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Very curious in peoples experiences with false attraction? How bad or real does it get?

(A metaphor for living with OCD) In the courtroom of my mind. I am the perpetrator and the victim. I am guilty of playing the victim. And the perpetrator is the victim “That devil will not leave me alone!” And the judge tells me that the title is harsh while he himself has horns and a pitchfork in his right hand. He sides with the perpetrator. He sides with the victim. “No matter what I do that devil is never satisfied!” Before he even thinks about crossing the bridge the devil already deemed him guilty of jaywalking. “Wrong way!” No matter the trail, the verdict remains the same, “Guilty!” I try covering my ears but he strips my hands from them. I shout my case but the perpetrator yells louder.” It doesn’t matter what I do. It will always be wrong. I will always be wrong. “And I believed him.” He was convinced that his piercing tongue was a sign of truth. “And I began thinking his thoughts and speaking in his tongue.” So he began scolding himself until he was certain and crossed the correct path. He began scolding himself until it was embedded into his soul. Until then, he was worthy of punishment. And the jury remained seated and silent. Not a single heart pulsed the blood through their brains. No sympathy. No reflection. Just an echo of what was declared at the slam of the gavel. “Guilty!” But then an angel came down and struck him before he was sentenced. It showed him the path he was destined for. The path that was certain. The path he could never cross. The perfect path that was meant for the perfect version of him. One that could never truly exist. And he finally saw the truth. His tongue and thoughts begot the sin of attempting to embody his higher, impossible self. Who could save him from himself? Finding hope in that self. Finding happiness in that self. Finding relief in that self. But it cannot be reached. He knew he could never be certain. He knew he could never be perfect. But he felt redeemed. A bolt of lightning struck his soul back into place and his head back onto his shoulders. Who wouldn’t want to challenge an inherently losing case like his? “This courtroom isn’t logical.” “This courtroom is anything but fair.” “This courtroom is run by the perpetrator himself.” “Therefore, your court has no jurisdiction over my worth.” The judge was infuriated and declared him unworthy. “He is to receive the death penalty at once!” The jury was outraged and swarmed to attack him who finally let go. “This isn’t fair judgment, this is hatred!” In the courtroom of my mind For once it was silent Not the kind of silence that shouts doom The kind of silence that means relief I didn’t notice the commotion had stopped until I opened my eyes. Everyone was gone. Except the perpetrator. Except the victim. Except the devil. I saw him hiding behind the stage he sat on. But I didn’t kill him. To do so would be to achieve that same perfection impossible to reach. To do so would be to kill myself. So I left. And he followed me. Now I cross the paths despite his whispers. “You’re going to regret this.” “You aren’t good enough.” Just a reminder of the truth. The real truth. “You’re right.” I said. “Maybe I will. Maybe I am.” “Because I am not the perfect being you tell me I could be. I am not perfect before I deserve mercy. The perfect don’t need mercy.” -ShirleyCStar.

I feel like I’ll be okay all day, without any significant struggles or intrusive thoughts. I try to distract a lot of my negative thinking by doing something repetitive and that I am used to, but it feels like I need to be doing something to not think all of the time But at night when I am still and not doing anything but lying down, I find it very hard to quiet my head. I think about my future, and where I might inevitably end up. I always go to the worst outcome. I don’t want to think this way and I want to be able to push away these thoughts more easily. Does anyone know of any methods to help slow down my thoughts? Or at least make it easier for me to not focus on them?

I was reading these erotic stories. Sometimes, though, they don’t mention the age of characters. Usually it makes me uncomfortable and I don’t read it cause it could imply underage characters. But other times I read it and try to figure out if the character is of age or not, even though said characters could live at home and go to a friends house where their mom makes snacks. I know an adult could do that, but it feels weird, right? Am I just overthinking things? Does this even matter?

