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Hey i am new here with religious ocd how this app work

Hello 👋 This is my first post on hear so I thought i might share my story I think I have been struggling with SO-OCD where i have constant intrusive thoughts doubting my sexuality (lesbian) and trying to convince me that im actually straight and have been living a lie. All I want is to be with women I have no desire to be with men but my intrusive thoughts are just denying it and they get louder every time I try to express myself or talk about it with some thoughts getting it so bad that it makes me feel physically ill or make me actually claw my skin or make me scream out loud. it started getting bad in 2022 when I started to discover my sexuality and all my thoughts were just doubts about it so I never seek help bc I feel wrong and delusional, school is what triggered my intrusive thoughts the most to the point where I had to leave high school and finish it online cause I couldn’t be around people anymore. REALLY disturbing Mental images of me having sex with men keeps popping up head even though I don’t want to some of these were men that I knew. THIS STILL HAPPENS TODAY I’m in university now. I would always hear in my head “oh if you’re thinking about it, therefore you’re fantasizing about it and you like it and you can’t stop thinking about men” I still get uncomfortable seeing straight couples be intimate or holding hands because intrusive thoughts would trigger being like “this is what you should have” or “you’re lying to yourself about being gay” or “your faking it” and it’s really tough because most of the people in my life are straight and I wanna be there for them when they get into relationships, and I wanna be supportive when they introduce their partners to me. I also avoid dating or any conversations about dating or sex. When people say “oh I think you have a crush on this boy” it will make me believe It’s true and it’s super damaging. And convos about sex will just make the mental images come back. I am super super sorry that this ended up being so long, I heard that it was more common in heterosexual people and it made me feel like I was going through this alone (idk if that’s necessarily true). i’m in the process of seeking treatment i still have bad days. Hopefully people can relate to me.

So.. i’m 19. Doing like semi well in life. My parents have my back so in the end i’m fine but damn i quit uni after just a year which was about a year ago and started nursing school which i lowkey also feel like quitting.. the thing is I’ve basically wanted to be a doctor ALL my life. I’m not super smart and i have adhd so my grades have never been amazing but my mom is a nurse and many of her coworkers have told me i would make a great doctor. It’s genuinely been a dream (option 1 was always to become an actor but that’s even less realistic lmao) and now with doing well in nursing school (all a’s but it’s a lot “easier” where i life than it is in the US) it’s never been as realistic for me to actually make it into med school. To get to my current struggle, it started with me wondering if i actually have what it takes to be a doctor. Just a quick reddit search and i fell into this spiral. Can i do med school? Am i too mentally ill? What if the job just ends up making me unhappy. Which specialty would i even go into? All that lead to me being STRESSED. I rarely talk to my parents when i struggle and i cried in my Mamas arms two days in a row. Like.. i’m 19 at some point you gotta know what you want no? And the biggest problem i have now is that suddenly i feel indifferent about being a doctor? I used to think id do well in med school bc it’s something i really want and am passionate about but now it suddenly feels like i dont care at all and i just wonder, is that ocd? Will it go away? It’s been like this for like a month idk

Hello everyone. I'm here in search of help. First time posting here so apologies for any mistakes. I'm not diagnosed with OCD but ive been dealing with intrusive thoughts for around a year or so. It could be more, but my specific problem i noticed started probably around 2024. It all involves obsessive thoughts towards an online friend I have known for a while. I have constant worries over past mistakes and things I've done/said to them, and even tho we have talked about them and solved them, my brain seems stuck. Things such as feeling bad and feeling they hate me even tho I know they don't, wanting to avoiding talking to them so I don't make another "mistake" again, feeling anxious when being texted, avoiding saying certain things and so on. I have urges to self sabotage or tell them my thoughts but I know I should not do that. I've been trying to do ERP on my own once I realised that Ive been falling back to old habits, such as telling my thoughts to my best friend (and other friends) and then the conversation dragging for hours without results. Or how I'd seek reassurance. Anyway, I made it a goal to not have an episode (as i call them) with the online friend I mentioned in order to teach my brain not to react with anxiety, and this lasted for april. It's may now, and while I think there's improvements, I feel I'm not doing things right? If this part is ocd, please ignore it. I cannot afford therapy hence my attempt on doing this on my own. I wanted to post here to break the "loop" (took a bit to make an account but I'm here now lol). Has anyone else experienced something similar? If so, is there any advice you can give? I'd highly appreciate it! So far, anxious responses have been minimized, but I still get them. I make sure to ignore/not give attention to the thoughts but sometimes it feels impossible but I try remind myself progress is not linear. Aside from the problems listed, I noticed I'm dealing with some jealousy towards the friend, which I absolutely hate. Thank you in advance for reading. If a trigger warning is needed please tell me. If more context is needed I'll be happy to give it (since I feel i didn't explain my situation too well and it sounds too vague)

