i usually do and it feels like i like the thoughts. the false desire i feel is like this: it feels like an involuntary pull toward the idea, this usually occurs after i have compulsively checked if i liked the thoughts. then i get butterflies that feel like excitement and then i start crying. does that sound like false desire? but it doesn’t even feel distressing like it used to. it started off as a very clear case of ocd and now compulsions dont help and it feels like i want the thoughts. i feel like when i’m crying i’m actually crying because i don’t want to accept it which is true because i truly dont. At the start I did not feel like this at all. It was irrational although distressing. But omg I remember when we were putting up the Christmas tree I was really upset, affected by misogyny and this was like November 24th 2025. I had this alter ego I created called Jack Maverick back in July and it was all a joke. I remember creating it because my friend at the time wanted to make a boy jealous. It was a joke. But I’m not sure if this memory I’m about to say is true but I think I remember looking myself as Jack in the mirror and thinking I look cool. I drew a moustache on with mascara and I did think I looked cool. But anyway although that is scaring me back to the Christmas tree, I remember putting it up with my mum and then kinda breaking down because I wanted to be free from misogyny. But like, I remember sitting on the stairs and saying “sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be Jack Maverick.” But while I was saying that I was trying to put this Christmas light together and I couldn’t do it so I was getting frustrated. Wait I think I just figured it out. I was frustrated because stereotypically, men are seen to be handy people like they can build stuff. I was mad because I couldn’t and I was extremely affected by misogyny. But as I was looking at the Christmas tree I started crying again to my mum saying “life would be so much easier as a boy” and omg my classmate at the time was detransitioning and I was talking about how I was SCARED of being trans because of misogyny and she understood! I was SCARED. Does this sound like OCD? it feels like I want to be an attractive boy when I’ve never ever wanted this. i will never get my girlhood back. unfortunately i am a boy now. i never wanted this. ive always been happy as a girl. now 7 months of intense dread, anxiety and sadness i have to accept that i have to be a boy now. why do i feel like i want to be a boy. this isnt fair. my girlhood and my future has been stripped away from me. this started off as a clear case of ocd, it had a trigger and all, and now its just gotten worse and worse. now it feels like i like it. I can’t do this anymore. I want to be a girl again.

I just hope someone finds the time to respond... I genuinely feel so lost right now... UPDATE: My ex and I broke up nearly 3 weeks ago... so... the girlfriend thing is outdated... and I'm so exhausted... plus I got assaulted at my job as a caretaker by a member, my supervisor wants to fire me and constantly talks behind my back, and i have no one close who i can talk to... today I turned in my notice... my supervisor said "fantastic" and "talk to you later" in a clearly sarcastic and vindictive manner... im struggling with a lot... yesterday was my last day... and... everything feels... just... wrong... With my harm ocd hitting full swing... i find myself triggered by my pocd again... and i feel like a horrible person... i tried not to post... i tried to do what people told me... but right now i feel absolutely horrible... I genuinely feel so guilty... I cant handle the anxiety... Im doing horribly right now because I feel so so guilty about this... Youtubers are constantly getting accused of doing p3dophilic activity and inappropriately abusing and inappropriately messaging women and minors and abusing others and its making me think my real events are as bad or as worse as them... and that I'll be cancelled and arrested later in life because of all of this... I have genuinely never felt more alone in my life than this particular moment right here... Ive vented a lot to a lot of people in the PM's about my OCD... some of them younger (minors)... because I wanted reassurance from everyone and anyone... but this situation triggers me the most because I was venting about my 18+ HOCD situations... (the 18+ HOCD situations were about 18+ graphic HOCD situations that triggered me immensely...) When I was 19, in an HOCD support group I was in, I vented to 2 minors in the PM's about my 18+ HOCD situations... The leader of the support group (that i vented to) was 17... I was 19 at the time... the other minor i vented to was younger (14-15)... the younger one told me she was uncomfortable when i vented to her in the PM's twice... The 14-15 year old said she was uncomfortable the first time and i tried to stop venting to her... after she said i was a bad person because of politics... I vented to her a second time because her saying i was a bad person triggered me... she said she was uncomfortable for the second time and then i blocked her... i kept asking the leader of the support group for reassurance for my 18+ HOCD situations for months because she kept giving me reassurance... i thought she was cute but didnt pursue her because of my age... i dont ever want to ever be a P or a MAP or a groomer in any way... I'm so genuinely triggered... I don't want to be a P or a MAP or a groomer or a bad person... I wanna be a good person who does good things for other people... I dont want to be arrested for any crimes... I just want to be a good person who helps people in the medical field... I only want to help others... the last thing I want is to commit any form of harm towards kids or teens in any way... 😭😭😭 And I keep getting intrusive thoughts of calling the 14-15 year old "cute" with her saying "thanks" on text... I genuinely find this so awful and disgusting...

