Welcome to
the NOCD Community

I have healed from ocd about 95% due to Gods goodness and grace as well as time spent in faithful prayer to Him. This is a fraction of my testimony. God bless you all 💛

Let’s chat and be there for each other.

I have very severe ocd. I can’t even properly explain it to my therapist. I can’t even write this without ocd saying I’m doing something. I feel like my mind has created a reality that is so warped, that there are many things that are ocd that I am not recognizing, making me believe lies that ocd tells. On NOCD, I had a very bad obsession about prayers which is when it all started. I was so convinced I genuinely meant bad prayers, that when people told me they were intrusive thoughts, I said “no they’re not,” and it seemed obvious they weren’t. It seemed like a fact to me. The thing that doesn’t make sense though, is how can I be this upset about prayers and still be making bad prayers on a constant basis. Eventually I found out it was ocd. The problem is, this likely applies to things other than prayers. Since I have no insight on certain things (and I don’t know what they all are but it’s clear there are some things I have no insight on), my descriptions become warped when talking to ocd specialists, and I might not get the best advice from them. There are certain things that my mind warped so much that I won’t get in to, but there was a lot of flawed logic. I know I’m not making much sense, and I feel that is a symptom of the ocd as well that’s making treatment harder or impossible. I have tried the max dose of nearly every medication and augmentation for ocd (I’ve been on chlomipramine 100 mg for over 4 weeks, and I’m on 150 mg now), and nothing has even made a slight impact. I also have had basically no side effects to medication including 10 mg of abilify, and 1 mg of Xanax (I may have had side effects to 2 mg of Xanax which my psychiatrist said I could try limiting it to once a week), but I don’t remember what happened a lot of that night. I’m likely starting TMS next week, which is probably a good step, but I don’t think it’s going to be enough. I think I need surgery, and I might be wrong, but from the very start of therapy, it’s design has not seemed to be able to treat my ocd well

Don’t know what’s real. (ROCD) I’m freaking out so much. I don’t even know where to begin but for some reason it feels like I don’t want to be with my partner. I feel like nobody understands what I mean when I say this. It isn’t a thought, it’s a FEELING. It’s so terrifying. And it’s like my body is saying “just break up and leave.” But I don’t want too, but at the same time I wonder if I’m just in denial. It feels like denial. It FEELS, emphasis on the feelings, that I don’t love him or want to be with him. And I wonder what if I don’t want to break up solely because I’m scared of hurting him. I don’t know anymore. And I’m scared that what if I start recovering from ROCD and then I don’t want to be with him. Then when I feel calm, and I get the thoughts, it feels like the truth, like I don’t really like him or want to be with him. And it feels like I’m not getting a deep down feeling of “I love him.”

I feel like I am really struggling, back in a spike. There is a lot of change happening in my life right now, and I just can’t seem to feel worthy of good things or move on from past mistakes. Any advice would be much appreciated ❤️ or even just some encouragement. I feel like I don’t see many people talk about real event, and for me it’s been one of the most debilitating themes I have ever faced. I would love to start a conversation about it and what recovery has looked like for some of you 🫶

My partner and I have been together for nearly 5 years. We get along wonderfully, but after the honeymoon phase I’d have the dull back of mind thoughts that maybe I was not attracted to him, or I didn’t love him as much as he did me. I never imagined our wedding after the 2 year mark, but never wanted to leave, either. I knew I had to rip off the bandaid at some point and move in with him, so we toured and found a place that checked our boxes and signed a July 1 lease. Fast forward to a month ago, I have a stress in my mind I cannot quite name. Then I discovered the concept of comphet and I completely fell apart. I was always insecure with how much I felt I “wanted” sex. I often had sex because I wanted to want it, but I never disliked it either? I always attributed it to sertraline (been on it since I was 8 for GAD). I also love to flirt with men without acting on it if I’m out with girlfriends because it’s an ego boost. I also do find women more beautiful than men oftentimes. In an art club I’m in I gravitate towards drawing them because their bodies are more interesting to me. But I’ve never really had romantic interest/intent toward them except with maybe a curiosity to kiss one after some drinks who identified as gay/bi. I want to get through this, I want this to work. I got so scared for a while to say “i love you” even though I said it first in our relationship, and now I can’t stop saying it to him through tears. I feel so broken. I want him to be the one. I want to move in with him without this pit in my stomach. But I’m so scared that the presence of these thoughts in a dull capacity means they were true and now I have ROCD from the denial of him not being the one. He’s perfect. We never fight. I want to want him to be the one.