I don't understand how the solution to ocd is be delusional & ignore you thoughts & let them run. I've done exposure therapy at home & in session. Still feel anxious at 10! Still feel crippling guilt. The meds make it worse or do nothing. I'm tired. I'm exhausted. I don't see the purpose of trying anymore. It's been 10 years. Anyone here actually better?! Happy? I feel like I exchange one intrusive thought with another...I think I'm spiraling

I had my usual moment where I see a child and immediately try my hardest to look away and not have any thoughts. But for some reason the urges to look and act on horrible thoughts are really strong, like abnormally so? It's really weird and worrying me a lot. It's normally not this bad. It genuinely does just feel like my real desires at the moment.

Can they manifest as anything? Sometimes I’ll feel as if something is entering my rear or mouth or something is is being done to my body ???

I was wondering if it’s normal to have the following thoughts or feelings: - feeling scared or nervous to hangout with partner - feeling like things won’t work out -constant fear of falling out of love. - feel like you absolutely want to break up - feel like it’s not going to get better - annoyed with partner, - constantly crying because of it And overall. I’m tired and feel like nothing is going to get better. I feel like I’m a horrible person.

I'm trying not to Google this over and over. If you committed a bad thing in the past, can your therapist report you? I'm scared to death of being reported but I need to confess to my past discretions if I'm ever going to get over this.

Tmi: I went to the bathroom and my stomach hurt so bad, then I went to poo and there was some white bits into my poo. Does anyone know if its a sign of cancer? It also smelled terrible and I feel nauseous. I'm so scared

I made an account on an app named“I am not Saint Joan”. Do you guys think that’s offensive or disrespectful to her? I have religious OCD but I love religious imagery and theology and saints and all of it. But I’m scared it’s offensive or disrespectful to her. What do you guys think? I really like the name.