I was using intrusive imagery of me peeing out my uti germs to my advantage and being like heck yeah im getting better but tonight I am peeing much less despite drinking a lot of water and the water feels like its not going to my bladder and its freaking me out because i cant pee out this UTI. Plus the burning sensation is back. I feel super irritable and emotional and can’t stop crying. I had a long day cleaning my fridge and working, and then cooking dinner, so i might just be tired but i feel so upset nothing is going the way i want it to!!! I just wanna feel better! I want to be cured and i want to be back to my happy self!!!

Hello fellow humans! Being vulnerable is HARD and I’ve been challenged to post here to help reduce some of the distress around it… so here we are. Post #1. I am 29 years old, married to my husband of almost 7 years and have two beautiful little girls, ages 2.5 and 6 months. I enjoy so many things like reading, being in nature, word searches, and pretty much any crafty hobby you can think of. After a lifetime of wondering, I was finally formally diagnosed with autism (level 1) in 2024 which has been such a blessing and has provided me SO MANY amazing answers for why I am who I am. It also has validated why so many things are harder for me than for others. I was more recently diagnosed with OCD after having suspicions around this since I was little as well which is why I am here! I have a few friends I regularly see but friendships have always been a struggle for me. Opening up to friends and sharing how I am doing or feeling is even more of a struggle. I often feel like a burden or “too much”. My family situation (husband and kids excluded) is extremely dysfunctional and even though my parents and sisters are close by, they do not help with the kids. My husband works quite a bit and I am alone with the kids with no help every single day from early in the morning to dinner time and sometimes later. I am so thankful for my life, for my amazing husband and our girls but it is HARD. Making friends and maintaining friendships is hard. Navigating family is hard. Living life with a lot of sensory sensitivities and other invisible (or masked) needs is hard. Living with OCD is hard. I am learning that it’s ok for things to be good and hard. There are so many beautiful parts to life and so much to be thankful for. But also life is hard. If you stuck around this long, thanks for listening. Not sure where exactly I was going with this one but if you are a mom or wife or person feeling lonely or discouraged or wanting to build better friendships or be a better person despite feeling like a lot is against you, please know you aren’t alone! We’ve got this.

I just hope someone finds the time to respond... I genuinely feel so lost right now... UPDATE: My ex and I broke up nearly 3 weeks ago... so... the girlfriend thing is outdated... and I'm so exhausted... plus I got assaulted at my job as a caretaker by a member, my supervisor wants to fire me and constantly talks behind my back, and i have no one close who i can talk to... today I turned in my notice... my supervisor said "fantastic" and "talk to you later" in a clearly sarcastic and vindictive manner... im struggling with a lot... yesterday was my last day... and... everything feels... just... wrong... With my harm ocd hitting full swing... i find myself triggered by my pocd again... and i feel like a horrible person... i tried not to post... i tried to do what people told me... but right now i feel absolutely horrible... I genuinely feel so guilty... I cant handle the anxiety... Im doing horribly right now because I feel so so guilty about this... Youtubers are constantly getting accused of doing p3dophilic activity and inappropriately abusing and inappropriately messaging women and minors and abusing others and its making me think my real events are as bad or as worse as them... and that I'll be cancelled and arrested later in life because of all of this... I have genuinely never felt more alone in my life than this particular moment right here... Ive vented a lot to a lot of people in the PM's about my OCD... some of them younger (minors)... because I wanted reassurance from everyone and anyone... but this situation triggers me the most because I was venting about my 18+ HOCD situations... (the 18+ HOCD situations were about 18+ graphic HOCD situations that triggered me immensely...) When I was 19, in an HOCD support group I was in, I vented to 2 minors in the PM's about my 18+ HOCD situations... The leader of the support group (that i vented to) was 17... I was 19 at the time... the other minor i vented to was younger (14-15)... the younger one told me she was uncomfortable when i vented to her in the PM's twice... The 14-15 year old said she was uncomfortable the first time and i tried to stop venting to her... after she said i was a bad person because of politics... I vented to her a second time because her saying i was a bad person triggered me... she said she was uncomfortable for the second time and then i blocked her... i kept asking the leader of the support group for reassurance for my 18+ HOCD situations for months because she kept giving me reassurance... i thought she was cute but didnt pursue her because of my age... i dont ever want to ever be a P or a MAP or a groomer in any way... I'm so genuinely triggered... I don't want to be a P or a MAP or a groomer or a bad person... I wanna be a good person who does good things for other people... I dont want to be arrested for any crimes... I just want to be a good person who helps people in the medical field... I only want to help others... the last thing I want is to commit any form of harm towards kids or teens in any way... 😭😭😭 And I keep getting intrusive thoughts of calling the 14-15 year old "cute" with her saying "thanks" on text... I genuinely find this so awful and disgusting...