So I have strong feelings for this girl and I feel like I connect with her so well. We also have so many shared values and it feels so nice to talk to her and I just feel like we get each other. I have seen her quite a bit off and on for the last two years and she lives where i am going to college. This is not limmerence. I have felt that before and this is not it. The OCD thing is that I do not do drugs or alcohol because I like to be present (and I used to have ocd about them, but now mostly the present thing and I don't want to take up drugs/alcohol as escapism from OCD, which is not a compulsion because I am not obsessing about addiction risk in myself). Honestly I have slight indications that she does not like alcohol and casinos (judging by her tone when she mentioned them--also I like casinos a bit but only with a very small amount of money--) and she is definately very into getting offline and having no social media. However, my ocd is yelling at me saying that she is going to be high on weed (or drunk) all the time because she lives in a hip area of Los Angeles) but I have no evidence. In fact I saw her at an art event that her family was throwing. There was an open bar and she didn't have anything that I saw for the duration of my time there. I am not throwing in these counterarguments to get reassurance--I am throwing them in to show you all how crazy my ocd is being. And the craziest part is that deep down I don't really care that much if she uses substances. I have friends who do and I like to go to parties. My ocd is just yelling at me saying that this is going to be a big incomparability and ruin everything, like what if she doesn't like that I am sober (again ironically, all actual evidence points to her liking that i am sober) I really like this girl and I am determined to be brave and get over this ocd on the chance that I can be with her, but it keeps throwing thoughts at me. I really haven't been doing intentional compulsuons. Like I said, I am aware how stupid this is all around, but my ocd keeps trying to sabotage this I havent actually engaged in intentional compulsions in 7 months but it has been more difficult on my visit to LA in the last few days while I have seen her. Still resisting purposefully doing compulsions though. That being said, the difficult part and why I am writing this is because I want to think of her (and do) because she is wonderful, but it is hard to think of her without getting sucked into the OCD thoughts and tiny unintentional mentall compulsions. It keeps throwing things like this at me and I just wish it would let me be like it was doing for a while until this visit to LA.

I’m new here. Not sure what type of OCD I have. I have MDD, GAD, PTSD (Dad’s passing, mainly), & a Panic Disorder… new to the OCD arena… I struggle with anxiety- specifically about injuries (on me, my husband…’but especially my child). This was massively exacerbated this year when I had a major slip (broke 5 bones in my foot + shattered my ankle + broke my tibia + a couple additional fractures)… Today- my 7yo mis-stepped exiting her blow-up pool …. Face planted. Huge knot on her forehead, scrapes in her cheeks, & busted her bottom lip in several areas….

I want to ask for a bit of advice and see if others have struggled with this specifically too. My basic obsession is with time, death, and finitude vs. eternity. The idea of the heat death of the universe to me is really scary and a compulsion I have done in the past is researching for hours about alternative scientific theories, philosophy about time and meaning, and physicists’ speculations for how life could escape the death of the universe if it happens. The reason my mind latches onto it I think is because it feels like the worst possible thing, the end of everything, and there is so much uncertainty about these scientific questions of the far far future. I feel difficulty going about my life because my mind redirects everything to this question. Any advice would be appreciated

off topic but i wish i had friends. i dont have any friends since my childhood bestfriend stopped talking to me and now i dont have any friend. (spending all the time alone when my boyfriend isnt around makes my ocd worse)

I’m afraid, am I actually becoming delusional or experiencing a psychotic episode? I never dealt with this type until recently It all started as what ifs and bc of constant rumination, it just turned into a general idea, which I still refuse to believe and do not like. But since the anxiety has subsided, I’m afraid, if I actually losing it Please, I’m so scared. I don’t want to be crazy, but I know these are not normal or reasonable

Sooo I've had ocd for 29 years now. For the most part it's been pretty well controlled with meds. About 3 years ago I was switched to Sertraline as my previous meds had stopped working. The Sertraline works great for OCD but unfortunately I've noticed since I've started that my libido/ desire has basically gone to 0. It already wasn't great but I've also always been on an ssri so I'm not really sure what my norm is. Anyways this is really affecting my husband and I feel awful. He understands that this is most likely a side effect but it still hurts and I get it. So I'm now going to talk to my phychiatrist about either lowering the dose or switching to a non ssri. I've tried augmenting with Wellbutrin and Buspar and neither helped. Just wondering if anyone has experienced this. I know that I most likely will always need meds so it's extremely difficult.