I was awakened about and hour ago w/ the worst feeling on anxiousness I've felt in a while. These episodes have been escalating these last few weeks. It's becoming more frequent than I like and despite all my eating healthy, drinking tons of water, vitamins & minerals to support my health. I still haven't gotten any better, just worse than before each time. At this point in life I can honestly say I feel defeated ‼️ Defeated as a man, a father and a family member. My mental health is changing right before my eyes and I dont know what to do to help myself. This past week of making these posts have saved my life because I don't know what else to do. I'm at my breaking point right now and I'm unsure of what the future holds for me! I'm not that sharp knife I once was, I've been dulled down by society. Now I'm left with a mess I have " 0 " ideas of how to begin to cleanup. The amount of shame, guilt, anxiety, depression and every negative feeling known to man is what I feel. I feel so low and I'm trying to climb back to my feet despite my feeling overwhelmed with negative feelings and emotions. If I knew what to do to change my situation I would act on it, I'm trying this venting to strangers vs friends & family. I've tried counseling, meditation, yoga, I even tried staying busy and that's the only thing that worked! But unfortunately for me I'm too sick on a daily to even work. I'm barely able to shower because I'm so exhausted from running the water and getting undressed, so halfway through the bath I'm exhausted. I don't know why but I literally feel like I'm dying inside and no one cares! I feel like my life is under attack because of a past relationship that was a toxic roller-coaster of mixed emotions and physical abuse. We both had our moments of being the aggressor but her more than I. I'm just not a violent person unless you provoke me/back me into a corner. I'm not proud I put myself in a situation where I had to defend myself against a woman. At that time I loved this woman more than any woman I've ever loved. But she wouldn't stop breaking my heart and being violent when I confronted her about it. This became an issue throughout our 15 years together and I endured every bit of it trying to hold on to what I thought was love! I don't know what to call it now that I look back, I just know that I was crazy about this woman. We've been apart for the last 8 years almost and unfortunately she passed away last October just 30 days after she turned 39yo. That hurt me, my kids mom has just suddenly died and all I can think about is how we could've saved our relationship but we couldn't stop fighting w/ each other. So I eventually left and started life over, alone and from scratch. I began working on my mental health and going to the gym, reading more, and Journaling my achievements. I went from sleeping in my aunts backyard inside my car for the next 3 months maybe, sleeping in my car other random places and showering wherever I could. I got better mentally, stronger and learned more about myself than before. I began to grow into a mature version of who I was, pushed by my circumstances I had no other options but do better. Fast forward another 2 months and I was ready to move into my first home 🥳‼️ And for the next 3 years I lived there until my employer sold the company and we all got layed off. I got a job maybe 2 months after the fact and it was probably the best thing that happened to me in years. I made more $ than I ever did before and was able to buy a home of my own and move both my boys in w/ me. I took care of everything for me & my boys! They didn't want anything because I was able to afford everything they needed. My oldest son moved out and gave me a grand daughter and now my youngest is on his way to college. I know I have so much to be proud of but my health isn't making it easy to live in the moment and enjoy these things. I never feel good anymore, I worry about everyone & everything and I'm stuck in a cycle of shame, anxiety and depression. I have an appointment today w/ a gastro specialist and I'm praying they can help me get back to work and healthy of course! I can't take looking at my kids, I can't financially support either of them because my health is so bad. Most of their lives I was in between jobs until I got out on my own then I realized what I had been doing wrong this whole time. I was living above my means to say the least! Being single taught me some financial literacy skills that I've been sharpening since. Now its not $ I need 1st, its my health. Only then I can get off my ass and back to work. I've never wanted to work so bad lol, it stresses me out that I'm stuck at home not able to work and everything. Well I think I got everything on my mind off for the moment, I pray for those battling mental health issues. 1 day at a time! Start your journey to peace today, keep track of your accomplishments and celebrate yourself sometimes ✌🏾🫶🏾⁉️

For me I don't have lucky numbers, in fact, I hate calling my ocd-related numbers lucky or unlucky. I have "GOOD" numbers, and "BAD" numbers. Like if something is a bad number I have to either do a compulsion and/or use math to make it a good number. Idk when this started but I have a whole system in my head and I feel so embarrassed when anyone sees me doing something ocd related, like tapping or something. But that just makes me do it more... and sometimes I feel like I am imagining it because for me it doesn't define my whole existence exactly? I won't put my good or bad numbers on here because for me it is a bit triggering when I see someone say that their good number is actually (for me) a bad number... but anyways do other people feel like this at all? Any part of what I'm saying?

18+ only One of my compulsions is m*sturbation, I'll get triggered by something and have to disprove it and find something "safe" to do said compulsion. Usually this means they have to follow some rules I have: 1) Don't do things I consider immoral (Cosplaying underage characters, doing step fantasy stuff, infantilising themselves in anyway, whether that's an outfit, a hairstyle or a word in a title like "teen" or "18 year old") 2) Be 20 or over (Although when I was in therapy, my therapist told me to trust the verification process of sites and I did so for a while before seeing something that made me doubt their ability on p*rnhub but obviously if people had bios saying they were 18/19 then that person wouldn't be safe, basically one person was verified and when I was checking their social media, I saw something that meant they shouldn't be, I reported everything of course and haven't used the site since.) 3) Don't follow people who break rules 1 or 2 (Usually I give people the benefit of he doubt that they don't know if it's only 1 person or so, but this is what I'm worried about.) I just remembered that the only person I still considered safe might not be, I gave them benefit of the doubt about one person they followed who did things I don't like (Step fantasy stuff) and I'm scared I shouldn't have, this popped into my head and made me check if anyone else in their following is bad the aforementioned person was fetishising the whole step family thing, yuck, and another who follows people I've blocked on Twitter, as I was checking their following I kept being triggered, I'm worried I never should've give them benefit of the doubt the first time, another person they follow, follows people I've previously blocked/reported for being scared they're infantilising themselves or the step family thing, I DM'd one of the people who follow a bunch of people who broke rules one or three to give them benefit of the doubt and let them know about what some of the people they follow do and did the same to the people I considered safe. But it feels like every person I considered safe at some point turns out to do something I consider immoral, sometimes it's me being scared (Like when someone was wearing a checkered skirt or a skirt with two lines at the bottom). The only reason I considered this person no longer safe was because of the site they used that I mentioned earlier