I Intentionally skipped a support group today (after texting friends and my professor about going) cos I cant bring myself to show up. Hours leading up to it i was feeling scared and ashamed and really hesitant and talked myself out of going. The more I let the weeks go on the more I'm losing sight of my reasons for trying to want or need to get better. I feel no urgency to fix my eating disorder or ocd...Idk if its just me or the ocd but ive become too complacent yet my friends texting me keep reminding me of what ive been avoiding. Now I'm filled with this empty, lonely void feeling that scares me cos I dont want to be alone with my thoughts or myself....

Real event ocd with a mixture of pocd is so brutal 😭😭 . Never felt so alone .

I’ve been super stressed recently (stove fire beginning of the year which hasn’t been replaced by my stupid apartment 5 months later, working as a teacher, getting my masters simultaneously, and just mental health in the absolute gutter). And in the past week I’ve noticed my OCD symptoms suddenly jumping out the wazoo. Themes like “just right” OCD (and others) that I haven’t dealt with in about a year suddenly taking a major hold again. I’ve started my somatic compulsions again (snapping fingers repeatedly until it feels “just right” any time I get anxious, as well as spinning objects in repetitive motions, jerking my head repeatedly, picking at skin around my nails), all of which I thought I grew out of over a year ago. But I’ve also started my vocal compulsion again too, which can be closest compared to vocal tics like from a tic disorder. Not that those things are at all the same thing, and I probably shouldn’t call my compulsions tics but it gets the point across faster. I’d stopped doing it for about the same time (over a year) except for once in a blue moon, but now in the past few days it’s been happening more and more. Happened several times yesterday and happened maybe 15 times already today. Basically I’ll be saying something, and either randomly get stuck on a letter that I repeat OR I’ll have the fear pop into my head saying “you’re gonna mess up” which triggers the stutter compulsion and I get stuck repeating the letter. And then I can’t stop saying the sound over and over until either it feels right OR I physically have to stop talking and reset or just give up the sentence entirely and say something else instead. It always happens when I have heightened emotions and gets triggered even easier when I try to talk ABOUT the compulsion in the first place (three separate times today I’ve been taking to a friend about it and started to explain the compulsion, when suddenly it happened naturally immediately after trying to explain what it is). So the damn thing is pretty much triggering itself now lol. I was on a pretty long streak without it happening but now, like I said, it happened like 7 times in the span of a 30 min call with a friend earlier and another 4 or so in a 15 min call. So it’s just happening more and more frequently which is frustrating. Everyone is understanding and no one has made fun of me for it, but I just need to unlearn the shame I feel when it happens. And I also need to feel comfortable with my OCD compulsions becoming more visible, especially around the people in my life who have met me after these symptoms were all essentially nonexistent, and so don’t know me as a person with OCD since it hasn’t been visible this whole time. I play sports, which means so much to me and I have so many new friends, but I’m just nervous because I haven’t shown them any of the more vulnerable parts of myself (being the only femme/enby in a group of men is also nerve wracking as well), and so my OCD symptoms being more visible is especially making me nervous (which is honestly making it more likely to be triggered RIP). Anyways. I guess I was just curious if other people experience this too? Like the part about compulsively needing to repeat letters in a stutter until it feels right. And the struggle to have to take conscious control of your mouth and wrangle it until it stops moving and allows you to finally breathe. I have to physically fight to slow the muscles in my mouth and take control of my breathing when it happens, otherwise I’ll try to repeat until I quite literally run out of breath. I tried looking up some studies about this, and saw some things saying tic disorders and OCD can be comorbid, but not much saying that OCD can have vocal compulsions. I might just be looking in the wrong spot though.