If anyone has advice or a similar story let me know ..? I’ve been recently freaking out that I have a crush on this guy. I thought he was really cute and felt a kind of way when I saw him, then started imagining how it would be if he was in my life/what it would be like to hangout with him. I even imagined him noticing me, what he’d think of my social media, etc. I woke up today and realized I wasn’t thinking about him at all…. like I didn’t care and he wasn’t even that cool.. I’m just making him into something when I don’t know him. then the intrusive thoughts came and the feelings came with it. If I check his socials and see him I feel a butterfly feeling based on looks… but probably not who he is as a person (also, he doesn’t want anything to do with me I assume). Everything would be fine had my ex not just tried to reach out to me. In the MIDDLE of me questioning my feelings. I’ve been missing him and a couple days ago confessed I had a crush on someone else and he cursed me out and said to not talk to him anymore. So… I blocked him. And now he’s trying to talk to me but my brain is latched onto this other guy. It makes me feel sick. What do I do? I think realistically this will fade within a few days. But I’m scared like, what if he’s more fun than my ex? He seems to be. My ex and I didn’t have the MOST fun but we still had a great time. Idk

if you’re struggling today, feel free to dump it out in these comments! & if you’re having a better day find a comment to reply too:) ❤️‍🩹

So for a moment there I thought my boyfriend had cheated on me because there was a misunderstanding. I went on break, and on my break there was a guy who I used to have false-attraction OCD about. He is very nice but I don't find him very attractive, but during this situation my OCD latched onto him and thought about him as what if he was a rebound if things go bad with my boyfriend... and in the next few moments he was trying to plug in his charger but the outlet was behind me, so I offered to plug it in but then realized there was a charger behind him so I pointed it out. I spoke to him maybe one other time but that was it then we just sat there silently because I didn't want to talk to him. But my OCD is making me go crazy over this. Because I was thinking about a rebound or flirting or the potential to date, I feel as if I've somehow flirted with him by being nice. I just can't even make much sense of it But it's like... If I had an angry thought in my head and was mean to someone because of it, that would be me being mean If I had a thought of hypothetical scenarios of dating while talking to someone, wouldn't that mean I was flirting? It's like. I feel like I was thinking to be nice for the possibility but I don't know. I just am so stressed and confused and feel so guilty because I feel like I really did flirt with him

Im still undignosed and im supposed to see a psychiatrist soon and Im to afraid to go i dont currently feel safe going