I feel like I’ve hit a dead end with ocd treatment and can’t figure out anything that is going to help me. I have extremely bad ocd and I have tried therapy twice a week at an ocd specialty center from October to April, (it got bumped down to once a week because we weren’t getting anywhere), I have tried nearly every medication. I have tried Prozac 80mg Zoloft 200 mg, abilify 10mg, buspirone 60 mg, Xanax and Seroquel for anxiety spikes, 20 mg of memantine, and I just started 150mg of chlomipramine (I started 100 mg over week and a half ago and 50 mg before that). I might have left something out. The medications have not done anything for me, and therapy hasn’t done anything for me. I tried ERP with my therapist, but because of the complexity of the ocd (obsessions stacking on one another), it was so complicated, I couldn’t explain it. At the ocd center they said that I need to do residential treatment over the summer for them to see me again. My parents said I’m not doing that over the summer and have threatened to make me take pay my apartment rent if I do (I’m 20). I have limited money. I’m likely going to do TMS over the summer if the chlomipramine doesn’t do something magical within a few weeks, and if that doesn’t work, outpatient therapy hasn’t worked and probably isn’t going to work for me, and there aren’t many medications for ocd I haven’t tried. I’m tired of living with severe ocd and nothing working. Nothing has even worked a little bit. My Y-BOCS scores are in the high 30s. It’s become the “new normal” for me to live like this and I’m afraid that’s how I am going to have to live my life. I don’t know if anyone has advice, but I am at a stuck point. My psychiatrist said he would refer me for deep brain stimulation if it got to the point where TMS didn’t work, and my parents said I’m not doing that. I’d literally be willing to do an experimental trial for something even with risk, because I hate living like this. If I am going wrong in ERP, I don’t know where it is, because I haven’t been able to articulate my fears to the therapist well, and we haven’t found an exposure that works well

Can any moms out there share their experience with what their OCD was like postpartum? (Not postpartum OCD, but your already diagnosed OCD) My OCD definitely amped up after my girls were born. The added stresses of life definitely make OCD more intense. What are your experiences?

How do you manage to sit with the feeling of Depersonalization without feeling like you are going to snap or forget about everyone you love. I swear I feel like I keep getting lapses in my brain. It’s like I’m stuck in here and I don’t recognize my body. I find myself repeating my family members names in my head so I won’t forget them. This is so scary. I just want to be myself again without feeling so disconnected from myself and others. I also don’t want to invite the idea of having multiple personalities.