Between having OCD about the fear of my heart and having some relationship OCD basically today was about my relationship Today I was having a hard time talking to my boyfriend. I don’t know if it’s because of my lady days, but I was talking to my boyfriend and I had this sudden urge of crying. I got upset with him because I’m starting to notice he’s been working a lot recently and he’s been not responding as much so I get anxiety and start thinking. Maybe I’m not that attractive or maybe he’s talking to someone else and I recognize that these are OCD thoughts but it’s so hard to block them when they pass through my mind today I was telling him that I think we should break up because we hardly see each other. I could see him only once a week and maybe once every other week depending on how he manages his financial stability and he’s been basically talking a lot about work and what goes on at Work. His life revolves around work and sometimes I try to start different conversations with them and it’s hard because I feel like when he doesn’t communicate as much he has lost interest in trying to conversate with me. I think about it all the time. And I started crying and getting angry with him cause I feel like he’s getting distant. And probably doesn’t want to talk and this is a lie.

Anyone else ever have OCD attack their motherhood? I’m a stay-at-home-mom with two beautiful little girls, and since I’ve had our second daughter, I’ve had terrible bouts of anxiety and depression, but I’m beginning to put the pieces together that it’s actually probably been OCD. This whole time I thought it was Postpartum Depression because this type of OCD began about two weeks after having my daughter. My OCD is always telling me that being a mom is what’s making me so anxious (having that feeling of urgency that OCD gives), taking care of my kids is what is making me so miserable, that I should just put them in daycare and get a job. And this is a constant loop in my head. It’s also constantly telling me where I’m messing up as a mom and filling me with fear there. “You said no to playing with your daughter, you’re a horrible mother, she’s going to be messed up forever.” And it just goes on and on and on. It also makes the daily tasks of being a mom FEEL so anxiety inducing (that feeling of urgency). The task of just packing the diaper bag or washing the dishes the girls just ate from brings on that feeling of urgency and anxiety. Idk..OCD seems to want to grab a hold of every area of my life…The areas that I hold so dear, like being a stay at home mom. It seems to want to make the areas of my life that I love the most into a miserable experience and it makes me question if it’s really the right life for me. (Even though when I’m not feeling attacked by OCD, I absolutely LOVE being a stay at home mom). My daughters are 3.5 and 1.5 now and I’ve been dealing with all of this since two weeks after my youngest was born, so for about 1.5 years now and I just want relief. So yah, anyone else ever been there?

I have ROCD. Not just romantic, but every single one of my relationships in my life I have a hard time checking if they are angry or how they are feeling. Sometimes I’ll definitely act on compulsions to smooth out any situation I believe is tense, and only feel the ritual is completed when they seem happy with me and the relationship seems just right. Especially my closest family members. My erp on that is sitting with the word maybe on how they feel about me or our relationship. As for my boyfriend, we’ve been together 8 months but about 4 months ago my sister added him on Snapchat and I didn’t know and she had made him uncomfortable at my parents and he told me he wasn’t comfortable snapping her and that he felt it was flirtation and didn’t like it. I spiraled. For months. Up until now. Brought him in on the compulsions and had him reassure me he isn’t cheating constantly. Going through every corner of his phone. It was true betrayal in my head. Like he cheated on me with my sister and my sister betrayed me. How do you overcome checking to make sure the people closest to you aren’t betraying you? I think that’s the intrusive thought I have the hardest time sitting with. Anyone else have this experience or something similar? I’d love some insight.