So me(20) and my boyfriend(18) had been together about 9 months. We both have OCD. I have been aware of mine for years, worked through the hardest and am now on medication, consistent therapy and in a better place. He only developed/realized his OCD when we started dating. Mine have a lot to do with things like sleep, vomiting, thinking others are mad at me, etc. his come a lot from trauma (father left at 5, abusive alcoholic bf after that) and come off as controlling, worried about how I dress want to know where I’m going needing reassurance about cheating, constantly questioning my texts reactions, words, etc. We come from very different lives (I have a huge family, upper middle class, lots of friends, always doing something, he has just his mom and sister, lower class, no real friend group, no real hobbies or things to keep busy) we met at college and went long distance for the summer in May. We have always had these long emotional conversations, many of which were rooted around OCD thoughts. Many of which were little things that would come from his overthinking, blow up, and we would talk for hours in circles, but get hurt and upset but usually reassure and come to good terms. However this happened, all the time. He also has incredible anxiety regarding alcohol, specifically me drinking. This has been an ongoing battle. Last week I almost ended things because I felt his OCD was making him too controlling, we had had conversation after conversation and if one specific thing was fixed, it then shifted into a new form of obsession. We ended up talking and he made compromises and said he would work through things. On July 4th we went to a party, he made a compromise saying he would be ok with me drinking if he was there. Once I did he realized he wasn’t ready, but didn’t communicate that, and made a somewhat public display of avoiding me. We ended up missing most of the party because he wanted to talk to me about everything, so we sat on the couch as everyone walked by and watched our now very public argument. We talked super late into the night. It’s started with him being very harsh and demanding saying I was choosing alchol over him (I also very rarely drink and have a fear of throwing up so I never go crazy), and saying how he has changed so much for me, even though I never asked him to and want him to be himself, and he then suddenly switched and started saying everything I wanted to hear, he was gonna work on things, make all these changes for me, but I have heard this tale before. And yes, he does work on things and make changes, but new things just keep coming up, it’s never ending and is suffocating. I don’t feel like myself, my ocd has gotten worse with constantly worrying about not setting him off with overthinking. On Sunday I finally ended things, I just couldn’t take the constant uphill battle anymore. He started therapy last week (was very against it but did it because I strongly suggested it, and is still not fully on board but trying). Now I feel just confused. We did have a good connection, even from the moment we met, but it doesn’t feel like a relationship should be this straining. I’m worried I didn’t give him enough time to make changes or work on things, but I mentally couldn’t do the long draining talks every few days and the daily worry of doing all the reassurance things he needs. I feel guilty because my mom says I was the same way when I was younger with my sleep anxiety and obviously my parents stuck through it, is that what I was suppose to do? I felt like I was shrinking myself to help him and worsening my OCD in the process but because we did have a strong connection and he was trying I was suppose to stay. Any thoughts? Advice?

I need help with Jealousy/uncertainty in Relationship. We had a Situation yesterday We were driving in the car when a woman was walking on the left side of the road. I had the impression that my partner looked at her, and I felt uncomfortable. Shortly after, I brought it up to him. I’m not completely sure anymore, but I think he asked which woman I was even referring to. but i’m really not sure anymore that he ask this.. it makes me upset Because if he actually asked that, then it doesn’t really add up that in the next moment he suddenly knew which woman I meant. But like I said, I don’t even remember clearly right now whether he said that at all. He said he did not look at her, only noticed her. He said he was looking forward, then at me, and only then became aware of her. However, I remember that he did not look at me at that moment because I was looking at him, and I am quite sure he looked at the woman for a few seconds while we were approaching her. When I told him that his explanation didn’t make sense to me because he had not looked at me at that moment, he became angry and said that we shouldn’t be arguing about this at all and that he was upset that I did not believe him. I don’t know how to deal with the fact that I never got a response when I pointed out that it actually wasn’t true that he was looking at me. How can I cope with that? This kind of situation has happened several times before. Either he is lying to me or he has a distorted perception that he interprets in a way that fits him I’m not sure. The fact is that we cannot come to an agreement in situations like this. He does not want to admit that he looked at other women, while I also feel uncomfortable with him doing so. Since we cannot find common ground, and he insists that he did not look, I feel quite desperate. My therapist said that there is nothing I can do except change how I handle the uncertainty. So I am currently trying to tolerate the fact that I may never know whether he is lying, misremembering, or interpreting the situation in a biased way. I cannot accuse him of lying, because that would only lead to conflict, and I do not want to accuse my partner even though I sometimes feel that he might not be telling the truth. I also struggle with similar situations, for example on social media. An influencer we had talked about before (her husband is a celebrity my partner is a fan of, and she is also known as an influencer) suddenly appeared as a suggestion on his account when I was on his phone. He generally becomes defensive and annoyed in these situations because he says he does not look at or search for other women. The same happened in the past when, before our relationship, he had followed and liked a specific influencer for years and had even added her on Snapchat. This influencer suddenly appeared on my TikTok “For You” page during our relationship, which felt very noticeable to me because I generally get many recommendations related to his interests. However, he reacts very sensitively to these topics, so it is difficult to talk about them. He feels hurt by my mistrust and becomes defensive. In conclusion, I struggle with how to deal with these noticeable coincidences and the uncertainty they create. I generally don’t see my partner as a liar, but I do have the suspicion that he might sometimes, possibly even unconsciously, interpret or frame certain things in a way that suits him better. However, this is only a feeling. And again I end up at the point where I cannot know this with 100% certainty. I have started ACT therapy, as my therapist suggested, and I began trying to tolerate uncertainty since yesterday. Since then, I feel completely emotionally empty and numb because I am no longer seeking reassurance. Is this normal? I feel really unwell.