I haven’t been on this app since 2023; when I first downloaded this app back in 2019 it was basically in its foundational stages and nothing more than a subreddit filled with people just venting about their experiences. Logging in now and seeing all the updates makes me happy since more people with OCD can connect with each other, connect with psychologists and have a disposal of tools at their hands to help them navigate through this journey. However, when going through and reading some of these posts I still see a lot of catastrophic thinking and general hopelessness among some of us. I am not faulting anyone for having these feelings, as OCD itself is powerful due to many cognitive distortions – “Catastrophizing” and “Emotional Reasoning” being two of the strongest. But I don’t think it’s helpful for the community as a whole to become an echo-chamber of “OCD sucks, my life won’t get better” because that is not true, OCD can be very debilitating. I can attest to this firsthand, but there are many things we can do to improve our quality of life and still live a full and meaningful life despite this disorder. I am writing this because I believe I offer a unique perspective on OCD, I was diagnosed with OCD back when I was 14 and it completely hindered some of my experiences, now that I am older and currently on my way to get my PsyD to become a clinician I want to share my insights and hopefully help everyone who is feeling stuck just as I once was. I am passionate about this because not only do I know what it’s like to have OCD, but I also know what it is like to work with therapists who do not know how to address OCD fully. Many of them know about ERP, mediation/grounding techniques and coping strategies which are all great, helpful and something I will write about here, but they do not dig deeper and for people like me who have struggled with chronic OCD I could do 1000 exposures and still get anxiety or intense rumination. Long before I pursued my doctorate, I began digging deeper and looking into other strategies and alternative paths to better manage my symptoms, but now that I have an academic background in psych and have built connections with real researchers I aim to bring the community more tools, resources and a better understanding of OCD at 0 cost to you all. I hope this post can serve as a guide and starting point for everyone to not only learn about the mechanisms of OCD but also become aware of all the tools and options at your disposal that can help beyond just ERP. However with that being said, please always reach out to your own prescriber, and psychologist to find out what works best for you on your journey and if you find something interesting here that you haven’t talked about with them yet don’t be afraid to bring it up – I have yet to meet someone in this field that doesn’t want to help or learn more. Furthermore, if you would like more clarity on a topic I mentioned don’t hesitate to ask and I will do my best to answer. I have a genuine desire to help as many people as possible without having you pay out of pocket or make a gazillion co-payments to see the improvement you deserve. Now with that long preface out of the way let’s get into the nitty gritty of OCD and get you back into the swing of things. 1. Understanding the OCD brain This section might be a bit boring but it’s important to understand the mechanics behind OCD, I know it’s cliché but I really believe “we fear the things we don’t understand” and that once you have a bit of a grasp on what’s going on in your brain you’ll realize it’s not as “f*cked up” as you might believe. I think this part often gets under-looked in therapy and it amazes me how many people who suffer from OCD don’t know what is going on up there. For your sake and mine I will try to keep this as simple and brief as possible A. The Cortico–Striato–Thalamo–Cortical (CSTC) Loop • This is the core of OCD, this loop leads us stuck in a cycle of error detection, “something feeling off”, self-monitoring and habit formation • Essentially this is why your brain feels like a broken smoke detector that is constantly going off despite there being no fire a. Cortex (OFC/Prefrontal Cortex) Notices something and evaluates it → “Is something wrong?” b. Striatum (Caudate Nucleus) Filters the thought → “Should we let this go or keep focusing on it?” c. Thalamus Amplifies or quiets the signal → “Send this back to the cortex or drop it?” d. Cortex (Again) Gets the signal back and reacts → “Oh crap the thought is back, I guess something really is wrong, better think about it again.” • This is why the topic, theme, or subtype of OCD does not matter. Regardless, if it’s Somatic OCD, Harm OCD, Relationship OCD, etc.... you can plug in anything here and follow the pattern For Example: o Cortex (OFC/Prefrontal Cortex) Notices something and evaluates it (Why is my heart beating so fast? Why did my partner not respond to me? Why am I thinking about harming my family) o Striatum (Caudate Nucleus) Filters the thought: (Is this a heart attack? Are they cheating on me? Do I really want to hurt them? o Thalamus Amplifies or quiets the signal: (If this really is a heart attack/cheating/violence we better focus on it) o Cortex (Again) Gets the signal back and reacts – the compulsion (Let me check my heartrate, Let me text them again, Let’s avoid knives today) • I know it can feel like hell to have these thoughts over and over again, but there is a brightside to all of this. Our brains have been hardwired to protect us, what makes us different from Goldfish is “Meta-cognition” we can remember or learn about things to avoid shitty situations. It’s why someone can tell you, “Hey the stove is hot” and you can comeback in 20 minutes and not touch the stove. On the other hand, a poor goldfish like my boy Hendrix can see his buddy Jimmy jump into the filter and 20 seconds later he might be curious himself. So, then I gotta make sure to seal any holes or gaps so the same fate doesn’t happen to him. In many ways it’s remarkable that our brains can learn to recognize patterns and threats early on! • This why there is absolutely nothing wrong with having these “intrusive thoughts” our brains are doing their jobs to protect us the main issue is with the filtering. Its jumping from wow my heart is beating fast to “Geez is this a heart attack??” or going from thinking ‘why isn’t my partner isn’t texting me?’ to “they must be talking to other people.” When in reality, if we take a step back your heart might be beating fast because you just worked out, walked up a