My ocd & anxiety is getting worse as the days are going by. Normally my ocd flared up lasts a couple weeks and it’s subsided and I can normally handle my anxiety quite well however now it’s there allllll the time. It’s really getting to me. I suffer the most from intrusive thoughts & im scared of trying medication. I’m looking at starting fluoxetine but I am terrified. I tried Sertraline last year I was only on it for 2/3 days & it blew my head off so as you can imagine I’m extremely nervous about trying anything else. I have seen fluoxetine is meant to be really good. I guess I’m just looking for someone who is in the same situation and has had a good outcome? Please help, I’m desperate at this point I don’t know how much more I can take 😞

I’ve had it for over a year and am stuck at home and even areas of the house creates anxiety 😭 how long can it take to overcome?

I had my first visit with my new psychiatrist today and was prescribed Clomipramine. Before taking any new medications I always do thorough research prior to taking them; as I have found myself particularly sensitive/prone to side effects. After reading through both the paper given to me by the pharmacy, as well as documents online, I’m not sure if I feel 100% comfortable trying this medication out. A couple of things in particular that stood out to me were majority of individuals experiencing weight gain (I have body image issues and weight issues already), sexual dysfunction, constipation, etc. (some other pretty severe symptoms) lasting through the entirety of their medication experience (2+ years) as well as some even still being affected after discontinuing the medication, or on the most severe cases, being affected for the rest of their lives. Many people have said that it has helped their OCD significantly, but it was not worth all of the side effects they had to endure while taking it. Some said it saved their life, while others said it ruined their life. Has anyone tried this medication before?? Thoughts? I have already reached out to their office but I am looking for more “real person” experiences before making any decisions. Thank you in advance for taking the time to give this a read, I know it is a long one.

I feel like my compulsions are different than everyone else. I say really bad things in my mind out of no where or get images and it freaks me out so I think I have to fix it. My way of fixing is trying to say the opposite of what my thought was. For example “I swear to never do that” but when I say the sentence I have to picture somebody. And if I keep doing it wrong, I have to keep doing it. Anyone else have similar compulsions?

I told my boyfriend about the intrusive thoughts I get about my exes etc, now my mind wants me to tell him the ones I got about me “wanting” his brother etc and stuff and it makes me feel guilty like I need to cry? Or something advice please do I also tell him those, he was understanding about the thoughts but this is something to do w his brother, and I feel like he wouldn’t be? And we had a mutual conversation like “oh we notice when ppl r attractive but don’t let it affect our relationship, or have crushes etc.) these thoughts were me just worrying if I was attracted to his brother, or if I had a crush on him etc. and I told my therapist about it, but all I felt was disgust and anxiety, and now it feels like I need to tell my boyfriend about it, because he was so understanding with the ex thing? But I don’t know. It’s his BROTHER. And the thoughts aren’t persistent anymore it happened because I got told he said my name during sex? Or asked abt me a lot and was super uncomfortable so my mind started running with random things.

I was very eager about someone I had a deep connection with. Long story short, the person seems to be pulling away after I was very intense (obsessing internally but didn’t say anything bad). I hope it’s salvageable if I lessen my intensity and be relaxed again. But it’s hard. I fear it’s irreversible and I ruined a good thing. But I know that thinking itself is also OCD. It’s hard. Anyone feel me on this?

At bedtime when I begin to settle down to sleep suddenly I need to pee every 15 min or so. As I get closer to sleeping I get up more I think it’s because I’m hoping for the feeling of an empty bladder. Sometimes I have relief for a while sometime I lay down feeling like I could still do more even though I barely go. I also wake up 1-3 times throughout the night to go. Camping is my favorite activity but I’m not sure I can do it anymore because of how much this is affecting me. :(

Have u ever felt like u have messed up so badly that u will never be the kind of person u want to be? Like how can I get over all this? It’s just too much. Handing it over to God isn’t easy. And why do I keep doing the same thing over and over knowing it’s not the right thing to do? I’m depressed over it all and just don’t care which makes me not want to do what’s the right thing . It’s like I’ll never get over all this. But I want to enjoy life again.