Hey all, 20yo bisexual guy with what I believe to be Sexual Orientation OCD on and off since 14. I've been attracted to both genders since I was a kid, i think i was attracted to guys first. As a kid i used to be afraid i was gay and used to obsess over it a bit on and off. In 8th grade I remember feeling attracted to women. I get aroused by women , flirting, physical contact. Had sex with one girl for hours with zero anxiety everything went well. But with other women I can't get hard during makeout sessions because I'm in my head the whole time, and I avoid sex out of fear of not getting hard. My brain latches on that I'm secretly gay and avoiding sex because of that. I ultimately regret avoiding sex later on. The intrusive "I'm gay" thought shows up randomly. The word gay triggers me when i hear it or read it. In the moment i get major anxiety and it feels like Im actually gay. The word bisexual also triggers me a bit. I've tried accepting being gay before but kept feeling attracted to women. My brain can't accept bisexuality and that bisexuality doesn't mean 50/50 sometimes I feel stronger attraction to certain men or i feel more attraction to women. Now that I'm talking to a new girl the OCD is back hard. I know I have some attraction to women but I can't trust it. Sometimes it feels like it's not enough. Anyone relate or have advice for someone bisexual navigating SO-OCD?

When having an OCD episode or being triggered, have you ever been told that what you feel isn't "correct"? I've been told that many times especially by my family. That fact making those words far harsher. As someone who sometimes struggles with understanding emotions, is it wrong to feel offended by this? Personally, I found such talks to be quite offensive as if I'm being denied my right to feel a certain way to certain stimuli. That I'm being talked down to by people I know for sure would be upset and even nastier when something similar happens to them? I gotta ask you this: have this ever happened to you? How have you felt? What did you do? I just wanted to know that I'm not alone here as I've been told before.

For some reason I feel like I am a terrible girlfriend ❤️ I am not for sure how come. I put a lot of pressure on myself to be bubbly and if I am not bubble for one day I can’t think anything but I am terrible. Latley my eatting disorder has been bothering me and my boyfriend is goi to move away and I am worried about my career and I suffer from depression and I have been worried my personalilty is not good enough anymore like it expired and due to that I have been joking more but the more “pretend attitude” but it’s not even attitude but my mind preceieves it as that but it’s playfulness but rough playfulness. But I feel like if I don’t do rough I will be boring and I will criticize myself even more but if i am quite then I am worried my struggles will be dismissed. But either way I don’t like talking about my struggles because I feel like there not big enough. Today I ran a 5k and I got 4 hours of sleep and my boyfriend told me,” Gosh I am tired” I said oh no that’s not good. I feel terrible because I don’t know what to say. Also he said,” I am sore” I asked him if there is anything I can do for him he said,” You can’t do anything for soreness and I spiraled” He is moving away too so that makes me sad. I am worried for the future because he gets mad sometimes and that’s normal but my brain says he will turn it against me even though he is sweet now I feel so ashamed I walked inside while he was on the scooter and I went inside for 4 minutes total to get a drink of water and I feel bad for that too I don’t know I just feel bad

I've been genuinely trying to work on myself and be better... but yeah... being alone and doing things by yourself every day is difficult... I'm taking my summer semester, and getting over my ex at the same time, plus dealing with OCD and anxiety and social isolation. Im tired of always being on the losing end, and always having to be the one to try and fix things. It's not fair that I have to be the one that fixes everything by myself when life kicks you down a peg. People have their family, friends, and loved one to comfort them and cherish them. You know what I have? A family that only cares if I get into med school or not, friends who are miles away and I can't see them, and a loved one? You mean the one who broke it off with me...? Yeah... I'm bitter... I'm bitter at the fact that everyone else seems to get what they want so easily, and yet I've worked my blood, sweat, and tears to get to the baseline, and yet I still fail... so... I never win... I'm so tired of having to struggle my way through life in the ways I need, yet so many people just cruise through life like its nothing... especially in academia... plus I have genuinely horrible real POCD real events that were actually horrible... so...