flight of stairs, had a cup of coffee. And Your partner might not be texting you because they are sleeping, running errands, working… or in my case getting overly invested in Greys Anatomy Fan Fiction. • Most people can have these intrusive thoughts/feelings and let them go. My brother can have his heart-beating fast, biceps twitching and legs shaking and simply say “I’m jacked bro, hop on the peptides” whereas someone with Somatic OCD might start thinking their nervous system is shutting down and they will have to rush to the doctors office “just to make sure” everything is okay. Or they will go down a WEB MD rabbit hole until they get the “certainty” they are looking for. It’s also why my old friend from college who still lives like he’s in a frat house can tolerate having stains on his furniture from God knows what and smoke out of a bong that looks like it’s got tuberculosis itself and carry on normally, whereas someone with Contamination OCD might believe they will get some rare undiscovered disease if they spend time at his place and feel the need to wash their hands repeatedly or wear long sleeves in his place even in the summer. • Often times we want to stop the thought and the anxious feeling we get from it but as a lot of you know, that’s not the goal, its best work to work backwards and stop the compulsion first. This is essentially what Exposure Response Prevention therapy is and why it is considered the “Gold Standard” in psychologically treating OCD which sets up my next section 2. Compulsions & ERP A. What are Compulsions? • Compulsions are simply the “thing” we do to “make the anxiety go away” • Compulsions reduce anxiety in the moment, but overtime they reinforce your fears and strengthen the CSTC loop as mentioned before • Every time we react to an intrusive thought with our compulsions, we reinforce that behavior and thinking pattern in our brain. As Follows: o Intrusive sensation or thought shows up o Anxiety spikes o You do a compulsion o Anxiety drops o Brain says: → “Good job, we avoided danger!” o Brain becomes more sensitive to that trigger, Checking or avoiding things to run from that feeling This leads to o → The intrusive thought hitting harder o → The anxiety hitting faster o → The compulsion becoming mandatory This is why OCD always grows if left untreated. B. The Main Types of Compulsions • Compulsions come in all shapes and sizes • However, I am sure yours, like mine, fall into one or multiple of these categories a. Physical compulsions: These are often the easiest ones to spot • Repetitive Hand-washing • Tapping/touching things in a certain way • Checking: I need to make sure the oven is off, doors are locked, etc… b. Mental Compulsions: The Silent Killers • Replaying events in our head • Over-analyzing • Self-monitoring: Does this “feel” right?” “is this normal?” • Constantly asking “what if?” – “What if I am ill” “What if I am gay” “What if I hit someone with my car” c. Reassurance Compulsions • Googling for certainty • Asking friends for confirmation • Reading forums – like this one “just to be sure” d. Avoidance Compulsions • Avoiding triggers • Avoiding eating for fear of contamination • Avoiding knives for fear of harm • Avoiding news/media about topics that trigger us C. Exposure Response Prevention (ERP) • Now that we know compulsions strengthen our OCD and what they might look like, let’s address how we can attack them and regain control over our lives • “If you know your enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles” – Sun Tzu • I believe this quote reigns true with the internal war that is OCD because once you identify what your triggers and compulsions are you can learn how to win the battle over them. Often with OCD once you conquer one theme another one pops up, but there is no need to freak out because the same tools can be used to disarm them a. Step 1 — Identify the trigger Thought, image, fear, sensation, memory, urge. b. Step 2 — Identify the compulsion Anything you do to feel safe in the moment. c. Step 3 — Create an exposure You deliberately bring on the trigger. d. Step 4 — Block the compulsion You let the fear sit there. e. Step 5 — Stay with it You do NOTHING to fix, analyze, check, or escape. o Anxiety rises → plateaus → falls And even if it doesn’t fall, IT DOESN’T MATTER. o Your tolerance goes up. o The CSTC loop rewires – The cortex notices the thought, but the Thalamus no longer sets off the blaring alarm To help I will fill one out for one of the OCD themes I struggle with which is Somatic OCD Step 1 — Identify the trigger(s) “What is this lump in my throat feeling? “Am I going to choke?” Step 2 — Identify the compulsion(s) Swallowing repeatedly to make sure I am not choking Googling if my symptoms are serious Asking friends if they also have dealt with a “lump in their throat” Step 3 — Create an exposure When I have this lump in my throat sensation, I will eat something super chewy. Step 4 — Block the compulsion No repetitive swallowing No googling No asking my friends for reassurance Step 5 — Stay with it No Instagram/Twitter for a cheap distraction D. ERP Misconceptions • ERP is not a “silver-bullet” that will permanently get rid of your anxiety • Instead, it’s about learning and becoming more confident: You begin to feel like you don’t have to “obey” your fears • You no longer need to spend so much time answering your thoughts • You no longer need to spend so much time wrapped up in debilitating compulsions • I am a huge UFC and Boxing fan so the way I view ERP is that it is sparing for your mind. It simulates the fight so when it shows up you aren’t as afraid of it. Sparing is uncomfortable, you are purposely inviting yourself to get hit, but once you get to the night of your fight your fear goes down. You know what to do when that jab comes, you know how to handle that trigger. • ERP does not get rid of “bad thoughts” instead it teaches you self-trust, confidence and compassion • When I was first struggling with OCD, I had an intense fear that I would spiral out of control and harm myself or others. I would avoid wearing belts to not strangle myself or someone else, avoid cutting food with knives for the fear that I would commit some sort of murder-suicide like a Manson cult member. I would avoid watching movies or playing video games that had violent themes. For months this really affected my life, however once I built up the courage to just pick up a belt and hold it for 3 minutes, everything began to change. In that moment I had tremendous anxiety but it was the start of true recovery, I