I know that the whole point of treatmeant is to learn to tolerate uncertainty but it feels so heavy. I'm the kind of person who puts a lot of value on knowing myself deeply and I've always been very introspective and have had a very strong sense of self, I love getting to know myself and I get a lot of peace from knowing who I am and from being connected to myself. I've kind of figured out lately that my core fear is tied to the idea of living a meaningful authentic life so it makes sense why I put so much effort into knowing who I am. I have soocd and my symptoms are not as bad as they used to be but this feeling of not knowing for sure who I am in this area of my life feels so heavy to carry and is so persistent. Any other feeling may go away, the anxiety, the sadness, but this one never does. And I really don't wanna live my whole life like this, with this weight om my chest. I try to let it be and to tell myself it will sort itself out but it's so hard. I see other people who are very relaxed and carefree and happy with their lives and I think that its because they know themselves and that I would be happy too if I didn't have such big questions about who I am. I get so envious that others go through life knowing exactly who they are and what they want and that they can actually put their mental energy in day to day things instead of these big questions. I think that maybe this fear that I'll carry the heaviness of not knowing is another way ocd is trying to get me to review the thoughts so I try not to listen to it but I can't see how I'll ever feel ok without knowing every single thing about myself, especially such a big thing.

Its my birthday today... and I can't even celebrate it because I have a physics exam to study for, and I'm so depressed and stressed over everything going on in my life... my pocd especially is keeping me up at night... What if you did something so extremely monstrous. disgusting, awful and horrible as a child but you didn’t know how horrible the events were that your POCD and real events OCD targets? Does it make the intrusive thoughts true? The POCD real events were genuinely extremely awful and horrible... no way around... it genuinely was extremely awful and horrible... I gag and vomit even thinking about it... its that horrible... I'm getting anxious from my POCD and real event OCD based on real events (happened 3 times) from when I was 13 or 14... I cant remember... I had a surface level idea of what these real events were when I was 13 or 14... but I didnt understand nor truly know the depth and consequences or how horrible these real events were... I don't ever want to ever be a P at all… I don't ever want to ever be a Chomo at all... i don’t ever want to ever be a rpist at all… I was either 13 or 14 when these real events happened and now I'm 24... I've asked my mom about this so many times and every time she tells me that it's not serious anymore, that the person is okay and doesnt remember, and that I'm not a rapist or a P or a chomo...  I didn’t realize how horrible the real events actually were… I was either 13 or 14 at the time… now I’m 24… my POCD and real event OCD call me a P or a chomo because of the real events… while my mom reassures me all the time that it’s all over, that it’s not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I’m not a P or a rapist or a chomo, but when I was doing compulsive research, I remember when I saw a post on a non OCD forum about someone’s similar situation to mine and two people said to the person that they mlested and that they needed  to turn themselves in… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… i didn’t know how horrible the real events were when I was either 13 or 14… I really didn’t… and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids… I was either 13 or 14 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… I don't ever want to ever harm a child in any way... I seriously don't ever want to do that to any child in any way shape or form and I seriously don't ever want to do anything like that to any kid now or in the future… I never have had any fantasies about kids and I don't ever want to... I don't ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form... I cant remember if i was 13 or 14….. and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids…  I was 13-14 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… And it’s comparing me to actual P’s and chomo’s who did stuff from 12-15 and then did stuff as adults, and making me think I’m a P and a Chomo because of it… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… 😭😭😭 I had a surface level idea of what these real events were when I was 13 or 14 because someone told me what these real events were before on the same day it happened for the 1st time... (it happened 3 times) but I didnt understand nor truly know the depth and consequences or how horrible these real events were... i truly didnt... I dont ever want to ever be what my pocd and real events ocd say I am... I dont ever want to be a P or a Chomo in any way... These real events were so extremely horrible and awful and worse than people realize... i g4g and vOmit and lie awake at night even thinking about them... thats how horrible and awful these mistakes were... I dont ever want to ever be a P or a MAP or a Chomo or a r4pist or anything like that... im so so so so so so so so so so triggered and anxious... I also did something at the age of 13 that was also extremely horrible... an adult asked me if i did it or not, but me being 13 and not knowing what i did was wrong and horrible, i denied it because i was scared... ive lived in guilt for so long... i dont love myself... and I genuinely cant stomach the idea that im still here... I feel so guilty and horrible... i've done too much... seen too much... and have lived too long... I'm sorry for everyone I've hurt... I'm so sorry for everything...