Hello! I’m still pretty new to ocd recovery. I’ve been seeing my therapist for a couple months now, and have just recently started noticing major shifts in how I react to my intrusive thoughts. My intrusive thoughts and anxiety are still there, but I cope completely differently to the discomfort and anxious feelings. I still have my setbacks though. Just a couple days ago I would say I experienced a pretty major setback regarding an intrusive thoughts Ive dealt with for a couple months now. My brain prioritizes different thoughts for some time, and then moves to the next. Im sure you can relate to this harsh cycle of ocd. My brain currently chose to prioritize this specific thought and for some reason it has been much harder to cope with this thought, compared to others I’ve dealt with over the past couple weeks. It’s so hard to handle the discomfort regarding this thought, I feel like I just can’t do it and I’ve been falling into similar patterns that I experienced before seeking therapy. I would definitely bring this up to my therapist, but I dont see her for another two weeks, since she’s on vacation. She told me during our last session, that I could contact her, but I really don’t want to bother her with what is essentially work during her vacation. My brain tells me I can’t move on until I tell her this thought though, so how do I manage these next two weeks?

For some reason I struggle alot more at night with my anxiety and thoughts. Does anyone have any tips to help me guide through this ❤️‍🩹

Is this normal: Every time I make a mistake, I tell my parents. For instance, I just put my retainers in boiling water after dropping them on the ground, because I wanted to disinfect them. Turns out, that ruins them! 😭 I didn’t know what to do because I won’t be home for about a month, and I don’t want my teeth to move, so I called my mom, who yelled at me and said: “How could you not have known better?” “You should have called us before.” “How do you have all this technology and still not Google or ask AI before doing this?” “Your head is not for pretty clips and bows it’s for thinking.” “Why don’t you have common sense?” “Why do you never think?” Amongst other things that I can’t remember. Each time I would try to explain that I DID think (I in fact overthink) she would say one of these things. One of my biggest fears is not having known better, and since writing this down I feel like these reactions have something to do with it, but I don’t know what to do to stop this cycle. I always feel like I need to tell my parents when I make a mistake because I don’t know what to do after, and they tell me what to do after saying all of these things. So eventually I get to a solution, just after all this. In my head I think it’s short term pain for long term gain, and I don’t trust myself enough to figure it out on my own after I make a mistake because it feels like they know better than I do.

hello, I hope y’all are doing ok. I’m currently feeling uncomfortable and not trying to freak out. I was watching a yt video abt how gen z (specifically older gen z) needs to grow up cos we’re not (to those it applies to) teens anymore. & the youtuber mentioned a case of someone named haley who groomed a student of hers or something along those lines. I’m not rlly up to date with all the internet has to offer but it triggered me bc she viewed herself as an equal to her students & was texting her victim inappropriately. I started ruminating on past things I’ve done as an 18 year old & keep thinking on the one thing that was one of the main reasons of me thinking if I deserve to keep living or not. it’s triggering bc I still don’t know if what I did was wrong and if I should be in jail for it. I’m scared of myself & scared of knowing that if my fears come true, I don’t know how I would live with it. I just know that there was no intention to harm anyone yet I keep thinking I did. it’s too much to think & I feel like the need to confess. and I know confessing isn’t good for OCD. I’m scared. I’ve calmed down now bc I was dealing with an issue of a food order I had earlier & that caused me to put my full attention rather than the thoughts. I feel like I need therapy now. it’s just hard to open up. I’m scared of myself. most of the reason of me not having any irl friends is bc I just haven’t put myself out there but also bc it’s hard to trust people & I’m tired of bigots. it’s hard not having a social circle & being like this for 6 years has definitely impacted me & I think the way I can socialize. I’m scared of myself. I was feeling fine & being content about what I’m doing & that part of the video triggered me. then there’s thoughts in my head like “if you’re freaking out about this, this must mean something bad” “wow, you must be a monster” “yeah, they’re coming for you” “you need to turn yourself in now” & other things. it’s upsetting me & I want to cry. I don’t want to be a monster. I just want to be myself, a person who has learned to grow because it’s taken me all this time to heal. and I’m still healing. I’m scared. I feel like a teenage girl who’s stuck in an adult body. but not quite a teenage girl because I feel more mature than teens. I don’t know. I’m gonna take time to breathe & maybe read my book. I’m gonna pet my kitties. it’s scary but I’ll let the feelings flow. maybe I’ll see y’all later tonight 🫂 peace