eventually was able to do it again but this time for 10 minutes, after that I was able to wear belts again and no longer had my pants sagging, it led to me being able to go out to eat with family and friends and not freak out if I had to cut my food. It absolutely sucks in the moment, but it helps you get back to doing the things you love and feeling more in control of your life 3. Why ERP Does Not Always Work – Dealing with Chronic OCD • As I just said above ERP is not a silver bullet that will forever get rid of your anxiety, what frustrated me for the longest time is that I would do these exposures and see my anxiety decrease but not to the level I was satisfied with. I could cut my anxiety down from a 10 to a 5 and to many psychologists that would be enough. In my opinion, even a 5 is unhealthy and is something to work and improve on. If you have ever been in therapy or if you’re a therapist you are familiar with the Y-BOCS score, when I began therapy I started around a 32 which is on the severe side and then after doing my exposures and following my treatment plan for 6 months I cut that down to a 15 which is considered Mild OCD. Yes, my life was drastically better but I still felt stuck, so in this section I am going to explain why you might be in this phase of recovering but not recovered and how to get that 15 which is mild down to a 5 or 8 which would be considered subclinical and extremely manageable. 4. Medication • I am a very big advocate for taking medication to help with OCD symptoms • Psychologists don’t have the license or training to prescribe or talk about medication; you would be surprised at how many Psychologists are unfamiliar with the CSTC loop and other biological components I’ve been writing about on this post • Psychotherapy does not focus on the brain – they focus on behavior however when you understand the biology and pathology of OCD symptoms often greatly improve • Think about OCD as a table with wobbly legs, psychotherapy addresses one side with ERP, but the other side is still going to be off balance and the table is still not going to function well. Medication comes in and balances both sides. In combination therapy and medication are extremely powerful A. SSRI’s • The Data shows that SSRI’s often reduce OCD symptoms by 40-60% on average • For OCD medication typically kicks in about 8-12 weeks into treatment which is longer than Depression which often responds in 2-4 weeks • The best SSRI for OCD in my opinion is Fluvoxamine (Luvox) this is because Fluvoxamine directly influences the CSTC loop by working on Sigma 1 receptors, which is a tiny protein inside our brain that works on the Thalmus and Anterior Cingulate Cortex. Sigma 1 receptors help calm hyperactivity in these regions which leads to less intrusive thoughts and less compulsive urges • Lexapro (Escitalopram) is often what psychiatrist recommend first since its sort of a “catch-all” drug. Lexapro increases serotonin availability in the brain and when you have more serotonin in the brain you often have less anxiety, depression and obsessive thoughts. For general anxiety this is an amazing drug however OCD isn’t just anxiety, it’s also those sticky intrusive thoughts so what we need is a bigger push and that’s what Fluvoxamine does since it gives us a bigger push by more broadly working on OCD specific circuits like the CSTC. Lexapro helps calm anxiety but does not help with cognitive rigidity like Fluvox does. B. Tricyclic antidepressant (TCA) • Clomipramine (Anafranil) is the strongest Anti-OCD medication on the market and is more powerful than the SSRI’s I previously mentioned! • So you might be wondering why did I not bring this up first? Well like most things there is a catch –Clomipramine does not just work on serotonin like SSRI’s do it works on everything dopamine, glutamate, all the good stuff… so like Kanye West said “No one man should have all that power” • This drug, despite its power often leads to the most side effects. Dry mouth is common, as is weight gain and dizziness and in rare cases it affects your heart rhythm. So I would advise anyone interested to do their own research first and consult with your psychiatrist to see if this would be a good fit. But I wanted to throw it out there so everyone in this community can be aware of all their options C. Add on Meds/Antipsychotics • SSRI’s are often the first line of treatment when it comes to OCD but many people often find themselves needing additional assistance dealing with their symptoms. SSRI’s in combination with an Antipsychotic can yield many positive results for people. • I will start off with Low Dose Antipsychotics; these include Risperidone, Aripiprazole, Olanzapine – these work by modulating dopamine in the CSTC loop. I like to say that these can put out the fire in a room but not the whole building. • Abilify is a popular choice by psychiatrist since it serves as a dopamine modulator. When dopamine is low it helps increase neurotransmissions to increase it, when its high it dims transmission. Think of it like a light lever for your brain. You can slowly push it up when its too dark and lightly dim it when its too bright. A key note about Abilify is to go slow, it is a strong drug and you will feel 5 milligrams. With SSRI’s people can often tolerate larger doses but for Abilify its best to start low since too much can lead to Akathisia and your Central Nervous System feeling too overwhelmed causing a feeling of restlessness D. Supplements • This is big for a lot of people, everyone’s looking for a secret over the counter supplement that will help them but the truth is there is not many that have proven and solid track records when it comes to OCD. You may hear influencers talk about Glycine, Taurine, Ashwaganda, and Lions Mane Mushrooms but there isn’t enough clinical testing to say if these supplements actually work. If you find that they work for you then that’s great, keep taking them! But I am going to focus on ones with data behind it for safety purposes • NAC this is the one with the most testing behind it, researchers found out that people with OCD who take around 1,200 mg of NAC a day reported less symptoms • L – Theanine helps the body relax • Magnesium Glycinate – not OCD specific but is proven to help with sleep, so if you find yourself having intrusive thoughts at night or waking up and not being able to fall back asleep a 260mg dose of Magnesium Glycinate might be useful • Omega 3 Fatty Acids- The EPA in Omega-3s is shown to reduce brain inflammation and can help with serotonin receptor function