Basically, I was at the movies, and I decided to go to the restroom afterwards. At the movie theater, the men’s restroom and the women’s restroom are right next to each other and they have the signs for which bathroom is which obviously. The bathroom I walked in, I legitimately thought I was walking into the men’s restroom. I am a male. I was walking into the bathroom and obviously the first thing I was looking for was the urinals, I couldn’t find them anywhere and I just kept walking inside the bathroom to find them, but I never could. It was just straight toilets. And then I hear this woman walk in and and then I see them around the corner and she’s with her daughter. So out of the awkwardness because I was still kind of confused, I asked her something along the lines of which bathroom it was and she said “I think it’s the women’s” but then I apologize to her, and then it was another woman behind her that walked in and I apologize to her as well I think. And so then I went into the men’s bathroom which again was right across, saw the urinals in there but ironically, they weren’t even accessible because they had the yellow tape across so I use the stall. And then it was a guy in there as well that I just brought the whole situation up to him because I figured he was with one of the women that just walked into the bathroom and I apologize to him and just told him I legitimately thought the other bathroom was the men’s bathroom. And then I walked out, and they were behind me, and I held the door for them and I apologize to them one last time. I believe the woman just smiled and the guy just said “you’re all good man.” I feel like you can imagine anybody would feel embarrassed about that interaction, but then add that on top of being someone with OCD it just makes your mind spiral. Like I legitimately did not go in there with bad intentions I just had to use the bathroom and I’m just hoping none of them think I was being creepy. Any advice will be helpful.

Ive actually been surprisingly doing well the last couple of days ish, i haven’t been ruminating as much and i feel like Ive been able to focus on the real important things rather than whats going on in my head, but i have noticed a pattern where once i feel good i feel like i notice it more usually after a couple of days of feeling good. Then ill start to get worried or my brain will start jumping to conclusions like ‘you don’t actually like him’ or ‘you don’t want to be with him’ almost like when i feel normal i’ll have some sort of ‘realisation’ and truthfully i don’t like that. If what my head was telling me was true wouldn’t the most obvious time to be thinking or being aware of that would be the first few days i felt didnt have intrusive thoughts much? It could also be to do with the fact that after a couple of days of feeling good i stop feeling the effects of feeling good and things start to feel more normal or chill. Like the feelings aren’t heightened anymore for that time. Not good or bad just mediocre, maybe my brain uses that as fuel that like ‘this is when you realise you don’t like him’ sort of thing. It also almost makes me believe it?? I don’t like it but i have experienced this before and it caused me to go into an anxiety attack. What does this mean?? Does anyone else relate?? I hope im not alone on this and that it’s normal. It’s almost like if i never have intrusive thoughts again what if it’s not a good thing??