I'm AuDHD. OCD has influenced my life for the last 30 years. A current thing I've been struggling with is what if I'm not actually autistic or ADHD & it's actually just OCD? Or what if I'm not actually OCD & I'm just AuDHD? What if I'm not OCD & really there's something wrong with me that has yet to surface? What if I'm faking all of it & lying to myself & everyone? & on on & on. Despite medical professionals, my psychiatrist, my therapist, my OCD specialist & family & friends all confirming I have OCD, I still am worried. Anyone else share this struggle? I wish there was a way to know for sure if I have OCD. I got diagnosed with ADHD as a kid & autism 13 years ago & OCD has always just been something everyone has always said "yes you have OCD." I wish it was like a blood test or something to confirm it.

i genuinely think all my friends hate me like this may be too much but last night late after work i sent in the group chat “who wanna xyz” keep in mind we all dont live in the same place except 3 ppl who live 3 hours from me and i feel bad bc no one answered but when i search up “who wanna” in my imessages i see ppl at least going along with a bit but no one does that with me i feel like everyone thinks im a sensitive crybaby i gave a thumbs down react to it rn and i also sent that i just spilled water on my laptop that was just repaired so they definitely think im dumb as bricks i dont wanna ask for reassurance from them bc its a self fulfilling prophecy and sometimes i wanna step back and leave for at least a little bit just to feel normal and not be constantly checking the gc to make sure ppl still like me :( i literally have it muted but it still bothers me i feel guilty for missing out but its not like ppl care when im active there

I would like to set boundaries, is that possible??

I have an intense fear of making a mistake. I will reread emails 20 times before sending them. Even a very simple one. I always think I did something wrong after the fact and then have intrusive catastrophic thoughts. Then I will google the consequences of my mistakes further amplifying the fear. Often to the point where I can’t breath and want to faint. I usually didn’t even make the mistake. How do I make it stop??? I’m serious how do I make this stop!

What do you do when your intrusive thoughts are so bad that you couldn't answer them?

ABOUT SPACE. dont read if youre spiraling, even if your mind tells you to read it, you’ll be okay if you don’t. this is also a good test for YOURSELF to know that you can be uncertain about whatever I’m gonna write and be okay! :) i’ve been feeling very iffy recently about space and this is even scary for me to write down, but I keep constantly feeling like I’m gonna fall through space. we’re not, even if you’re reading this right now we’re not gonna fall through space, me & you both rationally know that we’re not gonna fall through space. I went through a really big rabbit hole the other night over gravity & whatnot & it’s just not gonna happen. i understand that we’re in a very controlled environment, but for some reason, it just won’t leave my head and it’s starting to affect my work life. I actually need to save money at the moment, but over this past week I’ve been giving up all of my shifts, and that is disappointing me. I’m also scared to go to work because what if I have a panic attack? it is a struggle, but we will all get through this. I just want some advice if anyone can kind of give me some ;) you don’t have to prove my thoughts wrong cause I know that the way that I’m thinking is irrational. I just want to feel a little bit more grounded. thank you!