As of recently, my OCD has been worse. Especially around my pets. I keep getting groinal responses and it makes me uncomfortable. Whenever My cats lick themselves or lick their bowls, . The sounds activate my OCD and also makes me very frustrated.. As of recently, my OCD has just been way worse and I really don’t understand why. I also am getting bad false memory ocd again where my brain convinces me I did something inappropriate to my pets even if I didn’t.

I pray about the same spirals and sins and what if thoughts everyday all the way down the loop hole and nothing is changing and I feel the same everyday so I’m worried there’s something I’m not doing to have God help me. Or I don’t think he can change me I want to be transformed but am worried I’m not putting enough effort. I don’t want to be stuck in the same cycles. Then I will read ocd related things and scripture to help and feel better but then when I read something scary or truthful I’ll spiral again but I can just read feel good scripture or ocd books. Cuz then it’s not trusting God enough to heal. Does anyone feel this way? Then feel like I’m running back to comfort cuz my ocd is like don’t do this!! So then I want to do it to relive it but maybe I’m actually not supposed to do it then I’m giving into my flesh and not actually doing “erp” and what if I’m not finding true satisfaction in Jesus and looking in the world to satisfy me but that’s fleeting. How Can I just enjoy his presence and not fear him in a bad way. My mind is non stop thinking 24/7 even when I’m distracted or doing fun things it’s always there